Disclaimer: I own two hats, one of which has been "permanently borrowed" from my father. Neither of those hats make me ASP, or anyone who has some sort of claim to Gilmore Girls.
Written for the OLC ficathon. Prompt was to be centred around Kirk, and include a Bunny, a Guitar, Grass, and a Pillow
This is for Dreana, because she dedicated hers to me, and sharing is caring.
***It's all comin' up Gleason***
Kirk Gleason had never been an overly happy man. He was content with his lot - don't get him wrong - but nothing had ever seemed to go right in his life. Nothing worth screaming from the rooftops. Nothing even worth writing home about. Although that would always be a redundant activity considering he still lived at home. Things in Kirk's life had recently taken an abrupt turn for the better, however. He still wasn't sure how it happened, but he had fallen in love. More importantly, she loved him back. Since that happened, he felt a whole lot better about himself - there was a hint of smugness about him, in fact.
It wasn't just the sex. Sure, that definitely helped the happiness quotient along, and the evenings he spent in Lulu's apartment were some of the best he'd had in his life. But people now looked at him differently. Mother was easing up slightly on the strict 10pm curfew. Luke no longer looked at him like he was a lost cause. The women in the town no longer rebuffed him immediately with pitying looks on their faces. In Lulu's eyes, he was a god. And Kirk was starting to believe that fallacy himself. He was starting to believe that he DID deserve to have it all.
The climb up the staircase from his bomb shelter of a bedroom seemed shorter this morning. When he emerged at ground level and exited the house, calling goodbye to Mother as he went, he could see why. It was Spring. Spring had sprung. It had still been dark when he returned from his 6am trip to Luke's this morning, so he had failed to notice the changes. The grass was greener than it had been mere days ago. Flowers began to peek their colorful little heads out of the defrosted soil. And Kirk could have sworn he saw a family of happy deer frolicking in the park as he made his way through town.
He hesitated outside Luke's. Any other day, he would stop in for his second visit to the diner for the day. But today, Kirk was on a mission. A mission that he really did not want Luke to find out about. There was the possibility it would result in a severe beating from the gruff proprietor of his favorite eating establishment. He detoured to the Soda Shoppe and arrived at the door just as Taylor was opening up.
"I need to talk to you, Taylor," Kirk announced in his booming grown up voice.
Taylor gave his a withering stare, and stopped in the process of unlocking the door.
"I mean, I would like to talk to you please, Taylor."
"That's better," Taylor nodded, patting the poor boy on the top of his head like an obedient puppy.
He was ushered into the store where he stood stock still in the middle of the room, extra careful not to touch any of the candy in barrels around him. He had already incurred the wrath of Taylor several times for his dirty hands being too close to the merchandise.
The door suddenly swung open, taking Kirk by surprise. He grabbed at the barrel of Jolly Rancher candy to steady himself to no avail. He fell face first to the floor, dragging the candy down with him.
"No!" Taylor screamed as the candy bounced everywhere around the store. "My precious.... precious..."
A familiar ringing voice interrupted them. "What's up, Gollum?"
Both men froze. "L...Lo...Lorelai..." Taylor stuttered. "What are you doing here? Kirk and I were just..."
"Bunnies!" Kirk yelled, slightly too loud. "We were talking about bunnies."
"O...kay..."
"A gang of bunnies tried to eat my hand while I was asleep last year. You can still see the scar," Kirk announced, holding his hand out for everyone to see.
"Is there something you wanted, or are you just loitering like that Troubadour fellow?" Taylor questioned, looking at her suspiciously.
"Yes, Taylor," she deadpanned. "I'm Stars Hollow's new Troubadour. I've been hiding my guitar under my sweater. The looks I've been getting when I reach up to strum it would make a Mastercard commercial." She sighed. "I just wanted some ice-cream."
"At eight thirty in the morning?"
Lorelai nodded emphatically.
Taylor sighed and served her Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate ice-cream. "It's on the house," Kirk called to her, much to Taylor's chagrin, and ushered her out the door, locking it firmly behind her.
"You had better be paying for that, Kirk."
"I will. Add it to my tab. I have important business to discuss with you, and it is very important Lorelai doesn't hear it."
"I'm listening..."
Kirk adjusted the tie he had worn just for this occasion, and cleared his throat loudly. "I was in the diner yesterday when I heard you and Luke discussing his purchasing of the Twickham House." Taylor just nodded. "I would like to buy that house for Lulu and myself. I believe it is time I left Mother. I will beat whatever price Luke has offered you. I have very deep pockets, you know."
"I'm sure you do, Kirk, but..."
"Please Taylor!" Kirk suddenly yelled. He lowered his voice when several people in the diner turned to look through the window at them. "I need more space. Mother won't let me have a girl in my room at home, and Lulu's apartment is too small to play naked Twister in. We tried it once, and I ended up putting my foot through the drywall. I was stuck there for three days. I need my naked Twister, Taylor!"
Flustered, Taylor wiped at his brow.
Kirk continued, unabashed. "I want to be able to spend every night with my girlfriend, Lulu. Not just Mother's bingo nights. I stole one of her pillows - it smelt like her. Lulu, that is. Not Mother. But the scent is starting to wear off. She hasn't noticed that or her Rainbow Brite t-shirt, but I think she'll get suspicious if any more of her belongings disappear."
"That's more than enough information, I believe." Taylor continued returning the spilled candy to the righted barrel as he considered Kirk's request. His decision made, he stood abruptly and extended his hand to Kirk, who shook it apprehensively. "Have your lawyer draw up an official Offer of Purchase today. I will take it to the Board at our meeting tonight. On one condition."
Kirk was bouncing on the inside. On the outside, he remained as inexpressive as ever. "Oh! Anything Taylor. I won't let you down."
"I want you to support me, and to garner additional support from the community, for my Residential Audio Surveillance Program. I want you to convince the townsfolk, and I'm sure you'll agree with me, that bugging their houses will result in a much safer town for everyone."
"I will get onto that right away. I love you, Taylor Doose." He reached to hug the older man, who quickly stepped backwards away from Kirk's flailing arms.
Undeterred by the refusal, Kirk left the Soda Shoppe with a grin on his face. He could see the look on Lulu's face when he presented her with a house - one of the grandest houses in the town. He considered whether he should get her a Chihuahua or a Doberman. Or possibly one of those long-haired dogs like Lassie. Or Snoopy. Entering the diner, he took his place at the counter, third seat from the register. Luke came out from the kitchen to take his order, and he couldn't help but attempt a smirk at his unknowing competitor. It came out instead as a semi-grimace, which resulted in a confused look from Luke.
"Do I have something on my face?" Luke asked.
"Other than your nose, no."
"Then what's with the scrunching of the face, Kirk? You look like you're doing a Clint Eastwood impersonation." Frustration was creeping into his voice.
Kirk smiled to himself, still picturing himself in the Twickham House, with Luke remaining in Lorelai's run-down shack. He liked Luke - he really did. He was possibly his best friend, and he had been hesitant about going behind his back. But it was time for Kirk to shine. This was the first time that things were really going his way. 2006 was going to be the Year of Kirk, while Luke Danes didn't get everything he wanted with just an angry look. Optimism surged through him like never before.
"Just been a really good day," Kirk replied averting his eyes to the menu in front of him. "It's all comin' up Gleason."
"Oh, jeez."
"Luke, I'm here today to start my campaign. I need your support in tomorrow's town meeting. You should say 'yes' to the Residential Audio Surveillance Program. It's to protect your town, Luke. To protect your loved ones...." He tried several times to wink, before remembering that he hadn't been able to wink since the terrible Frisbee incident of '92.
"Go and bug someone else, Kirk."
"But you're right here. You're a much more central candidate for my inaugural R.A.S.P. pitch."
"Get out of my diner, before you find my foot lodged in your ass."
Luke faked left, which sent Kirk running. "Support R.A.S.P!" he yelled as he ran out the door. "My future is at stake! It's like raspberry, but without the berry!"
Kirk was not going to let Luke's annoyance get to him today. Today could very well be the day he gained a residence all to himself - and Lulu of course. He was the most determined he had ever been. Take no prisoners.
"Mmmm... raspberry," he muttered as he looked around the square decided where to go. Now he thought about it, raspberries sounded really nice right now. He headed towards the market in search of them. His campaign could continue there.