A/N: So this will be my first attempt at a GA fanfic, i'm not sure how well i'll do cos the characters are written pretty brilliantly already and I don't know how well i'll do capturing them BUT I would like to try! An idea i've had for a while- from like S3, near the end, mer/alex begin an affair. I love Meredith and Alex as friends but what if they became more? And what if Derek didn't know? Would he find out? What about George and Izzie- are they destine to be together? And how will Christina react to the cheating? A kind of what if fic, from the moment Thatcher slaps Meredith things are different. So, please do give it a shot, if you like it please review and i'll write more, but if you don't my One Tree Hill stuff is around and I love writing that so that might be better! Hehe, a nice little plug for my OTH there. Oh and I do love mer/der, this is just a fun thing.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, but if I did, Eric Dane would definitely be topless all through S5. Oh and if there is another fic like this I apologise, I did scour the pages first but I couldn't spot anything, anyway, this is my idea.

Meredith reached the end of the corridor and threw open the window gasping for air. She couldn't breathe, couldn't see, everything was a blur, a terrifying, dizzying blur. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and then tried opening them again, the world came back into focus. The rain coming in at the window was soaking her arm and she quickly withdrew back inside. She slid down the wall and clutched her knees to her chest, trying to recover her breath. She hadn't done anything on purpose, had never asked for any of this. She hadn't even wanted the relationship in the first place and now she was devastated by its demise. She touched her cheek gingerly where her father had struck out and winced, it was stinging like hell. She reached her hands out across the floor and rested her palms down flat on the cold plastic, this was meant to be the place where she was meant to be most in control. With everything that happened in her personal life, her trials and tribulations, her mother, her Derek, the hospital was her haven. It was where she came and pretended to be somebody who knew what they were doing- well one hard slap had taken all that away, and in front of the entire place.

She knocked her head against the wall gently and then harder, finally she had to stop as she was beginning to feel dizzy again. She stood up slowly, she hoped by now everyone in the locker room would have dispersed and she wouldn't be subject to the dozens of pairs of eyes she knew would latch onto her the minute she entered the room. She was used to everybody gossiping about her, hell the Addison Derek drama had been enough to put her majorly on the hospital radar, but tonight she didn't think she could handle it. She needed a strong drink more than anything. Twisting her hair up and away from her face- she couldn't remember when it had come loose- she walked slowly back down the corridor and towards the locker room. It wasn't her night, there were about six people round the door and they all fell silent when they saw her approaching. George came out of the room now and stopped in front of her. His eyes were full of sympathy, great now she was getting sympathy from George?!

"Hey."

"Hi George," she said wearily, continuing to walk by- she didn't want to have a long in depth conversation right now. He caught her arm.

"Mer-" she twisted and looked at him, his eyes full on the bright red mark across her cheek, the forming of a bruise, "you ok?" He asked softly, his voice full of concern.

"I'm fine," she said briefly, "i'm ok George," she pulled her arm away gently, "i'll see you tomorrow."

George watched her walk past the other interns, her head down, he felt terrible for her. Callie suddenly appeared at his arm.

"Hey you- ready to go?" He tore his eyes away from the closing door and looked at his wife, she was so beautiful, he knew he didn't deserve her right now.

"Yeah," he squeezed her hand and she linked her hand through his arm as they walked, "let's go home Mrs O' Malley."

Meredith twisted her key and leant heavily against the door as it swung open. Izzie looked up from the sofa, her dark eyes were heavy and she tried to smile.

"I made brownies," she said waving a plate up in the air and then banging it down on the table harder than she'd planned. She looked up at Meredith apologetically but she seemed to have hardly noticed. She hadn't moved from her frozen pose by the front door, her hand still at the lock, her bag falling off her shoulder, her eyes a hundred miles away. Izzie got up off the sofa and went over to her.

"Meredith?" She touched her arm gently and Meredith's face snapped towards her.

"Hey Iz, what's goin' on?"

Izzie stared at her dubiously, "Meredith, where have you been? You look terrible."

"Yeah I know," her bag dropped with a thud and she turned towards the stairs, "i'm gonna take a shower, did you say there was food?"

"Yeah I made some brownies," Izzie said falteringly, "Meredith-"

"Izzie i'm fine! When I get back we should eat them or drink or whatever."

Izzie sighed, "sounds good to me."

Upstairs Meredith sank onto her bed and slowly pulled her shirt off, she felt like she was a hundred years old. Grabbing her towel she kicked off her jeans and boots and then headed into the bathroom. Once in the shower she tipped her head backwards, letting the water pour down her face, soaking her hair, hoping that somehow it might wash her away. There was a banging on the door.

"What Iz?" She yelled through the pouring water.

"It's Alex- we're out of limes."

"There's four in my bag," she shouted back.

"You just carry alcohol accessories around?!"

"No dumbass I just bought them," she heard him shout with laughter and then move away.

She took five more minutes and then stepped out of the shower shaking herself. She threw on an old tee shirt and shorts and then ran down the stairs. Collapsing on the sofa next to Izzie she closed her eyes for a second and wished she could sleep for a thousand years. Alex reappeared carrying limes.

"Limes!"

"Limes!" They both chorused.

He poured out three shots and they reached in for a toast, Alex wrinkled up his nose, "do we have anything good to toast?"

"Mmmm," Meredith shrugged, "my Dad smacked the hell out of me at the hospital in front of my boyfriend and half the staff so let's toast to family."

Both Izzie and Alex turned to stare at her, then Alex grinned and pushed his glass against Meredith's, "cheers."

Izzie shot him a warning look, "Alex!"

"Izzie just drink the damn shot," Meredith said rolling her eyes and downing her own, "another one please bar man."

Alex filled up her glass and Izzie sighed and then sank her own, "alright fine, let's do some Meredith style drinking."

"Excellent!"

Several hours later and Izzie and Meredith crashed against the back of the sofa laughing hysterically. Alex was sniggering and half falling off his chair, "i'm telling you I said that!"

"Nooo! You're supposed to be polite to the- the patients or whatever," Meredith slurred.

"Alright," Alex filled up the glasses again, "what we toasting to now?"

"To love," Izzie said hiccuping.

"No!" Meredith waved her hand in the air, "no no no, love doesn't last."

"Maybe, maybe it does!" Izzie argued.

"Noo- no you know i've never seen it last everrr."

"I have!"

"Whatever."

"I believe it does."

"What. Everrr."

There was silence as Meredith watched her own arms waving in the air, Izzie tried to eat brownie crumbs and Alex refilled.

"You're kind of pretty Izzie!" Meredith was looking up at her from her horizontal state on the sofa, she was practically falling off it.

"Why so are you Meredith!" Izzie threw a handful of lime peel at Meredith and she screamed.

"Both of you are nuts," Alex said downing his own shot and re-filling, "and complete light weights."

"Shurrup Alex- " Meredith pointed at him warningly, "but seriously have you.. have you ever been in love?"

"Once," he said slamming his glass down sharply and tequila flew over the side, "but let's not toast to that."

"Once? Seriously?"

"Seriously!"

"Noooo!" Meredith gaped at him open mouthed and he scowled.

"You know what's funny?" Izzie said giggling uncontrollably breaking the silence, "I kissed my best friend in an elevator today, and he's married, married. Don't you think that's funny?!"

Alex and Meredith stared at her for a second, Meredith found herself temporarily speechless.

"To elevators!" Alex said after a few moments of silence and Izzie looked up at him, her eyes full of tears.

"Alex!"

"What?!"

Meredith reached over the table to punch him on the arm and lost her balance completely, she crashed onto the floor, breaking Izzie's stupor and they both burst into laughter again. Alex dropped onto the floor to help her up, touching the small of her bag and for a fleeting moment she felt something tingle in her bones. They both staggered back onto the sofa and Izzie leant against Meredith's shoulder.

"Alright- I- I probably shouldn't have mentioned that right?"

"Maybe you'll regret it in the morning- kind of like our Mer here," Alex said patting Meredith's leg, again, the tingle. It was because she was drunk, she knew it, she was DRUNK.

"Shurrup Alex!" Meredith said again.

He smirked at her, "you know i'm charming really."

She pushed her hand against his face, "eugh, I don't think so." But he grinned and pushed her hand away, she stopped fighting it and for a second he let his fingers wrap round her wrist, in a moment he had let go, but he had felt it too, she knew he had.

"Alrriiight," Izzie tried to stand and caught the sofa for balance, "I sleep to go to need, I mean," she tried to stand again and clutched her head, "wooah... I need to go to sleep."

"Night night Izzie!" Meredith waved limply and Alex raised a hand;

"See you in the morning Stevens." She threw her hand behind her in response.

"Can you believe that? O' Malley and Stevens!" He said incredulously, leaning back against the sofa. Meredith shrugged, maybe sometimes people did desperate things to get the attention of the ones they loved, she certainly understood that impulse.

"I don't know- maybe. I guess when you can't hold on any longer or you're really lonely."

"Or just really drunk," he glanced sideways at her, "Meredith-"

"What?" She could suddenly feel her heart beating very fast and very hard.

"Are you ok?"

"Does it matter?" She said crossly reaching for the bottle, not bothering with her glass any more.

"Yeah it does," he said softly.

She looked at him suspiciously, "since when do you care if i'm alright? I thought you only talked to Ava these days."

Alex shrugged and messed with a rip in one of the sofa cushions, not meeting her eye, "I was just asking."

Meredith sighed and leant forward, dropping her face into her hands. She had the same dizziness as before and there was a dull pain at the back of her skull that she couldn't work out if it was premature hang over or from banging her head repeatedly earlier. It had been the longest day ever. Longer than the time she'd had her hand on a bomb, longer that time she'd sat in a hospital room with Denny and Dylan, god was that only a few weeks ago?

"Meredith?" Alex's voice was suddenly panicky, "Meredith you're crying, are you ok?"

She couldn't breathe, she stood up quickly knocking the bottle onto Alex's jumper, he swore, "shit."

"Oh god, i'm sorry Alex, i'm just- i'm gonna go," she said, dashing away the tears irritatedly before running up the stairs, she tripped at the top and lay for a second, she felt so stupid.

"Meredith!" Alex's voice came from the living room where he was pulling off his dripping wet sweater and she heard him calling, his voice more muffled than before as he pulled it over his head.

She clambered up and stumbled into her bedroom before slamming the door and leaning on it heavily. Not three seconds had gone by when there was a knock.

"Alex go away!" She said angrily, her words slurring slightly.

"Meredith I would but-"

"But what?!"

"You're in my room."

She felt along the wall to the light and flicked it on, glancing around, "oh yeaaah, sorry about that." She sank to the floor. On the other side of the door Alex did the same thing, his head was pounding.

"Can't you sleep on the couch?!"

"Meredith!"

"Fine, i'll be out in a minute." There was a long silence and Alex pulled at a thread in his trousers, trying not to say anything that might set her off again.

"Alex?" She whispered through the wood.

"Yep?"

"Who were you in love with?"

"It was a long time again Meredith, it doesn't matter."

"But don't you miss it?"

"Don't you mean miss her?"

"No I mean, miss the love, the trust- everything."

"Oh," he shrugged and then realised she couldn't see him, "I dunno- I guess I never really thought about that bit."

Slowly the door creaked open and Meredith appeared, in the light of the hallway she looked ethereal with her pale skin and her striking eyes, her hair pulled back off her face and her white tee shirt and shorts. Alex swallowed. His head was suddenly thinking an awful lot of things it shouldn't have been. Meredith met his eye.

"I'm sorry you don't feel those things any more Alex," she said quietly. She couldn't quite place how she was feeling. He stood in front of her, his vest damp and clinging to him and his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his baggy trousers, he couldn't have looked more nonchalant, more at ease- more easy. Not in that sense, she corrected herself, just simple, uncomplicated. He was waiting for her to say something. Instead she just stared at him, her eyes wide. Slowly she let go of the door edge and moved into the light, she squinted as she passed him and nodded slowly, "good night Alex."

"Good night Meredith," he said softly.

She padded into her own room and threw herself on the bed, she could feel a bruise forming on her leg where she'd fallen over and she rolled over and looked up at the ceiling, kicking the mattress hard beneath her. She could have sworn suddenly she heard a knocking on the door and she stopped flailing around and listened, her breathing filling the room. There was nothing there- she'd just been imagining it. Then she heard it again, she leapt up and swung open the door. Alex was leaning against the door opposite, his arms folded, looking at her funny. For a second she stared back and then without warning she dived forward and kissed him. Catching her in his arms Alex reciprocated passionately, pushing her backwards into her bedroom. In the darkness she pulled off his vest and he, her tee shirt, before they fell back onto the bed. He was kissing her neck, her collarbone, he kissed her mouth fiercely and it was electrifying, she'd never felt such passion. She rolled over and with a thud they collapsed onto the floor. That didn't stop them, the last thing she thought before letting the darkness, and Alex, consume her, was that she didn't want to be lonely or to seek the attention of her loved ones, she wanted to feel. And Alex made her feel.

So i'm kinda nervous about this- if it doesn't work for ya no worries but if it does, please be kind and leave us a nice review!