A/N

hello everyone.

this is my first twilight fic so don't hate me if it is not that great. please let me know if you liked it and i will hopefully be updating fortnightly with new chapters. enjoy.

disclaimer: i do not own any of the characters of twilight. no copyright infringement was intended.

Chapter 1

EPOV

I awoke to the sound of my mother sobbing loudly, easily heard through the thin walls of the dingy flat we were living in. I wasn't surprised to hear the noises that I heard almost every night these days and I felt my mind turn to auto pilot as I crawled out of bed, pulled on some tracksuit bottoms and walked to her bedroom door.

I paused for a moment with my hand gripping the handle, pressing my face against the cool wood, wondering why things had all gone so wrong.

Then I shook myself out of it. I have to be strong for mum's sake. So I opened the door and crawled into bed next to mum, pulling her shaking form towards me and holding her tightly in my arms. I tried to hold her together to stop her from falling apart from the grief that flowed through her because if she did that then there would be no hope for me.

Anyone who saw mum in the day at work would think she was coping fine, however it was all a façade - one that broke down as soon as she walked through the door. Every night she walked in I saw her whole posture collapse as the weight of her grief pressed down on her and she walked around the house like a ghost barely speaking, barely eating and slowly the person I knew as my mum disappeared before my eyes.

And then the night came and I would finally see her true feelings poured out before me and all I could do was try and take some of the pain from her and tell her how strong and amazing she was. But it killed me to know that there was nothing I could do to speed up her recovery and it seemed she was going to take a while before she got back to normal.

At least I hoped she would get back to normal. Everyone says time is the greatest healer however every day my mum seemed to withdraw more and more into herself and I wondered if there would ever be a time when I would see her happy smiling face again.

"Edward?" mum whispered a while after the tears had stopped falling.

"Yes, mum," I said.

"I don't know how you're doing this."

"It's nothing mum."

"No, it isn't. I should be the one looking after you and yet all you're doing is keeping me together and I am sorry you have to do this. You shouldn't have to. I am so sorry."

Her lip trembled and I hurried to try and stop the sobs from returning.

"Don't be sorry mum. I love you so much and we're in this together. I will always look after you, don't you worry."

"I love you Edward."

"Love you too mum."

I kissed her forehead lightly and then stroked her hair and whispered words of comfort until she fell asleep with a look on her face that looked almost peaceful. It was good to see an expression that wasn't sadness or anguish on her face.

I stayed for a few minutes longer and then I crept back to my own room and collapsed onto my bed. I glanced at the illuminated clock face on my bedside table and groaned when I saw the time: 5:30am. Getting up in an hour for school was going to be hell. I turned onto my side and tried to get to sleep but as usual it stayed out of my grasp, my mind incapable of shutting down when it was so full of worries and fears.

I tossed and turned as the usual thoughts entered my head, When will the money run out, how will mum get a better job, where would I find a job, how would I keep up with my school work when I found one? And the last question was the one that returned most frequently and nagged at me even as sleep finally claimed me: How are we meant to cope without Dad?

When my alarm went off I immediately hit the snooze button and turned over, pulling the covers over my head and trying to ignore the fact that I had to get up.

When, 5 minutes later, the ringing blared out again I sighed, switching the noise off and sitting up. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and picked my glasses up off of the bedside table. My head was pounding from the lack of sleep and I was in desperate need of some caffeine.

I stumbled into the kitchen, switching on the kettle and grabbed a pot of instant granules out of the cupboard. As I waited for the water to boil I leaned against the counter closing my eyes and almost dozing off when the whistling started and I was shocked out of my daze.

I made myself and mum a coffee and then cautiously ventured into her room to wake her up.

"Mum," I called quietly, placing her coffee on the bedside table, "Wake up mum."

"Hmm…what is it Arthur?" she mumbled.

I cringed inside as I saw my mum open her eyes and the light drain out of them as she realised where she was and what had happened.

"I brought you some coffee mum."

"Thanks Edward, dear, I'll get up in a moment."

"Sure thing mum."

I slipped out the room as mum rolled over and fell back asleep. I would have to make sure she was definitely up before I left for school.

As I sipped at my coffee I picked up the books and pens scattered about the place and chucked them into my bag in no particular order, not caring I would have to sort them out later. On days like these my mind didn't really function properly. All I could do was try and get to the end of the day without revealing the turmoil going on inside my head to my classmates. I generally stayed quiet, preferring to keep my head down and let the conversations flow past me.

Nothing discussed every really caught my attention anymore as nothing seemed to be important. I no longer had the busy social life from a few months ago as it didn't matter anymore to me. My mates had given up trying to coax me into hanging out with them, now they just let me sit on the sidelines of our friendship group. I didn't join in with anything but they didn't kick me out either which I appreciated. Although I no longer felt the need for a social life, I felt their support around me at school and the past few months would have been a lot harder without them.

After my coffee I jumped into the shower quickly then pulled on my usual shirt and trousers. I noticed it was already 7:00 and I realised I would have to rush to catch the train on time. I shove my bag over my shoulder and ran into mum's room. I felt a stab of sympathy as I saw her asleep and realised I would have to get her up again.

"Mum," I shouted as I no longer had the time to be gentle.

"Huh," she muttered.

"You gotta get up mum. I'm going to miss the train and I'll be late for school...again"

She must have heard the desperation in my voice as she sat up slowly and gave me a weak smile.

"I'm up alright."

"Ok then I'll see you later, yeah?"

"See you. Love you Edward."

"Love you too," I called grabbing my tie and blazer and running out the door. I ran down the stairs trying to do my tie up simultaneously. I fumbled with the knot as I exited out block of flats and decided to give up as I looked at my watch again ang began to peg it down the road towards the station.

I ran down the stairs onto the platform and straight onto the train just before the doors began to close. I breathed a sigh of relief as my heart thumped in my chest and my breathing began to even out from the sprint.

After catching my breath I looked around trying to spot if there was a seat for me so I could catch up on some sleep. I smiled when I spotted one a bit further down and slowly made my way towards it trying not to fall over as the train vibrated beneath my feet.

I chucked my bag into the rack above my head and then collapsed into my seat.

I was shocked when I looked at the boy sitting opposite me. He looked about my age and he was wearing our school's uniform but I had never noticed him before. I assumed he must be new as I couldn't have missed someone as gorgeous as him walking around school without catching my eye. As I stared at him he looked up and when he noticed our matching attires he gave me nervous smile.

"Hi," he said in a surprisingly deep voice, "I guess you go to St. Peters too. Today's my first day. I just moved down here from London."

For a few seconds I continued to stare at him, transfixed by the small dimples either side of his slim, smooth lips. But then I realised I should be talking and I blushed at my obvious appreciation of his mouth.

"Sorry, I'm really tired. Yeah I go to St. Peters. My name's Edward by the way and you?"

"Oh I'm Jasper. Jasper Whitlock."

to be continued…