You may ask why this exists...
I say why not?
It was a normal, clear night in the shadow isles, as normal as it could possibly be in that cursed land. The air was silent save for the constant sound of dirt and stone grating against the rusted steel of a shovel.
"Huh...that should do it."
Yorick looked down at the grave he had made for the most recent inhabitant of the shadow isles. He was done for the night, retiring for his well earned break, not that he really needed it. Dragging his feet slowly over to a nearby bench, he unsheathed his hidden, black opaque, Tupperware box and slammed it on the table. Inside was his most prized possession, a secret he held dear to his heart.
Suddenly, a bright flash emerged from the air, blinding his old, crooked eyes.
"Sweet Jesus" he cried as he shielded his face in agony.
"My eyes."
He could hear a scuffle around him as someone or something moved past him, clanking loudly.
With pained effort, he opened his eyes once more.
"No!"
He could not believe the sight before him. Where once his box lay, there was nothing left save for a single dagger.
"Looking for something old ghoul?"
He turned around to see the dastardly assassin Katarina grinning mischievously upon his visage.
"That's mine! You can't take it!"
"Oh but I can. The secrets in this box could help noxus win the war, and I plan for exactly that."
"No Katarina, you can't. It is not for mortal hands!"
Katarina did not heed his warnings to his dismay, turning to escape. In a last ditch effort to stop her, he threw his century old shovel, an heirloom passed down the mori family, an act which pained him.
Donk!
Katarina fell down with a loud thud.
"That hurt... you bastard!"
"You must be punished young lady. I am sorry for what will happen next."
Picking his shovel, he slapped the base of it on the ground like a guitar, summoning his ghouls.
"Seize her."
Katarina, too groggy to fight back, could only let the ghouls grasp her. They turned her on her back, making her face her captor. Yorick grabbed the Tupperware box from the ground.
"Behold. Our most ancient artifact."
Off the lid popped, Katarina watching in dismay, her fate sealed.
"No please Yorick stop. Anything but this."
Out came the first relic, a most precious burger bap, its beauty and magnificence blinding her eyes.
"Whyyyy...please stop" she cried.
The smell of its crust and the sight of its firmness within the ghouls hand drove her crazy. Out came the second relic, a large slab of meat, long, thick and hard, coated in a variety of juices. The ghoul pulled back its skin, the tip of the bratwurst peeking as it made contact with the fresh air around it. Katarina could not breathe as Yorick slowly insert the sausage into the bap, in and out, in and out. The sound of buns against meat were too mind numbingly pleasurable.
"I...beg..you. S-stop."
Her sobbing did nothing to help her as the ghoul reached the final stage. Out came 2 sachets of condiments, ketchup and mustard. With a groan he squirted his condiments onto the bap, coating the insides with their gloopy goodness. Katarina had gone into hysterics, she had become completely broken by the pleasuring experience, her eyes rolling in pleasure.
"Open wide!" Yorick whispered in her ear as he positioned the masterpiece to her gaping mouth.
"Here comes the choo choo train!"
Katarina, unable to control herself bit down on the luscious goopy concoction of meat and bun. She could feel it fill her deepest regions in her throat, totally filled by the single mouthful, shuddering as her tongue twitched against the rest of the sub. She let out a final scream, then all was quiet. The air was silent save for the constant sound of dirt and stone grating against the rusted steel of a shovel.
"A shame."
Yorick gazed down at the grave.
One for shadow isle's most recent inhabitant.