(okay. so i was listening to my music last night while i was watching the last episode of degrassi that i had recorded, and i thought of this. its not the best, and probably needs loads of editing, but oh well. anyhow. the only italicized stuff is a song (the jetset life is gonna kill you by my chemical romance) the bold is whats going on, and the bold and italicized stuff is kind-of Eli's thoughts at the moment or whats going though his head. anyhow.)

i dont own the song. i dont own degrassi. and i dont really own much o.O

The Only Hope for Me is You Alone

Chapter one. The Jetset Life is Gonna Kill You

Gaze into her killing jar
I'd sometimes stare for hours.
She even poked the holes so I can breathe.

Sitting on the curb, bright lights glowed all around. The rain has subsided, leaving trails of water running down the street, the iridescent oils glowing in swirling rainbows as they dissipated. Eli held his head in his hands, his long, damp, dark hair clumping between his fingers as it hung down. His eyes were red, and they stung yet tears would no longer fall. His voice was hoarse, yet he had not screamed. She's gone. It ran through his mind over and over. She's gone. She doesn't want me. Feet beside him was Morty, finally drivable after what he had done. What he had done for her. The front, although the paint was damaged and it was still dented severely, no longer was crushed in. The giant V shaped dent from hitting the pole was gone, it had been worked on and repaired. That night, although months ago, ran through his head, over and over. "I think we need time apart" No. They didn't. Why would she... why would Clare do this to him..

She bought the last line.
I'm just the worst kind.
Of guy to argue.
With what you might find.
And for the last night I lie.
Could I lie with you?

"You're such a manipulator Eli!" she screamed at him. He wasn't manipulating her, he loved her. Why would he try to hurt her? He sat on the curb, their bench behind him. He stared at his untied shoelace, searching for something distracting enough to take his mind off of her, to keep the tears that stung at his eyes when he thought of her at bay. He looked around, seeing the few people that remained on the streets at this hour walking around. Laughing. Happy. He grimaced as a couple walked by, giggling and holding on to each other. Looking further down the street, he saw the oh-so familiar jean jacket, with curling brown hair hanging down just reaching it's collar. Clare. How he wished to run up and hug her, to smell her hair, to feel her arms tighten around his waist.

Alright...
Give up. Get down.
Its just the hardest part of living.
She wants. It all to come down this time.

He fought with himself, she hadn't spoken to him, hadn't seem him since the night in the hospital. The night he needed her. She was walking alone, probably heading back from a movie with Alli, or something of the sort. He rolled one of his rings in his hand, arguing with himself. Standing, he paced back and forth. As he thought, she walked further and further away, and looking after, he felt his heart catch. He sprinted in her direction, boots splashing in the small puddles that were marks of the recent rain. He caught up with her, and slowing down he froze. What would he say, what could he say. "Clare", he spoke, his voice cracked and dry, the hollow sound filled with the tears that had fallen. She froze, her body tensed. She spun slowly, her eyes closed as if that would make the situation go away. "Clare..." He spoke, surprise leaking into his voice as he absorbed her appearance.

Lost in the prescription she's got something else in mind.
Check into the Hotel Bella Muerte.

He was shocked, she must have looked as bad as he felt. Hey eyes were red and puffy, and her makeup was smeared from wiping away her tears. She breathed in, opening her eyes and looking at him, her porcelain face betraying no emotion. Running her hand through her hair and pushing it behind her ear, she then let her hand drop and crossed her arms loosely under her chest, pulling the jacket tightly closed around her. "Eli", her voice breaking with only slightly more emotion than her expression did. A slight bruise was brushed along her her cheek, already healing and hidden by makeup. He froze. He wanted to comfort her, to ask what was wrong and what happened, could he still do that though? "Clare... wha- how are you", He stuttered, worried he was crossing boundaries he didn't know existed. "I'm fine.." she glanced downwards as she spoke. He loved that voice, despite the coldness that lingered, he wanted to hear her voice. Her sadness encouraged him, "Whats wrong.. even though we haven't spoken in weeks, I can tell. What is it thats bothering you?" She avoided his gaze. They stood in silence for a moment, she staring at the ground and he staring at her. "Clare", his voice cut the silence like a razor.

It gives the weak flight.
It gives the blind sight.
Until the cops come.
Or by the last light.
And for the last night I lie.
Could I lie next to you?

He could tell something was wrong, she was never like this, not any of the times they has fought, not even when she and her parents fought. He took a step forward, getting closer to her. She flinched momentarily, and despite her hope he hadn't seen, he had. "Why are you talking to me, Eli", she said as she glanced over his appearance, seeing the scar on his face from the wreck, and noting he still favored his right leg over the left which had been broken. Her face was pale, even more so than he remembered, her face was shallow and thin, and her curly hair hung lifeless around her face, only dimly reflecting the streetlights. Her sparkling blue eyes shone with a sadness that was never present before. He wanted to hug her, nothing more. All he wanted was to hug her again, he missed that. He missed being able to kiss her soft pink lips as well, but even more than that he missed being able to comfort her.

Alright...
Give up. Get down.
Its just the hardest part of living.
She wants. It all to come down this time.

"Whats wrong", concern crossed his face. "I'm fine" she said coldly, but the break in her voice showed otherwise. "Clare.. please. Please tell me what is wrong", He spoke slowly, carefully. Her stony expression began to break, the corners of her eyes filled with tears. "Nothing! Eli, nothing is wrong! And if there was something wrong, it would be none of your business!" As she spoke she tugged the corners of her sleeves down and wrapped her arms around her waist. "Clare! Stop! I want to help you!" Her oceanic eyes welled with more salty tears as she spoke, her voice soft and breaking now, "Please.." As the words escapes her mouth she began to fall, her legs buckling underneath her. Her knees hit the cement, splashing in the water. Eli jumped forward and grabbed her by the shoulders to prevent her from falling face first onto the cold ground. He dropped with her, taking her in his arms and holding her close against his chest.

Pull the plug.
But I'd like to learn your name.
And holding on.
Well I hope you do the same.
Awww sugar.
Slip into this tragedy you've spun this chamber dry.

He had to help her, she denied his offers, but now... she laid in his arms, her breath shallow and her eyes fluttering closed. He took off his black leather jacket, and wrapped it tight around her. The thick garment already warms from his body heat. He stood up gently, and took her in his arms again. Trying to help her stand, her legs were shaking and she was nearing falling once more. Quickly picking her up, feeling an unusual lightness, he walked to the passenger door of Morty, and while supporting her on his leg and with one arm, he quickly swung the door open. Setting her in the seat, he buckled the seatbelt around her. It was late, and through his mid he saw the flash of Julia, blood pooled around her, laying broken beside the road. The flash of police lights all around, blinding him. He wouldn't anything like that happen to again, he could not be responsible for Clare's death as in his minds eye he was for Julia's. He walked around the cars and sat in the drivers seat, sticking the key in the ignition and turning it, listening to the car roar to life. He turned heater on, feeling the coolness when he had touched Clare. He turned the music on quietly, and the sound of Gerard Way belting out the last lines of I Don't Love You filled the car, and Eli grimaced with the cruel irony of the moment.

Alright...
Give up. Get down.
Its just the hardest part of living.
She wants. It all to come down this time.

Driving closer to his hope he silently hoped that CeCe and Bullfrog were gone tonight, he didn't want to explain why after weeks of isolation from each other, they suddenly were near each other again. He himself was still unsure of the terms that they were on with each other. The car stopped feet away from the steps to the front door of Eli's house. Leaving Clare sleeping in the car for a moment, he unlocked the door and walked to his room. The lock that had once kept his room concealed from all was gone, all part of the therapy he had gone through after that night. He walked in, and he felt a rush of panic. Band posters plastered the walls and the carpeting was a deep red. Every time he walked in his room, he felt the loss of everything he had thrown out. With Clare's help. Part of him, the part that couldn't get over Julia, hated her for making him clean out his room, but another part of him lover her even more for it. He knew he needed to get rid of it, to rid himself of the guilt and memories, and she was by his side, helping him with it. The condition of his room had not improved, in fact it had worsened slightly, since Clare had stopped helping him clear it out. He walked over the bed, quickly transferring the CD's and comics and magazines there to the table beside it. He walked back outside to the hearse, and opened the door, to see Clare sitting there, knees pressed up to her torso. She was digging through her purse, and stopped as Eli opened the door. Taking the purse and wrapping his other arm around her, they walked shakily to the door and up the steps to his house, leading her to his room.

Pull the plug.
But I'd like to learn your name.
And holding on.
Well I hope you do the same.

She looked so tired, so exhausted. She looked sick. He laid her down on the bed, using the pillows to support her attempt to sit up. He rifled through his drawers and pulled out a pair of black sweatpants and a loose gray t-shirt and left it folded on the bed besides her. He left her there, but he set her purse far out of her reach. He went to the kitchen and quickly prepared a mug of tea, and brought it back to her, the steam swirling in intricate swirls out of the cup. He came back into the room and sat the mug on the small clear area on the bedside table. When he walked back in Clare was sitting, her face tinged slightly pink with warmth. While he was out of the room she switched clothes into the ones he left out, leaving her clothes, still slightly damp from the rain, in a pile on the end of the bed. Picked up her purse and sat next to her, and he put his arm around her, not romantically, simply for the comfort of touching another person. "Clare", he spoke softly, "Show me what is in your purse, what were you digging for?" She looked down, and began to reach into her bag. As she did this, Eli gasped and lightly took her forearm in his hands. She tried to pull away but he kept her from moving it. She gasped as he tightened his grip to keep her from moving. Why. Why would she do this to herself. Lining the soft, pale skin of her forearm, was an array of lines, ranging from pale white to shiny pink, to the most recent, red lines, small bullets of blood running down her arm. With that, Eli took the bag and dumped it onto the bed. Her wallet fell out, and besides that a small black bag. He opened the bag, and inside of it was a pill bottle, nearly empty, and a razor in a small plastic case. Reading the label on the prescription he saw it was a powerful anti-depressant. One that wasn't working. Looking more at her arm, and how some of the most recent cuts were deep, deep enough that he was worried. Combining this with her paleness at the moment, he spoke as he stood,"Clare... we're going to the hospital. Right now."

Awww sugar...

He thought she would be doing better... better than he was at least. He thought he was a mess, still having days where he didn't know if he would be able to stand up or do anything due to the crippling loneliness inside of him, yet here he was, seeing one of the most put-together people he ever knew, a complete mess and broken. How could he help her, if he could hardly help himself.

(i might continue this if i have at least a few people who read it and like it, i have some pretty good ideas of how to continue this, and how to keep the song theme with it.)