The End

Gary D.

It's been a while... this starts about seven years after 'Seventeenth December'. Let me know if you have any comments.

Prologue

Jamie allowed the guy to lead him towards the bed. He let him raise his arms up, and pull his shirt up off over his head. Topless, he slowly eased himself onto the bed, as the guy began to undo his belt. He raised his hips slightly, to make it easier for his jeans to be tugged off. Then his boxers. The guy shimmied down, got into position.

He let out a sigh, feeling the hotness of the guy's mouth. 'Jesus, that feels good,' he thought. He tried to focus on the feelings, let his mind go blank. But it wasn't happening.

It had been a long time. Two years, three hundred and sixty four days. He wished, so badly, that he didn't know the exact length of time since he had last had sex. He wished he could just say, 'Hell, it's been ages, years...too long to count.' But he couldn't. He remembered that night like it was yesterday. He would never, ever forget it. Before it, sure, he had known sadness, loss, fear… his life had hardly been peaches and cream. But never had he imagined it could be possible to go from such pleasure - such joy - to a pain and despair the likes of which he'd never dreamed. All in a single night.

Just when he began to feel the corner of his eyes start to moisten, he realised that something was different. Or rather, that something had stopped. Looking down, he saw that the guy was sitting up and looking at him, a semi-annoyed expression on his face. Apparently Jamie wasn't - responding - to his ministrations. Didn't he want to do this?

Jamie stared blankly at him for a moment or two. Taking in the dark brown hair, tussled ever so slightly. The green eyes, the perfectly straight nose, the white teeth. No question, he was hot.

But it wasn't right. He should never have let himself be talked into it. He simply couldn't, not while...

Yes, he knew he had been saying that for the last three years. He knew his friends felt that enough time had gone by - too much, probably - and that this was only a bit of fun. Some relief: it was just sex, after all. But for him, it wasn't. It felt too much like moving on, admitting that there was no point in waiting any longer, and closing a door on the past. No, he couldn't do it. He wanted that door kept open.

Mumbling an apology, he reached down and slid his boxers back up. The guy looked as if he was about to say something, to complain about his time being wasted, that there were loads of guys he could have gone home with. But he stopped. Maybe he noticed the tears at the corner of Jamie's eyes, or sensed that he wasn't simply being ditched because Jamie could no longer be bothered. He gave a half smile, as he stood up and pulled on his clothes. Then, with a small wave and a 'See ya' he was gone.

Jamie lay there in the silence. After a while, he rolled onto his side, leaned over and picked up the photo that sat on the bedside table. Not a day went by that he didn't look at it before going to sleep. Yes, time had passed. The pain was no longer so intense, so sharp, as to be almost unbearable. But when he looked at that photo - and whenever he was in or passing the hospital - well, he still couldn't believe it. Even after nearly three years, his brain hadn't fully processed it. He may have become accustomed to waking up alone. To eating alone, and returning home alone at night to an empty house. He may have 'gotten used' to everyday life without him. But Jamie still couldn't accept that Ste was gone.

Chapter 1

Just over 3 years earlier

Jamie stood at the door to his flat, looking for the last time into what had been his home-away-from-home for the last four years. Back then, he would never have expected to get so attached to the place. Then he'd seen it just as somewhere that wasn't the Anchor, that wasn't in London, that wasn't with Ste. A 'glorified hotel room' was how he'd described it to his boyfriend. But over time, he'd grown really fond of it. It had been an integral part of his life in Edinburgh, his student days. And now they were over, he felt… sad.

He leaned back against the wall, and sighed. Thinking back to the first time Ste had come up to see the place, in the month or so after he'd moved up. Thinking back to the times he'd spent drinking and talking with friends from his course. To his birthday two years ago, when he'd been unable to make it back to London. And how he'd come back from university that day - disappointed that he wasn't going to be seeing Ste on his birthday - only to find that his boyfriend had travelled all the way up to surprise him. He'd opened the door to his flat to find him posed on the couch in very little clothes (a bow tie counts as clothes, doesn't it?) and holding Jamie's card and present. Jamie smiled as he remembered standing there, feeling surprise and amazement turn quickly to arousal. Jesus, Ste had looked so gorgeous. If only Jamie's neighbour hadn't also been standing there. Apparently before stripping down, Ste had checked that Jamie was alone when he'd entered the building, so as to avoid an embarrassing encounter. He hadn't anticipated, however, Jamie meeting Mr Garner in the hall, and inviting him into his flat so he could give him an incorrectly delivered letter. As he recalled this part of the incident, Jamie shut his eyes tightly. He could still hardly bear thinking of it. He'd had to avoid the man for months afterwards.

But on the whole, he'd really come to think of his little flat as home. His time in Edinburgh had been a happy one. Yes, sure, he'd missed Ste - sometimes terribly. And they had had their ups and downs - it hadn't been easy when they saw each other so rarely. But they had made it work. And he really believed they were stronger for it.

Now he was going back home, back to the Anchor and back to Ste. So as much as he felt sadness that he was leaving the flat - and as much as he would miss the friends he made in Edinburgh, the good times he'd had - the thought of being with Ste trumped everything. Smiling, he pushed himself up from the wall. 'Goodbye, flat,' he whispered softly to himself. And with one last glance round, he walked out the door, closing it gently behind him.

Down at the van, with all his stuff loaded in the back, was Ste. He was reading the sports section. He looked up and smiled when he saw Jamie leave the building and head towards him.

Ste: All set Jay?

Jamie: Yep. Let's hit the road, Jack.

The boys got into the van, Ste in the driving seat, and pulled away from the kerb. After Jamie had helped Ste navigate his way through the city, and they were onto the motorway, heading south.

Chapter 2

As they walked, Jamie was wiggling his foot about inside his shoe, trying to alleviate some of the discomfort they were causing him. He'd got the shoes the previous year to attend the funeral of Ste's aunt, but he hadn't worn them since, and they were nowhere near broken in.

Ste noticed his boyfriend was walking oddly, and stopped.

Ste: You ok, Jay?

Jamie: What, oh yeah Ste, fine. Just these shoes. Not worn them since your auntie's funeral last September.

Ste: Sore?

Jamie: Yeah, killing me. Think a layer of skin is being shaved off every time I take a step. Next time I'll just stick a cheese grater down my socks and be done with it.

Jamie stopped, told himself to shut up. 'This is Ste's night, so don't spoil it by moaning, for God's sake!'

Jamie: But hey, we're nearly there. I'll slip them off when we're at the table. All the better to play footsie, in fact.

Ste smiled. They turned a corner, and approached the restaurant.

Ste: I like the sound of that, but not sure if they'll approve of that here though.

Jamie: Oh they will. Posh people like a bit of foot-on-foot action as much as us common folk, you know.

Ste: Oh do they?

Jamie: They do. Anyway, what waiter or waitress is going to tell the most dapper young gentleman ever to step inside their restaurant to leave.

Ste: Dapper and modest.

Jamie: I did, of course, mean you.

Ste: Mmm.

Jamie leaned over and pecked Ste on the cheek, just as they got to the restaurant. Ste smiled at him, and pulled open the door.

Ste: After you, sir.

Jamie: Why, thank you.

Once in their seats, Jamie looked around. This was certainly the most fancy restaurant he had ever been in. His eyes wandered over to Ste, who was likewise taking in his surroundings.

Jamie: This is something, isn't it Ste?

Ste: Yeah. Bit different from Pizza Hut, eh?

Jamie nodded his head. When Sandra had heard where they were going, and told them they needed to dress really (really) smartly, he'd argued a bit at first. Surely, he had said, a smart casual shirt and nice jeans would do. But she had made him and Ste go all the way - a tie and everything. Now he was here, all he could think was, 'Thank God.'

After a waiter came to take their order, Jamie turned his attention fully to Ste. He smiled, and looked into Ste's gorgeous, expressive eyes.

Ste: I can't believe we're here. I mean, I didn't think it would be so soon.

Ste went past this restaurant on the way to work each day. After a quick look at the menu outside - at the fancy names and high prices - he'd told himself that this was where he'd take Jamie. This is where he would take Jamie to celebrate, when he got promoted to assistant manager at the centre.

He had only really started thinking seriously about promotion in the last year. His main concern was that if he moved away from being a lifeguard to management, he'd spend less time at the pool. And that was what he loved. But he had thought about it carefully, and realised that he had to do what was best for him and Jamie, not just him. And the best thing for them, as a family (he loved thinking of them like that, 'as a family'), was for him to go for promotion to a better paid job. Besides, he consoled himself that he could still go swimming as much as he wanted when he wasn't working.

And to be honest, he'd expected it would take at least a few years before he had a chance at it.

Jamie: I knew you'd get it. As soon as Craig left, and Adam announced the job would be advertised internally first, I knew you had it in the bag.

Ste: I wouldn't say that.

Jamie: I would. You are by far and away the best in that centre. You love what you do, and it shows. The kids love you, the swimmers like you….

Ste: Stop, you're making me blush!

Jamie:Well, it's true.

Ste: I think you might be just a little biased Jay… but thanks.

He leaned over and gave Jamie a quick peck on the lips. The woman taking her seat at the next table found herself staring, and looked away.

Jamie swallowed the last bit of fish and put down his fork. That had been delicious. He was totally full.

Jamie: Bloody hell Ste, that was good.

Ste was just finishing off his steak, and nodded vigorously. When he was done, he too put down his knife and fork. Placing his hands on his stomach, he leaned back in his seat.

Ste: Too right. I am stuffed though.

Jamie: Yeah, that'll do me for the week I think.

Ste: Just as well I'm moving into management - if I tried going in the pool after eating that, I'd sink like a stone.

Just as he was saying this, the woman at the next table was served her dessert - a gorgeous-looking chocolate sundae. Both boys eyed it up.

Jamie: ...well, I could maybe go a bit more….

Ste: ….seeing as we're here…

Ste sipped his tea and looked thoughtfully at Jamie.

Ste: I don't know Jay… it does sound amazing, and I would love to, but I just don't know if we can afford it.

Jamie: We can Ste. Look, I did a bit of research into the prices earlier - didn't want to suggest it if it was totally out of our budget. And yeah, it's dearer than a fortnight in Costa Blanca, but we can definitely afford it. We've both been saving up, and now you'll be earning more… it would be a great way to celebrate both your new job, and me finishing uni. It'll be awesome Ste - can you imagine? Me and you, in all those cool places?

Ste looked across at Jamie, and couldn't help smiling. Jamie's enthusiasm was infectious. He gave a loud sigh.

Ste: Ok, I suppose…

Jamie grinned madly.

Jamie: Oh Ste, I knew you'd say yes!

He was so excited. He'd been thinking about this for weeks, looking into the costs, different flight times, where exactly they could go. He knew it wasn't going to be cheap - but if they planned it carefully it wouldn't be too bad. 'Yes!', he thought to himself, 'We're going to America!'

To be continued...