DISCLAIMER: Trigun and its characters belong to Yasuhiro Nightow.
Watching Over
The day Vash left, Meryl was sure he would come back to her. She and Milly went to work, same as any other day. They came home and had dinner. It was only when she went to bed that Meryl found the letter on her pillow.
Meryl,
I wish now that I'd said your name more often. Please forgive me for recognizing too late what a wonderful woman you are.
I can't come back. I know you want me to, and yes, I really want to. But I can't, and I hope you understand why.
I've told you about me. You know how long I've been alive. You know how slowly I age. It wouldn't be right for you to grow old while I still look as I do now. I think it would hurt you. Selfishly, I admit it would hurt me to lose you that way. I don't want you to be with someone you'd have to wait so long to be reunited with.
It is my hope that you will find someone you can grow old with. Someone better than me, who will recognize in you what it took me so long to see. Someone who will treat you as you deserve. If I know you, you won't settle for anything less.
Please, for once don't be stubborn about this. Don't look for me. Just forget about me. I will do my best to forget about you. It will hurt less for both of us that way. Forget about me and build a new life.
Vash
Tears fell as she read the letter, staining the ink. Some of it ran, revealing the words he had scribbled out over his name – I love you.
Silently, she cursed him as she held the letter and cried herself to sleep. That damn fool! Didn't he realize? Didn't he realize that she didn't care about his plant nature; that she didn't care about anything as long as they were together? Didn't he realize she didn't give a damn about dying, as long as she had him with her for as long as she was alive?
Stupid, stupid, stupid man…
The next day, she awoke and put the letter in a drawer. Reminded herself to breathe in and out. Cleaned herself up. Dressed for work. Worked the whole day through. Came home and made dinner for Milly. Excused herself wordlessly and went to bed. Tried not to cry and failed.
The day after was much the same. And the day after. And the day after. She lost weight because she had lost her appetite. She didn't speak very much to anyone. Each night, she cried until her tears were gone. Then she cried some more.
Every day she reminded herself to wake up. Every day she reminded herself to shower and get dressed. Every day she reminded herself to breathe in and out.
It was a slow process, but over time she stopped crying. Waking up and getting ready became automatic again. Slowly, she remembered how good food could taste, and her appetite returned. She was able to stop reminding herself to breathe in and out.
She hoped he was alive, someplace. If that was the best she could have, she would take it.
Eventually, she became used to the idea of not having Vash in her life.
She came to accept it. Just never quite came to like it.