There was uncertainty in the waiting.
Restless hopelessness and crushed dreams.
Right at this moment, Alyn couldn't speak, and he couldn't move. He just stood on the edge of the balcony, staring down into the abyss of chaos and darkness.
There was irony in him, the endless watcher, waiting all alone in a room that wasn't his, for the return of a person that was ordering death and destruction.
The endless watcher had no more tears for the absurdity of all the destruction this world had in store.
There's always death, the demons in Alyn Velx mind whispered, the doubtful voices that inhabited the burning cinder and ashes that were his heart. And you decided to stay in the epicenter of it.
Not that he had much of an alternative. Where would he go? What would he do? He couldn't even leave the room, paralyzed by the noise a hundred minds screamed at him. In pain, in anguish, they were everywhere, and Alyn Velx had stopped trying to blend them out. They howled in his heart. Little flecks of tenderness and kindness were sprinkled between the bitter cold, and he sucked them out dry, bathing in whatever kindness he could.
Human feelings were like acid, etching scars in his soul.
If his power had been more useful, maybe he would have been able to help.
If it had not bothered him like a whisper any other silver that could manipulate a mind.
Instead, he was bound to feel their weight every day in his life, and not even sleep held them at bay.
A vessel, a tool, a torturer, a healer. Alyn Velx had been called many, many things in his not so long life.
He remembered his hands on Maven's crown, taking the cold shimmering metal down. He remembered the look of blue eyes freckled with silver. The hard grip on his wrists.
He would never forget why he had decided to stay.
Somewhere deep inside, there had to be something of the boy Alyn Velx had loved.
With the loudest of stomps, the door was smashed into the lock. As Alyn turned around, he saw Maven, sharp face pale. Anger flared through him, and it hit Alyn Velx like someone had slapped him.
Maven didn't seem to notice Alyn at all. With a curse on his lips, a whispered word, he swiped the desk free, loud crushing sounds of breaking glass, clunking metal and shifting papers.
Inside and outside was destruction.
The rotten cracks of Maven Calore were in a tumult, and the anger was hot and steaming, unforgiving.
Maven didn't stop, smashing a vase against the wall, Alyn made a step forward. Porcelain splintered, and water dripped down the painted tapestry.
A pair of white and blue flowers scattered around.
"Your majesty." Alyn forced his mouth to work.
Maven's foot stepped on one of the flowers, crushing its delicate petals under his boot as he turned to look at Alyn.
"I didn't know you were still here." Maven frowned upon him. In comparison to the tired and bloodshot-eyed Alyn he was almost too good-looking,not one hair out of place dressed all in black.
" I was waiting for you," Alyn said.
Me? Maven's blue eyes stared at him, waiting. Alyn knew he had never felt like people were waiting for him, and it had only contributed to the bitterness that had turned into this full-fledged rotten thing he had become. A patchwork of all the worst. ‚You should stop doing that.'
Pushing, ripping, fear and anger, deep-rooted loathing.
Alyn shook his head. His brittle bones seemed to burst under the pressure but he kept his body straight.
A kicked puppy, his friend Vael had joked.
Now Vael was probably already dead on the ground or somewhere caught in the open field, facing the enemy, or mourning the death of his sister. Something Alyn Velx knew too well.
" I take it your attempt to capture your brother and Mare Barrow did not go so well."
Mare Barrow. Lightning girl.
Alyn had watched over her in the palace before hell broke loose. Elara had found it fitting to use his talents as she pleased. But he had never even touched her mind, not tried to heal or change. He had only wanted to lift her burden when she had been just the wrong Titanos for him. She had been everything for Alyn. He had admired her spirit, had watched her closely. He was still stinging and jealous of the part that Maven longed for, but that was not her fault. And he was equally sad as he was bitter. Despite the fact she had never recognized his existence, he feared for since the day she had been imprisoned.
She had been everything he had wished his sister to be.
And now his sister was dead and Mare Barrow was on the run.
He remembered her the last time he had seen her, in the arena, bloody and ragged, but she had made it, and wherever she was, he wished her nothing but to be stronger than he could ever be.
The anger boiled in Maven's mind again, and also frustration. Never show weakness. Don't fail.
"You made your opinion very clear the day I arrested them."
Alyn remembered his pleading, his kneeling, his begging. He remembered his tears. He cried so often he shouldn't be able to remember them, but he did and it never got easier.
He remembered his horror about the thought of killing your own kin. He had tried to cling to Maven's mind, touch his compassion, making him soft, but the newly crowned king had been ice and stone, anger and hate, and his wrath had rendered Alyn Velx attempt to bargain useless.
"And you made it very clear you would not change your mind." Alyn folded his shaking hands. "And I choose to accept that."
"Yes, you did. And I can't deny you are full of wonders."
Something about that made Alyns heart leap.
"Most people wouldn't have tried to persuade me. And they would accept something I say because I am king. But that's not the reason you accepted, is it?"
"I told you. I want to be your friend." Always one step behind you, your grace, Alyn had whispered on the stairs of a prison. He stood to his word. "If you are in need of me."
"We both know you can feel it, Alyn Velx. " Maven came closer, hesitated, and decided to take the risk.
Yes, Alyn thought, a risk. It was always a risk for you. Being with me never helped you. It only made you what you are.
It hurt, the thought, the memory, of a younger prince and a younger self, on the windowsill, or quietly sitting together. It hurt Alyn so deeply he pressed his lips together.
The pain was his constant companion. He should not have been surprised to feel it again. Not with Maven so close and all his little strength left pressed against the never satisfied cracks that were Maven's soul.
Show kindness, Alyn. Heal, not destroy.
Words his uncle had said, things he had taught him, but not enough, there had been so little time.
" I am not a mind reader. I just know you are very angry."
"I don't feel angry anymore." The king was so close his loyal friend and servant, Alyn Velx, felt their arms brush as he stepped past him on the balcony. "Curious."
"Get your guards to arrest me," Alyn said. "Or tell your mother if you find me inappropriate, your grace."
Maven's mind bristled under his touch, like a stray wild dog, ready to bite. Alyn was used to it by now. He didn't stop reaching out, mending the anger, calming him down.
"My mother and I, " Maven sounded thoughtful. "Don't share an opinion when it comes to you."
Well, that was clear. Alyn smiled miserably.
Know your place, little monster, he could almost feel her whisper in his head.
It was taking him all he had to stay calm and still. His hands were shaking. It was draining, being part of a person, and after all those years, Maven's mind only had become more slippery, almost like his mother's.
"I should lie now and say how sorry I am to hear that, but it is no secret we don't see eye to eye." Not after she had bought him from his father, imprisoned and used him. He still was no better than a chair for her. Less now, that she couldn't sit on his back anymore. She would still be able to fling him around like a puppet if deemed necessary. But she was not the one he bowed to.
"I don't think you could ever lie, Alyn Velx."
I always hoped the same for you, look where it got us.
"Lies are a dangerous thing," Alyn whispered, leaning on the cold stone and metal. "You are tempted to believe them yourself, the longer they last."
Maven shifted beside him, as they stood close to each other on the edge.
It was all and nothing for Alyn Velx, as glorious as disappointing to feel the waves of Maven's bitter resentment clash against him. In some ways, they resembled each other, Alyn thought.
He was just as bitter and dark, just as withered away, hiding deep in himself. The reasons though were very different.
Tangled in a hunters trap, a net woven around a boy that wanted nothing but help. All that was good had been ripped off, burned in the ever consuming fire that was the greed.
A part of him hated Elara Merandus and her son so much, it felt like the only thing holding him breathing.
But then he looked at Maven and the hate was gone, replaced by something so gentle and frail he was just a little boy again, looking at his only friend.
His bright prince, a prayer that had helped him through years of inflicting pain and being locked in.
His shattered grace ties that bound him.
If I am Elaras monster, he thought, closing his eyes. You are mine, Maven Calore.