He Lives

by Rianya

The tenth Doctor's song has ended but his life goes on.

"Good bye, Donna," he whispered. His head was down low enough for his chin to touch his chest as he leaned against the Tardis door and struggled to push down the unshed tears shining in his eyes.

She recognized his posture when he finally pushed himself away from the door and shrugged out of his soaking overcoat. His shoulders were a little too straight, back almost quivering with tension and she knew that if she could see them his normally generous lips would be thinned and pressed together. He was still fighting those tears, sure that if he allowed them to fall he might never stop. She could almost hear his thoughts:

'This is too much. Bad enough to lose Rose forever; worse to lose her to myself! Now I've murdered Donna. She was my best friend and I killed her. I can't do it anymore. I CAN'T do this!'

"I'm here."

She hadn't even realized she was approaching him but his pain drew her like a moth to a flame. He wouldn't burn alone if she had anything to say about it but she stopped short of touching him when he started as if she had struck him. A whisper of dread bordering on terror washed from him as he stared at her outstretched hand.

He saw a woman with mahogany hair and deep blue eyes that seemed bluer because of the soft flowing blue dress she wore. She was shorter than him by several inches and slender. She might have been any age from sixteen to thirty but her eyes seemed older somehow, as if she was another Time Lord. Once again she could almost hear his thoughts:

'Who is this? How did she get in my Tardis? How without my knowledge? Her accent isn't even British!'

"I am Rena."

She stared at him searchingly, obviously puzzled that she even needed to answer the question in his eyes.

"You know me, Kuiril. Search your memories."

"No," he answered after a considering pause. "No, I don't know you. But you feel familiar…"

Anger simmered in those dark brown eyes as he frowned.

"We've met before," she answered him steadily with only the barest flicker in her blue eyes revealing the pain he was causing her.

He caught it, those sharp brown eyes never missed anything, but he ignored it.

"I'm hallucinating. I've lost my mind," he declared with almost enough conviction for her to believe he meant it.

"Is this a hallucination?"

She touched his face caressingly and then flinched when he pushed her roughly away from him.

"No. I don't know who you are or how you got here but you can leave now. Get off my Tardis."

He turned his back on her, as much to block the pain in her eyes as to hold on to his own self control. It was too much. He hadn't even had a moment to grieve and here was another person, another need, another demand, another pull on him and he just had no more to give.

"I'm not here to ask but to give. Search your memories, Kuiril."

"Why are you calling me that? That's not my name. I'm the Doctor."

She actually snorted at that.

"I'm not calling you "the Doctor" and you'd better get used to it," she retorted firmly. "It's not even a name… it's a title."

"Listen, I'm not sure how you got here but you're leaving now."

He glared at her and pointed towards the door. He could be such a Drama King at times!

"I can't."

She sighed, as much from frustration at having to go over this again as from tension at the reality of her captivity.

"If I leave this place I die."

"Don't be ridiculous," he scoffed.

"Would you please try to remember me? We went through all of this the first time…" her voice trailed off as she hesitated to bring up a painful subject.

"The first time I lost Rose?"

He clearly felt rather proud of how steady he managed to keep his voice. It was pointless, however, with the anguish radiating from him. She rather suspected that even an insect could feel his pain.

"Yes."

Rena's eyes filled with tears and she looked around the Tardis interior.

"Can't you make him remember?" She asked the room about them.

"Who are you talking to?"

"The Tardis!" She shouted. "She brought me here. I made the deal with her! Now she's been mucking about with your memories and I don't know how to make you see!"

"I don't know what game it is that you are playing at but you're leaving now," he declared, completely fed up. He grabbed her by the arm and began marching her to the door.

She cried out, struggling frantically, "No! I'll die! Don't! Please don't!"

She knew he had to be feeling her terror but it was as if he'd walled himself off from his feelings. She was going to be thrust outside of the protective walls of the Tardis and die.

"Don't be stupid. No one dies just because they leave a place."

He was implacable. The pain of his double loss had cut away all empathy. But when he reached the door to the Tardis it refused to budge. He released her, trying to force the door open with both hands and Rena sank to the floor sobbing in relief at the reprieve.

"What is this?"

"Listen," she managed to say shakily, through her tears and lingering terror. "Many years ago the Tardis decided you needed a comforter. No one can go through as much sorrow, as many separations as much death and destruction as you do without comfort. And there is the fact that you try to lock yourself away more and more every time this happens. So she found me – someone who was willing to make a leap into a whole new life and a commitment to years of years of patience. She offered me this life and I jumped at the chance."

"She searched for you? How? How could she search for you? She's a device! A very sophisticated piece of equipment but a device nonetheless. And where did she find you?"

"I don't know how she did it. All I know is I was dying and the Tardis offered me a new life. And I accepted that offer."

"Wait a minute. You were dying? How did you get here?"

She sighed, took a moment to scrub the tears from her face and then looked up at him, a serene mask back on her face. It was good enough to fool him in the midst of his own emotional crisis but it would never have fooled him at any other time as her lips and hands still trembled.

"Come with me. I need a cup of tea and I don't see any reason to sit here on the floor when I've a perfectly good sitting room."

"You have a sitting room on my Tardis? And I don't know about it?"

This time Rena ignored him, climbing to her feet and ignoring the grudging offer of a hand by him, then smoothing her gown and marching through the interior Tardis door. At a loss for what else to do, the Doctor followed behind her. He pressed his lips shut over an involuntary protest as she led him through a hallway he'd never seen before and into a small apartment.

Inside the door was a comfortable sitting room with two armchairs and a loveseat arranged in front of a small fireplace. She waved him in the direction of the larger of the two armchairs and continued to one of two doors on the far wall. Rather than sit, though, the Doctor examined the room carefully.

On the mantel of the fireplace was a kerosene lantern, two scented candles and several exotic pieces of artwork. On the walls were several paintings of alien landscapes and two that seemed to be Earth scenes; one of rugged mountains and the other of a tumultuous ocean. A pot of sansevieria provided a touch of green and life to the room, as did the spider plant hanging from the ceiling. And in the corner furthest from the door was a lattice covered in Driandiran Fire Ivy, providing a contrast in vibrant reds, oranges and yellows and a lovely lavender scent.

"Sit," she ordered him shortly, entering with a tea tray that held not only a tea pot and accoutrements, but also sandwiches and a few tea cakes. Feeling oddly out of his depth, he obeyed.

"It's very nice in here," he noted as she poured his tea, added a slice of lemon and then handed it to him. "I see you know how I like it."

"This isn't the first time we've had tea," she reminded him shortly.

She busied herself preparing her own tea to hide the pain his refusal to remember brought her. She'd been alone for a long time and after this separation from his Rose she'd dared to hope that her time in the limelight had finally arrived. But he'd forgotten her, doubtless with the help of the Tardis. For just a moment her anger and resentment flared white hot; forgetting her hadn't been part of the deal. She'd been terrified when the Tardis was floating in that ball of Z-neutrino energy that she was going to die, even though she already knew what was supposed to happen. She'd gone through all this so he could forget her? After a fortifying sip of her tea Rena drew in a deep breath and faced him again.

The anger was gone from his face at least and the pain was well buried beneath raging curiosity. But the lack of recognition still cut like a knife.

"About twenty years ago, in your relative time, I was an old woman and dying. I don't remember exactly why I was dying… but I remember most of my life, that I was old and would have been dying soon anyway, and that I was kind of floating in a… well… a "nowhereness" not quite alive and not quite dead. Maybe I was in a coma, maybe I was half dead, I don't know. And then I sensed another presence. It was the Tardis, although I didn't realize it at the time. She offered me a new life. She told me that you needed a companion who wouldn't leave and wouldn't die and promised me a life here if I would be willing to be here for you."

"Wait a minute… she told you?"

It was odd how much skepticism could be crammed into one short sentence. Rena considered, trying to remember that confusing time.

"Yes," she replied slowly. "Not in words but it was all very clear to me. I knew that it would be a long time, if ever, before I left the Tardis. I knew that she wanted someone like me because I would be safe for you. I wouldn't leave and I wouldn't be in danger of dying, at least not unless the Tardis and most likely you were in danger of dying too. And I knew that it was totally my choice. But it was an easy choice for me to make."

"Why was it an easy choice?"

"Because I have always loved you."

A mischievous sparkle lit her eyes as she answered. She knew that he would find her declaration unsettling and somewhat threatening and she was still pretty angry at his behavior in the control room.

"Right… You've always loved me."

"Think about it. The Tardis couldn't lift someone from this reality without risking the timeline, not even if they were dying. I'm from a parallel dimension, my dear. And I knew about you and I loved you."

Rena's smile held a certain degree of smugness as she sipped her tea again. She was enjoying this little contest of wills and absolutely loving getting a little revenge.

"The Tardis knows better than to try and pull things from one universe to another. I know she does," he protested weakly.

"Physical items, yes. She just pulled my consciousness, though. My soul, if you will."

"How could she have done that?"

"I've no clue. Somehow she transferred me here, to this body. I am here."

"The Tardis can't do that sort of thing on her own," he stammered with dismay.

"She loves you, Doctor."

"But, but…"

She chuckled, "Yes, it boggled you last time too. But you've rattled around time and space in her for eons longer than any other Tardis has even existed. You've always known she was alive, even sentient in her own way, why should it surprise you that she loves you and wants to protect you? Good heavens, you stroke her! Did you think Rose was only speaking for herself when she said, 'I need my Doctor safe'? She was carrying the heart of the Tardis inside of her at that moment."

"But she can't pull people from one dimension to another. I would have noticed! And the power requirements! She'd have to recharge for weeks."

"I don't know. She never explained herself to me. You could always ask her yourself."

She was getting a little tired of having to confess her ignorance. The fact that he was baffled too was the only salve to her pride.

"I just might," he muttered grumpily. Then a thought occurred to him and his head snapped up to stare at her suspiciously.

"I can't let you take over another living being, you know," he said solemnly over his cup of tea. "I have to stop you."

"Uh? What?"

She stared at him blankly, completely stunned. Her obvious confusion relieved him. If she was a body snatcher it wasn't by design.

"This body of yours. It must have been someone's. You can't have it."

Rena blinked slowly and her eyes narrowed as she searched within herself.

"No, it's just me. There's nothing else… no one else."

"I must check for myself."

"There are things in here," she told him as she tapped her head, "that you can't know."

"I don't care about that. I must know that no one else was sacrificed so you can exist."

He watched her intently, his eyes determined but an underlying apprehension peaking out behind that determination. She felt a jab of guilt for feeling satisfaction that he didn't want to lose her. But still, could it be true?

"I never even thought of the possibility. I don't think Tardis could do such a thing but yes… yes you must know. So must I."

"Then I have your permission?"

He rose from his chair and stood in front of her, hands reaching for her face.

"Of course," she lifted her face to him, closing her eyes in a vain effort to block out her own sneaking fear.

His hands were strong and warm and strangely soothing on her face.

"Now, just imagine opening a door," he murmured.

She released a mental gate in her mind, trying to consciously lower defenses she never even considered she might have. And then he was in there and she was in him too. A swirl of faces, explosions, running, history and chaos. Emotions of sorrow, triumph, love, anger, endless curiosity washed over her, swamping her like a rogue wave on a beach all awash in an ocean of utter solitude. And just like she would in a frisky ocean wave, Rena closed in on herself and let it throw her about, waiting for the force to subside enough for her to figure out how to respond safely. And then he was pulling out.

"Well then, find what you needed?"

Her breath was a bit shaky. One didn't brush up against the Doctor's mind without feeling the effects.

"Nothing else there. You haven't stolen anyone's body."

She breathed a trembling sigh of relief. She'd been almost certain that the Tardis hadn't harmed someone to create her but she knew just how strongly Tardis felt about her Doctor. It was possible, if just barely.

"No sign of any other personality, none at all," he continued. "Relieved?"

He smiled that crooked smile that never failed to tug her heartstrings.

"Yes, I am. I didn't think she would do something like that but she DOES love you very much."

"Yes, so you said," he frowned thoughtfully. "She really shouldn't, you know. She's a very clever mechanism… alive, yes… but emotional?"

"Kuiril, she's been around a long, long time. It was kind of bound to happen. You've been with her for so long… Well, it's not surprising that she's fixated on you. I'm sure you've noticed that you have that effect on people."

Rena grinned into her cup of tea. It was actually rather fun teasing him. Aside from the fact that he squirmed so adorably, it just made a nice change of pace from extreme emotion and stress.

"Yes, that. How is it that you could… well… love me, as you say? We've never met."

He looked supremely uncomfortable. A star stalked by a fan type of uncomfortable. Rena's grin broadened slightly.

"Television."

She laughed suddenly. It was open, joyous, and infectious. It was the first unrestrained expression she'd evidenced since her terror in the control room. An encounter he still felt guilty about.

"You're a television program. You started as a children's Saturday show but people loved you and you caught on. Your props were AWFUL!"

She laughed again at the memory.

"Tin foil monsters, bubble wrap monsters, and the "salt and pepper shakers" – that's what my children and I called the Daleks. And the Doctor…

"My crazy, zany, serious, humorous, and… lonely angel."

She sobered quickly. It was actually hard remember the solitude, the lonely man saving everything and everyone time and time again just to lose everything.

"All those companions but they had to leave. In the end they all leave and you must go on," she went on sadly. "It broke my heart you know. Not just this you, but all of you. All of you have faced such loss. When Tardis contacted me I thought I was crazy but… well I was an old woman by then and I really didn't have anything to lose. It was worth the risk just to try."

"You gave up your life? For me?"

"I was already dying. I was 85 years old and something had happened to me. They do say you don't remember sudden traumas. For all I know a comet hit the earth or Yellowstone blew up. So no – I didn't exactly give up my life for you."

"You don't know if you would have died."

"Yes, I do. I would have certainly been dead by now if I hadn't made the jump when she offered me the choice. I'm at least 105 now, at least in my timeline, Time Lords might be spry and energetic at their century mark but humans aren't."

"Wait. Wait… After Donna, the first time I met her… you… you…" He looked at her, some memories finally rising to the surface. Rena nodded.

"Yes, I was here. I went to you then too. We decided it was time because you were feeling very low. She'd made some very sharp, and fairly painful, observations as to your nature. And you were already hurting so much from losing Rose."

"I remember…" He breathed. His nostrils flared and his lips thinned. Rena raised her hands in surrender when he glared at her, clearly angry again at his memory loss.

"I swear I have nothing to do with it. That's all her."

She pointed down at the floor, indicating the Tardis. He found it interesting that she seemed to be pointing directly to what he knew to be the heart of the Tardis.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Rena. I'm your comfort, your peace, the companion who cannot leave," she answered steadily. "I'm your friend, if you'll have me."

He touched her face again, eyes closed as he analyzed the sensation of her skin against his fingers. Someone to stay. Someone who wouldn't be in danger of dying at every turn. Someone who wouldn't age? A suspicion sparkled through his mind and he jumped to his feet.

"Come with me," he demanded, holding out an imperious hand to her.

Amused and curious she grasped the hand and allowed him to pull her from her chair.

"Come with you where?" She asked as he led her through the Tardis halls by hand.

At least they weren't running, she reflected ruefully.

"Tardis has a medical bay. I want to figure out just what you are."

A bit deflating but intriguing too. She'd never even considered figuring out just what she was. Human? Android? Amoeba? On the other hand, a little interest would have been slightly more flattering than this analysis. Still, what was she actually hoping for? She was just a human being – one who couldn't even step outside the Tardis. What possible interest could he have in her?

"Walk through those arches," he ordered her as they entered the medical bay.

He pointed at a series of white arches running the length of the room and then went to some sort of control panel on the opposite wall. She hesitated, feeling a strange dread.

"Stop that!" He snapped at the ceiling.

The dread lifted slightly and she realized that she was feeling the Tardis' dread and not her own. Still, the Tardis' resistance made her nervous and she took a deep breath before walking slowly down the short path made up of 6 white arches. She stopped at the far end, turned slowly and then retraced her steps. The Doctor studied the readouts intently, ignoring her.

"Well?" She finally demanded after several moments of stillness on his part.

He walked over to her and studied her intently.

"Yes?" She pressed, growing irritated.

"You have two hearts."

Her eyes widened.

"You are a Time Lord."

"Hardly."

She laughed.

"DNA?" She asked a moment later.

"You're a Time Lord."

"No, I'm not. I was born a human. I think like a human. It doesn't matter what kind of body I have – I'm still human."

How could she have missed having a double heart beat? The realization that two hearts were racing in her chest hit her and she pressed both hands to her chest, one over each beating organ. She trembled, feeling dizzy.

He searched her face and she knew he was looking for any sign of prior knowledge of her physical identity. She glared at him, hands still pressed to her chest as she tried to adjust to such an enormous revelation. The Tardis must have been mucking about with her mind too; keeping her from truly grasping what she now was. The Doctor suddenly shook his head as if brushing away a random thought or rejecting it.

"It just means that I'm not alone anymore – but why don't I feel you here?"

He tapped his temple.

"Because she masks me?" Rena guessed. "She wants me here, safe and sound. She wants her Doctor to have a lifeline. If you felt me you'd seek me out. You'd…" she smiled wryly. "You'd interfere."

He laughed. His first real laugh since he walked away from Donna's door.

"Yes, I suppose I would."

"Time Lord," she murmured thoughtfully. "But I can't leave the Tardis?"

"No, you really can't. Your brain and consciousness are… divided. You are in this body but not settled in, so to speak."

"H-how? How can I be like that?"

"I don't know," he muttered half to himself. "I don't understand it at all. All I can assume is that the field within the Tardis allows you remain in a mind that isn't really your own. You aren't properly a Time Lord or you'd have been able to settle into this body completely. I don't know how to fix it. It's like the job is only half done."

"Maybe I just need more time?"

"I don't know," he repeated. "I don't know if there's been progress or not. If the Tardis has any records of your initial arrival for me to see she hasn't shared them and without some sort of baseline I simply can't speculate. And I really don't like not knowing."

"So I might be on the Tardis for the rest of my life? That would be about 1000 years or so, assuming I can't regenerate either?"

"Maybe," he agreed. "How do you feel about that?"

"Well, I think mostly I feel excited."

She looked right past him, eyes unfocused as she considered what she'd just learned.

"If this is a Time Lord brain, then maybe I can learn more than I ever did before," she went on, excitement growing as she spoke. She didn't know how it made her eyes sparkle or color come to cheeks that were just a touch too pale after so much time without any natural light.

"These past twenty years I've been gardening. And I learned to play the piano and the guitar. I've sketched and painted and even done some writing. But I never even thought about formal education. I can learn more about everything."

A delighted laugh burst from her. Knowledge had always fascinated her. If there was anything she regretted in her previous existence it had been the lack of time to really learn.

"The Tardis is bound to have tons of information that I'd never learn anywhere else but her library."

"Stay away from the library," he ordered abruptly. "There's information there that you shouldn't know."

She raised her brow at him sensing the unspoken in that demand. He was still considering dumping her someplace the moment she could safely leave the Tardis.

"I'll study what I want, Mister," she told him irritably. "And I can't believe that you even said that. If I ever "settle in" I'll be a full Time Lord. Do you honestly think you have any right to tell me not to learn? You don't control my mind and you never will."

He blinked, as shocked by her assessment of his order as he was by her intransience.

"I am still older than you by several magnitudes," he replied mildly. "I might just have a bit of standing to call the shots."

"Not when it comes to my brain you don't," she maintained firmly. "I will learn what I choose to learn. You can help or watch but you won't stop me."

A surge of approval from the Tardis confirmed the rightness of her decision. The Doctor looked at the Tardis fleetingly, he'd felt it too.

"What are you up to?" He wondered with a puzzled frown.

"I think I'll return to my apartment," she told him. "Alone."

"Wait! I – "

She stalked away, leaving him talking to the air. If nothing else, at least she'd broken through his initial despair at the loss of Donna and Rose. Not quite the way the Tardis had envisioned but it was the end that mattered. If he was right, she had centuries to develop a real relationship with him, or she would if he permitted it. In fact, she had centuries to wait on board while he put his life in danger and saved the universe and she waited. It was a disconcerting thought. Somehow it hadn't seemed so difficult back when the Tardis had made her offer and she had accepted. Now it was real and the reality was unpleasant. But it was her reality now and she was going to have to deal with it.

She made her way to the Tardis library, rather than back to her apartment. It didn't take much to realize that he'd follow her so the change in destination might give her a little more time to think things through. He was a wonderful man but he had a tendency to overwhelm the thought processes with the sheer force of his personality.

Anyway, now she had nothing but time but she was impatient to start. Maybe she was trying to prove something to herself or to the Doctor or maybe she was just eager. She'd always loved learning and had bemoaned the fact that she had so little time to learn. Now she had a virtual eternity and she didn't want to waste a moment of it.

Her excitement was dimmed somewhat when she sat in front of her console and tried to plan out a course of study. She really wasn't sure where to start. Should she review the math and science she learned as a child? Or would she be learning something that was incorrect and worthless to her new life as a Time Lord? What did Time Lords need to know anyway?

"Look, if you're going to do this you might want to go about it with a little bit of a plan. You know, start in the beginning and work your way forward from there."

She wasn't surprised to hear his voice behind her as she sat in front of the waiting computer console and ruminated. His words were as close to an apology as she was likely to get and she knew it. And her heart leaped at the knowledge that someone would guide her through this education plan.

"You have a suggestion?"

He reached past her to the keyboard and typed a series of commands, his fingers flying with inhuman speed.

"Don't be insulted but I'm starting you from the very beginning. A Time Lord education begins in the nursery. You need the foundation to build on if you're going to be a full Time Lord."

Rena studied his face for trickery but saw only sincerity.

"You're right," he admitted, looking at the screen rather than her. "I don't have a right to tell you what to learn and what not to learn."

Rena grabbed his hands and turned him to face her. For a moment they just stared at each other in wordless communication. She silently promised to do her best not to hurt him and she could feel him promising to try and actually communicate with her in the future and not shut her out.

"I'm not a god, Kuiril. I can't promise not to die, not to leave you, and not to hurt you," she said at last, needing to know that he really understood her. "But I promise to do everything in my power to be here with you for as long as I can. I don't ask you to love me. I don't even ask you to like me… you barely know me. But I offer you my love and friendship because I do know you."

It was really too soon for this kind of talk, this kind of a commitment. He was still being torn apart with loss and guilt and grief and he really wasn't ready for another connection with someone who could leave him. But her simple declaration drew him powerfully. He really needed someone. He needed connection. He needed to touch another being and be touched in return.

He pulled her to him into an embrace and a kiss that conveyed desperate need but no real commitment. Still, she responded with everything she had. There was no holding back… all of her love, her compassion, her acceptance went along with that kiss and almost against his will he felt a spark of hope. Maybe he had finally found a companion to grow old with. When he pulled back they were both breathing heavily.

"That wasn't a promise," he warned her. "Not a commitment. It didn't mean anything."

"It was and it did on my part," she told him steadily.

He was relieved to see no reproach or condemnation on her part and unsettled to see determination.

"It changes nothing between us, I know," she assured him. "But since I loved you before this moment, it certainly didn't change my feelings either."

The locked gazes again and he stiffened slightly, alarming her. He bent forward as if to capture her lips again and she pulled back a little, worried about his behavior. What happened? Why was he behaving like this? It was as though something else was controlling him.

"I must," he whispered, holding her shoulders to prevent her from moving back further.

Just before their lips touched again a small cloud of golden, glowing particles escaped him. She inhaled sharply with shock and they flew up her nostrils and into her body. And then it was her turn to stiffen, and then begin to tremble.

"Kuiril?" She questioned as her teeth began to chatter. Then her eyes rolled up in her head and she collapsed. Fortunately he was already holding her and had no trouble keeping her from the floor.

She came to in the medical bay, this time on a bed that hadn't been in evidence before.

"My head hurts," she whispered through the pounding of a migraine of epic proportions.

"Here."

He placed a damp cloth on her forehead. It seemed like a nothing remedy compared to the pain but in moments the throbbing began to recede.

"Am I dying?" She asked him. A smile transformed his features with joy.

"No, you are integrating with this body. I imagine your headache is a result of the human thought pattern attempting to adapt to a Time Lord brain. It may take a while but you will be able to leave the Tardis eventually, after you've fully settled in."

"What happened? What was that… stuff?"

"Huon particles," he told her simply.

"What?"

She sat up gingerly, but her head merely pulsated warningly, it didn't explode with pain.

"I thought the only Huon particles left were in the heart of the Tardis. You told Donna they were dangerous."

"Well…" he drew the word out as he was prone to do when he revealed some prevarication on his part. "They are dangerous. They're also how and why Time Lords regenerate. All Time Lords have a reserve of Huon particles. They usually build slowly during our lives but a sudden trauma causes them to form rapidly. Then the energy they produce is used during our regeneration and the cycle begins again."

"Is that why you have such a hard time regenerating? Because you don't allow enough time for the particles to properly build up? And now you gave me some of yours?"

"Hey! It wasn't voluntary… it just happened. A bit of a shock, really," he murmured half to himself. "I didn't know a Huon transfer was actually possible between two people. And apparently that's what you've needed. The integration has started. I don't know how long it will take but you will definitely be a full fledged Time Lord one day. I sense you now, you know."

"I already sensed you," she replied irritably to his unspoken question. "How do you think I knew you needed me?"

"Yes. Apparently you were empathic even as a full human. I just hope the brain of a Time Lord doesn't cause that empathy to grow to an unmanageable degree."

"Is it normal to hurt like this? I feel like I have the flu or something."

She rubbed the back of her neck and rolled her shoulders.

"Yes. Not every Time Lord goes through regeneration like that but it isn't uncommon either. I usually feel terrible for a while afterward. Let's get you to bed. A little bit of sleep will put you to rights."

He swung her into his arms, much to her shock.

"Put me down! I can walk!" She yelped.

"Best not to," he responded with more than a hint of smugness. "Don't want to overstrain your body until the integration has settled more. Why didn't this happen the last time we met, though?"

"I don't know."

Rena surrendered to his determination and linked her arms around his neck and adjusting her weight to what would be easiest for him to carry.

"We just talked, mostly."

"You held me, though. I remember."

"Well, yes. You were crying."

"Yes, be sure to bring that up," he groused with a typical male irritation at showing emotion.

"What I mean is that there wasn't a two way connection then. It was just you in pain. Maybe it needed to be more of a give and take between us… emotionally."

"I suppose that's as reasonable an explanation as any," he agreed.

It was kind of funny how someone so slender could carry her so easily for so far but it was rather nice being fussed over. She wasn't thrilled to have him enter her bedroom. There's something private, intimate, and vulnerable even about your sleeping area. She really hadn't planned for him to be in hers. Still, the bed was comforting and it was a relief to snuggle into her pillows and close her eyes. Whatever had been in the wet cloth he'd placed on her head seemed to have worn off and her head was throbbing again.

"I'm just going to pop out for a moment but I'll be right back."

"Take your time," she murmured, never opening her eyes. "I'm just going to rest a bit."

"Best thing for you. I'll be back in a tick."

She just sighed slightly in her sleep.

When she finally woke up he was there and in a far better mood than she'd seen him in some time.

"So, what villain did you defeat this time?" She asked him, stretching and feeling an ease in her own skin that she'd never noticed was missing.

"Cybermen. Now get dressed and meet me in the medical bay, okay?"

He practically bounced out of the room.

"Right," she told the now empty room dryly. "At your command."

She was feeling much better but still kind of stiff and sore and her head felt odd. Not hurting but not normal either. Almost as if there was cotton stuffed around her brain. A quick shower eased the rest of the stiffness and soreness and she slipped into a long, flowing tie-dyed skirt and a rose t-shirt for her appointment with the doctor. Flat rose dance slippers, not the ballet kind, finished her ensemble. And, because she was just as curious as the Doctor about how she was doing, she made her way to the medical bay.

Another trip through the medical arches had him grinning with an almost insufferable smugness.

"Well, you seem to be integrating nicely," he declared cheerily. "It's just a matter of time now."

"Okay then."

She smiled both with relief that her integration was proceeding and with pleasure at his obvious joy about that fact.

"I guess you'll be off again," she added a neutrally as she could.

"I could stick around for a bit," he offered with just a touch of endearing hesitation. "Supervise your studies a bit?"

"Are you afraid I'm going to relapse or something?"

"It's still a possibility," he agreed. "And I would like to make sure your studies get off on the right foot."

She considered it. Part of the deal was that she wouldn't hold him back. The Doctor had a role in the universe and sitting on the Tardis babysitting her wasn't part of it. On the other hand, she was tired of being alone and she was pretty sure he was tired of his isolation as well.

"Sure, I'd like some company. But not for too long. I've grown accustomed to my solitude too."

"You've been lonely, surely."

"Yes… somewhat," she agreed. "But not the same way you have been. I haven't lost companions like you. I've just been alone. And I've always rather liked my alone time."

"Ahhh, so, you haven't been suffering."

"Nah."

She shook her head dismissively and had to restrain a smile as his face fell slightly.

"But it is nice having an actual person to talk to," she offered after she curbed a giggle.

"I'm a fine talker," he offered cheerily.

"I know."

She held out her arm for him to take, knowing how much he enjoyed the simple act of touching another person. "Shall we retire to the library sir?"

Time on the Tardis was always tough to judge but he stayed for several weeks by her reckoning. It was a lovely interlude for both of them. Fortunately for her own self esteem, she moved out of the "nursery" stage of her education fairly quickly. Mathematics, physics, temporal sciences proved to be a struggle for her but psychology, history, physiology, biology, and the sort she devoured growing more and more excited as she found the knowledge practically sliding into her mind. As time went by she grew more and more absorbed by her studies to the point where she almost begrudged the time to eat and sleep. She barely noticed it when he slipped out again on a mission.

When he returned she was pulled away from her focus on knowledge by a psychic sensation of heaviness. Sighing slightly she scrubbed her face with her hands, rolled her shoulders to work out the kinks and got to her feet. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with an image of a fairy princess dancing with a frog on it. Her dark hair was gathered in a neat braid. It only took her moments to reach the control room. She had a sneaking suspicion that the Tardis was rearranging things to make their access to each other easier.

"So, rough trip?" She asked him, breaking his reverie.

"Not too bad," he told her. "Saved the Earth, and a bus full of fine people. Nothing to complain about."

"I see."

She studied him intently.

"Empathy still working, I see."

He smiled wryly.

"Why didn't you invite her to join you?" She asked him, seeing the face of a lively young woman flash before her eyes.

"Better not to have anyone else on board," he replied shortly and with notable lack of accuracy.

"Right."

"She was reckless. Loved the danger and excitement."

"Ahhh, well then you made a good choice. You don't need anyone to egg you on."

She raised one brow sardonically as a half grin crossed her face.

"Oi!" He protested. "That hurts!"

"Come on. Let's have some dinner."

She didn't wait for him to reply but linked her fingers through his and led the way to her apartment. She fed him a simple meal of soup and bread and salad and got him to talk to her about his recent adventure. His mood eased as he talked to her and by the time she brought out the fruit and cheese he was comfortable with his life again.

"You're good for me," he told her simply before he left again.

"That's the idea."

She smiled at him and impulsively pressed a quick kiss to his lips before closing the door to him. She giggled at the dumfounded look that kiss had left on his face when she turned back into her rooms. It was kind of fun turning the tables on the confounder once in a while.

Since she was in her apartment she slept but her need for sleep had decreased greatly and she was back up and in the library in hours. The Doctor found her again not long after she started and seemed impressed at her progress in the physical sciences but was clearly disappointed at her lack of mathematic progress. He spent another week drilling her mercilessly in math and physics and temporal theory and practice. Finally, frustrated at something he declined to explain to her, he left on another mission and she threw herself back into her studies. In the hopes of averting another remedial session with the Doctor she worked hard on the mathematics first and then went on to the sciences she enjoyed afterwards.

She couldn't focus, though, and finally went deeper into the Tardis to her studio. It was a place she hadn't even considered telling the Doctor about. In many ways it was more "her" than her living quarters. This studio is where she spent much of the previous years while waiting for the right time to approach the Doctor. Picking up a charcoal pencil, she sat in front of an easel and began to draw as she ruminated on the source of her discomfort.

The Doctor was the first image she got down, a lonely figure in the center of the page, breaking her heart with his sad eyes. In the upper left corner she drew in Rose and Martha and Donna, the trio of women who saved him in so many ways. Below them, somewhat behind the Doctor, was Wilf and along the bottom left a cluster of Ood in a circle with one, larger and separate from the others, holding up a communication ball. On the upper right of the page was the Tardis at an angle implying flight. Flying on two streaks of energy from his hands was the latest incarnation of the Master and below him was a cluster of people around a table in classic Time Lord robes. As she finished the sketch she suddenly became aware of a song which had been in the background which swelled to a crescendo as a ghostly Ood figure materialized into the room.

"The ending is coming soon," the Ood said cryptically.

Tears welled in Rena's eyes.

"I don't want to lose him," she shared with the creature.

"Then do not. This Doctor's song must end but he might yet be saved."

"You can do it," a new, feminine voice said and next to the Ood materialized a woman with slightly graying curls and eyes almost as sad as the Doctor's.

"I can do what?" Rena demanded. "We all know what's going to happen. I can't change that. It's a fixed point in time."

"Yes, it will happen but you still don't have to lose him. Consider your own existence. Consider the resources of the Tardis. Consider the Library," she advised Rena with gentle urgency.

"The library?" Rena frowned in total confusion. "What's the Tardis library got to do with anything?"

"Not the Tardis library; The Library," the woman whispered before she and the Ood vanished.

"The Library?" She whispered to herself.

"Yes, the library," the Doctor's voice came from the door. "Why aren't you there?"

Rena whirled to face him, her flowing skirt wrapping around a leg of the easel in the process and tipping over her sketch. The Doctor bound into the room, rescuing the easel and then untangling Rena from it. Then he examined the sketch, much to Rena's dismay.

"What an interesting piece. Why did you feel the need to draw it?"

Rena weighed her answer carefully, knowing that the Doctor had already been warned of his coming death.

"I often draw about things that worry me," she answered finally. "I feel perturbed… something is coming."

The Doctor stiffened uneasily.

"Yes… well, that doesn't let you off of your studies. Let's just see how well you've mastered Thorendat's Fifth Law of Temporal Neutronics, shall we?"

"Certainly. I was done sketching anyway," she agreed, her entire demeanor subdued. She knew it was upsetting to the Doctor and reinforced his trepidation of the coming days but she didn't know how to fake a better mood for him. Dread had taken hold of her too and she was worried sick.

"You hear it too, don't you?" He asked, stopping abruptly outside the library doors.

"The song?" She didn't even pretend not to know what he was talking about. "Yes. You're trying to ignore it, aren't you?"

"I'm in a time machine. I can answer it at any time."

"Not without bending a few time laws," she reminded him.

"Ha! I'm the last Time Lord left… I make the time laws," he declared bitterly.

"That may be so," she murmured placing a comforting hand on his arm, "but that doesn't mean that breaking those laws works out well."

"I don't want it to end!"

He grabbed both of her shoulders, as if she were going to flee from him, and stared deeply into her eyes. Pain, anger, frustration all radiated from him to her.

"I know," she said simply, taking the one step forward needed to embrace him. "I know. I don't want it to end either."

She just held him and after a moment his arms came up to hold her back and then, a moment later, he was clinging to her through a storm of emotion that had him trembling. But he only accepted her support through the worst of the storm before gently pushing her away.

"I've a few loose ends to tie up first," he declared steadily but without looking her in the eye.

She nodded mutely.

"I'll be back in a tick."

"Fifteen minutes tops," she agreed with a crooked grin.

He strode off the corridor without answering or looking at her and she entered the library just to collapse in a comfortable, leather upholstered chair and burst into tears. The memory of her two visitors is what finally dried the flood of tears.

"Consider the Library," she whispered, hearing that woman's voice in her mind again.

The Library, where Donna had vanished and River Song had died. But Donna had been recovered and River Song had been downloaded into the computer! The neural relay! That was what the woman meant. The Doctor had given River a sonic screwdriver with a neural relay in it and then saved River in the computer. She needed a sonic screwdriver with a neural relay!

Almost as soon as the thought formed, the knowledge that there was a workshop on the Tardis blossomed in her mind. Rena went to the computer and did some frantic research. Ignoring the need for food and sleep she studied both the design and function of the screwdriver and of the neural relay. Exhaustion pulled at her when she finally felt like she had mastered enough of the science involved so she gave in to her body's needs and returned to her quarters to eat and sleep but the moment she awakened she was racing through the Tardis corridors to the workshop.

She was dimly aware of the Doctor returning periodically as she went through her preparations but he didn't want her around and she respected that. Some things just have to be worked out alone. But when her work was done he still didn't want to see her and she fretted, pacing around the workshop while trying to figure out what to do. How could she give him the screwdriver without arousing his suspicions?

"Doctor?" She was in the control room when he returned this time, determined to speak to him and very worried about the time.

"What did you call me?" He demanded.

"You haven't been my Kuiril since the song grew loud," she said so quietly he could barely hear her speak.

"You know why," he snapped.

He was wearing a straw cowboy hat and had a lei around his neck but the look of anger and even fright on his face totally negated the carefree message of his outfit.

"Yes, I do know. But it's time. You can't put it off any longer."

She held out his tan overcoat for him.

"You'll need this – the Ood world is cold."

Inside the breast pocket she had placed the screwdriver for him. He never even needed to know it was there.

"You just can't wait to be rid of me, can you?" He said bitterly.

He shrugged on the overcoat and began flipping switches on the Tardis control panel angrily. Rena bit her lip and struggled to contain her tears. His anger would have made it easier to send him to his death if she hadn't been all too aware of the fear and the sorrow behind that anger.

"Go on… get out of here. I don't want to see you again," he demanded as he pulled the dematerialization switch.

Rena didn't argue with him. She was losing the battle with her tears and she didn't want to burden him with her grief anyway. Somehow she made her way to her apartment even though she could barely see through the tears.

"Damn it!" She shouted at the air, collapsing just in front of her door and unable to find the motivation to move further into her quarters. "Why the hell did you bring me here to comfort him when there's no comfort to give!"

She cried herself to a state of total exhaustion and eventually fell asleep there on the floor in front of her door. When she awoke she was stiff and sore and her head pounded ferociously enough to make her swear. A shower, a change of clothing and some tea subdued the worst of it and she waited helplessly for his return. The Tardis considerately followed his adventures and showed them to her on the viewscreen built into the wall of her apartment. She paced, chewed her fingernails and paced some more as he met the resurrected Master, escaped with Vinvocci, returned to the Naismith estate and faced off against both Rassilon and the Master. And when he stepped into the isolation chamber to rescue Wilf and collapsed in agony as the radiation poured through him she wept helplessly. When he returned to the Tardis after dropping off Wilf she waited but he ignored her presence and visited his prior companions one at a time instead. Choking down the pain of this rejection Rena waited patiently. Finally he left for his final good bye and Rena made her way to the control room to wait for him.

The song of the Ood swelled to a crescendo and he stumbled through the door of the Tardis.

"I don't want to go," he told her anguish written on his features as the golden glow of regeneration began to envelop him.

"You won't." She promised recklessly, no clue if she was lying or not but willing to say anything to bring him a bit of peace.

She ignored the energies beginning to burst from him and grabbed the overcoat he'd thrown onto the floor to recover the sonic screwdriver from the breast pocket. He had just long enough left to realize what she held and why before the energy exploded from him. She froze in place – paralyzed by the small, hopeful grin that crossed his face before the final burst of Huon particles. What if she was wrong? What if there was no saving him. What if she had lied?

Then she could hear him in her mind, laughing with humor and a hint of mockery.

'Then I died happy and with hope, you daft female. Now go and find out for sure.'

She choked back a laugh that was half sob and raced to the Tardis medical bay. Around her the Tardis reeled and shuddered as the energy of a dying Time Lord ravaged her control room.

In the medical bay she hit a large yellow button she'd never noticed before but she knew it was the right one. And from the spot where the bed she had awakened from her Huon transfusion had been a huge tube rose from a compartment in the floor. Suspended in the glowing blue fluid of the tube was an adult male body, naked and unblemished. It twitched slightly as she slammed the sonic screwdriver into a slot in the control panel at the base of the tube that she knew existed just for this purpose. The twitching became thrashing that soon became a full blown seizure. The Tardis shuddered and pitched, throwing Rena across the room and then the Tardis halted completely, interior lights almost doused and tilted at an angle that threw Rena on top of the tube.

In the tube the flailing was growing feeble and, acting on instinct and hope alone, Rena pulled the red latch on the side and caught the man who fell out on top of her. He coughed a few times and then clutched her with desperate need.

"It's okay! I've got you! I've got you," she assured him, clutching back just as desperately. "Are you okay?"

He released her slowly and put his hands to his face, feeling the features. He looked at his hands and finally reached behind himself to feel between his shoulder blades.

"I'm still me!" He gasped, a big grin slowly stretching his mouth. "I'm not gone."

"But you are," she replied, grabbing his face in both hands and turning his face to hers with anxious intensity. "There's a new Doctor climbing out of the swimming pool in the library right now."

"But I'm alive."

His smile faded as her words sank in.

"You're alive but you're no longer the Doctor," she insisted firmly.

"But… but…"

As much as she enjoyed the sight of the Doctor at a loss for words Rena knew she had to convince him quickly or ruin everything.

"It's the Tardis," she explained staring deeply in his eyes and willing him to understand and accept her words. "She's got a bigger plan here. One that calls for you to follow a different path. You aren't the Doctor anymore. You're just… you."

"So I am gone."

"Yes. There's a new Doctor right now. He'll carry on but you have another mission."

"No! I can't settle down. I'm the Doctor!"

Raw panic colored his whole being.

"No one says you have to settle down," she soothed him.

"Right," he lashed out in a voice raw with anger and grief. "But there's a new Doctor who will presumably get to have the Tardis and I'll… I'll…"

"Just listen to me, okay?"

Rena pushed the Doctor off of her made her way across the wildly tilted floor to a panel in the wall. From it she pulled a black terry-cloth robe and thrust it at the wet, naked man.

"Here – put this on before you freeze to death," she ordered.

"Not really my color, is it?"

Actually, she though black was quite a nice color on him, even with his test tube pallor, but now was hardly the time to stroke his vanity.

"Now, listen," she said again.

"Yes?" He demanded impatiently.

"Listen here," she tapped her head.

"What are you…?" His frown melted into bewilderment. "What! Who!"

"It's you, Kuril. The earlier versions of you. They're out there. You aren't alone."

"Really? A narcissist's dream then," he snapped.

"Listen to me you pigheaded, stubborn, pain in my…"

She stopped abruptly as the Tardis lurched sending them both flying onto the floor that had just recently been a wall. Rena landed on top of the Doctor this time, knocking the wind out of both of them. As soon as she got a good lungful of air she moved off of him again.

"Look, we don't have much time. You need to grab something to wear, a few things you can't bear to be without, and we've got to be ready to jump ship. We can't stay here and endanger the timeline," she managed to gasp out while trying to catch her breath. Around them the Tardis' interior lights began to brighten but Rena still felt a dreadful gloom pervading the vessel. Whatever was happening, it wasn't good. She suspected that the Doctor felt it too and it was part of the reason he was fighting leaving so hard. But whatever it was the new version of the Doctor would be able to handle it.

"I said I don't want to go," he started to say when she smacked him on the chest, cutting him off midsentence.

"There's no time!" She snapped. "You know as well as I do that this is the way it has to be."

Frustrated by the accuracy of her comment, all he could do at that point was glare.

"Now, do you want to start your new life in a bathrobe or would you like to grab some clothes?" She asked starting for the door.

"Wait a minute… what about you?" He suddenly remembered her limitations. "Can you survive off of the Tardis?"

"She thinks so," Rena replied shortly, not even slowing down. "Meet me in my quarters. The Tardis wants us off quickly."

Frustrated and elated by turns the Doctor did the only sensible thing, he followed her advice and got dressed. He arrived at her quarters about a half an hour later with a duffle lightly packed with a few of his essentials. Rena's duffel was more heavily packed but she'd had far more warning as to the plan than he had. She set out tea and sandwiches for them both and just as they were finishing the distinctive sound of the Tardis dematerializing signaled their departure.

"Now!" Rena ordered as soon as the sound started. "We'll only have moments to get off before she loses hold of the new Doctor's mind."

She slung the duffel over her shoulder, grabbed his hand and ran for the control room. Far from reconciled but seeing no other option, the Time Lord ran with her. They blew past a young, dark, haired man standing frozen in front of the console and as soon as the door closed the Tardis resumed her dematerialization sounds and vanished from sight. It was almost enough to make him question his desire to live. Sensing it, Rena grabbed his hand and pulled him towards her.

"Look!" She demanded, holding up her other hand. "Look."

"A piece of the heart of the Tardis," he breathed instantly recognizing it.

"You aren't trapped forever, Kuiril… one day you'll fly again," she promised him.

"One day we all will, my boy," a new voice announced.

Finally he took a look around him. This was a land he'd never seen before. The sky was more lavender than blue and the grass around him was a silvery grey color, although it felt like grass when he bent down to pluck a few stalks. There were no trees but there were giant fern-like growth reminiscent of something from Earth's ancient past. The sun shining in the sky looked purple, although that was undoubtedly a result of some impurity in the atmosphere. The gravity and air seemed perfectly acceptable and the snow capped mountains in the distance just seemed right. The man who had spoken was very familiar, from his blond hair to the straw hat on his head. He no longer sported a sprig of celery though.

"So you're here too?"

"More than just me."

He smiled and tapped his temple.

"Listen, my boy, listen."

His eyes flickered as he accessed that extra sense that Time Lords have for their own kind and a dazed look crossed his face.

"How many?" He whispered. "How many are here?"

"There are about twenty thousand of us," he was told. "Not quite the dead end you'd feared…eh? And I know you've a Tardis seed. We all were dropped off with one."

"But… how? How are there twenty thousand Time Lords and how is it that I never knew?"

"The Tardises brought most of them. Some were simply kidnapped by their Tardis which then refused to rematerialize and others were brought here deliberately by a group that worked with their Tardises to create this haven. Others, like us, are rescued from our regenerations and brought here to start anew."

"I… I don't know what to say."

It was amusing, really. This was one of the most voluble versions of the Doctor ever but he was struck speechless.

"We have to stay here right now. This solar system creates a pocket galaxy, a few seconds out of synch with the rest of the universe. We are safe while we rebuild the Time Lord race… hopefully with a little less hubris than the first one had. And one day we will set forth again to explore the universe, never fear, my boy… we will fly again! Now, let's get you settled in and ready for your new adventure here."

Emotion overwhelmed him. This wasn't the extended death sentence he'd feared. But what about Rena? He turned to her apology and question in those brown eyes.

"Of course I'm coming along."

She smiled with more than a hint of complacency.

"You're still tutoring me… remember?"

"Yes," he answered them both and that amazing smile of his blossomed forth lighting up his face as he turned to the earlier incarnation of himself. "Yes I remember and yes, let's go get started."

The End (For Now)