It's early morning, and for once I'm awake before the baker. As I just lay here, I listen to the beating of his heart. It's a sound I never tire of, because I know all too well that it could stop, just as it has before. He and I both know that life is a gift, one that could as easily be taken away as it is given. I think back over our lives, what we've been through to get here. It amazes me that we're here at all.
I send my memories to the first time we made love, in this very room, and I smile. We were a little awkward, a little shy, and a little nervous. We kept bumping into each other; noses, hips, arms. We were not quite so smooth and refined.
But it was perfect. And in that moment we were perfect.
It was real.
I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have that first kiss back. That first touch. That first night. The love, wonder, and amazement that we had even made it to that point. We were so young, but yet we'd lived a thousand lifetimes.
Here we are today, 25 years and 2 children later. We've come so far. I wouldn't trade one moment for what we have now. The thrill may not always be there, but the steadiness is. My body may not be as supple as it once was, and I may have curves where I didn't before. His body may have lost some of its firmness, but he's still as strong as that 16 year old boy I once knew.
We know so much more now. The knowledge of his body. And his knowledge of mine. He knows just what to do, where to touch, how to move. I know what he needs, and just how firm he needs it.
Would I trade all of this for that one brief moment in time all those years ago?
No, I wouldn't trade any of it.
I may never have that first time, but I do have millions of times.