"C'mon, Dad."
Professor Membrane looked down, his eyes widening a bit behind the white goggles he wore. He stared at the young boy who was looking back up at him, with his scythe-like black hair, big glasses, and amber/golden eyes. Young Dibbun Membrane was tugging on his father's labcoat as Professor Membrane stood at at the DVD player in the living room, the professor turning away to tilt his head a bit. Dib was, evidently, back from school and had something in his hand to show his father.
"I wanna show you!" the young 5 year old said, holding up a statue. It appeared to be a very, VERY good replica of "Grey" alien, with big black eyes, the skinny grey body, and all carved from elementary school clay. Nicely done indeed. "I managed to get an A in the class."
"Yes, well, it's Art class." Professor Membrane said with a shrug. "I'm very busy now, son. I intend to improve DVDs to a brand new level. And I will call it...BLU-RAY!" He proclaimed, pointing dramatically in the air as he took out a DVD of "The Twilight Zone" and held it up for Dib to see, Dib looking a bit hurt as he stared from the DVD to his father. "They'll have TWICE the amount of data! They'll be even thinner! And the resolutions will look amazing!"
"...um...why...blu-ray? Why blue?" Dib found himself asking, sighing a bit, coming to the realization his Dad wasn't even remotely interested in his statue.
"Because they'll be read with BLUE LASERS, naturally!" said Professor Membrane.
"Well...could you show me how it works?" Dib asked hopefully. He would take what he could get with his father. ANY time with him would mean-
"Not now, son. I need to add in this protective layer, and then fiddle with the laser that grooves the underside of the disc! It will need to be much thinner! THIN-THIN-THIN!" Professor Membrane said, wagging his black-gloved finger in the air as Dib quietly sighed, head hung low, and headed for his room. Meanwhile, Gaz was in the kitchen, trying in vain to reach the fridge door. Unfortunately, she was too short to do it, and too weak.
The purple-haired girl cringed as she leapt UP at the fridge door, managing to grip it with her tiny hands, and her amber/golden eyes turned cold as she tugged, and TUGGED. "C'mon! O-Open! UP!" She growled out. "I! W-Want! Ice Cream!" She yelled out. But try as she might...she couldn't tug the door open, and flopped onto her back. "OW! Dadddyyyyyy!" She called out. "Can you help me open up the fridge?! I want ice cream!"
Professor Membrane, however, was in the middle of doing what he always did when in a haze of creative fervor...talking to himself. "With this, I'll be able to squeeze five times as many grooves onto a disc. It'll be brilliant! This will revolutionize the industry!"
"Dad? Daaaad?" Gaz rose up from the kitchen floor, peering out of the kitchen and across the carpeted floor, looking at Professor Membrane. "DADDY!"
He still wasn't paying attention. Gaz grunted darkly, and stomped off. Fine. If she couldn't get ice cream from HERE, she'd just get some money out of his car and go to the ice cream truck when it came by. She'd memorized the route he took. And, besides, his car door was FAR easier to open than the fridge door, the handle wasn't nearly as thick.
ONE AND A HALF YEARS LATER...
"You're sure this will work?" Gaz asked, Dib nodding as he looked over the circular seal he'd drawn in chalk on the floor. An enormous bowl of metal had been laid down, filled up with various items of different chemical compositions. "Absolutely sure?"
"Trust me, this'll work. All the magical alchemical texts I read said that this is the perfect chemical composition of a human. So now we just need a bit of your blood for this, since you're a clone of Mom, and we'll be able to call her back!" Dib insisted as Gaz sighed and got out the pocket knife she had, quickly slicing into her hand as some blood dribbled down into the bowl and onto the ingredients. Dib held up the alchemical book, looking it over, and then nodded at Gaz as they stood behind the circle, Dib clearing his throat, and speaking in Latin.
As he spoke, the circle in the garage glowed brightly, whilst Professor Membrane was out in the backyard, supposedly hard at work on a new invention. The window of the garage was open nearby, allowing the kids to see him, but he appeared to be very deeply engrossed in his work.
At long last, Dib finished the chanting, as the circle pulsated and a roaring noise filled the air, lightning splitting the interior of the garage as Dib and Gaz ducked. "Look! It's working!" Dib cried out, as a distinct, big, swirling portal of energy opened up around the ingredients, both their eyes widening. At last, after over a year of being dead...after night after night of crying themselves to sleep, being unable to stop sobbing whenever they came across something that had belonged to Peg...
At last, Peg Membrane would return to the land of-
KRAKKT-RHOOOOM! Lightning struck across the walls, and a rebound slapped across Gaz's arms. She briefly stared down for a moment, mouth agape, then looked up at Dib...her arms had been severed just below the shoulder.
"...DIB." She managed to gasp out. "DIIIIIIIIIB!" She screamed, howling in agony as Dib quickly raced to her side, eyes bulging behind his glasses, turning to yell out the window...
"DAD! DAAAD, GAZ'S HURT!"
"Just a second, son! I'm almost finished!" Professor Membrane said, the headphones over his ears...bent low over a crossword puzzle alongside the portable tablet computer he'd finished designing that was made to fit inside your skin.
"Dad, c'mon, seriously! We need help!"
"Son, this will revolutionize the industry! Daddy's very busy!"
"I'm getting you to the hospital!" Dib said, plucking up Gaz's arms, tying them together with string as he wrapped Gaz's wounds up in thick layers of rags from the garage...just as something began to step through the swirling portal, making them stare, their golden/amber eyes bulging. It was...it wasn't Peg.
But it was someone they knew. Old Man McFeeney who'd died a few months ago, shuffling out the portal along with several other distinctly DEAD people.
"What the?!" Dib exclaimed. "How the-?!"
"Great job, Dib! You had ONE JOB! ONE! JOB!" Gaz muttered angrily before blood splurted out of her wounds again, Dib racing out the garage door as the zombies began to shuffle along after them.
"Hey, c'mon kids, come on back!" said Old Man McSweeney. "I just wantcha to put my dentures back in my mouth!...so I can eat your brains!"
Professor Membrane finally took off the headphones, turning around...seeing zombies were swarming out of his garage. "...well what's all this?" He remarked, scratching his head, the zombies following after Dib and Gaz down the street. "Hmm. I should probably do something about this." he reasoned, sighing as he folded his arms over his chest.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Dib cried out, barreling down the road.
A pattern was beginning to form. Dib would commonly ask his father for help with something...and his father would be too busy. GAZ would ask her dad for help...and he'd barely be involved at all. In fact, within just a MONTH...
"This is turning into a habit." Dib grumbled as he tried dialing his father's number once again. he'd tried calling Professor Matthew Membrane FIVE TIMES and still, his father hadn't picked up. Pacing back and forth, he groaned, shaking his head as, at last, his father finally picked up the phone. "Dad, listen! You've got to get over to the house! I've actually caught Bigfoot at last! He came back to use the belt sander!"
Bigfoot, tied up in a corner in the garage, looked around and saw the blood on the floor. "Oh shit, man, is that blood?! God, don't kill me, dude!" He screamed out.
"Sonnnnn? Is that your friend Zim I hear in the background? Your adorable foreign friend? Are you playing another one of your funny little games? I'm very busy son, it's "Take Your Daughter to Work Day"!" Professor Membrane inquired as Dib stared stupidly at the smartphone, Gaz's voice ringing out from the background.
"Dad, I need some help with this bathroom? For some reason, there's no toilet paper, just...seashells?"
"Dad, just turn on 'Facetime' and I'll show you! LOOK!" He said, turning on the "Facetime" app to use his video camera to show off a terrified-looking, hairy, sweaty, seven-foot-tall Bigfoot with big, tusky teeth. "See?! BIGFOOT! C'mon, get home! We've got to show this to the media, this'll be huge!"
"C'mon, son. It's not funny to waste my time with you and your friend Zim's dress-up games. It's very cute that you'd dress him up like Chewbacca from Star Wars, I was a huge fan of the series myself and it's adorable that you're getting ready for tomorrow's rerelease of the entire series in theaters, but I don't have time for that. And I can't take you to the rerelease, I have a speech to give on thermionic trans-conductance at a conference in Phoenix." He said.
"Dad, seriously, what's with these seashells?" Gaz called out from the bathroom behind Professor Membrane.
"B-But...but DAD! BIGFOOT?!" Dib exclaimed, positively astounded his father couldn't tell this huge creature wasn't just Zim in a suit! Especially when Zim hadn't been around for WEEKS, he'd evidently been called back to Irk. But then Professor Membrane turned the phone off, ending the call as Dib moaned, tugging on his hair.
"Could be worse, kid." Bigfoot told him as Dib glared up at him.
"Oh yeah?! How?!"
"MY dad tried to eat me."
"...okay, fine!"
That night, as Professor Membrane ended his shift and made for his car, heading back towards the parking lot he stopped, rubbing his chin as he stood across from some large photographs of the "Pillars of Creation". "Hmm. I've the strangest feeling I've forgotten to do something." He murmured, looking back at the laboratory. "Trash, lights, locks...no, no, I think I got everything." He remarked. "Whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait."
Well...almost everything. Gaz angrily banged on the door in his office, grunting darkly and furiously. "DAD! C'MON! The door locks from on YOUR side, I told you an hour ago to let me out! C'MOOOONN!" She yelled. "I'm STARVIIIING!"
TWO AND A HALF YEARS LATER...
"I can't thank you enough for agreeing to do diplomacy with us." said the cheery-looking green-eyed communications officer who smiled warmly as he led Professor Membrane through the set of double doors to the cafeteria where the new head of the Irken Empire lay. The blue-armored, tall form of Tallest Miyuki was sitting there, cheerily smiling...a plate of bones lying nearby as Zim gulped nervously, tugging on the corner of his shirt as Dib stood nearby, gaping at the sight.
"It's...er...this is...um...it's not a problem at all." Membrane said. His head was swimming. Just a day ago, he'd thought aliens weren't real. Then his son had somehow arranged a meeting with the head of a huge alien empire, and now he was on a spaceship.
A SPACESHIP! OVERLOOKING THE EARTH! He'd stammered for a good fifteen minutes, just looking out a big window before the communications officer had been able to get him to move. "So...HOW long was she stuck inside that "Infinite Energy Absorbing Blob"?"
"Evidently, 32 years." Miyuki remarked calmly, her curled antannae bobbing about as she nodded sagely, steepling her claws. "It gave me a disturbingly twisted hunger. But I'm so glad to hear you're willing to do all our requests in exchange for highly advanced technology! I know you've got real issues with prison incarceration rates. Just be sure to send them all to us, and you needn't ever worry about those pesky things like "Cancers" and "Lack of good Wifi"." She commented before letting out a BRAAAAP...as a skull flew out of her mouth and landed on the floor with a PLORK.
"Oh my IRK is that Torque?!" Zim squealed out.
"C-Could be. Torque always had such a ugly, sloping head!" Dib squeaked out. "But...um...why are YOU in any position of power?!" He asked, looking Zim over as Zim snorted a bit, gesturing at his now somewhat taller height, beaming happily.
"I'm the new ambassador to Earth! I'll be helping to organize all the "relocation" efforts for your prisoners." Zim said with a big grin. "Gaz helped me come up with the idea herself."
"I'm just...er...surprised my son was able to contact you." Professor Membrane said slowly, rubbing his chin as he looked at the communications officer, Senior, who smiled warmly at Dib.
"He's a very bright boy." Senior intoned. "We had lots to talk about when he first hacked our communication feed."
"See, Dad? I was right all along! The aliens ARE real, and Zim's one of them!"
"Er...s-so it would...appear..." Professor Membrane quietly mumbled, gulping a bit as Miyuki handed him a tablet computer. "But now we can spend a lot more time together." Dib insisted, Membrane looking over the "Itinerary" listed on the tablet PC. "You and I can work to integrate Irken technology with HUMAN technology! I've come up with some ideas to use both your Perpetual Energy Generator and the Irken "PAKs" to try and craft-"
"I'd normally love to, son, but it looks like I'll be going to be going to a meeting with Miyuki and other alien leaders at a conference at the U.N." Professor Membrane confessed, Dib's mouth falling open as the professor took Miyuki's hand. "We've got lots to discuss with world leaders, like how we'll arrange the transfer of prisoners, what will constitute a crime..."
"Well...okay, you'll...keep in touch me with me, right?" Dib asked quietly.
But Professor Membrane was already out the door, Senior looking at the depressed face of Dib as Zim stared at him, then at Gaz, who "harrumphed" and glanced away.
"Is your Father always so...quick to head off to do something supposedly more important?"
"The last time he stayed with us longer than an hour was when I was in the hospital and having my arms sewed back on."
"OHHHH. You had your arms cut off?" Zim now sounded intrigued as Gaz slid up her long sleeves on her black and dark grey shirt, his gloved, clawed hands feeling over the arms, feeling the faint scars. "...ohhh myyyy." He murmured. "How fascinating! The stitchwork is so...elegant." He murmured. "It's like little words!"
"Yeah, I know, right? It's kind of cool!" Gaz said. "But we should start planning who's gonna be the first batch of prisoners send to Miyuki for her next "binge"." Gaz pulled out her smartphone, bringing up a webpage. "These are a list of all the biggest jerks on death row. I've narrowed it down to "hate crimes", "rapists" and "mass murderers" and "all of the above"."
"I'm thinking we'll save the 'all of the above' for last." Zim remarked. "Don't wish to spoil her appetite so quickly."
"Wow. Great minds DO think alike!" Gaz intoned cheerily, giving him a big grin as she took his hand, leading him off, a distinct blush coming to his features as Dib sighed and glanced in the direction his dad walked off.
"Sorry your dad's not interested in spending time with you. I'm sure he'd like to. But he's no doubt very busy as such a high-profile scientist." Senior apologized.
"...always too busy. ALWAYS." Dib muttered.
...
...
...
...Professor Membrane sighed, creakily making his way out of bed and groaning as he felt his bones and ache and moan. He'd had to get up in the middle of the night six times just to use the bathroom. Being old truly was a rotten state of affairs. But, at long last, after a decade of work alongside the Irken race, he'd finally finished all his biggest projects. At last, he could relax and enjoy the breakfast with his family he had planned. He shuffled his way to the kitchen, cringing a bit, wrinkles etched into his face, his big hair now turned white and whispy, the large "scythe" atop his head now drooping lamely.
He got out the pancake mix, mixing up the batter, setting up the pancakes and cooking them up, one after the other, the blue-eyed little robot GIR nonchalantly ambling by and cheekily waving at a squirrel outside the yard. "Hiya!" He said with a grin, noticing a grown-up Keef chased the squirrel away. "Ohhh." GIR sighed, hanging his head as Professor Membrane heard the door open.
"OH. I...didn't know you'd be bringing him." Professor Membrane said, staring in surprise at the person standing by Gazlene, who's hair was now draped down past her shoulders, making her look more like Peg every day. Zim was standing there, dressed in a fine button down shirt, looking slightly miffed that he had to wear it.
"Zim is very, VERY busy, but always has time for..." Zim stuck his tongue out. "...faaaamily." He mumbled. "Zim cannot believe the Dib-Stupid is going to be his brother in law now."
"Dib-Stupid? Well, it beats the old nickname." Dib said as he entered the kitchen and sat down at the table, smiling up at his father, now wearing a much nicer jacket, a fancy pair of cufflinks, goggles, and evidently, had installed a PC into his wrist. he typed away at a holo-screen that floated over his wrist and it turned off as Dib beamed. "We've got just enough time for a nice breakfast as a family, so I thought it'd be good for all of us to come hang out for a while."
"Um...family?" Membrane turned to look at Zim, who beamed.
"Yes! The Majestic Gaz is now Zim's love-pig! We are married!" He proclaimed. "Come! Let there be much rejoicing!" He insisted to Professor Membrane as the retired scientist stared at them for what seemed to be an hour.
"...you two...got...married."
"Well, we'd been dating for a year." Gaz said, putting her hands on her hips before sitting down at the kitchen table.
"...really? A year?"
"I TOLD you, remember?" Gaz said, rolling her eyes as Membrane scratched his head, then began putting pancakes down on the plates.
"Oh, did you? I...forgot. Well, uh...this is...a lot to take in." He mumbled nervously as Dib nodded.
"Yeah, no kidding! I was almost just as surprised when I heard. I mean ZIM? Reproducing?!" Dib snorted.
"Shut iiiiit!" Zim hissed out.
"So, you two got married." Professor Membrane commented, dishing out the pancakes shakily before sitting down slowly, coughing a bit as they began eating away. "Um...how is being an ambassador? And how have you been at your new job?" He asked Dib as Dib beamed.
"It's amazing! I'm commandeering this huge mission into an uncharted section of the Gamma quadrant, it's rich in resources!" Dib said with a big smile.
"Gaz and I had a lovely wedding, it's a shame you couldn't come to it. I remember you were working on some protein chains?" Zim told Professor Membrane. "But at any rate, we're going to take our Honeymoon on Pokitaru! Just the two of us." He said with a big smile, giving Gaz a wink. "We'll have such fun! I intend to launch boiling sharks at tourists who keep making fun of my pale green skin whenever I go out to sunbathe."
"Yep. And I'm going to replace everyone's tanning lotion with mustard when they're not looking." Gaz added.
"So you two gonna have SQUISHIES?" GIR announced with a big grin as his little head popped up at the table, Gaz blushing a bit at this as Zim let out loud "SHHHH" noises, Dib sniggering madly.
"Well! This all sounds wonderful." Membrane commented quietly. "So, uh...well, my schedule's open for the week. I'd love to get together with all of you, maybe a trip to Bloaty's, it was your favo-"
"Can't, Dad." Dib said with a shrug. "The expedition's gonna take half a year."
"And we intend to be gone for a full week, then we need to go to Africa. We've finally cornered that illusive Mr. Kony, and we'll be cooking him up and serving him to starving African children AND the Tallest in our anniversary feast celebrating the day Irk and Earth joined forces." Zim cheerily intoned.
"We're thinking Kony would go well with a white wine sauce." Gaz laughed sadistically. "Also, as it turns out, the school wants to hire ME as a teacher. Imagine! I'd get Ms. Bitter's old job. They think I'd be a great fit. So I have to go in for an interview in two weeks, so our schedule's pretty booked up for the month." She added.
"Well, it's...just nice to be able to talk to you." Professor Membrane said with a smile. A smile he kept on his face until they'd finished up the pancakes and, within half an hour, they'd left the house, leaving Membrane alone as the soft rays of the morning drifted through the window. A single dust mote flickered through the air, passing over the near-empty table, Membrane quietly staring out at the doorway they'd left through.
At one point, it'd been near impossible to get a quiet moment in this house. Dib and Gaz were always up to something. But now...not it was empty and silent as could be, and Professor Membrane didn't even have any thoughts in his head to keep him company. All he could feel was a big, swallowing, encompassing emptiness that he was sinking slowly into, a creeping, sad realization rising in him as he came to comprehend that he'd spent more hours in his laboratory's BATHROOM than he had in his own house.
Quietly, Professor Membrane rose up from the kitchen table, turning on the television, and going to recordings of his old televison show. He stared at the screen, seeing his youthful face, the glistening goggles, and all he could feel was a sense that the time he'd spent recording this show on molecules could have been better spent just talking with his son or daughter about...
ANYTHING, really. Just...talking.
He hung his head and stared at his knees. Now he couldn't even do that. Because they had their own lives to lead. Lives without him.
"...I LOVE this show!" GIR announced as he sat next to Professor Membrane, slooowly turning to smile at him. "Don't you?"
"...yes. It's...it's wonderful. How about I go get you a drink, GIR?" He asked quietly, GIR eagerly clapping his hands together. "Robots are better than people." Membrane mumbled. "They don't run off with freakish, ruby-eyed aliens and abandon you. Not like people do..." He muttered.
...
...
...
... "I want you to know how much I appreciate this, Professor Membrane." said Tallest Miyuki as she looked over herself in the mirror, twirling around a bit to show off her altered, modified armor. "I must say, I can fit into my armor far better now with the new updates your son gave."
Professor Membrane said nothing, his face just staring straight ahead as Miyuki nonchalantly went on.
"He's such a sweetheart, you know. Really just so sweet. Not as sweet as you were, though." She added with a chuckle, her curled antannae bouncing up and down as she headed over to the table she'd been dining at. "I must say, I was so surprised to find out you wanted to come speak with me! I thought you'd clear this with your children. It's sort of a big deal, but...well, this was what you wanted, so who am I to deny you?"
Membrane still said nothing. He just seemed to stare right into her eyes as she looked down at him.
"...hmm. I usually don't get to the head but...well..."
She rubbed her chin thoughtfully, and then turned to the wall. Upon the wall were the heads of various people, from former Tallests Red and Purple who'd tried to depose her when she'd returned, to a few dozen Earthlings she'd found especially tasty and wanted a reminder of how delicious they'd been, to a couple delightfully crunchy other alien heads. She didn't usually swallow up the head but...well, this was what Membrane had wanted, to be a meal for Miyuki, and she'd stuffed herself silly with the meat on his rather old frame. He was surprisingly chewy and tasty for someone so old.
"Might as well." She said, opening up her maw, lifting the head up high.
Meanwhile, Dib was in the middle of speaking to Gretchen, looking over a description of a menu. "So what do you think? I'd like to try the fried schloordog roast. It could be our appetizer before Gaz and Zim get here with their daughter." He confessed. Zim would no doubt start bragging how HE'D had a child before the Dib had, how Dib was still just DATING Gretchen and how superior his baby girl would no doubt be, even though, from what Dib could tell, "Zazz" had inherited more from GIR than from Zim, because she too was hyper, bouncy, cheery, and had a fondness for Slushees and mooning people's cameras.
"You don't want to invite Professor Membrane?" Gretchen inquired, her teeth now long-since fixed, her smile now quite warm and sweet as she looked up at Dib.
"Ahh, he's probably busy inventing some kind of super-cane." Dib said as he shook his head. "I just wanna spend time with my family."
He shrugged. "I'm sure he'd understand."