Taking the Reins
By: ioanhoratio
Spoilers: Up to season 5
Author's note: This was supposed to be a one-shot but because I am apparently long-winded it has turned into a lengthy two-shot. Also I want to give a shout out to LuBr because she named Lucy's sister Sophie and I named her Sophia…great minds and all but LuBr did post the story "Lucy is in Love" before I posted mine (an interesting story by the way, great concept, go check it out if you haven't already) and I didn't want to step on anyone's toes. I was thinking about changing the name but I realized I really like Sophia Messer and I couldn't bring myself to delete her so hopefully everyone is ok with that ;)
Special thanks to: Colie04 (particularly because I am not sure if you got my reply to your review on Brining Sexy Back, was acting really funny, so if you didn't I'm sorry! I did appreciate your comments!) maggiegurl, Jacoblover16, laurzz, IluvPeterPetrelli, TBD, carly-babes11, swfap88, Brinchen86, tutorgirl86, nicson, Dawni, afrozenheart412, JavaJunkie4evr, wheat100, aussietasha, Elja, Dylan Shelby, qwen24, and Javajunkie123.
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"Look Daddy!" Six year old Lucy cried out.
Danny waved back to his daughter and called, "Good baby girl. Dat's good." He then turned to his wife and in a quieter voice asked, "You're sure she's fine out 'der, right?"
Lindsay rolled her eyes for the hundredth time before answering, "Danny, honey, she is great. Pappy isn't going to let her fall. I was even younger than she is when I started riding."
Danny and Lindsay watched from behind the fence railing as Lucy rode around the field on a horse led by her grandfather. Everyone in the Monroe family had assured Danny that the old brown and white quarter horse was as tame and calm as they come but Danny's imagination ran such horrendous scenarios that it was hard for him to believe that everything was going to be alright. He was not an animal person and an animal as huge as a horse was particularly daunting.
It had seemed that his New York raised daughter was going to follow in his footsteps since every year that they had visited the Monroe Ranch she had liked looking at the horses but the moment anyone suggested she get on one she would cling desperately to her mom or dad and start fussing. That was until this year. For some reason when George Monroe had suggested putting her in a saddle Lucy has immediately jumped up with excitement. Danny secretly believed that Lindsay had begun brainwashing her into thinking that horses were great fun with magical bedtime stories of princesses and white steeds. Danny knew he was in trouble when Lucy informed him at breakfast one morning that princesses only rode horses.
So here he was leaning up against the wood of the fence that was built by Lindsay's ancestors watching nervously as Lucy clopped along at snail pace in circles on the back of a monstrous beast.
Knowing her husbands discomfort with all things outdoors, Lindsay stepped up on the bottom rail of the fence bringing her eye level with him. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and then linked her arm with his. Danny gave her a dubious look but couldn't help smiling at her. She was always adorable to him but when she was 'among her people' as he called it she was decidedly charming. She seemed a bit more relaxed in Montana than she normally was in New York. She had taken him on many walks through the Monroe property and the light that shown in her eyes as she would point out various childhood hiding spots and different places where she would spend hours playing delighted him. She especially liked being outside at night. Danny couldn't quite wrap his mind our around the idea but she had even told him she used to sleep all night on the porch swing. New York City didn't offer that option. It was a whole new world to Danny but he was slowly adjusting to it. If he was honest he would admit that it did have a certain kind of appeal. However Danny never dreamed he would wind up with a country girl or that he would have kids that spent summers and holidays in Montana.
Danny was pulled from his revelry to swat away a bug that was flying around him. Lindsay had rested her head against his shoulder but raised it to yell out, "Ten more minutes guys!"
The sun was beginning to set and little girl's bed time was fast approaching. Lucy's delighted giggles could be heard echoing around them.
"Yoo hoo!" Lindsay's mom shouted as she approached her daughter and son-in-law. Their two year old daughter clung to her grandmother but her crying was apparent.
"Uh oh, daddy, Sophe realized we were gone," Lindsay told Danny as she poked him in the side.
Danny jogged over to them and took his daughter in his arms. She immediately snuggled up against him her dark blonde curls tickling his neck. The trio made the short trek back to where Lindsay was standing.
"Hi baby girl. Did you have fun making cookies with Gram?" Lindsay asked her daughter.
Sophia sniffled a few more times before slowly nodding her head yes. Lindsay threw her mom a questioning look.
"We did have fun didn't we little one? But then we realized Mommy and Daddy weren't near by and had a small melt down but she did great until then," Alice Monroe confirmed.
"Sorry Mom, she's at that stage," Lindsay explained.
Danny scoffed, "She was born at dat stage." He shifted her higher in her arms.
Lucy was an outgoing and precocious child who thrived under the spot light. She started talking early and never stopped. She talked to everyone she met. Sophia was the exact opposite. She was quiet and contemplative. She never wanted to leave Lindsay or Danny's side and only had conversations with people she knew really well. Lucy was always eager to exercise her independence but Sophia was content to move at a slower pace. Danny teased them saying Lucy was his baby New York and Sophia his baby Montana.
"Gram! Look! I'm ridin' a horsie!" Lucy squealed out to her grandmother.
"You look great Lucy. Make sure and give that horse a 'thank you' pat," her grandmother advised.
Lucy immediately leaned forward and patted the old mare on the neck.
"Pappy, let's ride over to Sophia," she suggested to her grandfather.
"Alright Lucy-girl, just pull on the reins like I showed you," Mr. Monroe watched as Lucy did her best to make sure and pull the right one and when she did it correctly he urged the horse forward in that direction.
"Yea, Lucy," Lindsay cheered her daughter and clapped her hands.
"Yea," Sophia mimicked and clapped as well.
"Not you too," Danny grumbled as he pinched his youngest daughter's nose playfully.
As Lindsay's dad guided the horse up along side of the fence, Lindsay climbed over it.
"Did you see me momma?" Lucy asked excitedly.
"I did princess. You did a great job!" Lindsay encouraged as she patted the horse's neck as well.
"Are you going to ride now momma?"
"No baby girl. We gotta get you and your sister a bath and into bed," Lindsay answered. She put her arms out and Lucy leaned down and allowed her mom to lift her off.
"Now give Lexi a pat and a scratch behind her ear so she knows you appreciate the ride."
From her perch on her Mom's hip Lucy did as instructed and told the horse thank you.
"What about Pappy?" the old man wanted to know.
Lucy leaned over and patted her grandfather on the shoulder, scratched his head and then threw her arms around his neck, "Thank you Pappy."
They shared a laugh as he pulled her out of her mother's arms and threw her in the air.
"Alright cowgirl let's get a move on," Lindsay scolded with a smile. Lucy was again passed off to her mother.
"Momma, can I ride again tomorrow?" Lucy questioned eagerly as George led the horse back towards the barn.
"I bet Pappy would agree to that," Lindsay assured her as they approached the fence. Mrs. Monroe leaned over the railing and helped her granddaughter climb over.
As Lindsay climbed back over Lucy allowed her grandmother to scoop her up and they all headed back towards the house.
"Gram, did you know I will get to ride tomorrow?" Lucy chatted loudly.
"Is that so?" the older woman asked.
"Yep, I bet Mom will ride with me!" Lindsay shouted out.
Alice Monroe paused and threw Lindsay a look of uncertainty. Lindsay coughed loudly and Danny sensed something pass between the two women.
The moment passed quickly however when Lindsay innocently suggested, "Or maybe Daddy can."
"Yeah!" Lucy responded throwing her hands in the air.
"Montana!" Danny shouted out indignant, "No way am I getting' on horse."
"Daddy," whined Lucy.
"Yeah, daddy," Sophia mimicked again flashing her big brown eyes at him.
"No. We aren't even discussing it," Danny said firmly as he set Sophia on her feet taking one of her hands in his, "Now come on; bath time for my girls. This one smells like flour and this one smells like a horse."
Lucy squirmed out of her grandmother's arms, ran over to her dad and took his other hand. "If we hurry I bet Gram will let us have one of her cookies as a bed time snack," Lucy told her sister. Danny rolled his eyes but threw over his shoulder, "What do ya think mom? Will Gram let 'em have a cookie as a bedtime snack?"
Lindsay sighed. She had two beautiful, healthy daughters who knew exactly how to work the system. They knew cookies were not normally allowed as a bedtime snack but they also knew when they were in Montana things were a little different. Pappy and Gram were definitely a soft touch.
"Of course Gram will let them," Lindsay's Mom answered for her.
The girls cheered and ran towards the house dragging Danny along with them.
At the accusatory stare Lindsay aimed at her Mom, Alice answered, "Oh don't look at me like that Lindsay. I don't ever get to spoil my grandkids. You keep them from me in far away New York. What is one bedtime cookie going to do?"
Lindsay laughed, "I don't remember you being this giving at bedtime when I was growing up."
"Oh poo, of course I wasn't," Alice shot back, "You're the Mother now but I'm the Grandmother—emphasis on the 'Grand' part. I am supposed to spoil them. Now quit being a fussy pot and come help me get the cookies out of the oven so they are cooled down by the time those two darlings are out of the tub." At just shy of her sixtieth birthday Alice Monroe was no closer to slowing down. With the same excitement and enthusiasm as her dear grandbabies she dragged Lindsay to the kitchen.
As the two woman lifted cookies from the hot tray and placed them on the cooling rack, Alice took a moment to look at her daughter. She could see the exhaustion that came from being a mother of two young children. She could see the worry and stress that came from working in a job that constantly tested your belief in humanity. She could see the happiness of a wife who is well loved by her husband.
"What are you sighing at Mom?" Lindsay inquired slightly garbled since she had only moments before shoved an entire cookie in her mouth.
Alice giggled, "You know I spend my whole life telling you not to talk with you mouth full and now that you're an adult I don't even care a fig. What a waste of time."
"Don't let Lucy hear you say that," Lindsay warned, "It's all I can do to get her to stop talking long enough to get any food in her. If she starts thinking she can talk with her mouth full I'll never get any peace."
"Oh that is so fantastic to hear. It really is nice to see your children go through the same things they put you through. You were such a chatter box as a child I thought I was going to have to sew your mouth shut," Alice remembered with a laugh then sobered slightly, "You grew out of it though."
Lindsay's silence was a result of that terrible night in the diner. Alice had watched as her vibrant, engaging daughter had turned inward and withdrawn. She gave her head a shake and focused on the amazing woman standing in front of her.
Lindsay was an intelligent woman and she knew what her mother was remembering during the momentary pause. She always hated that her parents would at times compare who she had become with who she once was. It made her feel uncomfortable and like she had let them down in some way.
"Lindsay," Alice called softly, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that they way it sounded."
Lindsay shrugged it off, "Don't worry Mom."
The silence stretched on as they continued to lay out the cookies both lost in thought.
"Wasn't Lucy a hoot on that horse today?" Alice asked suddenly breaking the quiet.
"Adorable," Lindsay immediately agreed, "She has been fighting getting on a horse for so long I never thought she would embrace it like she has this trip. Danny is ready to have a heart attack which is hilarious to watch. He knows absolutely nothing about horses. If you want to hear something funny go ahead and ask him to neigh like a horse," Lindsay laughed at the memory, "It is the worst impression I've ever heard. Some how it sounds like a drowning dolphin and Lucy..." Lindsay had to again pause because she couldn't help the laughter that was forcing its way out, "Lucy just pats him on the shoulder…and says 'its o.k. daddy you can be good at other things.'"
"She didn't?" Alice asked laughing as well. At Lindsay's nodded Alice added, "She is a pistol."
"You have no idea," Lindsay confirmed.
"She wants you to go riding with her Lindsay," Alice reminded her daughter.
"I know. I heard her too," Lindsay waved off.
"What are you going to tell her when she wants to know why you won't ride with her?" Alice pressed.
Lindsay shrugged but her response was lost in the noise coming from the stairs. A smile spread across her face as she watched her husband haul her daughters into the kitchen; one over each of his shoulders like potato sacks. Dressed in matching pink night gowns and with wet hair, their squeals of delight drowned out any other emotion but pure elation.
"I got two girls here who claim they each get a cookie," Danny announced incredulously.
"We do Daddy!" Lucy shouted kicking her legs.
"We do," Sophia agreed.
"Would you girls quit gigglin' I can't hear your mother," Danny teased as he twist back and forth which only made them laugh louder.
"What a ruckus," George Monroe complained with mock irritation as he came in the back door, "Don't these girls know they are supposed to be quiet at bedtime?"
"Pappy," Lucy whined, "we will be quiet when we are asleep but we have ta have our cookie first."
"Then let's get this girl a cookie," George demanded.
The next 15 minutes were a mess of chocolate chip cookies and glasses of milk as Messers and Monroes teased each other around the kitchen table. Lucy enchanted them with her commentaries, Sophia charmed them with her pleasant manners, and the Grandparents Monroe captivated everyone with tales of their adventures.
Finally Lindsay declared the evening over, "Give Pap and Gram kisses gals."
An eager Lucy and a shy Sophia did as they were told. Then Lindsay and Danny led two sleepy heads up the stairs. Kisses, hugs, and 'I love you-s' were exchanged among the small family then Danny took Lucy to Lindsay's old bedroom and Lindsay took Sophia to their bedroom. She had her own room but wound up in their bed anyway. It didn't take long for both girls to slip into slumber. Being in Montana was an adventure for them and they spent all day exploring and playing. It took a lot out of them.
Once she knew Sophia was asleep Lindsay slipped out of the bedroom quietly, baby monitor in hand, and almost ran right into Danny.
"Were you waiting for me Mr. Messer?" she smiled at him.
"I was Mrs. Messer," he smiled back. In the darkness of the hallway he gently cupped her face and kissed her sweetly.
They linked fingers and leisurely made their way down stairs to spend the rest of the evening with Lindsay's parents.
The couples talked about life and work. They discussed Lindsay's siblings; her older brother Dean and younger sister Amy. They talked about the future and the past. They shared memories and antidotes.
"I'm runnin' towards Detective Flack thinkin' he is in serious trouble right? I mean the guy is screamin' his head off for help," Danny described as he shared a story with Lindsay's family, "I can only imagine what's goin' on. It's two in the mornin' and we are at this less than reputable club tryin' to catch a killer. So I got images of mafia goons tryin' to hunt Flack down right?"
By his tone of voice the two Monroes could tell that probably wasn't the case and by the smile on Lindsay's face they were anxious to find out exactly what had happened.
Danny continued, "So I come barrelin' around the corner, gun ready, and what do I see?"
Danny paused for dramatic effect then answered his own question, "A monkey."
Surprised George asked, "A monkey?"
"Yeah, apparently the club owner had a monkey for a pet, an' this monkey was none to please with Flack comin' into his home so he was climbin' all over him, swattin' at him. Don didn't know what to do and was freakin' out cause this monkey is beatin' the crap out of 'im," Danny explained.
"Oh my," Alice declared laughing. George's deep belly laugh bounced around the room and that made Lindsay and Danny laugh.
"What a life you kids lead," George said once he had recovered, "what happened? With the monkey I mean."
"Once I finally could stop my laughter enough I called animal control but I and a bunch of uniforms did our best to get the damn thing off Flack and trap it in the room," Danny answered. He really didn't tire of that story. Flack did but Danny never did.
The silence that filled the room was a comfortable one. No one was eager to fill it as they just sat enjoying each other's company. It was short lived as most quiet moments are when a toddler is present. A desperate, "Mommy!" filled the room from over the baby monitor.
Lindsay jumped off the couch and hastily made her way up the stairs. Usually if she got in the room fast enough she could calm Sophia down and get her back to sleep fairly quickly. Otherwise Sophia would work herself up to such a frenzy that it was a fight to get her pacified.
Danny reached over and turned the monitor down so Lindsay could comfort her daughter in privacy, "I don't know why but Sophe always seems afraid that we are going to leave her," Danny confessed.
Alice sighed, "Some babies are like that. They just feel everything so strongly that it is hard for them to process it at such a young age so they just cling to what they know."
"I love her. I wouldn't trade her for the world but it does get a bit frustrating at times. We finally got her to sleepin' in her own room but I think when we get back we are gonna have to start over. We messed up her routine and we are gonna have to deal with it. Not that comin' here was a mistake," Danny added quickly.
"Don't worry about it," Alice assured him, "We know what you mean. Let me just say that children grow up so quickly. And no matter how close they stay with their parents they eventually realize that they don't need them everyday. I know how tiring it can be but do your best to enjoy it while it lasts. Pretty soon you'll find yourself only getting to see them twice maybe three times a year and having to do all your talking over the telephone."
Danny could hear the wistfulness in her voice. He knew it was hard on them to have Lindsay so far away. They were a tight knit family but they, more than anyone, understood her desire to leave Montana—to leave the past; which reminded Danny of something.
"So what happened before with Lindsay and you? What's the big deal? I thought Lindsay loved horses. Why would she not wanna go ridin' with Luce?" Danny questioned Alice.
A look passed between Alice and George.
Hesitantly George responded, "Son, you probably want to just ask Lindsay. Truth be told we don't have an answer for you. All I know is that she was my little horsewoman and then after that night in the diner she never rode a horse again. Her mother and I pleaded with her to tell us what was wrong but she would just clam up and shaker her head."
"To this day we've never talked about it with her," Alice jumped in, "We tried, believe me we tried, but she would never open up about it."
"She just walked up to me one morning and said, 'sorry Daddy, I'm not going to be able to ride again' and that was it," George remembered, "She even sold her horse Kit—said he was a champion and deserved to get to ride. She loved that horse. Horses were that girl's life but…not any more."
"Really?" Danny was confused. His wife never mentioned that to him. She seemed to love and enjoy horses. It seemed most of her stories about her childhood involved riding or jumping or whatever else a person does on a horse. Actually if Danny stopped to think he couldn't remember Lindsay ever riding when they visited. What a mystery his wife was. They had spent many late nights and early mornings talking. One of his favorite pass times was just talking to Lindsay; over a meal, between the sheets, across the bathtub, in the car, tangled up on the couch. She could make him laugh, touch him deeply, bolster him up, and force him to look at who he is as person and encourage him to be better. They shared secrets and swapped apart of each other's soul yet even after ten years of knowing each other—six of those spent married—she was still surprising him.
"Whoa," Lindsay teased as she came back in the room, "Why the long faces?"
"Sorry honey," George said as he pulled her onto his lap, "I'm just gettin' old. My face is just getting stuck that way."
"Daddy," Lindsay laughed. She gave her Dad a hug then stood and reached for Danny's hand, "Sophia went right back to sleep. You wanna sit with me on the porch for a little while before bed?"
This was one of her favorite things to do. Her parents would go to bed and they would sit in the darkness; the moon the only source of light. At first it freaked Danny out—no lights, no sounds—but he looked forward to it now. He looked forward to getting to just sit and hold her as they swayed on the swing.
He took her hand and stood. They bade goodnight and headed outside. As usual Danny would sit and then Lindsay would sit and pull her legs up and rest her head on his shoulder. He would swing them back and forth. Some nights they would talk and some nights they would sit silent. Tonight Danny wanted to talk.
"Lindsay?" He whispered.
"Hmm?" came her sleepy reply. She loved it when he would rub his fingers through her hair. It almost always would put her to sleep.
"I've been thinkin' about some'in'" Danny started. He needed to say this correctly.
At his pause she asked, "Yeah?"
"Yeah, you know, I've seen all these pictures of you ridin' your horse, ribbons around your neck and trophies in your hands. Pictures of you all over this house with your brother and sister each sittin' on top of a stinkin' horse but I have never once seen you actually on a horse. And today with Lucy I thought you would've jumped at the chance to get to ride with her…
He was interrupted when Lindsay sat up abruptly.
"Whoa, where ya goin'?" he asked her.
"No where," Lindsay snapped a little harsher than she intended. She didn't like where this conversation was going "I just wanted to sit up is all," she added softer.
"Really? Cause it felt like you wanted to run away," Danny accused.
"Well maybe I do," she responded the frustration clear in her voice, "I don't like talking about this. I know what you are asking. What happened? Why don't I ride anymore? Well maybe I'm not ready to talk about it. Maybe I'll never be ready to talk about it. Why does everyone keep bothering themselves with this? It's not that big of a deal." Lindsay shifted further away from him.
"Hey, don't do that," he chided snagging her shirt, "I was just askin' ya know. You don't have to get so angry with me."
She reluctantly let him pull her back towards him, "I'm not angry with you. I'm sorry I snapped. I just…"
"Ya just what?"
"I don't want to tell anyone because I know what they are going to say. They are going to tell me how ridiculous I'm being and how what I'm doing isn't right and you know what? I don't want to hear that. It's my decision and I don't want anyone criticizing me for it," Lindsay finished in a huff.
Danny took a deep breath and said, "Look you better get over here and snuggle up next to me or I'm goin' in the house. You know I don't like this total darkness thing and I ain't afraid to tell ya it disturbs me, so come over here and hold my hand."
Lindsay laughed despite herself. She really did love this man. He was the only person who could exasperate her completely and then turn around and amuse her fully. She moved back next to him and wrapped her arms around his body.
"That's better," he commented, "Now, I appreciate what you said. I am glad you gave me that warnin' because I believe you're right. I only want you to be happy and my first instinct is to try a fix whatever it is goin' wrong but I hope you have enough faith in me to know that I will do my best to respect how you feel."
Lindsay burrowed her face into Danny's chest. She breathed him in and clung onto him. For a moment Danny could clearly see Sophia in her place doing the exact same thing and his heart warmed to his youngest daughter. She was more like her mother than Lindsay was willing to admit. Just as he had so often done in the past with Sophia he pulled Lindsay tightly against him and assured her that he was there and nothing was going to hurt her.
Lindsay sighed in resignation then turned her face so her ear rested against his heart beat and began talking, "I know I've told you about growing up and loving to ride but I haven't quite been honest. It was more than just a fun hobby. Horses were my life. I would ride before and after school. I would train to jump and broke in my own horse. I was good. I was really good; hence all the photos with ribbons and trophies. We would travel on the weekends to different horse shows and I would always win in my age group. Then when I was older and really started competing I would win district, then regional championships, I went to state several years in a row and actually won a few times. I was the best in the state. My mom has all the newspaper clippings saved if you don't believe me."
Danny chuckled at that. It sounded like Lindsay's mom.
"There was never any question in anyone's mind what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I was going to raise horses."
Lindsay stopped speaking. She pushed away from him and stood up. At his protest she placed her fingers over his mouth, "If I am going to tell you this I can't have you touching me. It is too easy to just hide in your arms. I will be an absolute blubbering mess. I want to get this out now. I want to tell you. I want you to know how much I trust you. So please let me do this my way."
Danny reluctantly nodded his head figuring the light from the moon was enough for her to see.
She leaned against the porch railing and began again, "When my friends died I couldn't understand why I was allowed to live. I couldn't make sense of any of it. I felt the guilt of survival. I didn't know how to be happy that I survived while being so sad that my friends hadn't. It felt wrong. I felt wrong. It was strangling me Danny. Their mother's would look at me and I could just see it in their eyes 'why did she live and my daughter die?' They weren't trying to be mean they just couldn't help themselves. They wanted their daughters back. The day of the funerals I couldn't face it knowing that I was allowed to live my life while they were being lowered into the ground. I didn't deserve it."
Danny wanted so much to hush her. He hated to hear her in pain. He hated to know that she was put through so much and he wasn't there to comfort her. However he knew he needed to let her talk. She was willing to open up to him and he needed to be willing to simply listen. He merely folded his arms across his chest to keep himself from reaching out to her.
Lindsay nervously played with the hem of her shirt as she continued, "I woke up early that day. I wasn't sleeping well as you can imagine but the day of the funerals was particularly difficult. I left the house early just before the sun came up and I walked down to the barn. I was…I don't know how to explain it…I was numb from emotional overload I guess. I saddled up my horse Kit and just rode. For the first time in three days I felt alive again. I returned to the barn. Washed Kit down, put my saddle up and never rode again. My friends were dead. Riding made me feel alive. I didn't deserve it. I didn't loose my life in the diner that day so I gave up the one thing I loved most."
"Lindsay…"
"No let me finish," Lindsay kindly scolded him, "I know you don't like to talk about it but my going through that is what helped me when you lost Ruben."
Danny shifted uncomfortably on swing then finally stood himself. He walked to stand next to her but while she faced the house he faced out to the yard. She was right. He hated talking or thinking about that time. He knew Lindsay had forgiven him but he also knew that didn't mean it magically went away. Being in a relationship was beautiful but it was also hard. Having to deal with pain and drama was terrifying and overwhelming but this relationship, his marriage to Lindsay, was worth it.
"What do you mean," he finally asked her.
She had waited for him to let her know it was o.k. to talk about. Knowing that he was willing she expounded on what she had said, "I know the pain you were in with Ruben and I know that you felt you needed to punish yourself. I realized that you were doing the same thing I had done. I swore I would never let myself experience that joy again and that is how you saw me. I was the thing you loved the most and the one thing you denied yourself. You believed you didn't deserve to be happy and I made you happy. So you pushed me away and turned your back on our relationship."
Danny closed his eyes as he listened to her. She was right. He had wanted to hurt himself for what he had allowed to happen. Loosing Lindsay forever would have been the pinnacle of punishment—especially now that he realized the joy in his life that came from his family. He knew what she was doing. She was helping him understand a little of what she had gone through in her life.
"Giving up horses meant my life as I knew it was over. It seemed a small price to pay when my friends' lives were literally over," Lindsay concluded quietly.
Danny's heart hurt. She had spent so long carrying her burdens alone. Having to face demons was so destructive. It was a battle and the casualties were often great. Lindsay stood facing one of hers and he needed her to know she wasn't alone anymore.
He pulled her to him. She didn't fight but simply gripped the front of his shirt as she buried her face into his neck.
"Tighter," she suddenly demanded her breath dancing against his skin.
"'Scuse me?" Danny asked confused.
"Tighter, hold me tighter please," she begged.
Danny wrapped his arms securely around her and pulled her into his body. If it had been possible he would have physically made her part of him.
"Lindsay I wanna say a few things," he whispered into her hair, "I'm not gonna say that what you feel is wrong or that I don't understand where you are coming from. I'm not gonna tell you to change anything or argue with ya I just want to point out a few things. I don't expect them to change how you feel but I think it's important for me share them with ya."
Lindsay silently nodded.
"First, like you pointed out I was tryin' to punish myself and pushin' you away was the best way to do that. However your forgivin' me and lovin' me showed me that I didn't have to live like that. I could be happy and should be happy. As a result I have my family which is the greatest gift I could ever have. Second, ya have a chance to share somethin' with your daughter and I would hate to see ya miss that opportunity. But Lindsay even if you want to say 'screw alla dat' then I just want you to do what feels right. I know you are happy Linds. I know I make you happy and I know our girls make you happy so I'm not pushing you to do anything. Just think about it ok?"
Lindsay lifted her head and stood up on tip toes to give her husband a kiss, "I think I will."
Danny pushed her hair off her shoulder and gave her another kiss, "A'right, what do ya say? Time for bed?"
"Yep," Lindsay agreed, "I can't wait for another night of Sophia kicking me in the back."
Danny chuckled and swatted her on the behind. She scoffed indignantly and then slyly returned the gesture. Her attempt to scurry away from him was thwarted as he caught her arm. She squealed as he lugged her over his shoulder just has he had his daughters earlier. He gave her booty a definite smack and scolded her, "Shh. You're gonna wake the whole house or at the very least scandalize your parents."
"Danny," she hissed, "put me down."
He gave her booty another tap, "You made the mistake of thinkin' you out booty-smack the booty-smackin' master."
"Booty-smackin' master? Oh wait til Flack hears that one," Lindsay teased.
"He better not," Danny commanded and then spun around.
Lindsay couldn't help the laughter bubbling out, "OK. I give. You are the booty-smackin' master now put me down or carry me to bed."
"Ha, like I could make it up the stairs with you," he teased as he set her down.
She punched him playfully in the arm but stopped him as he made his way into the house, "Danny, I just want you to know that I appreciate you listening and not telling me I'm crazy or being ridiculous."
He grinned at her, "Anytime Babe."
Then hand in hand they headed to bed.
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What will Lindsay decided?! Oh the tension… ;)
Hopefully chapter two will be ready for posting tomorrow or at the latest Friday.
Thanks for reading!