Today is a beautiful day. The birds are singing, the sun is shining, the cotton-like clouds fly in the sky, which is glowing blue... Just beautiful. And the people outside... The people outside are happy. Big smiles on their faces, happy steps taken, laughter echoing in the air... Joy is echoing in the air. It's beautiful. And I watch them from my window, a ping of jealousy filling me in. Because I wanna be like them. I wanna run, I wanna jump, I wanna laugh, I wanna live. And today I can't. Because I am stuck inside these four walls, stuck under this ceiling.
Why am I acting like an emo? I shouldn't be like this. I mean, it's not that much of a big deal… I'm here, sitting on my window, with my furry blanket wrapped around my shoulders, looking like a burrito, but I guess it's better than to be out there in the cold. I can see Levy passing my doorstep, I presume on her way to a job, wearing her white beanie, a white long sleeved thigh lenght dress with thick white pantyhose and crimson ankle boots. Sure, Gajeel is with her. Like he always is. Wearing his usual outfit, but with a grey scarf around his neck and a pair of fingerless gloves. They look so cute together. And PantherLily... Sitting on Gajeel's shoulders, wearing a matching pair of red scarf and gloves. I don't see Jet and Droy anywhere. Maybe they decided to stay home...
I wish I could be in the guild right now... At least, I wouldn't be so lonely. And I would have an excuse to hug Natsu... I bet his body could warm me up... And other things too.. Like-BAD LUCY! Stop thinking about that! I mean, he's my best friend. Nothing more. So I shouldn't be thinking like that, now should I? Because we're best friends. Just best friends. That's all, Lucy. So stop imagine that, in any Universe, you'll be more. Because you're only letting yourself down... Why am I talking to myself? Ugh, maybe Natsu is right... Maybe I am a weirdo. And here I go again, thinking about him... I'm the worst person ever... I'm thinking and dreaming about a future I can never have...
I've been looking for a driver who's qualified
So if you think that you're the one step into my ride
I'm a fine-tuned supersonic speed machine
With a sunroof top and a gangster lean
Oh, it's my phone!
So if you feel me let me know, know, know
Come on now what you waiting for, for, for
I start singing along with the music, before remembering that I have to pick it up. From the other side, I hear the voice of my bestie, Levy McGarden, asking:
"LUCY! How are you? Are you feeling better?"
"Hey, Levy... No, not really... I'm still the same. My head is killing me and my nose just doesn't stop dripping..."
"Oh, poor Lulu... Want me to stop by and make you a chicken soup?"
"I-"
"Don't even start, Shrimp! You are the smartest person I know, but you can't cook for shit!" I hear Gajeel say on the other side of the line.
"Oh, shut up! Well, Lucy, what's your answer?"
"No, it's fine, Levy..." I said, in the happiest voice I could muster "I could use not having my house destroyed at least for once... No offence."
"Didn't take it, Lulu. Gajeel is right, I can't cook, but there's no way on Earth that he's gonna hear those words coming from my mouth..."
"Of course not. I gotta go, Levy. I'm gonna boil some water for the tea..."
"You do that, girl... I'm going to work. Lily is begging me to go spilt up Gajeel and some guy."
"Good luck for the job! When you come back, we'll hang out."
"We will indeed. Love you, Lulu."
"Love you too, Levy."
I hang up the phone call and I throw my pink Ultra 6 to the bed, hearing it land with a deaf sound. I sigh. This is so boring. I get up and walk to the kitchen, not forgetting to put on my bunny slippers. I boil the water and add my favorite tea: cinnamon and apple. It's so delicious, and I don't even need to add sugar because it's sweet on its own. Leaning against the counter, I take small slips of my hot tea. Every thought is running in my mind, and I start to get dizzy. Walking to my bed, I lay down and pull the covers over me, closing my eyes.
When I open them, I feel a humid cloth on my forehead. Sitting up, I look around. The lights of my room are off, except for a little scented candle that I don't remember lightning up. Nevertheless, I turn to grab my cup of tea and I notice that it's cold now. For how long was I out? I suddenly hear the sound of dishes being put in the washbasin. What the hell? There's a thief in my house and he's about to do the dishes?! Frowning, I'm about to reach out for my Celestial Keys when my bedroom door opens.
And Natsu is standing behind it.
"Hey, Luce. How did you sleep?"
"N-Natsu? What are you doing here?" I ask, suddenly aware that I'm in my rattiest pajama, a rose pink tee with a strawberry cupcake on the chest area, a pair of light blue sport shorts and my Sylveon socks. Yes. I love cupcakes and Pokemon.
"When you didn't show up in the guild today, I figured something was up. I asked Levy and she told me you were sick, so I came here to take care of you..." he says, walking inside the bedroom and sitting on my bed. I am about to protest when he removes the cloth, puts it again on water, removes the excess and puts it back on my forehead.
"What are you doing?" I stammer, having perfect awareness of the way his warm fingers traced my forehead.
"Like I said before, to take care of you, Luce. You weirdo." he smiles that gorgeous smile of his and I feel my heart ache even more.
"Natsu?" I try, not understanding the meaning of what my eyes were seeing "Where's your ring?"
"What ring?" he asks, and I almost scream. "The ring Lisanna gave you when you two started dating..." Yes. Because I'm chasing a claimed man.
"Oh, that. I gave it back to her." he says, shrugging.
"Why?"
"She told me the meaning behind the ring. And it didn't feel right. It didn't match my feelings, so I returned to her." he says, turning on the lights of my bedroom.
"What did it meant?" I ask, my heart beating fast.
"What?"
"The ring! Now who's the weirdo?" I exclaim, smiling.
"Oh, sorry. She told me it meant that I loved her and she loved me."
"And why did you take it off?"
"Because I don't love her. I love someone else."
"Oh..." I let out, eyeing my hands. Of course his heart was already taken. Just not by Lisanna. I wondered who was the girl. But I refused to let my question out. I didn't want to break my heart even further.
I smiled up to his as best as I could before removing the cloth from my head and putting it back on the bowl with water, and I tried to get up. Natsu immediately stopped me. He was about to speak up against it when I beat it to it, telling him I was going to the bathroom. And so I went. I close the door behind me and I stand in the mirror. I no longer look sick. Before, my skin was slick and oily, and there were bags under my eyes. The glow in my hair had disappeared. But now? My eyes were glowing, my cheeks were flustered and my lips were red from all the biting I was putting them through. I splash some water on my face and I step out, where I find Natsu standing in front of me, eyeing me worried.
"What? What did I do?" I ask, frowning.
"Are you sure you're okay, Luce? I can go call a doctor if you want..." he says, raising his hand to caress my cheek. I flinch. I can't let him touch me. It would be too painful. But, to remove that frown off his face, I smile and explain quickly:
"Yeah, yeah, just peachy! It's just that I'm too hot and your body heat is really high..."
"Oh... Okay." he says, but I can tell that he's not convinced. I mean, he's still casting his eyes to the ground, like he does when he's upset, but he quickly replaces it with a smile. He thinks that I don't see the glint of pain, but I do. I'm also pretty sure that I'm the only one that can see it. He's just too pure, too innocent, too... Perfect.
"So..." I try "How about you make me a peanut butter sandwich?"
"Deal!" he exclaims, and for a second, I can see the purity of his reaction to my request. "Wanna help?"
"No!" I shout, crossing my arms "I'll end up doing it myself! Don't even think about it! You work for me! I'm the one that's sick!"
"Fiiine!" he smiles, and walks to the kitchen.
I walk back to my room and lay in my bed, pulling the covers up. I sigh. This is what I can have, and if this is all it takes, than I should be happy with what I have and settle with it. But that's the thing. Natsu always taught me to go after what I want, to fight for my desires. So why would I settle with this? Best friends. Just best friends. I feel my eyes close, and I turn on my bed. I can't take being in such fragile state and having the man I love taking care of me. I want to tell him what I feel. I want to show him how hard my heart beats for him. But I can't. Because it's too hard. And I couldn't deal with the consequences. I must settle with what I have.
I hear Natsu enter my room. But my eyes are too heavy for me to open them. I guess the boost of energy is long gone. I need to sleep a little bit more to gain more energy boost. I hear his soft steps and a plate being settled on my bedside table. I don't hear him leaving, so I think that he just made really little noise. But I'm wrong. I feel his warm fingers caressing my hair and his lips kissing my forehead, before hearing his low rough voice whispering a "Get well soon" in my ear. I blush, but I can't tell him I'm awake, so I groan and hide my face. I can't deal with this now. I need to go 'fangirl' mode in my head, and I can't do that while he's around. When I hear my door close, I scream internally and twist my body in the bed before sleep finally caught up to me and I fall into unconsciousness.
.-ae-.
I wake up with a scream. For a second, I don't remember what came out of my mouth or the reason behind it. I just sit there, in my bed, with my eyes wide open and my mouth slightly agape, but with my mind blanc. You know that small moment in the morning, when you wake up, where everything is just perfect? Where there are no concerns, no friends to be missed, no guild mates to be wept, no pain to be dwelled on? That is what I'm right now. Nothing to hold me back. Just perfect peace. No longing, no angst, no drama. Just peace. For a moment, I think I'm dead. But I like I said, it only happens for a second.
Natsu barges inside my room. And, when I look at him, it all comes crashing down. The fire, the marks, the symbols branding his skin. The loud sounds, the crashes and the punches, every single time that he touches him. It all comes down, and it's too much for me. The second he barges inside my room and runs to my side, I throw myself to his arms, my eyes full with tears. Not even once I doubted his power, but it was too much for me when I saw him explode in front of my eyes. For once, I believed that everything was lost. I believed that I was lost. And, when he wraps his arms around me, I can't help but cry out his name...
"NASTU!"
And we just sit there. Well, not really sitting, since Natsu is half-lying on the floor and I'm on top of him, crying my eyes out. My tears fall onto his black coat, but he doesn't seem to mind. He just wants to hold me, to make me feel better. And I let him. Because I don't want anything else. I try and try to fight this feeling, but I can't. I let everything out. Those nights that I hold back the tears so that he doesn't hear me, when sleeping next to me? They're coming out now. And I let them. Because it's my angst, my sadness, my pain that is coming out. My unrequired love. And my fear of losing him. It's all coming out. And I refuse to keep it in any longer.
"Lucy... Talk to me. You're worrying me."
"I..." but I can't speak.
"Luce. Please."
"I can't lose you, Natsu." The pleading in his voice is so deep that I find myself talking without wanting to. And I feel him chuckle. I'm about to scream at him when his deep voice whispers in my ear "Luce, you weirdo... You won't lose me. I'll come back. Every time I leave, I'll come back. To stand by your side, to protect you. To make you smile and to sleep in your bed."
"Natsu!" I exclaim, but I'm smiling. And, when I look up to him, he's smiling too.
"Oh, c'mon, Lucy, you know your bed is awesome. But what I'm trying to say is... I will never, ever leave your side."
"Oh, Natsu... Thank you..." I whisper, and I feel him kiss the skin of my exposed neck. I shiver, because it feels so good. And he chuckles again. And asks:
"Can you tell me what happened?" and I tell him. I tell him about my dream. My dream about the Tartarus war. The moment when he almost died. And he sighs and looks at me in the eye.
"I don't want you to think about what could have happened. I'm here, and I'm alive, Luce. Isn't that what matters?"
"Yeah, but-"
"No buts, Lucy. What do you think it would happen if I thought about what could have happened every time you are in danger? I'd spend my entire days worrying about you! I'd never let you away more than an arm's length. It's hard to think that you could have died each time I failed to protect you. Every single scratch on your body after a fight reminds me how I fail, but it also says how strong you really are! You wanna know what I think whenever we end a fight victorious and you are beaten up?"
"Yeah..."
"I don't think how I failed to protect you. I think of better ways to protect you the next time! Because I can't afford to think that I'm gonna lose you, Luce. I can't."
"Why not?"
"Luce, when you close your eyes, what do you see?" he asks, caressing my face.
"Nothing."
"Exactly. That's my life without you."
I just stare at him. I can't even say anything. How am I supposed to respond to that? Really, Natsu?! I hate you for putting me in this situation! Now what am I supposed to say?! Because I know that you're waiting for an answer. I mean, that look in your eyes says everything! Those glowing pools of olive green, piercing mine with an intensity that I never thought possible. Gosh, Natsu, stop looking at me like that! But something clicked in my mind, and I decided a pretty reckless thing. And, before I could stop myself, the words came out of my mouth.
"Ne, Natsu? Are you a camera?"
"Why would you ask that, Luce?"
"Because I smile whenever I look at you..."
YES! I did it! OMG, OMG, OMG, Natsu is blushing! I can see it! Right there, in his almost-invisible-but-still-there freckled cheeks. Oh, damn, I feel proud of myself. He's smiling. Oh my, he's smiling. You go, Lucy! You did it. I find myself smiling too. He's too good for me. You hear me, Natsu? You're too good for me! Of course he can't hear you, Lucy, you're talking to yourself, you stupid girl! Okay... Breathe deeply. And look back into his eyes.
"Smooth." he lets out, chuckling.
"I try." I laugh.
"Are you feeling better?" he asks, putting a lock of my blond hair behind my ear.
"Yeah... Something along those lines..." I smile, and allow myself to caress the skin of his face before dropping my hand on my lap. It was enough.
For now, anyway.
He helps me stand up and sits me on my bed. Because I couldn't stand by myself. My strength had been taken away when he told me that pick-up line. I know think that he knew exactly what it was, but he was, in his words, 'smooth'. I smile when he kisses my hair. It's messy and dirty, but he still kisses it like it's the eighth wonder of the world. And my heart beats faster. Gosh, someday you're gonna give me a heart attack. I'm serious, Natsu. Stop being perfect. Because I can't ruin what we have... I can't take that risk. I let him check everything, before telling him:
"You are the best friend I could ever ask for."
He looked up to me. What was that? He was surprised by my words, but was it that sadness? It couldn't be, right? What did I say to make him feel like that? But he quickly smiled and caresses my cheek, before cupping my face. I stare at him. What was he trying to do? Just stare at me and stay like that? What the hell am I supposed to do? Should I say something, should I keep looking at him, should look away? Should I hold him too, should I stay still? Tell me what to do! The scenarios I imagined have nothing to do with this! I'm running blind here! Help!
"I have to tell you something, Luce."
"Okay..." I manage to get out, because his gaze has never been so powerful as it is now.
"Meeting you was fate. Becoming your friend was a choice."
"Okay...?"
"But falling for you...? I had no control over it."
I kiss him. I can't help it. I just launch myself at him and kiss him square in the mouth. I couldn't help it. The moment has me bursting like his flames on a battle. My heart couldn't take anymore tension between us and I launch myself into a moment of pleasure, without looking at the consequences. It's all I've wanted. A cue to tell him how I felt about him. How I still feel about him. How I will always feel about him. So screw it. This is my moment. This is my heart on the line. And I know that it will break when he pushes me away, but I need this little piece of heaven.
"I..." I let out when I break away from him. I couldn't face him. It was too much.
But then, he speaks.
"Mavis, Lucy. Finally."
And he grabs the back of my neck and pulls me to him, kissing me. OH. MY. MAVIS. I died. Yup, I definitely got too sick and died, because this is pure heaven right here. That's it. Lots of love, peace out, 'cuz Lucy hit the boot! I feel like laughing at the hilariousness of my thoughts, when he pushes his lips on mine and sucks. My mind shuts down. His lips suck mine whenever they move, and I kiss him back as hard as I could. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me. It's the best I can do, since Natsu took all of my strength away. When he finally pulls away, he's breathing hard. Like me. And I had to talk.
"That was hot."
"So I've been told." He smirks.
"Stop being so sexy, damn it!" I slap his arm, trying to fight a smile of my own. "What was that?"
"What do you think?" he asks back kissing my forehead "I love you, Lucy."
"Stop. I'm gonna kiss you again, and we're not gonna leave this room if I do." I warn him. He smirks down at me and whispers huskily "Somehow, that doesn't bother me…"
"Natsu!"
This is a brand new day, and me and Natsu are walking hand in hand to the guild. We are greeted by everyone, and they throw a party when they see us together. I think I see Mirajane's passed out body behind the drink counter. I am explaining every detail to Cana, Erza and Juvia of last night, and I mean, every detail when I hear Levy's screams crossing the guild doors and she throws herself on me. And I tell everything again. After I'm done, Loki (that somehow was also in the party) pulls me up and starts dancing with me. After a few moves, I feel myself being pulled away and land on Natsu's embrace.
"Natsu… Jealousy kicking in?"
"That too…" he chuckles, but continues "But I have something to ask you… I seem to recall, before all your endless screams from last night, that you called me sexy…"
"NATSU‼"