A/N: First of all, Sorry! I haven't submitted anything in a few weeks... but I have legitimate reasons, I swear! ^^ A week or so ago my car got totaled... so that sucked and then because it was the week before Spring Break ALL my professors decided to just pile on the work so I had no-time at all to do any writing whatsoever. But now it's Spring Break and I'm going to have lots of time to write. Hopefully, this one-shot that I have been absolutely slaving over the past few days will make up for me not updating anything for so long.
Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo... not me. *sigh*
Losing Faith
"Captain… Captainnn! Where are you...!" The lieutenant of the tenth division, Rangiku Matsumoto shouted as she wandered through the winding halls of the tenth division barracks looking for her superior. I already checked his office, the training grounds, the kitchens and even the tenth division courtyard… where else could he be? Rangiku wondered to herself as she continued walking through the barracks searching for her captain. Rangiku turned a corner and spotted their third seat exiting a nearby door.
"Yutai!" Rangiku called towards the retreating figure of the smaller shinigami.
The unsuspecting shinigami quickly turned his head and saw the bubbly lieutenant running towards him. "Good afternoon, Lieutenant Matsumoto. How are you?"
Rangiku quickly ruffled Yutai's short black hair playfully, "How many times do I have to tell you, Yutai? There's no need to be so formal around me, simply calling me Rangiku would be fine." The lieutenant replied playfully smirking down at her third seat.
"Okay, well did you need something, Rangiku?"
"Oh, right! Uh… have you seen or talked to the Captain at all today?" Rangiku asked the smaller shinigami; then all of a sudden Rangiku's face lit up. "You were supposed to train with him this morning, weren't you?"
"Yea, well… when he didn't show up after an hour, I went to his private quarters to check on him and see if something was wrong; he just said that he hadn't been feeling well and apologized for missing our training session. I asked him if he needed anything, but he declined; so I left." Yutai replied quietly. He was silent for a moment before a slight frown appeared on his face. "He's been feeling ill a lot lately, hasn't he?"
"Yea… he has…." Rangiku sighed solemnly as she gazed into the face of her concerned subordinate. "Even though it may have been over a month ago, I don't think our dear captain ever fully recovered from the war."
"But, Lieu- er Rangiku, Captain Unohana told all the seated officers that Captain Hitsugaya would make a full recovery with no permanent damage… didn't she?" Yutai asked, confused.
"Physically, he couldn't be better right now… but Yutai, I'm talking about his emotional well-being. You remember what happened don't you?"
Yutai thought back to the final clash between Aizen's army and the Gotei 13 and then he felt his jaw practically hit the floor when he realized what Rangiku had been hinting at. "That's right… that was that day that the substitute soul reaper, Ichigo Kurosaki sacrificed himself to protect our captain."
Rangiku didn't dare say anything for fear that she might start crying and simply nodded.
"He was very important to the captain wasn't he?"
Rangiku took a deep breath. "More than life, itself…. They were such a sweet couple and the love they shared for each other was so pure that Ichigo gave up his life protecting the one he loved most in the world." Rangiku choked back a few tears thinking back to that day that forever changed her captain. He is still so young, still too much like a child to have to deal with such a loss. "If only Ichigo had known how hard it would be for our captain to move on and live without him…"
"I'm sorry, Rangiku. I didn't mean to bring up such a sensitive subject." The small black haired third seat bowed his head in apology.
Rangiku however, shook her head. "No, it's not your fault, and just a word of advice, I don't mind if you wish to discuss this matter with me further. I'm just warning you that if you don't want to be frozen solid in a block of ice for a thousand years, don't ever even mention it if you're anywhere near the captain."
Yutai managed a small smile before replying, "Thanks for the warning and on that note, I have to leave… I'm meeting a fellow tenth division shinigami to help them with refining their shikai."
"It was good to see you, Yutai. Take care and thanks."
Yutai quickly turned around to face the strawberry blonde lieutenant. "For what?"
"For giving me an idea of where the captain might be and for just being here to talk about some stuff I needed to get off my chest." Rangiku smiled as she waved goodbye to her fellow shinigami and friend.
Yutai couldn't help but smile again as he began walking in the opposite direction from the lieutenant. "Glad I could help and I hope that you can help our captain get back on his feet."
"You can count on it!" Rangiku shouted cheerfully, but she was less than convinced that she would be able to back up her statement. As soon as the young black-haired boy was out of sight Rangiku sprinted as fast as she could towards the only place left that the small icy captain could possibly be.
Toshiro Hitsugaya was currently lying in his large, empty bed that seemed to swallow his lithe figure. He had awoken hours ago, but he just couldn't find the strength to pull himself out of bed. He simply lay there trying to fall back asleep with little success. There was only one person that occupied the prodigy's thoughts as he lie alone in the bleakness of the large room that once held such warmth for him. Ichigo… why did you have to leave me? I don't deserve to be here, alive in Seireitei without you… It should have been me…. I should have been the boyfriend that you deserved. What kind of captain am I if I can't even protect what was most important to me?
Without any warning, there was a loud sound from the other side of the sliding door which led into the young ice wielder's room. At that very moment in time, Toshiro was willing to give up anything for the door to slide open to reveal his idiotic, yet loveable strawberry… but that was impossible. Ichigo was…. he was… de- no, he couldn't say it…. If he did, then it would be final and he would have to accept the fact that Ichigo was gone from his afterlife forever.
"Captain!" The voice yelled loudly from the other side of the thin door. "I know you're in there!"
Maybe if I just ignore her she will go away… Toshiro didn't have the energy to do much of anything lately, let alone argue with his draining lieutenant.
"Captain! I'm not leaving and if you think that, you obviously don't know me as well as you should! So, either you open this door, or I will open it myself!" Toshiro remained silent as he shifted his body so it was now facing away from the door.
Toshiro groaned when he heard a soft clicking noise and the hurried steps of his subordinate as she quickly made her way over towards him. "Captain, what are you still doing in bed? It's almost three in the afternoon! You need to get out of this room already! It's a beautiful day and the fresh air will do you a lot of good!" When Toshiro did nothing to acknowledge the blonde, Rangiku strode over towards the curtain that was currently blocking sunlight from entering the room and relentlessly pulled them apart allowing the sunlight to flood the room and the petite captain to retreat even further into the folds of his bed.
"I would like to be alone, Matsumoto…. you're dismissed." Toshiro muttered from beneath the thin sheets he was currently hiding under.
"Sorry Captain, no can do." Rangiku said playfully, as she walked over towards Toshiro's bed and pulled down the sheets that had been covering her captain. Toshiro merely sent a death glare in his lieutenant's direction as he pulled the sheets back over his small frame.
"What do you think you're doing?" Toshiro sighed as he looked into the anxious face of his lieutenant.
"Trying to help you get ready for what's left of the-" Rangiku gasped. "Oh my gosh!"
"Tch… What now?"
"Isn't there a Captain's meeting in an hour?" The strawberry-blonde exclaimed.
Hmm… I did get a hell butterfly the other day that said something about a Captain's meeting didn't I? Toshiro thought absentmindedly to himself. "And your point is?"
"Well…" The strawberry blonde decided to choose her next words carefully, or this whole situation could go south extremely fast if she said the wrong thing. "You are a Captain, are you not? Don't you think you should go?"
"Some captain…" Toshiro muttered to himself.
"What-?"
"Nothing."
Rangiku knew that her captain was in a very fragile state of mind right now, but she had had enough of standing idly by and waiting for him to heal on his own; because it obviously was not happening.
"Captain, I'm serious. You've missed the last three captain's meetings and the other captains are starting to get worried." Rangiku tried to reason with the smaller shinigami.
"…"
Rangiku hadn't wanted to resort to this, but she soon realized that she didn't have much of a choice. Rangiku grabbed a handful of the blanket currently hiding her superior and with a swift tug pulled them completely off the bed, immediately revealing her captain and before he could say or do anything to retaliate she firmly grabbed his arm and pulled the white-haired boy gingerly to his feet.
"Let go of me." Toshiro growled as he tried to escape from the strawberry blonde's firm grasp.
Rangiku relinquished her grasp and surprisingly the snowy-haired boy remained standing. "Okay," Rangiku said as she held up her hand, raising two fingers. "You have two choices: One, you can come with me to the Fourth Division; or two, you can go to the captain's meeting. However, regardless of your decision you have to do one or the other."
Toshiro didn't have the patience nor the perseverance to fight with his lieutenant on this particular issue; so he reluctantly agreed to attend the captain's meeting. "Matsumoto, you can leave now." Rangiku was about to protest, when Toshiro spoke up again. "I would prefer some privacy when I am changing, thank you."
Rangiku was astounded that her captain had agreed so easily, but at the same time was thankful that she didn't have to drag him all the way to the captain's meeting kicking and screaming. In the end, Rangiku decided to trust her captain as she had always done before and exited the room, but not before looking back quickly to make sure he was walking towards the rather large closet in his room.
After Toshiro had finally donned his shihakusho and captain's haori, he walked back over towards his bed, picked up Hyorinmaru and tied it securely across his wise ice dragon had been oddly quiet lately; Toshiro couldn't explain it. No matter how long or loud he called for the dragon, he never answered. Hyorinmaru had always been there for Toshiro, but where was he now when his master needed him the most?
Toshiro silently pushed the thin door open and walked out into the hallway of the tenth division. Luckily for Toshiro, the hallways seemed deserted and Toshiro quickly navigated his way from his room towards the front courtyard that led out of the tenth division. The young captain was so determined to get out of his division as fast as he could as to avoid running into any of his division members, he didn't even notice when he walked right past the exit of the barracks and quickly found himself in a hallway that he hadn't been to in a very long time. Toshiro instantly froze when he realized exactly where he was and very particularly, what was right in front of him. The small white-haired captain couldn't tear his gaze from a small picture of none other than his deceased lover, Ichigo Kurosaki.
Toshiro continued to stare at the portrait and the longer he stared he began to feel something bubbling up inside of him that had recently been lying dormant; emotions that were threatening to overcome him as he stood frozen on the spot. Toshiro extended a trembling arm as though the frame was merely a portal and he could reach through it so as to hold the strawberry once again.
Toshiro…
"Ichigo?" Toshiro called desperately, hoping against hope that the voice that sounded disturbingly like his lover would answer him. There was no reply and then suddenly the memories of the last time he had heard the strawberry voice broke free from their chains and threatened to overtake the small captain.
Toshiro could feel his boyfriend's reiatsu fluctuating dangerously. The captain quickly cut down all the hollows that were charging in his direction and in doing so also managed to defeat the low-class arrancar that he had been fighting. Toshiro had been just about to shunpo off in the direction where he knew the strawberry was fighting when he felt a particularly strong being approach him from behind.
"An' where do ya think yer goin' lil shiro-chan?"
"Ichimaru..." Toshiro spat as he turned around to face the fox faced shinigami he despised. "Get out of my way… now."
"Ima 'fraid I can't do that. I'm responsible for keepin ya busy while Aizen-sama deals with yer boytoy." Gin grinned maliciously.
"You have no right to talk about Ichigo like that!" Toshiro yelled furious. He was wasting precious time here, he could feel Ichigo's reiatsu starting to get weaker and weaker, time was running out and he was standing here being taunted by Gin Ichimaru.
"Ya need ta learn ta control tha temper of yers, Toshi-kun. We wouldn't want ya ta do anything that ya might regret." The fox continued to relentlessly taunt the younger captain.
"Bastard…" Toshiro muttered. "I'm going to give you one more chance to move before I move you myself."
"I'd like ta see ya try." The fox's smile only grew; he knew exactly what buttons to push when it came to the young prodigy.
Toshiro couldn't restrain himself any longer and was just about to charge at the ex-captain when he felt a calm yet firm hand holding him back.
"S-Shunsui…?" Toshiro spluttered in disbelief.
"Calm yourself, Captain Hitsugaya."
"Y-yes, but I thought you were off fighting an espada…?" Toshiro asked, still slightly confused by the sudden appearance of the eighth division captain.
"I finished off my opponent and felt you were in need of some assistance." Kyoraku answered coolly, as he stepped in front of the smaller captain, raising the twin blades, Katen Kyokotsu as he moved. "Go now, Captain Hitsugaya. I will take care of things here so you can go help Ichigo."
Toshiro stared dumbstruck at the normally laid back captain in front of him with a stoic and serious look on his face. "Thank you, Shunsui." He whispered as he disappeared, running as fast as he could in the direction that he knew he would find not only his boyfriend, but the man responsible for all this meaningless violence… Sosuke Aizen.
Toshiro wasn't sure how much help he was going to be against Aizen, he had already fought countless arrancar and hollow and after awhile the constant strain on his body was starting to get to him. He didn't have any of what he thought would be life-threatening injuries as of right now, but the real battle had yet to begin.
Finally, Toshiro arrived at the site where the sleek, black blade of Tensa Zangetsu met the sadistic, silver blade of Kyoka Suigetsu in a fierce confrontation. Toshiro couldn't tell who had the edge as of right now, but both sides seemed to be tiring. Ichigo was breathing hard as he grasped his zanpakuto tightly, but Toshiro could see that the battle had taken its toll on Aizen as well. Toshiro watched as Aizen was thrown backwards by a particularly powerful Getsuga Tenshou. Toshiro took this momentary break to rush over to the strawberry's side, but as he approached his lover's side a frantic yell filled the air.
"Toshiro! Get out of there!"
Toshiro turned around a second too late to see Aizen flying towards him, Kyoka Suigetsu held firmly in his grasp, ready to run clear through the young captain's heart. Toshiro stared blankly at the spot Aizen had supposedly been mere moments ago and realized that it must have been an illusion to cause him to lower his guard… a trap; and he played perfectly into it. Toshiro heard the sickening sound of steel cutting flesh and waited for the unbearable to pain to spread throughout his entire body. He waited and waited, ready for the pain to come, but it never did. That was when Toshiro came to discover a disturbing reality.
"I-Ichi…go?" Toshiro could feel the secure arms of the strawberry wrapped around his small frame and then… his grasped relinquished and Toshiro felt Ichigo's grip slacken and eventually go limp as Toshiro clung desperately to the larger male.
In that very moment, It didn't matter that Aizen was mere feet away from the pair, it didn't matter that the blade of Kyoka Suigetsu was buried deep inside his lover's heart, all that mattered was for Toshiro to get away from this place as fast as possible and to find the wise and reliable captain of the fourth division. If anyone could save Ichigo, it was Retsu Unohana.
Adrenaline took over and before he knew it, Toshiro had carried Ichigo what seemed like miles away from the place they had been seconds before. Toshiro tried to calm himself enough so that he could tune into Captain Unohana's distinct spiritual pressure. Toshiro was a master at kido, but knew little about the healing arts. How hard could it be to figure it out? He was a child prodigy was he not? Toshiro gently laid Ichigo on the ground and cringed when he finally got a look at the injury that should have been done to him.
"Ichigo, you baka!" Toshiro cried out as he tried to assess the damage.
Ichigo stirred slightly at the sound of his distressed lover. "Haha… sorry Toshiro…" Ichigo was interrupted by a rather violent coughing fit.
"Ichigo! Don't strain yourself…" Toshiro begged the orange-haired teenager, "I'm worried that he might have hit your heart; so please, don't move." Without another thought Toshiro pulled his already bloodstained haori off and frantically started ripping it into long strips. The small captain couldn't get the makeshift bandages secured around his boyfriend's chest fast enough and even when he did, they were instantly stained red from the unrelenting flow of blood from his injuries.
"T-Toshiro…?" Ichigo managed in a strained whisper, "I-I'm g-glad I was a-able to p-protect you."
"Ichigo, you baka! You're always so reckless!" Toshiro eyes were now filled tears that were threatening to overflow his grief-stricken, teal eyes.
Ichigo slowly shook his head. "I'm s-sorry, T-Toshiro…"
"You can apologize to me once I've found Unohana." Toshiro was mortified when he saw Ichigo shake his head.
"Shiro… no time…." Toshiro could see Ichigo's face tense in pain, but there was something else there; was it… no it couldn't be… contentment? "I just…couldn't let him touch you… my-my body just moved…" Ichigo erupted in another coughing fit and this time he began to cough up blood. "Shiro…" Ichigo whispered as he beckoned his boyfriend closer. "Can I l-lay on y-your lap?"
"Of course…" Toshiro muttered as he knelt beside the strawberry and positioned himself and Ichigo so that Ichigo was lying comfortably in Toshiro's loving embrace.
"I… love you Shiro…. I wish… I wish I could stay in your arms forever…"
"Please…" Toshiro sobbed as he buried his head in his lover's soft, familiar and welcoming orange hair, "D-Don't talk like that. You aren't going anywhere… you can't leave me…you just can't… I love you too much, Ichigo."
"…Shiro… p…promise me something…?" It was getting more and more difficult for Ichigo to speak coherently and in a semi-audible voice.
"Anything!" Toshiro blurted out in a desperate tone.
"P…Promise we'll… meet again…someday?"
"Wha-?"
"Please… p…promise me…" Ichigo whispered in a frantic voice.
"I… I promise… but you're not leaving me."
"Thanks… Shiro…" Ichigo mumbled, not paying much attention to the last part. Toshiro lightly kissed his lover's forehead and could feel his heart break completely in two when he felt Ichigo's body lying completely still against his and he could feel the strawberry breathing one-second and the next his breaths were slower and slower… then they stopped completely and Ichigo slumped lifeless against the smaller shinigami's chest. When it finally hit Toshiro, he simply stared at his boyfriend's still form in shock.
"No… No…!" Toshiro mumbled as he started to furiously shake his head. "Ichigo… Ichigo…! Please! Don't… you-you can't leave me!" Toshiro kept sobbing his lover's name, but Ichigo remained still as ever in the boy's arms. Toshiro cried out in anguish and desperation and his spiritual pressure began to spike to a very precarious level while everything within a thirty foot radius of the small captain was instantly frozen in a thick sheet of ice as Toshiro continued to sob over the loss of his strawberry. Toshiro didn't know how long he sat there until someone finally came across the captain cradling the still warm body of his deceased boyfriend.
The events of that day refused to subside from the forefront of the young captain's mind. He soon realized that he was holding the picture of Ichigo so tightly that the thin pane of glass was starting to crack. All the emotions and feelings crowding around his head soon became too much for the boy and Toshiro could felt his legs starting to turn to jelly and before he knew it, his legs collapsed from under him and he saw the floor rushing up to meet him as continued to clutch the picture of Ichigo to his chest.
"Captain…?" A familiar voice sounded from behind the distraught captain. "Oh my god, Captain!" Rangiku yelled as she ran over to her captain's side. Rangiku very calmly cradled Toshiro in her arms as she rocked him, whispering comforting words in his ear trying to calm the young shinigami down. "Shh… Shh… It's okay, I've got you." Rangiku frowned when she finally saw what brought about her Captain's most recent episode. There, held tightly in Toshiro's grasp was a picture of none other than his late boyfriend, Ichigo Kurosaki. After a few more moment's of Rangiku continuing to calm down the distressed shinigami, Toshiro collected himself just long enough to mutter something under his breath.
"I-It's my f-fault…" Toshiro choked as he slightly relaxed in his lieutenant's warm and welcoming embrace.
"What are you talking about?" Rangiku asked slightly confused.
"I-Ichigo…" Toshiro sniffed, "He's gone because of m-me…"
Rangiku gasped in surprise before running her hand comfortingly through her captain's soft white hair just like Ichigo had always done when Toshiro had been upset or worried. "No… of course not, Captain." Rangiku cooed softly. "You know how much he loved you; he was prepared to sacrifice everything, if it meant keeping you safe."
"But-" Rangiku put a finger up to his small, quivering lips quickly silencing the whimpering boy.
"No buts, Captain." Rangiku smiled, "Captain? Would you like for me to go to the meeting in your place? I don't mind accompanying you to one of the division courtyards so that you can lie down and relax. It's such a nice day out today and you can just enjoy the nice weather while I'll be stuck in the first division for who knows how long listening to the Head Captain drone on and on and on..." Rangiku started saying in a cheerful voice in an attempt to cheer up her captain.
Toshiro stilled for a moment while he began to collect himself and shortly after he pulled himself gingerly to his feet brushing himself off and straightening his shihakusho. "… It's fine; it might help me take my mind off… things…" Toshiro silently pulled the picture he had been clutching from the broken frame, folded it slightly and slid it into the loose folds of his shihakusho. Rangiku watched helplessly as he wandered out of the division and disappeared instantly with the aid of a lazy, yet still perfectly executed shunpo. Oh Captain…
"Ah, Captain Hitsugaya! I'm glad to see you up and about today." Ukitake called cheerfully when he saw the youngest captain enter the large meeting room. Cautiously, Toshiro made his way slowly over towards where the long haired captain was standing with his old friend and captain of the eighth division, Shunsui Kyoraku.
"Hello, Ukitake." Toshiro nodded slightly to acknowledge the captain.
"What? No 'Hello' for the lovable eight division captain?" Shunsui laughed as he ruffled the younger's hair. Toshiro flinched slightly, but quickly recovered and took a step back before finally addressing the flamboyant captain in front of him.
"I apologize, Captain Kyoraku." Toshiro said flatly.
"No need to be so formal, Toshiro; I'm only messing with ya." Shunsui laughed nervously.
The awkward silence that followed was thankfully broken by the booming voice of the Head Captain.
"Silence! Captains take your respected spots so we can get started with the captain's meeting." Yamamoto looked around the room to check if all Captains were present and accounted for and for once, Yamamoto found that all were indeed present. His gaze drifted towards the normally vacant spot between the eighth and twelfth captains. "I am pleased that you were able to grace us with your presence tonight, Captain Hitsugaya." All eyes shifted in the direction of the youngest captain waiting to see how he would respond to the eldest captain.
This is exactly why I didn't want to come to the Captain's meeting in the first place… I knew everyone would make a huge deal about it… Toshiro thought to himself. He hated the fact that all attention in the room was focused on him. It made him feel very uncomfortable and he wished more than anything that they would just get on with the meeting, but he knew that that would not happen until he did or said something to answer the head captain. "T-thank you, Head Captain." Toshiro practically whispered and the Head Captain merely nodded before moving along with the meeting.
"We have seen a drop in the number of critical missions lately and now that we have finally dealt with Aizen, most of our working force will be focused on rebuilding Seireitei and training our newer recruits…" Yamamoto started to drone on and on in what seemed like such a casual tone like he had always done before any of this mess had started.
How could everyone be acting so normal? Didn't anyone care about the massive casualties of the war? Toshiro hadn't really expected the Head Captain to say or do anything too differently; but he would of thought that at least a few of the other captains that had also been close to the strawberry would care about the fact that Ichigo was no longer with them. Well, they did have a ceremony for Ichigo… and after the ceremony that had given him the title of Captain; but still, that doesn't mean that they can just forget about him now…
The meeting dragged on and on and Toshiro was finding it harder and harder to concentrate on what Yamamoto was saying. He felt himself dozing off more than a couple of times and the meeting continued for hours. Right before Toshiro was about to lose it he finally heard the glorious words he had been waiting to hear for what seemed like forever.
"… and that concludes the meeting for the night. Be sure to keep in mind that although the Aizen threat has been nullified, it will be some time before we are able to operate normally in Seireitei again." Yamamoto slammed his staff hard on the floor twice, dismissing everyone from the meeting.
Toshiro couldn't get out of the meeting hall fast enough for his taste. He ran towards the exit and was more than ready to take off back towards the tenth division; but as soon as he reached the large door he felt a firm hand holding him back.
"Shirou-chan? Where are you going in such a rush?" the questioning and slightly concerned voice of Jushiro Ukitake asked.
"I'm going back to my division…" Toshiro sighed, "Where else would I be going?"
"Seems as though while we have been busy with our meeting, a storm has been running its way through Seireitei…" Ukitake said absentmindedly, trying to make conversation with his fellow captain. "My division is about as far away as you can get from here so I'm going to be staying at Shunsui's tonight and we were wondering if you would like to join us." He asked casually, but was caught off guard by the younger captain's reply.
"What's a storm going to do to me that anything else hasn't already?" Toshiro shook off the kind captain's hand as he walked out into the storm with nothing more than his shihakusho and haori.
Ukitake sent a nervous glance towards his long time friend and colleague and Kyoraku nodded. The two captains knew that this was more than a simple case of depression. They knew that Ichigo and Toshiro had been dating for awhile before the incident, but they had never imagined that the strawberry's death would have such a huge impact on the young captain. Ever since the strawberry's death, Toshiro had become more and more withdrawn from the world the more time passed by it seemed. When Toshiro had been taken to the fourth division for the first time, Unohana had said that his behavior was completely normal and to be expected after the loss of a loved one. It eventually became very easy to see that Toshiro was not the typical case; he would shut himself up in his room for days at a time and he rarely ever left the tenth division. He seldom ever got a decent sleep and had even as recently as last week stopped eating. Rangiku ended up taking on a lot of his duties and soon had to start acting as a sort of surrogate mother to the Toshiro just to make sure he didn't wither away. Kyoraku had started to get worried when Rangiku never came over to his division for their usual drinking parties. When he learned that the young genius was in such an unstable situation he immediately told Ukitake and the two captains from then on tried to do anything they could to help Toshiro along on the road to recovery.
"Comon, Shunsui. Let's just make sure he makes it back alright. Ran will kill us if she finds out we just let him wander around Seireitei by himself in the middle of a storm."
"Yea, I know what you mean." Kyoraku shook his head. "I know what you mean… the poor kid just seems to be falling apart at the seams lately."
Toshiro was walking across Seireitei and whether he forgot he could use shunpo or he simply chose to trudge through the cold rainy night and let the rain drench him was anyone's guess. Toshiro knew that it was raining and knew that his clothes were soaked; but for as long as he stayed out in this weather he felt as though his whole body was numb and didn't even feel as though any of the raindrops were even making contact with his body.
Toshiro didn't so much mind the rain that had seemed as though it had spawned from his own subconscious; but what was really killing the young captain were the memories that refused to stop flooding his mind from all the nights that he and Ichigo would sit out under the protection of the Tenth Division barracks porch while they watched the rain fall, the lightning strike, and the thunder crash.
"Hey." The strawberry called as he walked outside to see his smaller boyfriend still training outside in the pouring rain. "Why don't you come on over here before you catch a cold."
Toshiro snorted, but nevertheless, walked over towards the strawberry with a huge smile on his face. "I thought you were supposed to be on a mission in the world of the living? Is a certain substitute shinigami playing hooky?" Toshiro joked as he wrapped his arms around Ichigo's and buried his face into the folds of larger male's shihakusho.
"Did a certain cold-aired captain miss me?" The strawberry laughed as he wrapped his arms around the boy's lithe waist.
"Tch… whatever." Toshiro sighed as he stepped away slightly before looked up into his boyfriend's warm and welcoming face. "What are you doing back here so soon anyway, Ichigo?"
Ichigo's grin grew even bigger as he started explaining, "Well, I decided that I should hurry up and get the mission completed so I could come back to Seireitei and spend tonight with you before you have to leave on your mission tomorrow." The strawberry's and Toshiro's eyes connected for a second before Ichigo bent down and gently kissed his lover's damp forehead.
Toshiro slightly blushed, but managed to reply in a cool voice, "So what exactly did you have in mind?"
"Eh, nothing too extravagant." Ichigo shrugged, "I was thinking that we could just sit here and enjoy each other company while we watch the storm pass by over Seireitei." Toshiro nodded and the two shinigami sat down with Toshiro leaning back against Ichigo's chest. The strawberry sighed contentedly as he leaned back on his hands. "You know, I think we should make this more of a regular thing from now on, don't you?"
Toshiro chuckled and murmured a "Mhmm…" in agreement as he and Ichigo continued throughout the night, watching the rain fall until the morning came.
Toshiro suddenly stopped in his tracks. He couldn't take it anymore, all these feelings of longing and regret and loneliness… he just couldn't hold in any longer. If he didn't let it all go and soon he knew that he would explode. Finally, when he couldn't possibly hold it in any longer as he stared up into the clouded gray sky, he took a deep breath and screamed. He opened his mouth wider than he ever had before and attempted to scream away his worries, but no matter how hard he screamed not a single sound left his mouth. Despite this fact, he continued to yell until he felt his throat go sore.
As all the tension drained out of his small body, so did any last hint of strength and before he could do anything Toshiro found himself face down in the wet and muddy grass. He knew that he should get out of the storm, but lacked both the energy and motivation to do so. After awhile Toshiro could feel his mind going numb and that was nothing new. He hadn't been able to actually feel much of anything after what he had lost. It was as though when Ichigo died all of Toshiro's happiness and affection died right along with him. Toshiro couldn't bear to have his mind drift back towards the strawberry and simply embraced the coldness that surrounded him as he drifted off into the welcoming bleakness of unconsciousness.
"Where in the world did the boy go?" Kyoraku thought out loud as he and Ukitake were currently taking shelter from the storm under the Eighth Division's porch.
"Well, he couldn't have gotten too far…" Ukitake sighed as he tried sensing the ice wielder's usual cool and controlled reiatsu. He had been able to sense it slightly until about a few moments ago and if Ukitake hadn't been worried before, he certainly was now. "I can't sense his reiatsu at all anymore… You… You don't think something bad happened to him do you, Shunsui?" Ukitake asked, concern thick in his voice.
"I'm not sure, but I'd say our best bet would probably be to actually go out and find him just to be sure." Kyoraku suggested as the two veteran captains stood up preparing to venture out into the unrelenting rain. Kyoraku scratched his head before donning his iconic straw hat, "You know… we should probably split up; it will double our searching power."
"Sounds like a plan." Jushiro smiled, "If either you or I find him, just take him straight back to the Tenth Division if he's not already there. I'm sure Rangiku is sick with worry about him."
"Course." Kyoraku laughed as he instantly disappeared leaving the long-haired captain no choice but to head out into the storm himself.
Ukitake had decided the best course of action would be to trace a path from where the meeting had been held in the First Division all the way straight to the Tenth Division. Jushiro was running past the Fourth Division and stopped momentarily deciding he needed to rest for a few minutes. He was starting to feel a tickle in his throat and starting to breathe heavily and the last thing he needed now was to go into a coughing fit. Jushiro was about to head into the safety of the Fourth Division when he looked over his shoulder slightly and saw a shadow of something lying on the ground about twenty feet away.
"Shirou-chan!" Jushiro yelled as he ran over towards the unconscious boy. He wasn't moving and was absolutely drenched. I wonder how long he has been here… not too long I pray. Ukitake crouched over the small boy and gently shook him seeing if he was at all responsive.
Nothing.
Ukitake frowned, "Shirou-chan… can you hear me?" Ukitake brushed Toshiro's matted and unruly hair out of his face and felt his damp forehead and gasped. His skin is so cold… even more so than usual… I need to get him inside as soon as possible. The long white-haired captain gathered his younger companion in his gentle arms and sprinted off towards the Tenth Division. He was already half way there when he remembered to conjure a hell butterfly to deliver a brief message to Shunsui informing him he found Toshiro and to rendezvous at the Tenth Division Barracks.
Ukitake had at first, debated just dropping the small captain off with Retsu at the Fourth, they were practically right outside the front door; but since there was nothing physically wrong with him it wouldn't really do him much good. Anyway, he would undoubtedly be more comfortable if he awoke in his own quarters… he never did like being stuck in the fourth much, even before the war.
"Rangiku!" Jushiro yelled as he briskly walked around the Tenth Division dripping everywhere, holding a soaked to the bone and yet still soundly sleeping, Toshiro Hitsugaya. Without a moment to waste Jushiro spotted Rangiku rushing frantically in his direction, tears flowing down her face while Kyoraku followed calmly behind.
"Captain Ukitake! Thank goodness you found him!" She exclaimed as he looked down at the slumbering form of her captain. "I was so worried! I was just about to leave and go out searching for him myself if Kyoraku hadn't shown up when he did."
"No need to thank me, Rangiku." Jushiro smiled.
"Well, why don't you follow me and we can get him into some dry clothes? His quarters are right over this way." Rangiku beckoned for Ukitake to follow her as she led the usually sickly captain down a hallway and into a rather large, yet depressingly plain room. They managed to get Toshiro into some dry and warm clothes and Rangiku tucked him into his bed before kissing him lightly on his forehead and exiting the room with the other two captains. She led them down the hallway and into another. "I'll be right back." She muttered, disappeared and then reappeared a few minutes later with three large steaming cup of tea.
The three shinigami talked all throughout the night with Rangiku leaving every hour or so to check on her captain. When the storm refused to subside, Rangiku suggested that Ukitake and Kyoraku stay the remainder of the night in a spare room in the Tenth Division. Both graciously accepted the strawberry blonde's offer and the lieutenant led them to yet another room down the hall where there were a few spare futons that the veteran captains could use that night.
"Thanks, Rangiku." Both captains said gratefully before quickly passing out on their respective beds.
Toshiro opened his eyes halfheartedly, but when he realized where he was he was he was instantly alert as his eyes widened in fear. He felt the warm sand beneath his feet and could taste the dry desert air that was only found in the one and only Hueco Mundo.
"W-Wha… h-how did I get to Hueco Mundo?" Toshiro muttered to himself in disbelief. I-I must be dreaming… th-there's no way I could be here otherwise. Before Toshiro thought about what to do next he saw a shadow approaching him from the horizon and when the figure was close enough that he could verify the stranger's identity, there was no doubt in his mind that he was indeed dreaming.
"I-Ichi…go…" Toshiro breathed in astonishment as he watched his boyfriend walk towards him like he always did. At that moment, Toshiro didn't care that this wasn't really his Ichigo, it was merely a projection put together from the memories in his subconscious, right? Despite this fact, the small shinigami ran towards the strawberry as fast as he could, latching himself to the taller male's waist in a childish attempt to keep him from leaving. He seemed so real… it was heartbreaking. His scent… his touch… his face… it all seems so real… "Say… something… Ichigo… please!" Toshiro choked. Ichigo, who had been silent and still as a statue ever since Toshiro had grabbed him finally looked down into the desperate face of his distressed lover.
"Toshiro…" Toshiro just about melted when he heard the voice he had been longing to hear for so long. "I've been waiting for you." Toshiro's faced tensed slightly and he looked up with confusion in his large teal orbs.
"Wha-What are you talking about Ichigo…?"
"I can't be without you-"
"I can't either Ichigo!" Toshiro exclaimed suddenly, cutting off the strawberry in mid sentence. "I would give anything for you to be able to come back with me to Seireitei…"
Ichigo shook his head sadly, "I can't go back to Seireitei… " An uncharacteristic grin suddenly made its way onto the strawberry's face. "I won't leave you again… come back with me."
"What are you talking about Ichigo? This is just a dream... this isn't real…" Toshiro muttered. Ichigo was about to open his mouth when all of a sudden, all Toshiro could hear was a shrill yelling that started echoing around the desert like it was bouncing off four invisible walls that were very close.
"Captain!"
The world started spinning and swirling before his eyes and to his horror so did Ichigo. "Wait, Ichigo! Don't go! Tell me… Tell me how we can…!"
"Captain!"
In an instant, Hueco Mundo and Ichigo were gone in a blur and Toshiro found himself staring up at the ceiling in his private sleeping quarters. Toshiro could feel his shoulder being shaken as he tilted his head to the side to see his energetic as ever lieutenant.
"What..." Toshiro hissed, which caught Rangiku off guard who hadn't realized she had already woken her captain.
"Uh… well, you were kind of thrashing around and I was well… er- worried…" Rangiku stuttered. Toshiro merely glared in his subordinate's direction and Rangiku not wanting to anger her captain any further started to exit the room before remembering, "Oh… by the way, I came in to tell you that Ukitake made some breakfast and was wondering if you wanted any."
Still angered about how she tore him from his dream and Ichigo he laid back down on his bed before muttering, "I'm not hungry right now… send my apologies to Ukitake." Rangiku nodded and disappeared quickly from her captain's presence.
"Hmm… thought she'd never leave…"
Toshiro jumped at the familiar voice and gasped in surprise when he saw a pale, almost to the point of transparent, Ichigo Kurosaki standing against the far wall. Toshiro thought that he must be dreaming again, but then if he were dreaming why was he still in his room and not in Hueco Mundo. If he was now seeing his deceased boyfriend while awake there was only one conclusion he could safely come to… the prodigy captain of the Gotei 13, Toshiro Hitsugaya was going crazy."B-But… how?"
Ichigo shrugged. "I told you… I'm not leaving without you." The strawberry paused then continued when Toshiro continued to stare at him speechless. "Don't you want to be with me again, Toshiro?"
That statement immediately snapped the captain out of his trance, "O-Of course I want to be with you!"
Ichigo raised his eyebrows. "But-?"
Toshiro sighed dejectedly as his eyes wandered anywhere other than the strawberry's face, "You're not real… you can't possibly be my Ichigo. I am merely hallucinating and I just c-can't… it's t-too p-painful…" The icy captain choked out. He couldn't take seeing Ichigo again knowing that he wasn't real and that his supposed late boyfriend could disappear at any moment. I have to get as far away from here as I can before I lose what little is left of my sanity. Without so much as a word, the younger male fled from the room, knowing that if the thing that claimed to be Ichigo Kurosaki had really been bore from his subconscious, he would know exactly why Toshiro had to get out of that room as fast as possible.
Toshiro was out of the Tenth Division in less than a minute and he ran as far away as he could possibly go. He had absolutely no idea where he was heading, he had no idea for how long he had been running, but finally when his legs threatened to give out did he stop and look around the location that he had inadvertently ended up. Toshiro was slightly surprised to find that he had actually fled all the way past the limits of the Seireitei and found himself in a very busy part of Rukongai.
The prodigy looked around the busy streets to see if he could find anything that looked familiar that could tell him where he had ended up. "Tch…" Toshiro muttered to himself as he took in the sights, sounds and smells that surrounded him; they seemed… familiar somehow….
"It's right over here, Toshiro. Just a few more seconds… I promise."
"What in the world are we doing in this part of Rukongai, Kurosaki?"
"Just relax, Shiro."
"If you're not going to use my title, you could at least refrain from the use of such nicknames."
"When you start calling me Ichigo, then I'll consider calling you by your first name."
It finally clicked in Toshiro's mind why everything felt so familiar and Toshiro couldn't believe that in the entirety of Soul Society, he just so happened to stop at this very spot. Someone up there must really hate him to taunt him so ruthlessly.
"Remember this place?"
Toshiro spun around to see the shadow of his deceased boyfriend that had all of a sudden decided not to leave him alone. "How could I forget…?" Toshiro groaned. "The restaurant right here," Toshiro motioned towards the building right in front of him. "It was where you took me on our very first date…" Toshiro muttered. I can't stay here either or soon I'm going to be a mess and what will all the people think if they see a shinigami crying…let alone a captain of the Gotei 13. Toshiro was gone in an instant and stopped only when he found himself of a quiet and deserted part of Rukongai.
"You can't escape me." Ichigo smirked. "More importantly, you can't escape us."
"STOP FOLLOWING ME! YOU'RE NOT ICHIGO!" Toshiro yelled at the figure before him.
"You know that deep down you don't mean that." Ichigo stated. "Why else would you keep running to places that were milestones in our relationship?"
"What are you talking-" Toshiro started to reply when he again realized where exactly he had run off to this time. This calm, deserted, yet still beautiful mountainside that overlooked Seireitei was…
"The place where you where you asked me to be your boyfriend…" Toshiro muttered desolately.
"You got it." Ichigo grinned. "You didn't answer me right away and at first I thought you were going to say no; but then you kissed me and after getting over my shock, I kissed you back."
Something inside Toshiro just snapped as he looked up at the thing that was claiming to be his boyfriend. "SHUT UP! I TOLD YOU, YOU'RE NOT MY ICHIGO! STOP IT! Just stop it, please..." Toshiro begged as sunk to his knees and down further to sit on the ground as he pulled his legs to his chest and buried his head in his legs. "Why can't you just… just… leave me alone to grieve in peace…?"
"Well," Ichigo continued, ignoring the smaller male's outburst. "If you want to truly be with me, you know what you need to do…" Toshiro slowly lifted his head, raising his eyebrows in question to Ichigo's statement. Ichigo walked past Toshiro, but as he passed the captain he ran his fingers lightly over Toshiro's shoulder before running his hand over the smooth hilt of Hyourinmaru's blade. Before Toshiro could open his mouth in protest, Ichigo simply disappeared into thin air leaving the distraught captain completely and utterly alone.
Toshiro couldn't help himself as tears fell from his eyes and he sat down trembling. He thought about everything that had happened to him in the past few days and it was all too much for him; he couldn't take it anymore. Toshiro just didn't know how much longer he could bear it… to live a life without the orange-haired substitute shinigami (or Captain now… for what it was worth) by his side. It was almost cruel he thought to himself. Toshiro had always been very independent person and had never thought even for a second about relying on anyone for anything. Then, Ichigo Kurosaki stumbled into his life and turned everything upside down and sideways. Through the years that they had dated, Toshiro found that Ichigo had become his rock, someone that he could always go to when things started to become too much. He had always felt safe and secure while around Ichigo and the strawberry had been the one person in Seireitei that had managed to break through the icy walls he had built up over the years. It would be an understatement to say that Ichigo had changed the young captain. Everyone could tell that after the two shinigami had gotten together Toshiro was practically a new person. It seemed he was always in a significantly better mood, he very rarely snapped at Rangiku when she shirked her paperwork duties and was just an all around happier person. Then, one day all of that happiness was ripped suddenly from his grasp and he wasn't sure how to recover from such a devastating blow.
Toshiro stood up shakily, taking a deep breath as he started walking away from the mountainside. He wasn't sure where his feet would lead him, but at that moment it didn't really matter to him. He wasn't sure of much of anything anymore; he had no idea where he was but despite that he continued walking until he arrived at a small village. Toshiro was about to walk away and head in a different direction when something caught the corner of his eye.
"Darling!" A women cried when she spotted a man that was jogging in her direction calling her name. "Is that really you?"
"Yes, it is." The man said as he finally reached the young woman and swept her up into his arms before holding her tight and kissing her softly on her forehead.
Small pearly white tears began decorating the woman's face as she continued to stare into her beloved's eyes. "They t-told me you had been k-killed. How on e-earth did you s-survive?"
"There is nothing in this world that could possibly keep me from being with you." The man said soothingly as he began to wipe away the tears flowing down the face of the woman in his arms.
Toshiro couldn't believe what he was seeing. The scene that played out in front of him just made the hole in his heart seem all that much heavier and made him feel even emptier inside than he could have ever thought possible. Unlike the woman in-front of him, his lover would never return to him and there would be no happily ever after for him. That couple had each other… Toshiro sighed; I have no-one… With a final glance towards the retreating couple, Toshiro slowly walked away with his head bowed down in defeat. Toshiro was nearing the edge of a forest when he suddenly remembered something that 'Ichigo' had told him right before disappearing.
"If you want to truly be with me, you know what you need to do…"
What precisely did he mean by that? Toshiro thought as he entered under the cover of the large trees that were soon surrounding him. Toshiro though back to that very moment and tried to concentrate on something… anything that 'Ichigo' had done that might give him a clue as to what he had been suggesting.
A smile, a touch, then nothing…
There has to be something else! Toshiro stopped in his tracks so suddenly that anyone would have thought he had been frozen by some unseen force. In an instant, Toshiro finally realized what he had to do.
Hyorinmaru… you will help me, won't you? Toshiro thought as he removed the sword from his back and held it in his outstretched arms. The small captain removed the long, sleek blade from its sheath and ran his fingers over the cool and welcoming steel. You've always been there for me and now is no different.
Toshiro knew that what he was thinking was crazy and there was not even a guarantee that it would work… but if it means seeing Ichigo again, there's no question in my mind. Toshiro had finally figured out something that had been gnawing at his brain ever since Ichigo had passed. It seemed like common sense now that he thought about it… Toshiro lifted his head up so that he could see up into the trees and the darkening sky beyond. Ichigo, you wer- are my everything. I can't possibly live in a world where you don't exist, if the last few weeks have been any indication… I am willing to sacrifice anything to be with you again. Toshiro firmly took hold of Hyorinmaru's hilt, breathing deeply. Here's to us. Toshiro thought before raising the blade up in front of his body with a contented smile finding its way onto the white-haired captain's face for what had to be the first time since the end of the war.
Toshiro could feel soft brush of Ichigo's shihakusho, he could smell the fragrant smell of the strawberry that he loved and missed so much dancing though his nostrils and could swear that he almost heard the sweet sound of Ichigo calling him from wherever he had been hiding.
Toshiro… please come back to me…
I'm coming, Ichigo.
The young prodigy looked around the forest one last time bidding farewell to the world he had known for so long as he took a deep breath, closed his eyes and plunged his zanpakuto's blade straight through his long broken heart.
Toshiro Hitsugaya had no idea what it felt like to die. He thought that it would be painful, especially since he struck himself down with his own sword. Curiously enough, he didn't feel like how he thought he should. Sure, his chest was hurting, but it was more of a dull throbbing than anything; nothing like if a blade had just pierced his heart. The white-haired shinigami just couldn't figure it out… he felt really sore and his arm seemed numb to the point where he couldn't even lift or bend it… but if this was what it felt like to die… well then it wasn't all that bad.
Toshiro… can you hear me?
Toshiro spun around when he heard the familiar voice, but there was nothing but blackness surrounding him.
Please come back to me Toshiro…
Toshiro could hear the desperation that was overflowing from the voice and he wanted to answer back to reassure him that he was right here, but when he opened his mouth trying to answer the desperate plea he found that not a single sound left his lips.
I can't lose you… you're my entire world… The voice was getting louder and Toshiro could swear that the owner to the voice was right next to him, but when he turned to look there was nothing.
Where am I? Toshiro thought to himself, how am I supposed get out of wherever this is? Unless… I'm not supposed to…? The thought of having to spend the rest of eternity in this place while being taunted with voices of those dearest to him sent a chill down the petite captain's spine. As long as I'm here I might as well try and find where the voice is coming from…
Toshiro pushed himself unsteadily to his feet and ran as fast as he could towards where he had last heard the voice. He ran and ran and ran as fast as he could and the young ice wielder was just about to resign himself to his fate and give into the despair that had slowly been growing in his heart, when he saw the most beautiful thing he had ever seen (apart from Ichigo of course) which made him cry out in happiness. Right in front of him he could see a small light, a beautiful, white guiding light. He ran towards it faster than ever, his fatigue nothing more than an afterthought. As he neared the small light, it started to grow larger and larger; he started to hear the voice again, now reverberating around and in his skull stronger than ever.
Just please… don't give up on me…
Toshiro finally arrived at the spot where the strange light seemed to be originating. He stood in front of the light confused, when all of a sudden it seemed to explode around him and all darkness disappeared as Toshiro was engulfed by the light so much so that he was blinded by the sudden burst and fell backwards dazed. He felt his senses failing him and just when he thought the light would burn right through his small body, everything was suddenly shrouded again in complete darkness.
Toshiro very slowly came back around slowly. It was still dark, but the darkness seemed different than before. He felt like he was lying on a cloud and he could feel someone or something grasping the hand he still had feeling in almost painfully. The young captain had no idea where he was going to find himself this time when he opened his eyes and that was why he hadn't done so already. Not to mention his eyelids felt like they weighed a ton, so he wasn't sure he would be able to open his eyes even if he wanted to. Toshiro could feel himself tense up when he heard the voice he had been chasing after for who knows how long whisper in his ear.
"I love you, Toshiro Hitsugaya… so much…"
Could it really be him? The voice sounds so genuine and exactly like he had remembered. Toshiro wanted it to be true, but his brain was yelling at him that it couldn't be. He wasn't even sure if he could get his hopes up just to be disappointed again… he couldn't take the heartbreak that came with it… not again. Brain be damned… I have nothing to lose except my sanity, which I'm already pretty sure I lost long ago.
The snowy-haired boy took a mental breath and then with a lot more effort than should have been necessary, he opened his eyes. "I love you too… " Toshiro managed in a strained whisper and before he even had a chance to finish he heard a surprised gasp from beside him.
"T-Toshiro…?" Toshiro turned his head slightly to the side and there sitting in a chair beside him in all his glory was the one and only, Ichigo Kurosaki. Toshiro could feel the tears already rising and getting ready to escape from his large teal eyes.
"I…Ichi…? P-Please t-tell me that it's r-really y-you." Toshiro choked out, while Ichigo looked at him with a slightly confused look on his face. The strawberry hadn't expected that to be the first thing out of his boyfriend's mouth. While Ichigo was thinking about what to say, Toshiro took that as not wanting to tell him it was all a lie and started shaking and breaking out into confused sobbing. "P-Please… I…I…I j-just…"
Ichigo quickly wrapped his arms around Toshiro's slim waist and hugged the crying boy close to him. "Shh… Toshiro… It's me, I'm here… Shh… I'm real and I promise… I'm not going anywhere." As if to prove to the boy that he was telling the truth, Ichigo bent down and started showering his boyfriend's tear stricken face with butterfly kisses. With the arm he was able to move, Toshiro grabbed the material of Ichigo's shihakusho and held it tightly, worried that Ichigo might disappear if he let go for even a fraction of a second.
Ichigo finally managed to calm Toshiro down enough for him to be able to talk to the smaller captain. Toshiro was still trembling slightly and had also managed to stop the flow of tears for the most part. Toshiro still had no idea what was happening, but at the moment all he cared about was the fact that he had been finally reunited with Ichigo again. Toshiro finally decided to break the silence that had settled while he had been lying contently in Ichigo's embrace.
"W-Where are we, Ichigo?"
A shadow of sadness flashed on Ichigo's face before he managed to smile again. "We're in the Fourth Division…"
"W-What happened…?" Toshiro mused, his memory still fuzzy and after whatever happened had happened to him. He wasn't quite sure of what was a dream and what was reality.
At first, Ichigo didn't want to say anything; he was so relieved that Toshiro had finally woken up and he didn't want to ruin this moment by stirring up any bad memories. "Okay… I'll tell you what happened, if you tell me what happened."
"Mkay…" Toshiro muttered. "S-so…?"
Ichigo very cautiously began to tell Toshiro that during the final battle with Aizen, both Ichigo and Toshiro had managed to corner the bastard when he started to play dirty and tricked Toshiro into thinking that they had killed Aizen when in fact it had been merely an illusion and Toshiro had seen through it at the very last second and avoided the attack. However, Aizen then decided to use the same technique on Ichigo, but with significantly more successful results. Toshiro saw the whole thing and realized at the very last second that Ichigo was wide open for the attack. In a last ditch effort to protect Ichigo, Toshiro used his body as a shield to protect the strawberry. Ichigo completely lost it when he realized what happened and due to all the adrenaline running through his vein, he was able to finally put an end to Aizen for good.
"I thought you were dead by the time I finally found Captain Unohana…" Ichigo frowned, "I've never been more scared in my life." He finished honestly, as he began to run his fingers through Toshiro's white, fluffy locks. "It took Unohana forever to stabilize you and even then she said that the chances of you pulling through were slim… you've been asleep for almost an entire month…"
"A whole m-month?" Toshiro gasped.
"Well, you did have a lot of really serious injuries…" Ichigo sighed, not really wanting to remember the condition that Toshiro had arrived to the Fourth Division in. Preferring not to think about it in too great of detail, Ichigo decided to change the subject. "What happened to you that could have possibly scared you so much?"
Toshiro looked down and starting fumbling with the bed sheets, "I…I don't really want to talk about it…"
"Please?" Ichigo prodded as he tightened his hold around the young captain. "If you tell me then I can probably help."
Toshiro didn't want all those feelings of hopelessness and loneliness to plague his mind again. On the other hand, if he didn't say anything…" Finally, after much consideration Toshiro finally told Ichigo everything about what had happened… or not happened.
"I… I was living in a world where you had… had… d-d-di-" Toshiro shook his head as new tears sprung to his eyes and large began to decorate his pale face again. "…y-you …d-died and I w-was all alone…"
It was heartbreaking for Ichigo to watch his boyfriend fall apart in his arms so soon after finally waking up. "Well, you don't have to worry about that ever again, Shiro. I'm never going to leave you like that… ever." Ichigo cooed reassuringly into Toshiro's ear.
Toshiro looked up into the strawberry's warm and comforting face. "I h-h-had to l-live without you… and I just felt so empty i-inside… all the time… and I-I just couldn't…" Toshiro began mumbling incessantly, before Ichigo silenced him by capturing his small, trembling lips in a passionate kiss.
After running out of breath, Ichigo pulled away and whispered in a calm voice, "You don't have to say anymore. Don't worry about that, just concentrate on me and the fact that I'm here now and you're here with me." Toshiro nodded slowly as he finally stopped trembling and relaxed against the strawberry's chest. The two shinigami sat in silence, Toshiro curled up against Ichigo and Ichigo lying back against Toshiro's pillow with his arms protectively wrapped around his smaller boyfriend. "I was so worried I was going to lose you… when you fell into that coma, even Captain Unohana was unsure of whether you would wake up."
" 'm sorry..." The small captain muttered from the folds of the Ichigo's shihakusho.
Ichigo quickly shook his head, "You have nothing to be sorry for." He smiled. "I never left your side, just in-case you woke up. I wanted to be the first face that you saw when you finally came back."
A thought struck Toshiro when he heard the strawberry. "I… I think I heard you…"
"What-?"
"I heard you, when I was in the coma… every so often I remember hearing your voice calling to me." Toshiro breathed slowly.
"Unohana told me to talk to you," Ichigo shrugged. "She said that it might help you recover faster if you knew that someone you loved was waiting for you. Though I would have done it anyway even if she hadn't mentioned it; I didn't want you to be alone through all of this." The substitute shinigami smiled as he gazed down at the small white-haired captain that he cared so much about.
"I was able to get back because of you." Toshiro smiled as he looked up to meet the gaze of the larger male. He quickly looked away hoping that Ichigo didn't notice when he started blushing, "T-Thanks… Ichigo."
"Anytime, Shiro… if I knew that you liked that so much, then I would have started talking to you in your sleep a long time ago." Ichigo joked as he watched Toshiro's face turn an even darker shade of red.
To Toshiro's immense relief, at that very moment the door to his room opened and in walked the captain of the Fourth Division, Retsu Unohana, followed by her lieutenant and timid seventh seat, Hanataro Yamada.
"It is good to see that you have finally regained consciousness, Captain Hitsugaya." Unohana said calmly as he strode over to where both Ichigo and Toshiro were lying comfortably on Toshiro's bed. Toshiro attempted to untangle himself from Ichigo and then turned around to face the lead healer and nodded. "It's a good thing you came around when you did; Ichigo was just about driving himself crazy with worry about you." Retsu chuckled.
"H-How are you feeling, Captain Hitsugaya?" Hanataro squeaked as he also made his way towards the side of the bed.
"Mainly, just sore and tired…" Toshiro mumbled sleepily.
"Well, that's good to hear." Unohana interjected. "Is there any serious pain concentrated anywhere, or is it more of general soreness?"
"Hmm… just generally sore… and it's hard to get very comfortable with this bulky thing covering my arm…" Toshiro muttered again while attempting to raise the arm that was currently in a cast.
"In that case, I want you to get some rest for now and we can work on giving you a full check-up later when you have more energy." Unohana motioned to her lieutenant, who had remained silent through the short conversation, and then to her seventh seat who hurriedly rushed towards the door following his superiors.
"Ichigo?"
"Yea?"
"Can you promise me something?" Toshiro asked quietly when the door had been closed, leaving him and Ichigo alone again.
"Anything."
"Promise me that this isn't just another dream… and when I wake up, you'll still be right here next to me."
"I won't move even an inch." Ichigo smiled as he adjusted himself so that Toshiro was once again comfortably curled up in his loving embrace.
Before very long, Toshiro was able to drift into a peaceful, untroubled sleep knowing that Ichigo was still going to be there for him when he woke up. That was something that was not going to change and he wouldn't wish it any other way.
"I love you… so much, Ichigo…" Toshiro murmured quietly as he slumbered in the strawberry's arms.
"I love you too, Toshiro... welcome back."
A/N: Yay! Now honestly, who saw that coming? :P I am curious though if anyone noticed a certain something/someone in this story from one of my previous stories. If you can find it, then hmm... brownie points ftw? ^^ Pretty, pretty, puhleeeze review? :D I loveee reading them!
On another note, if you are like me and you just can't get enough IchiHitsu goodness, then I would suggest looking up 'Why Only You?' by Sabaku no Ichigo. It's a really cute story that is totally worth checking out. Also, keep on the look out for 'My Life as Yours' also by Sabaku no Ichigo, which hopefully will be posted sometime soon!
If you enjoyed the story, I suggest also checking out the song 'Sleepwalker' by Adam Lambert, considering it was the inspiration for me writing this one-shot.
And one very last note in regards to my multi-chapter fic, Hidden Truths. Chapter 6 will hopefully get posted sometime soon... it's been on pause while I've been working on this, but now that I'm finally finished, I can devote all my writing power on getting back on track with that.