Chapter 1

Emily Cassadine sat slumped in the hallway outside of Dr. Winters' office, her head in her hands and tears in her eyes. She was distraught over what had happened during her therapy session, but at the same time she felt…cleansed, somehow. But it was wrong of her to feel that way, especially after what she had done. Nikolas had been nothing but supportive of her, and he didn't deserve what she'd just done to him. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she recalled their conversation on the docks the other day

Flashback

Nikolas: Does it help at all, knowing that the basement is gone?

Emily: What helps is having you with me.

Emily: I actually feel peace for the first time in months --

Nikolas: Good.

Emily: Because of you and the way you love me through anything.

Nikolas: Sorry, I can't help it.

Emily: Nikolas, you need to know what's going on in my heart. And I'm not going to throw that love away, especially for human waste like Connor Bishop. I'm going to beat this, Nikolas. It may take time, but I'm not going to let an act of violence define who I'm going to be for the rest of my life.

Nikolas: You know that I'll help you any way that you'll let me, right?

Emily: Yeah. Nikolas, you can accept my apology? I mean, I've been so unfair to you. And you're not Connor. You never hurt me. You don't deserve to have me flinch away every time you try to touch me.

Nikolas: I won't -- I mean, I won't deny that it hurts. But it's not because I feel unfairly accused. It just -- it kills me to see how afraid he made you, you know? And to know what he did still affects you, eats you up inside. I so wish I could just take that away from you, but I can't, you know? I just want you to know that I'll be right there with you always. In the meantime, I really don't want you to worry about me, okay, because the only thing that I can't handle at this point is you pushing me away for my own protection. Okay?

Emily: Okay.

Nikolas: And that means, damn it, no asking me for a divorce, no encouraging me to move on without you. You know, distance, physical space, whatever -- I can handle that. All you have to do is ask.

Emily: I just got you back. The last thing I want is more distance.

Nikolas: I know, but you're not ready to be close close yet either, but I'm telling you that's okay. That's okay. We can get through this together by being honest with each other no matter how much it hurts.

End Flashback

Sighing, Emily stood and wiped the tears from her eyes just as Elizabeth approached.

"Hey Em are you okay? Nikolas went by a couple of minutes ago and he looked pretty upset. What happened?" Liz asked, very concerned for her two best friends.

"Oh God, Liz. It was awful. Nikolas was helping me with my therapy session by pretending to be Connor, and I went crazy at him. I was screaming, I hit him, I told him I wished he were dead, but all I could see was Connor. It wasn't Nikolas, Liz, I swear. It was Connor I said all those horrible things to, but I don't think Nikolas is going to understand."

"Honey he knows that," Liz soothed, hugging Emily.

"Why? Did he talk to you? What did he say? Was he upset, angry- what?"

"Em, he wasn't angry at you, and he wasn't upset with you either. He just said that he couldn't stand to see how much he had hurt you and that he finally understands why having him around is so painful for you…He just wants to give you time to heal."

Emily closed her eyes. "Oh God," she whispered. "What have I done?" Opening her eyes, she looked firmly at Liz. "I've got to go find him and make him understand that what just happened wasn't about him. It was about Connor. I have to make him understand that I need him." Giving her friend another hug, Emily left to go find her husband.

Nikolas Cassadine stood on the pier deep in thought, trying to make sense of what had just happened. He'd thought he was doing the right thing for both of them, but now it looked like he had only made things worse. He wanted to understand her pain so he could help her heal, but he now realized that the only way to do that was to give her what she had been asking for all along- space. God knows he didn't want to, but it was the only way. He'd never seen her so angry before. The way she screamed at him, the things she said…. Nikolas ran a hand over his face as he thought back on the therapy session.

Flashback

Nikolas: I live with you 24/7, Emily. We pretend to everyone that I'm your husband.

Emily: You understood the boundaries. It was supposed to be a job, not real life.

Nikolas: I had a scar removed for you. I had tattoos put on my arms for you. You asked me to be Nikolas –

Emily: I didn't ask for this.

Nikolas: But you can't have it all your way. You wanted me to be your husband, and that's exactly what –

Emily: To pretend to be my husband.

Nikolas: Is that all I am to you? Is that all I am to you, is your pretend husband?

Emily: Let me go!

Nikolas: Not until I get what I want!

Emily: Shut up!

Nikolas: You know you want it, Emily!

Emily: Just shut up! You pig! You disgust me! I hate you! Do you hear me? I hate you!

Emily: I hate you for what you did to me. You took my whole life and my feelings, and you turned them into something terrifying. And I almost felt sorry for you, like you were all confused and you had a screwed-up life and like somehow this was all my fault and I brought it on myself. Well, I didn't. I didn't lead you on or ask for it. I didn't do anything wrong except mistake you for a human being. Well, you're not! You're just a filthy animal.

Dr. Winters: Good, Emily. Tell him.

Emily: I didn't want you. I begged you to stop, but you wouldn't. No, you hurt me! You son of a bitch! You took my body like it belonged to you! Like it didn't matter what I felt or what I wanted! This isn't just a body, Connor, just flesh and blood and muscle that you can abuse and use any way you want! Someone lives in here. I live in here! And I have a heart and a soul, and you had no right -- I did not give you permission to take that away! You raped me, Connor! You raped me, and you deserved to die! Oh, God -- Oh, God.

End Flashback

Deep down Nikolas knew she hadn't been yelling at him, but it still killed him to see how much pain she was in. And there was nothing he could really do to take her pain away. He would do anything to help her, to ease her suffering. He loved her too much to make her relive her rape every time she looked at him. He loved her enough to let her go…if that was what she still wanted. He prayed that it wasn't, but if she still wanted a divorce, a separation, for him to leave town – anything, he would give it to her in a heartbeat if it helped her cope. But before he could 

tell her that, he would first need to come to terms with the therapy session. He had to makes sure he could face her without breaking down. Emily needed him to be strong. He couldn't and wouldn't make her worry about him. She was dealing with enough. As he tried to compose himself, Nikolas heard someone coming down the pier. He turned slowly, not sure whether or not he wanted it to be Emily. Instead of his wife, however, he saw Gia Campbell walking towards him.

"Gia, hi. How are you?" Nikolas asked, his good manners apparent even when he wasn't feeling like much of a prince.

"I'm good," Gia replied. "Are you okay? I couldn't help but notice that you looked upset as you left the hospital and I wanted to make sure you were all right."

Nikolas immediately became suspicious. Gia had rarely spoken to him since she had come back to town. He knew she was still angry about their aborted engagement. But she had been the one to walk away. Obviously she had thought that he would go after her, and he might have, if Emily hadn't come back to town and changed his life forever. Emily…the love of his life, his soul mate. He loved everything about her- her kindness and passion, her selflessness and compassion. Not to mention that she was the most gorgeous woman in the world. God, how was he going to be able to let her go when he still loved her so much? He suddenly realized that he had been so deep in thought that he hadn't heard anything of what Gia was saying to him.

"I'm sorry Gia, what were you saying?"

"I was just asking if there was anything I could do to help you," Gia said, taking a step closer to him. She knew that something was going on between him and Emily, and she fully intended to take advantage of it.

"No, but thank you for offering," Nikolas replied. "Emily and I are just…readjusting, getting to know each other again. A lot has happened to the both of us, and we're just getting comfortable with one another again."

"What is her problem?" Gia exclaimed, pretending to be annoyed on Nikolas' behalf.

"I'm sorry?" Nikolas questioned, not sure if her had heard Gia correctly.

"I've seen the way she acts around you now," Gia responded. "She should be so happy to have you back, but instead she's so distant. Your precious 'Princess' has turned into a real Ice Queen. She can barely stand to be near you, much less touch you. And when you try to touch her, she flinches and pulls away. I don't get it. I mean, if I were her, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of you." Gia reached out and put her hand on his arm.

Nikolas pulled his arm away from her. "You don't know what you're talking about," he said, walking away from her.

"Are you saying that you haven't noticed the difference?" Gia countered. "I can show you."

"I'm saying that you have no idea what Emily has been through, what she has dealt with while I was in prison," Nikolas replied angrily, his eyes flashing. "You can't possibly understand all the pain I have caused her, or how incredibly strong and brave she is. You don't understand how much I love her. What you don't seem to get, Gia, is that if you EVER talk about my wife like that again, you won't like what I do in response. And don't even waste your time trying to show me what I've been missing. We were done before Emily even came back into my life. I love Emily more than you could possibly fathom, and nothing is going to make me stop loving her." Nikolas glared at her. "Are we clear?"

Gia returned his glare. "You'll regret this," she snarled. Without another word, she left.

Nikolas sighed, his anger fading as the truth of his words and Gia's weighed heavily on his mind. Suddenly he sensed a presence behind him. He turned to see Emily standing at the top of the stairs, tears streaming down her face. "Emily…how long have you been standing there?" he asked.

She slowly descended the steps. "Long enough to hear you defend my honor," she said with a weak smile. "It was very chivalrous of you."

"Em, I couldn't let her talk about you that way." Looking at her face, he frowned. 'What's wrong?"

She looked down. "Nikolas…I really appreciate that you stood up for me like that. But there's just one problem." She looked up at him, meeting his eyes. "She's right."

Transcripts from May 16 and 20, 2005