Chapter 1. Meeting Macks
I watch the clouds pass over the moon; I ponder what they would feel like against my skin.
Nikk pats my arm,
"Don't be shy short-stop." His boyish grin taking over his face there's a mischievous laughter in it.
I sigh out of irritation looking in the other direction. He knocks on the door I'm not really sure where we are. He looks for any excuse to throw, look for or crash a party. Right about now I'm starting to regret letting him drag me to this little 'Get-together'.
"That's easy for you to say queenie," I hiss from between pursed lips.
"Nikkei," A girl squeals as the door opens.
"Macks I'm so glad you're here!" Nikk replies with just as much enthusiasm. I assess the girl in the door. She's about 5'8'', her shoulder length black hair shines like a silk curtain in the dim lights; she has the most stunning green eyes that watch me as she hugs him.
They talk mindlessly for a bit, I zone out while watching the crowd. My mind takes me back home and to what awaits me in the morning. The pain and fear starts to raise its ugly head I do my best to ignore it.
"Hey, space cadet," Nikk's face is inches from mine temporarily blocking out my thoughts.
"Yes Capitan commando," We bust into maniacal laughter at our joke. A delicate hand comes between us,
"Hello I'm Macks." Her confidence makes her shine from within. The colored lights shine off her piercings. I take her hand kissing the top of it gently. Shock and a subtle hint of pleasure cross her face. She hesitantly pulls her hand from mine.
"I'm Ty," I smile and for the first time in a while it's not forced. Nikk's snug expression tells me he's pleased with our meeting.
"I'll leave you two alone so you can talk." He winks at us then makes his escape.
Damn that boy is good. She moves I can't help but stare. She shifts back and forth glancing up at me from under her lashes. It's amazing how captivating this girl is. She's doing nothing but looking at me but I want more, so much more. She stands out even in this crowded room. I assess her more she's wearing dark washed skinny jeans, a house of the rising sun tee, and burnt orange peep toe pumps. I curl my tongue in my mouth my tongue ring rubbing against skin.
"Ty," Her soft voice startles me I drop my head to hide the sudden blush that crept its way to my cheeks.
"Well what do you do in your free time?" Really Ty... That's all you could come up with. I snap at myself, but she just has my head so jumbled my witty lines are all AWOL. She scrunches her nose and purses her lips.
"Well most of the time I work, but I really don't have routine." I watch the lights dance along her skin.
"What about you kiddo, what do you do?" My body tenses in a pang of anger. Why does everyone call me 'Kid' it's so annoying. Her face gets serious; I start to fidget not really knowing how to answer her question.
"I go to school, work then home. Every once in a while he gets a hold of me and drags me around." I casually point at Nikk who is being the only thing he knows how to be: the life of the party.
"I see," She takes the people that pass by apart with a simple glance. I want her to look at me so bad. "
Ty, is that you?" A familiar voice draws my attention behind me.
I turn face first into Lex, he hugs me tightly his arms lingering.
"Oh hey Macks long time no see." They do some odd handshake. They joke around, sing, laugh and dance for some time. He hugs her then disappears into the sea of faces. She watches me from the corner of her eyes. I act like something across the room has my interest. She turns her full attention on me. She inches closer and close to me, I turn my head to ask her what she sees. She hastily grabs the bridge of my nose.
"Hold on," The words rush out of her mouth. She twists and turns my head this way and that.
"What are you doing exactly?" I bite my lip to hide my nervousness; she releases my nose to grab my cheeks.
"Do you wear contacts?" Her eyes burrow deep into mine.
"Yea, I do why," I pull my head away from her. She tightens her grip before I can gain full control.
"You should wear your glasses sometime," A smile plays on her lips.
"I hate how they look. That's why I don't wear them." I raise my eyebrows my stomach knots its self acting like it's going to die.
Macks holds my hands in hers, "What," I look from our hands to her face.
"You're very self-conscious aren't you?" I shift my weight to my left side.
"How do you know that?" My eyes search hers not knowing just what I was getting into.
She taps her temples "I'm a hierophant; I see things in others they more often than not don't see themselves." She grabs my arm roughly leading me through the crowd.
Once we make it to the back porch she turns to me. "We need to go now," She looks everywhere but at me. There is urgency in her body and voice. Someone opens the door, I can hear the heaviness in his steps I can smell the booze on his breath. My skin crawls telling me to run; he wraps his arms around my waist. My throat burns threatening vomit.
"I thought I'd never find you," He bites my neck, I start to cry silently. Macks steps forward prying me from his grasp. We bound down the steps half sprinting to her car.
When we get there its unlocked and started, she pushes me in. I lean my head on the window hiding myself.
"Well here we are home sweet home." The seatbelt clicks releasing her she takes the keys out of the ignition. We sit in silence I can feel her eyes on me. I know she can't see through my thick hair. I wipe at my face I turn to her plastering a smile on it.
"Is this your place?" Her face darkens she reaches out touching my skin. A single tear has formed on her fingertip. "I'm sorry I didn't help." She examines it like it's some science experiment gone wrong. I shake my head not wanting to cry again. Her eyes close and she leans her head back.
"You've had a rough life huh kid" Her voice sounds aged. I watch her startled by the knowledge in her words. The smile that rules her face is morbid and a little hateful.
"How do you know that?" Disbelief apparent on my face and in my words. She shakes her head scoffing, "I told you I'm a hierophant, there for I know things about people they can't see in themselves." Her voice is dark. She grabs my arm roughly, I flinch out of instinct.
"See your reaction?" Her eyes are locked on the steering wheel, anger wells up from somewhere deep down it bubbles and oozes onto her face. A face that was so gentle and captivating is now twisted in hateful pain. She pulls on my arm tightening her grip like a vice. Without telling my hands to do so the push and pull in frantic motions trying to pry hers from my arm. In an instant whatever had ahold of her crawls back into the recesses of her mind. She goes limp her eyes are vacant and dull; slowly she releases me and exits the car. I let my emotions run through. She's sitting on the hood watching the sky, I trace her outline through the glass she's so pretty. I open the door drawing her attention from the stars to me. Her eyes remind of a cat the knowledge behind them is dangerous.
"What do you see?" She slides off the hood landing gracefully.
"What do I see?" I repeat the question all the while knowing she meant it rhetorically; I rest my chin on the door.
"Yes, I want to know," Her voice is filled with excitement.
"I see the big dipper, a house, a car and my reflection." That excitement turns to curiosity,
"Is that all? " I scoff; shut the door lean against it closing my eyes.
"No that's not all," I trail off. She moves closer to me, her eyes scrape, skim, claw and touch every part of my body they can.
"I see a girl she's beautiful and something I wish I could be," She shifts, when I can't hear her move anymore I open my eyes. Her face is inches from mine her hand is almost on my cheek. She stands still as stone I loll my head to the side so I can look into those mesmerizing green eyes.
Her face has a softness to it that gives her a childlike quality. Her green eyes are big and full of wonder. I look at her lips have a smile on them that's so inviting to me. I press my fore head together; a waterfall of hair hides us from each other. She pulls at the end of my hair without thinking I lean in. We kiss and the rest of the world disappears. My head starts to spin; I loop my thumbs into her belt her arms wrap around my waist pulling me closer. She pulls away too soon I slide my head to her shoulder. We stand like this for what seems like hours but in reality is only a few seconds. A blue eclipse pulls into the drive way, it's a car I know very well. Nikk exits the car followed by a stranger. His mischievous grin reminds me of a Cheshire cat. I bury my face deeper into Macks's hair.
"Well, who is this?" She moves I move with her.
"This is Nate," Nikk's voice is filled with pride. I inhale her scent loving her touch. She runs her fingers through my hair down my neck and over my spine. Her gentle fingers land on my bruise I try to hide the pain that racks my body. She goes still, her voice is urgent
"Ty, Ty'" She yells but it sounds like she's far away. I lose all of my senses to complete blackness.
"Tynan," Her voice is calm and collected I search for where it comes from momentarily pulling me out of my panic.
"Be calm my child," She speaks again; it's a voice I know very well but have almost forgotten.
"Mom," The word falls off my tongue like a weight. As I walk closer her face comes into view, her Cherokee features are strong and proud. Her beautiful smile has a love in it that only a mother could have for her child. She touches my cheek the weeping willow falls around us. I throw myself into her arms "Yes, my dear child." She holds me gently comforting me in an unspoken manor.
"I've missed you so much; it's been so hard without you." I can't help but cry she's been gone so long.
"You are strong, and will be fine." The tears come faster and harder.
"I love you never forget that." Her gentle voice floats around me.
I'm alone in the darkness yet again. "Damn it Ty, wake up!" Nikk's voice is stressed; something very warm and wet hits my face. I slowly open my eyes, he's kneeling over me his tears hitting my face. I sit up "What happened?" I lean on him pain racks my small body.
"There's something you need to explain pronto!" He turns to face the house. Macks is there holding her head in her hands. Sobs make her beautiful body shake in pain. It hurts watching her like this. Nate tries his best to comfort her I drop my head not being able to watch anymore.
"You scared all of us." He lights a cigarette.
"I didn't mean to, like I'd do that to her." I can hear the solemnness in my voice I feel vacant. I stand the world twists and turns around me. I stand as still as possible once I can see clearly I go to her side. Nate smiles sadly at me, he moves his hand so mine can take its place.
"I didn't mean to, I-I didn't know... how could I do that to her." Her voice cracks and breaks.
"She'll be fine Macks I swear." Her head rises too fast slamming into my gut. Her eyes are all puffy and red, I smile to comfort her. Her head drops to my lap I lean down kissing the top of it.
Her hair smells like raspberries and peaches; I hold her as close as I can to my body breathing in her scent. The cool September air rustles the dead leaves. Her sobbing turns to soft sniffles and hiccups.
"What did I do to you?" Her voice is so hoarse it barley comes out as a whisper. Her green eyes are bright and surrounded by pink, her pale porcelain skin is tear-stained and damp, and her hair sticks to her face in places. I sigh not wanting to expose my demons to anyone, think Ty think... I focus on a rolling leaf. She searches my eyes trying to find an answer of sorts in them, I know she can't though. I've hidden my past so well even I forget it's real. That is until I trip on the uneven ground it's left behind.
"I haven't eaten in a few days and I may be slightly dehydrated." Her brows furrow, dammit I didn't want to upset her more. But it's half way true.
"You're not telling me everything are you?" I look away it's easier to lie without eye contact. Nikk shifts behind us, the heaviness in his steps tells me Nate is clinging to him.
"I thought you got rid of that problem Ty." I know he's frowning without looking.
I look at her, "No that's not the only thing." The words leave my mouth before I can stop them. There you go again! Involving another person in your damn problems... Why do you do this?
"What else is wrong?" Her soft face harbors all of her emotions. I look to Nikk for help he sighs.
"I'm not helping this time Ty." He rubs his temples Nate takes a step back.
"Instead of hiding let someone in for once!" He snaps I inhale sharply and hold it in. Nikk's locked jaw tells me the conversation is over and I have no more say in the matter. Macks stares at him then me.
"What's going on here?" Nikk nods to her, I grit my teeth ok Ty not too much. She doesn't need to know anything.
"You're right about me, very right actually." I watch the street lights flicker off one by one. I look up the moon is still in sight, but pre-dawn light is filling the air with its innocents.
Everything is covered in a pale blue sheen, the door opens a tall and very thin boy sands in the opening. His long blonde hair stands up in places,
"You gonna sit out here or what?" He rubs at his face with a washcloth.
"No we're coming in, go take your pills." Macks stands walking into the house. I sigh heavily not realizing that I was holding my breath that whole time.
"Don't let her go so easily." The blonde assesses me as he speaks; Nate trots in tugging a tired looking Nikk behind. I step off the porch
"It wouldn't be right for me to drag her into my hell." I keep my back to him as I walk away. The door closes softly I pull out my Marlboros breathing in the nicotine I try to erase the nights events from my damaged brain. A park comes into view; it's the only thing around. I put out my cigarette stepping onto the pea gravel. The crunch under my feet reminds me of my childhood. I plop into a swing pushing back.
"Hey," Her voice startles me, my foot catches making me fall face first to the ground.
I stand bits of grass and pebbles fall back to the earth.
"You alright," She holds out her hand, I take it squeezing fairly hard.
"No, that fucking hurt." I bite the words off.
She raises her hands "I didn't mean to scare you." I sit back in the swing pushing myself with my toes. The swing groans in protest I push harder. A warm hand makes me go higher we stay silent for a while. I close my eyes enjoying the breeze. She grabs the chains roughly as I fall back to earth I let the fear engulf me. A drop lands on my lip when I look up at her. The sky opens up puking its anger at us. The smells of rain, grass, concrete, stone and flesh fill the air. The thunder rumbles deep roars that shake the ground; lightning brightens the sky in violent streaks. Her face is dark again I can only guess what thoughts fill her mind. I rest my head against her stomach
Her heart beats strong in my ears.
"Ty," There's a hesitation in that one word. I nod my head a droplet of rain runs down my arm over the cuts I've concealed; the pain sends a chill down my spine. She kneels in front of me
"Can I please know what's happened to you?" I stare at our shoes against the many colors and shapes of the pea gravel. A gentle finger slides under my chin forcing me to make eye contact.
"There is nothing to be afraid of. I won't make you tell me more than you want." I jerk my hand away from her the cool air touches where her fingers were.
"Then you wouldn't make me say anything at all." I grab her hand and pull her back to the house before she can say more. Nikk's car is gone I bound up the stairs without hesitation. I stop in the foyer my fears catching up to me making my feet feel like stone. I slump into her arms she runs her fingers through my wet hair. "Don't be afraid to let me in." I press against her. We make our way up the stairs to a room. It's lilac with midnight blue accents posters cover one wall. Movie, concert, event tickets, small trinkets another.
Her bed sits under a window in the center of the room, it's dark colors contrast with the lighter ones. A towel hit me in the face,
"You're soaked I don't want you to get sick." I look down at the floor small puddles have formed under my feet. She watches as I lay the towel underneath me. I stand here for some time,
"Here," A pair of pants, a shirt land at the end of the bed. I pick them up padding my way to the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror my makeup is smeared half way down my face; my hair is starting to curl. I pry my soaked clothes from my freezing body, my skin is riddled with bruises, scars and cuts. I turn my back to my reflection ignoring reality.
"Holy shit," Blondie drops the flatiron he was holding on the tile floor.
"Shut up," I hiss anger and panic setting in. "What is that from?" I pull him into the bathroom shutting and locking the door. He sits on the edge of the tub
"Ty, what's going on here?" I turn my back to him trying to pretend he doesn't exist.
"If you so much as breathe a word of this," I look into his eyes trying to make myself more threatening.
"How can you live like that?" His words sting more than the cuts in my flesh.
The side door opens, Macks is standing there.
"Jack what's going on?" She chews her lip fear stirs in her eyes.
"Ea est fracta." My face flushes hot with anger as I turn on him.
"What did you just tell her?" I reach for him but, he steps out of my reach raising his palms.
"He said that you're broken." Her voice is calm as she enters the room. She grabs my hand pulling it to her
"Is this what you were talking about?" Her slender fingers run over my tender skin. Jack watches me cautiously as he nods his head waiting for the monster to seethe from my skin. Her tears fall into the cuts making them sting.
"Drop the bullshit and tell me what's going on now." She struggles to keep her voice calm. Jack sits back down tucking himself in tightly his body language tells me that he'd rather be anywhere but here.
"I don't let people get close to me anymore for a reason." I turn around grabbing the clothes; I see her reaction in the mirror. Her eyes widen when she sees the worst part.
"When I let people get close they eventually see this and try to help." I turn facing her wishing I'd said no to Nikk. Wishing I'd never met this beautiful woman in front of me,
"But when they try to help they make it worse." I wait for a reaction but she just stands there staring.
"Who did this?" She forces herself to look away, I scoff shaking my head.
"Don't get too close this isn't your problem." I put the clothes on out of the corner of my eye I can see her glaring at me.
"Why can't I try?" She yells trying to force the painful truth from my lips,
"We could help you Ty," Jack wraps his arm around her shoulders. A jealous pang twist in my stomach I'll think more on that later.
"Why do you care so much?" I yell back locking my jaw, my back teeth grind. Macks pulls away from him in two strides she's in my face. She grabs me like a vice my pulse pounds in my body making my light headed. "I care because I have feelings for you Ty." Her body relaxes; I stay tense waiting for any possible outcome. "I've wanted to meet you for some time now. Nikk's told me so much about you.
"It figures he has something to do with this. I study every inch of her face. "Jack's right I am broken.
"I close my eyes wanting everything to just go away. She steps back still holding onto me. "I'm here for you Ty," She lays her head on my shoulder nuzzling my neck.
There is a silence in the room as the emotions settle. I feel a cold, dark heaviness leave the room with every breath we take. Jack walks out of the room patting her on the back she tightens her grip on me. I shut my eyes going back to a day when the sun seemed a little brighter the air carries the melodies of summer. I climb to the top rail of the round pin. It's warm under my denim jeans I pull out a handful of sugar cubes. Matata trots up to me sniffing my closed hand. I scratch just behind his ears kissing his soft nose, he leans into my shoulder. I give him some of the sugary treats he lays his head in my lap chewing them to bits. I braid his long mane; crawling onto his back I dig my tiny fingers into his softy coat. He turns his head watching me with his big brown eyes. I tap his sides with my heels he starts to walk around the pin. I slide back as far as I can laying down, his pace slows I tap again reminding him of his task. The memory ends dropping me into the cold harsh reality.