Old Dogs, New Tricks
-I only own Randy and Riley and the plot-
Summary: What if Lily didn't love James? But Sirius instead? And what if Lily had twins that Sirius and James didn't know about? And what if the twins went looking for their parents? And found Sirius? Oh my!
Rating: T for language, pranks, perverted jokes and themes.
Warnings: James, Dumbledore, Ginny, and Angelina bashing. OOC, OCs, AU, and PFS (Pre-Fluffy Syndrome).
Note: This takes place after the finale battle and Remus, Sirius, Snape, and Fred are still alive. Fred and Angelina are engaged, as are Harry and Ginny and Ron and Hermione.
…
"Randy, get the hell out of bed!" Riley Corwin screamed at her twin. Said twin fell out of his bed with a loud thump and they both heard a loud yell from downstairs.
"Quit jumping around up there!" Their adoptive mother, Bell, yelled. "Get down here already; I have a surprise for you two!"
"Alright, mum," Riley called back down while her shirtless brother threw a hairbrush at her. She dodged easily and ran downstairs with Randy on her tail, waving his wand around like a mad man. "Damn it Randy! You're going to poke someone's eye out with that thing!"
"Yeah, hopefully yours!" He screamed while chasing the girl around the kitchen table. The two twenty-year-olds stopped abruptly when their mother slammed her fists into the table.
"Will you two knock it off?" She snapped while they sat down at the round table. "There is something serious we need to talk about and you two are goofing off like two five year olds!"
"Sorry mum," The two replied together. Their mother sighed and pulled out a piece of paper. "Exactly what is this about?" Riley asked while her brother pigged out on his breakfast.
"It's about your parents," Bell replied in a soft tone. "You're old enough to know about them."
"About time!" Randy exclaimed while slamming his fists into the table. "I thought I would die before I found out about them!"
"I swear you were dropped on your head." Riley muttered while she turned to her mother. "Continue please,"
"Anyway, your parents were good friends of mine when I was in school." Bell continued. "Your mother wanted me to give you her will when you two turned twenty. But before you read this will you must first find your father…"
"Wait, our father is alive?" Randy yelled while jumping up. "He must be a bastard if he didn't take us in!"
"Randy, shut up," Riley snapped while yanking her brother down. "Our mother got rid of us at birth, remember?"
"Oh yeah," Riley couldn't help but sigh at her brother's stupidity. Bell also sighed and went to hand Randy the will but, yanked it away.
"Oh, I'm not making that mistake again," Bell stated while glaring at the older twin. She turned to Riley and handed her the will. "Don't let him near it."
"Will do mother, will do." Riley replied while smirking at her brother, who was rolling his eyes.
"I wreck one car and I'm branded for life…" Randy muttered while resting his head onto his hand.
"So who is our father?" Riley asked eagerly, ignoring Randy's comment.
"Your father is…" Bell stopped for a second while Riley and Randy leaned forward. "Sirius Black."
"WHAT?"
….
"Something bad is going to happen very soon, Remus." Sirius informed playfully while drawing a card. Remus started to laugh while looking over his cards. Remus Lupin and Sirius Black were playing poker when there was a pounding at the door.
"Now who could that be?" Remus raised an eyebrow; who would come to Grimmauld Place? He knew that Harry would be at school at this hour. Remus got up and towards the door while Sirius shuffled the cards. Remus opened the door to see two twenty-year-olds; the girl had semi-long red hair and bright green eyes while the boy had messy black hair and blue eyes that were as deep as the ocean.
"Hello," The girl greeted in monotone, with an eyebrow raised. "You wouldn't happen to be Sirius Black, would you?"
"Sirius!" Remus called back into the house. "Something weird is going on! The young versions of you and Lily are out here!"
"Who's Lily?" Randy whispered to the shorter girl. Riley didn't reply because the older version of Randy walked into their view. "Whoa,"
"… The hell?" Sirius blinked. He turned to Remus for help but only got a "You did something stupid." Look. "Err, why are you here?"
"May I?" Randy asked his sister politely while bowing slightly.
"As long as I don't have to watch," She replied while crossing her arms and turning away slightly.
"Daddy!" Randy exclaimed childishly while opening his arms, looking ready for a hug. "I finally found you!" Remus fell down laughing while Riley struggled to contain her giggles. Sirius on the other hand look horrified, this sent Riley over the edge, so she joined Remus on the ground.
"B-but," Sirius stuttered. "I always used condoms!"
"That's a little too much info, dude." Riley replied in a discussed tone. But Randy found this funny and let out a bark of laughter.
"Looks like you went to the love shack!" The older twin laughed while pulling his sister off the ground. "I now you're stuck with us! It must suck to be you!"
"Randy, do me a favor," Riley growled at her brother. "Shut. Up." She turned back to Sirius. "We're here to read our mother's will." She then pulled out the scroll from her purse and held it out to him. Sirius took the will carefully and started to eye it, then the twins.
"How do I know I can trust you?" Sirius asked the two while Remus leaned against the door frame.
"You can't." Riley replied sternly.
"Seriously, you can't." Randy laughed while walking into the house with Remus and Riley right behind him. Sirius just stood there for moment, to process what just happened. "OI, father, Get your ass in here! We can't break the seal without your blood!"
"What the hell did I do?" Sirius groaned while pinching the bridge of his nose. He walked back into the kitchen to see Riley on top of Randy, straddling his torso, with knife, trying to cut him.
"What the hell?" Sirius cried while the two looked at him. While Randy was distracted, Riley quickly cut his face and jumped up. She tapped the knife, making the blood drip onto the seal of the will. She smiled and turned to Sirius.
"Want to do this the easy way or the hard way?" She asked in a sweet, innocent tone. Sirius sighed and took the knife out of her hands. He cut his finger slightly and dripped the blood onto the seal. Remus opened the will and handed it to Riley. Sirius and Randy sat at the table and watched Riley read the will.
"If you are reading this, then Dumbledore erased our memories. Yes "ours". That means yours as well Sirius and Remus. Yes I already know about Peter. Little rat… Anyways, Sirius, Riley and Randy are OUR children. Don't you dare run mutt!
You're probably wondering how this happened. Ask Snapeykins. He'll explain everything. But you can blame Dumbledore for them being put up for adoption. Thankfully Bell got a hold of them before some creep did.
The reason why is because… Voldemort is the least of our problems. Dumbledore is plotting something. I don't know what though. By the time you read this, the twins will be twenty, especially if they are anything like you, Sirius.
Back to the plot, Dumbledore is feeding me love potions, so that's why I've been in love with James for years now. And if I have any other children, then Dumbledore is probably feeding him/her love potions as well. Make sure you stop whatever is going on before my child gets married. I don't want them to go through what I'm going through.
I didn't love James. I loved you Sirius. Keep that in mind.
What I'm about to ask you is something big but please just do it. Sirius, I want you to take Remus, Snape (Don't complain), Riley, Randy, and any other children I may have, to a Potter mansion, near the Lovegoods' home. I want you to do this and one more thing… Take care of them Padfoot.
Live a long and happy life –Lily."
Silence filled the room as Riley rolled the letter up again. She got up and walked over to the fireplace.
"Where are you going little sister?" Randy asked in a serious tone. She cocked her head, her bangs hiding her eyes, and replied.
"Hogwarts." She stated in monotone. "I, I need to find a Severus Snape." And with that she walked into the fireplace and disappeared in green flames.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Review please. Conductive criticism is accepted, flames are not. Any suggestions are accepted as well and paring ideas as well. I already know that there will be Luna/Percy, Hermione/Fred, and maybe, just maybe, Riley/Snape (Most likely). Review please ^^!