This is my second PotC fic. I don't like it much (I think Jack is being too dirty), but the idea has been driving me maaaaaaaaaaaaad. So here. Just for you, I have uploaded an interview with none other than... (cue fanfare)

JACK SPARROW! Yes, believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen, I have scored an interview with that striker of terror, that drunken fool-

Jack: Oi!

Um...I'll get on to the interview, shall I?

Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean or any of the relating characters.

Random attendant: Lights--camera--action!

ano-nimmus: So, I'm sure you're aware that a large number of the female population is smitten with you?

Jack Sparrow: Of course.

a-n: ...Would you like to build on that statement?

JS: I was, in fact, about to, but your timely intervention has put me off. Would you like me to build on that?

a-n: Not really, but I'd prefer it if you'd expand on any comments you make in the future. It's for the ladies, Mr. Sparrow.

JS: This might actually interest me if you...describe these ladies.

a-n: (sighing) Buxom, curvy wenches wearing little or no clothing.

JS: (hastily leaning forward) I'm listening.

a-n: So, would you like to build on that statement?

JS: Well, to put it delicately... I am a bee. I have pollinated a lot of flowers. These flowers wanted me to pollinate them. Savvy?

a-n: (scandalized) There are children reading this, Mr. Sparrow!

JS: Didn't I put it delicately enough?

a-n: Erm-

JS: Have you ever met a child who learned anything about anything except for botany when they hear about the 'birds and the bees'?

a-n: Errm-

JS: No worries, then, eh?

a-n: (after a glare that barely refrains from mortally injuring the interviewee) Um, onto the next question, I think. Lemme just decipher my boss's handwriting... Err, hang on. 'Have...you...ever...laid...a...vet?'

JS: (arching an eyebrow) No. I'm not a chicken. Interesting thought, though.

a-n: Sorry, that's 'Have you ever had a pet?'

JS: A canary. Named Canary. Dad was never very imaginative. Dad brought him to me when I was a young'un. Dad promptly strangled Canary when he ripped the Codex.

a-n: Who ripped the Codex? What Codex?

JS: Canary ripped the Codex.

a-n: (sighing irritably) This would be the Codex that your father is keeper of for the Brethren Court?

JS: Yes, no, maybe so, methinks that you will never know.

a-n: Hilarious, I'm sure.

JS: (muttering) Genius, that's what it is. Pure genius. And maybe a little drugged rum.

a-n: Well, this interview doesn't seem to be going anywhere, so--

JS: Isn't it?

a-n: No. If you'll let me finish...

JS: Must I?

a-n: No, but I'd prefer it.

JS: And you think I give a periwinkle's whisker for male preferences?

a-n: Not even your own?

JS: You smell funny.

a-n: Well, anyway, I'll wrap this up now--

JS: What'll you wrap it in?

a-n: It's figure of speech.

JS: How's that figure?

a-n: You're a real riot...

JS: I am, aren't I?

a-n: It was a (giving up) joke. Now let me finish or I'll have those charming ladies put more clothing on.

JS: Let them. There are more over that way.

a-n: (growling) If you don't let me FINISH, I will have you dragged away and CASTRATED!

JS: (snaps to attention) Yessah! Go ahead, and finish, sah!

a-n: Finally. Now, let's, um...finish with the Golden Question, shall we Mr. Sparrow? Boxers or briefs?

JS: Palm leaves. It's easier for the lasses.

Curtain.

This started out as a survey put together by fangirls, but gradually morphed into an interview when I couldn't think of anythig for the survey beyond question four.

LEAVE A REVIEW.

ano-nimmus