Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine. JKR wins that claim.

In Dreams

In my dreams, he's here beside me, occupying the other side of my bed, warming the cool sheets I never sleep on. I keep to one side of the bed you know, I don't roll over or any of that. Ginny jokes that I'm waiting for someone to take up that space. I laugh it off, never telling her that she's right. I am waiting for someone. I have been since my seventh year as a student at Hogwarts. I dream that his black hair is laying softly on the pillow next to me, creating a sable curtain, hiding his beautiful face from me. To me, he's beautiful, despite what my friends think.

In my dreams, he is softly caressing every inch of me, bringing me slowly awake. He smiles as my eyes open, and kisses my lips softly. He tightens his hold on me, creating friction that sends a shiver through me, ending between my legs. He knows what I want simply by looking into my eyes, and he smiles again. He kisses my forehead, my eyes, my cheeks, my nose, my lips, my chin.

He suckles my neck, nibbling and kissing, leaving marks. He loves to mark me, so everyone knows that I'm taken, that I'm his. He drops his head to my chest, leaving a trail of fiery heat wherever he touches. He gently kisses my breasts before taking one in his mouth. All the while his hands are driving me mad, running up and down my sides, across my torso, down my legs, carefully avoiding the place I desperately want them to be. He kisses down my belly, the ecstasy making me wild with desire.

His hands finally brush the mound at the apex of my thighs, making me moan. He looks up at my moan smiling, his black eyes burning with a wildfire of passion. I could drown in those eyes. He knows what I want him to do, but he makes me ask.

'Please' I moan.

'Please what, love?' His voice is a low, husky rumble.

'Severus…' his name sounds off of my tongue, a hiss

'Hmmm?'

'Make me yours. Take me!' this last request ends in a whimper, as his finger gently enters me, rubbing me inside.

' Like this? Tell me love I need to hear it,' He purrs. He knows it isn't enough, but he makes me say it.

' More…' He's driving me crazy, and knows it.

' Gladly.' He adds a second finger to my center, his thumb finding my clit. He begins to rub, making slow circles. My hips rise and fall, matching his teasing rhythm. His other hand holds me down as my orgasm washes over me, his obsidian eyes gazing into mine. I smile, and he kisses me once more, taking my cries into himself…

I always wake up then, my breath in short harsh gasps as I try to make sense of my emotions. On really bad nights, when my heart feels like it's ready to burst, sobs come forth from the chaos of my soul, and sleep is gone, as I lay in tears, waiting for the sky to lighten with the first warnings of dawn, and another day of seeing him at meals, in the corridors, and at the blasted staff meetings Albus holds. Those are the worst, I think. Somehow, he always winds up next to me. The close proximity nearly kills me, because I know that it's the closest I'll ever get to him.

I recall, with stunning clarity, the day my love emerged full force. The Final Battle, as it is now called, was only the beginning for me. Harry was making his way through the dueling Death Eaters and Order members, seeking out his destiny. I was beside him, along with Ron, screaming curses and hexes as soon as they came to mind. I took notice of the field, and I saw Snape doing battle with Lucius Malfoy. The two men were fighting viciously, and I saw a jet of green light emerge from Snape's wand. Malfoy crumpled to the ground, his robes pooling around him in the churned earth. Looking upon Snape, I saw an intense look of satisfaction on his face. He looked like a god then, his tall frame towering triumphantly over the body of the man he so loathed. The battle raged on, and I lost sight of him. Harry found his quarry, and before long, made an end of him. The battle was won.

I wandered through the battleground in a daze collapsing into the first pair of arms that I encountered. Snape's. I began to sob, uncontrollably, letting the tears flow for everything that had ever happened at the hands of Voldemort. Harry's loss, the loss of my parents, everything came crashing down upon me. Snape held me as I cried, his hands soothing me, gently rubbing my back. My grief spent for the moment, I pulled away slightly, and looked into his dark eyes, meeting the expressions dancing within their depths. Grief, compassion, and happiness all mingled together within them, and it was in that moment that I knew I was lost. Question joined the other emotions within his eyes, and I knew I couldn't stay in his arms much longer.

I dislodged myself from his embrace, thanked him, and went to Harry and Ron, who wasted no time in engulfing me in an embrace. Looking up, I saw Snape going to the castle, and I wished I could join him. I didn't go to the celebrations that night. I sat alone in my chambers, trying desperately to sort what I was feeling in my heart. I knew it was love, pure and simple.

He's it for me, the same way Harry is it for Ginny, the same way Ron is it for Lavender. I envy them so much. They had the courage to pursue their loves, in a way I'll never have. A Gryffindor coward, who'd have thought? But it means too much of me to throw away on impulse. He'll forever remain the beautiful illusion in my head, the sensual specter of my dreams, slowly driving me insane. There is no one else for me. I wish he knew how I felt.