This started out as one scene and turned into an epic. It pushed itself ahead of two other major story arcs, and as it fits into neither one of those, it is a stand alone fic. There is actually very little in here that is M; but the parts that are; really are. If there ever were such a weekend I would be the first one there wearing Carolyn's fabulous dressing gown from "The Ghost of Christmas Past". Special thanks to all those who have posted episodes on Youtube.

Hope you enjoy.

Thursday, September 23, 1999

Carolyn Muir finished packing, once again wondering why she was putting herself through this. It was a bad idea; she should have stuck to her original answer of no, but there were so many fans who wrote to her begging her to come to this special event. 'Just come this once', they wrote and 'we will never ask you again'. 'It's such a special event, the 25th anniversary of the publication of "The Ghost and Mrs. Matthews", having you there would make it even more special.'

Why did she ever write that damn book in the first place? Worse, why did she ever have it published? She should have burned that drivel the second she finished it.

"You ready, mom?"

Not really, but she didn't think she'd ever be ready for this. She looked at her daughter with fear in her eyes, "I don't know if I can do this."

"You can't back out now there are too many people depending on you. You don't want to disappoint them, do you?"

She'd already disappointed too many people in her life so she shook her head and picked up a suitcase. "Maybe he won't even be there anymore. Maybe he left because of all the tourists. I mean, you know he never liked being around a lot of people." Deep down she knew that wasn't so and that part of this weekend would be confronting the gaping hole in her soul. Resigned to her fate she and Candy left the house for the journey from Philadelphia back to Schooner Bay.

Carolyn hadn't set foot in Schooner Bay for almost 30 years. When she arrived she was amazed by how much the town embraced the book and catered to the tourists it brought in. Everywhere she looked merchandise was crammed into every available space. The Lobster House had "Ghost and Mrs. Matthews" specials: The Captain's Cut; Beverly's Seafood Delight; The Captain's and Beverly's Surf & Turf for two. The over-commercialization of Schooner Bay saddened her. She'd always loved the town for its serenity and now she had single-handedly turned it into a tourist trap. The residents didn't seem to mind though; they welcomed her back and thanked her for keeping their economy intact.

No one was happier for this booming economy than Claymore. After the first reader had come to him looking for 'the real' Bayside Cottage (as Carolyn had christened it in the book) he turned the house into a museum, with a very large gift shop. The Captain resisted this at every turn; but every time he tried to scare away workers Claymore just mentioned page 237. The Captain was frustrated by this; he would have to bring up that dance, wouldn't he? So Claymore got his gold mine consisting of t-shirts, cookbooks, ship replicas and anything he could slap a 'Two Hearts Separated By Time, But United in Love' slogan on. Claymore cut down on breakables bearing that slogan as somehow many mugs, plates and glasses wound up broken. Carolyn had yet to see it, so she was momentarily spared rolling her eyes over the cheesiness of it.

The Captain started spending more time away from the Cottage. Jonathan had moved back to Schooner Bay as soon as he could after college, so the Captain spent time with him and his family. They had kept up a correspondence from almost the moment the Muirs had left Gull Cottage; with Candy and Jonathan coming up for a week every summer to visit Martha as she had instantaneously quit the moment Mrs. Muir announced they were moving back to Philadelphia. Martha never really understood Mrs. Muir's reasons for leaving, as she had never given a reason no matter how many times Martha asked. Martha had decided that Mrs. Muir may desert the Captain, but she would not.

The occasional tourist tracked down Jonathan to find more answers regarding the novel. He avoided the attention as much as possible, having come back to Schooner Bay to get away from his mother. That was an irony he tried not to examine. He had never truly forgiven her for leaving the Captain. Knocks on the door were met by a polite but firm, "I'm sorry, Mr. Muir has no comment on his mother's work."

Carolyn wasn't comfortable about returning to Schooner Bay; she truly believed she'd never be back here. It was so familiar; but so distant at the same time. Sometimes she wondered if she had ever lived here at all; and sometimes she tried to make herself believe she just imagined everything, right down to the Captain. She mentally chastised herself for coming on this folly. The whole trip up she felt as though each mile that slipped away brought her closer to disaster. What was the first rule of drama? It's when the chickens come home to roost. Her chickens were definitely roosting.

Claymore was driving Carolyn and Candy around town. Carolyn cringed and put her hand to her head when she saw the "Welcome Ghosties" banner along Main Street. She knew the book was popular but she had no idea things were this bad. At least, she reflected they hadn't started renaming the streets to Gregg Boulevard or any other such nonsense. That's all she needed, an intersection of Gregg Boulevard and Matthews Lane." No; just, no.

Claymore pulled her out of these thoughts, "we are going to the cemetery, I want you to see the effect your book has had there."

"The cemetery? Claymore that's terrible." She'd never gone there while they lived here; she wasn't going to go now.

"Why is it terrible that people want to remember him, mom?"

Carolyn had no answer for that and Claymore added that if they skipped the cemetery they were headed straight for Gull Cottage. Wanting to avoid that as long as possible, Carolyn very reluctantly voted for the cemetery.

Claymore had had the Captain's headstone cleaned up and repaired. Carolyn surprised herself by getting out of the car and walking over to it. There were roses strewn all over the ground. She looked up at Claymore, he answered; "a lot of women come here to…pay their respects; some of them get quite distraught." She raised her eyebrow and shook her head. "Perhaps I wrote him too well. Too over-romanticized. Really, aren't there any men alive on this planet that women…" She stopped, realizing that as she might as well throw her own florist's shop supply of roses on the ground; she had no right to judge anyone else.

"I think it's time to go."

They arrived at Gull Cottage. It was closed to tourists for the day; Claymore was letting them stay there. Carolyn would rather have stayed anywhere other than here; but everyplace else was booked up. Claymore reassured her that the Captain spent more time at Jonathan's house than here; a reality that hurt Carolyn deeply for several reasons. First that Jonathan would rather live here than near her; second for the pain she had caused him when he was a boy which led him to not invite them to stay at his house on this trip and third for the Captain wanting to spend time away from his own home.

Carolyn looked around; Claymore had kept the house very true to the way it was when she lived there. He took his leave, saying he would be back in the morning.

Candy stayed close by her mother; she wandered into the parlor; but refused to look at the portrait. "You know we met in this room."

"I know."

"It seems like a whole other lifetime or that it never happened at all. Maybe we should go and stay in Clearwater Cove. Just because Claymore hasn't seen him doesn't mean he's not here."

Candy silently noted that her mother had only referred to the Captain as 'him', not the Captain. She wondered if her mother had noticed that. It made her sad.

Carolyn had wandered back out to the foyer. Candy was worried, her mom seemed so unfocused. She took her hand and squeezed it; Carolyn turned around and smiled at her. "I'm all right Candy, really; just got lost in a few memories for a moment."

Candy didn't really believe this and her heart broke for both her mother and for the Captain, she knew they belonged together and she never really understood why they left the house in the first place. She was surprised to find herself crying.

"Candy, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry mom, it's just all so sad. Why couldn't the two of you work things out?"

"What was there to work out?"

"Everything…I don't know…to this day I wonder where things went wrong."

Carolyn led her daughter over to sit on the stairs.

"Candy, you are assuming there was a time when things were right. You always viewed us from very rose colored glasses. There was a painful side that you never knew. From your point of view we were living happily ever after. Honey, you are an adult now and you know that only exists in books."

Candy wanted to protest that but her mother continued, "I cared for him, I really did. He was very important to me in putting…," she had to pause to choose her next words very carefully. She couldn't say 'our family' because that would imply the Captain as part of the family as well; and as much as that had been true, she didn't want to admit it to Candy. "He was very important to me in healing after your father died; and he was a big help with you and Jonathan too."

"Oh mom, come on; you loved him and he loved you; we all saw it. Stop lying to yourself."

Carolyn pulled away and walked toward the front door. "You're seeing things that were never there."

Candy knew that her mother lived in a state of denial, but she had no idea it ran this deep.

"Christmas, mom."

Carolyn sighed and threw up her hands, they had been around this subject too many times and she was tired of it. She turned back to Candy, "it's time for me to tell you something. You've always wondered why we left here, and here's the whole truth. You know that for several months before leaving I had minimal contact with him. That stemmed from…the final straw. One day I realized that he was playing a perfect game. He could flirt and tease and he never had to commit to anything. It's like I was his project in 'toy with the affections of a mortal'. The more I thought about it the more I got angry. It was so cruel. Here I was mourning my husband and he used that to his advantage. I used to think I was the only woman on the planet with her heart in two graves."

"Mom…"

"I'm not done. Candy, almost from the moment we moved in here the Captain flirted with me mercilessly. Who wouldn't love that attention? I craved it. I was such a fool. Candy, it's true that for a while I was happy. He could be a very good companion at times. For someone with no experience at parenting he was wonderful with you two. I used to wonder how he was so good at that, I suspected it was from having to deal with shipboard crises.

The day we left was the day I finally acknowledged that what he said to me the night we met hadn't changed. I mean he didn't say it in so many words, but he had little respect for women. To him we were little bits of fluff to play with; not to be taken seriously. It wasn't easy to admit to myself that I meant nothing more to him than some long forgotten woman from his past. I know that you and Jonathan have never really forgiven me, but I had to make the choice to get us out of a situation that was damaging all of us."

"You're wrong mom, he adored you."

"Candy, you were looking at things from the outside in."

"Mom, you were engaged at Christmas."

Now she was losing patience. "You don't get it, do you? That was just another piece of his game. He just made us engaged. He never proposed."

"Well of course not, he had proposed before the dream started. Before he went off to sea."

Carolyn rubbed the back of her neck, "it wasn't sincere; it was an assumption."

"But you kissed, you wrote about it."

"It's fiction, Candy!"

"That part wasn't fiction, mom, I know that for a fact."

How Candy knew this for a fact Carolyn didn't want to think about; exasperated by her daughter she continued, "that just adds to the evidence, Candy. You've got your mark where you want her, why not make a little time with her."

"Make a little time, that's such an old fashioned phrase, mom."

"You know what I mean. He'd hardly be the first man to kiss a woman under false pretences."

Candy had heard enough, "I still think you're very wrong. I think you broke his heart when you left."

"Don't be absurd."

"You know mom, I used to hope that someday we would come back to Gull Cottage and that you two would make up. I'd guess you'd call that living through my rose colored glasses again. Now…I think maybe you never deserved him and that maybe he was better off after we left, at least he didn't have to waste his time with you anymore. Good night." She walked upstairs and went to bed leaving Carolyn very alone in the foyer.

She knew she should be angry about Candy's diatribe, but at this point she was too worn out from the past thirty years to care. She knew her experience with the Captain better than Candy did. She had always seen it from an adult point of view whilst Candy could only see the surface. She was secure in knowing that her conclusions were correct; it's what had sustained her through the past decades. Carolyn locked the door, turned out the lights and went to sleep in Martha's old room because she refused to sleep in the Captain's quarters.

It would be easy to think that the Captain had been nearby and heard this whole exchange, but he wasn't. He was at Jonathan's house, reflecting on the betrayal he had felt when the book came out. It was a day he remembered very well. Claymore had raced up to the Cottage with two copies; one for himself and one for Martha. To this day the Captain was shocked that Claymore pried open his wallet enough to pay for three books as he had purchased one for himself as well. He mused that by this point Claymore had been more than amply repaid.

They were gathered at the kitchen table along with Simon, Martha's spectral beau. Martha recognized the advantages of dating a ghost so she asked the Captain if he had any friends he could introduce her to. When Martha died, she and Simon moved on together. He could move along too; his name had been cleared long ago. He never looked too deeply into why he stayed; he knew the answer and had no reason to dwell on it.

He read the book; he would eventually read the book many times; it wasn't like he had a lot of other activities to occupy his time. After finishing the book for the first time he was furious. He was angry with her for taking his heart and exposing it for the world to see. She had rejected him and then wrote a book in which they spent eternity living happily ever after. He looked for nuances in her writing; clues to what was going on in her mind during their time together. It was a frustrating exercise as on the surface the book read as one long love letter; but if it was then why did she leave him? He'd never been able to come up with a satisfactory answer to that question. When the book became a phenomenon he took some solace in his popularity. He would even admit to being gratified by all the attention to his grave, it did give him some comfort.

The final sentence of the book plagued his consciousness: "Long after Beverly joined the Captain on the spectral side of the veil, visitors to Bayside Cottage swore they saw a couple waltzing in the front yard." He'd torn it apart, analyzing it from every angle he could. Was she projecting a time in their future when they could finally be together? Or was it just a throwaway line to appease the masses?

He vowed that this weekend he would finally get an answer as to why she had left him; and by way of obtaining that answer would drop by at the most inopportune moment.