Disclaimer: Need Chuck? So do I, but I don't own any.
A/N: This piece is a companion to Chuck vs. Real Life. It takes place between chapters 14 and 15. If you haven't read Chuck vs. Real Life, this will mean nothing to you. Do yourself a favor and check it out.
There's been some question as to Chuck's motivation in keeping distance between he and Sarah. Why after all these years is he so hesitant to believe in Sarah. I hope this explains it a little.
Sarah vs. Real Life.
Sarah couldn't believe this was happening. She'd lived with Chuck for less than a week and somehow she'd managed to screw it up. All she'd ever wanted was to protect Chuck. She'd felt that instinct ever since he'd helped the ballerina in the Buy More the day she met him. You could learn a lot about a person from a dossier, but you couldn't learn anything about Chuck from reading his.
The one thing she really knew about Chuck was that he wouldn't hurt her. That's what made his recent actions so confusing. Last night he'd insisted that she take an investigative roll with the FBI. It was a job she didn't want. Sure in a different time, in a different place, in a different life, it might be fun. It certainly had more to offer than reading mission reports here in her cramped NSA office.
The office wasn't all bad. It had a nice view. Sarah glanced up to look at Chuck's empty chair. Well, sometimes it had a nice view. Chuck had been in conference room 14b for the last three hours. He was spending most of the day in his new roll with the NSA ferreting out traitors and villains of the worst sort. Sarah flicked the control and tab keys on her keyboard so that the camera in conference room 14b popped onto her screen. There he was, attentively listening to some paper pusher from the call mining office. Sarah sighed. She hated that the NSA always took and took from Chuck, but never gave anything back.
Now she was trying to give something back. She was trying to make good on all the silent promises she'd made to him over the last three years. Every look in which she tried to express to him how much more he was than just the Intersect, every hint that she'd given that he was special to her, finally she was trying pay those debts off and Chuck wouldn't accept the payment.
It's not that he was mean. Sure, he was hurtful at times, in his attempts to keep her at arms length, but he wasn't malicious. Every time he pushed her away three years of irony slapped her in the face. She'd fallen for him long ago, but insisted on maintaining professional distance. Now that it was time to act, she couldn't break down the walls between them, the walls that she herself had constructed.
So this was what it felt like.
It's not like it was hopeless. It's just she wasn't used to being the pursuer. Usually, men did what she wanted them to do. All she had to do was ask. Chuck was shaking her confidence. He felt some sort of love for her, she was sure of that, but her attempts at seduction had been rebuffed. Sarah could understand his actions to a point. They were very new to being a couple. It was just that…well it was frustrating. She'd wanted this, or something like it, for so long, why couldn't it just work between them? Why didn't Chuck trust her with his heart the way he trusted her with his life?
Sarah watched her clock click past eleven and then dialed her phone.
"Hello?"
"Ellie, hi, it's Sarah."
"Sarah, oh my goodness! It's so great to hear your voice!"
"It's only been a couple of weeks," Sarah replied dismissively, but her lips curled into a smile just the same.
"I know, but you get used to seeing someone every couple of days and thinking of them like a sister… I miss you guys."
"We miss all of you too. How are things?"
"Oh, pretty much the same. Working too much, wishing I got to see more of Devon. It's quiet in the apartment without you guys stopping by all the time. I know Chuck moved out a year ago, but it's different when he's not popping in."
"Yeah," Sarah said.
Silence over came the line for a few moments before Ellie picked up the questioning. "So what about you guys? Are you all moved in and settled?"
Sarah laughed. "Hardly. I don't know if we'll ever get all the boxes unpacked."
"Oh, you guys only just got there. I really wish you'd been able to come back when Chuck was packing up his stuff. Do you think we can come visit soon?" Ellie asked.
"Oh, uh… yeah, maybe, my work schedule is so hectic. It's hard to know when I'd be available, but we'll work something out soon."
"You're really busy?" Ellie asked.
"Yeah you wouldn't believe it." Sarah sighed.
"Aren't you supposed to be working now?" Ellie asked.
"Yeah…I kind of called you from my desk."
"You called from your desk just to say hi?"
Sarah took a deep breath and let it out slowly before she said, "actually I was kind of hoping for a pep talk."
"About what?" Ellie sounded stunned.
"It's Chuck."
"What did he do now?" Ellie nearly growled into the phone.
"Nothing… " Sarah hesitated.
"Then what is it?"
"It's just…well ever since we got here, Chuck's been…distant. It's like he's pushing me away. I mean… Well it's hard to explain really, you know how we've always taken things slowly. That was mostly for my benefit and Chuck was always really great about it. When we moved out here, I thought things would be different, but Chuck's, I don't know it's like he doesn't feel the same way about me when were here." Sarah could hear Ellie muttering on the other end of the phone, but she couldn't make out what she was saying.
"I'll talk to him," Ellie finally said.
"NO!" Sarah nearly shouted. "Don't do that!"
"Why not?"
"He's…I'm sure he's just adjusting it's been a big change, that's all. I just thought he'd be more excited."
"Sarah…" Ellie trailed off.
"What?"
"Well, the thing is, okay, look. What you have to understand is that our Mom left when Chuck was still just a kid and then Dad bailed out right after I went to college. Chuck had a hard time getting close to people after that. Chuck's always been friendly and he can make friends, but really letting people get close? That's been hard since high school. Then he went away to college and I thought things got better. He had trouble first term, but then he met Bryce and eventually Jill. Chuck really let them in. They were the first people in a long time. Well you know what happened with them and when Chuck came back from college, he just never let anybody get close again. It was just Morgan and I for five years, until you. Don't let him push you away, Sarah. He thinks you'll leave. For some reason he seems to think the two of you aren't real or some nonsense. Chuck's told me for years that you didn't feel about him, the way that I know you do. Thank you for proving me right."
Sarah smiled sadly into the phone. "Your welcome I guess. I'm sorry that Chuck and I are always such a mess. That can't have been a fun show to watch for the last five years."
"Are you kidding? Watching you swoop in out of nowhere three years ago and rescue Chuck's battered heart? It made me believe in true love again."
Sarah laughed. "You? Oh, come on, you had Devon all these years. That should have been enough to make you believe."
Ellie returned Sarah's laugh uncomfortably. "It wasn't easy for us. For the longest time, I was sure Devon was going to break my heart. So I had trouble… I mean I always loved him, I was just…afraid. Devon has commitment issues too. Seven years it took us, but we made it. You will too."
Sarah smiled slightly. "Thanks, Ellie."
"No need to thank me, you're practically my sister and I don't want to wait too much longer before you guys make it official."
"You might have a while to wait yet."
"That's okay, as long as you eventually let me pay you back for being my bridesmaid."
"I'd like that," Sarah replied softly. "Listen, El, I should go."
"Oh, but you haven't told me about your house yet!" Ellie objected.
"We'll talk again soon, I promise."
"All right, give my brother a kick from me."
Sarah snickered. "Bye, Ellie. Oh, and Ellie?"
"Yes?"
"Thanks."
"Of course…call anytime, Sarah. I mean it."
"Bye."
"Bye."
Sarah hung up the phone. So that was the issue. Chuck thought she'd eventually change her mind about spending her life with him. Well, she'd just have to prove him wrong. If there was any one thing she had plenty of, it was time. Sarah grunted. That didn't sound like the kind of fun she had in mind though. Perhaps they could come to a compromise.
She checked on Chuck in conference room 14b. He was talking to a different man. Chuck looked bored, but was dutifully making notes as the man talked. Not for the first time she cursed Chuck's parents. How could they have left him? How could anybody? How could she have been thinking about doing it too? That's when it hit her. That's why Chuck was hesitant, because she didn't know if she would have stayed if Beckman hadn't tried to put him in the bunker.
Chuck thought she'd already made her choice. He was wrong. She hadn't decided, but she had thought about it. Sarah chewed on the tip of her pen. It was amazing how often just a little indecision would always come back to bite you. But she could make this up to Chuck. If she had to work two jobs, then fine, she'd work two jobs, but she was going to fix this.
A/N: I hope that helps people understand this version of Chuck a little better.