Fact about me, Brokenrussiancrawl: There are a lot of sad things happening on ABC's soaps. Like, Jax leaving. I cried. Spinelli, I cried. OMG, do NOT get me started on One Life to Live when Dorian and Viki said goodbye and they showed all those memories while playing that sad ass song? I BAWLED MY EYES OUT. What a perfect way to say goodbye to a beloved character.
You're Not You
Robin sighed as she walked up towards the bakery. Maxie had told her that this was where she would find Spinelli. This was where he normally stakes out the place on a mission for Jason. The way Maxie had talked about it made Robin curious to see what was going on with her own eyes. Robin had heard stories from Matt and Maxie but she never thought that it was this bad, so bad Maxie would give up on him. Maxie didn't like losing and she never gave up without a fight, but when Maxie came to her this afternoon she looked defeated and sad. It wasn't something that Robin was used to seeing on her younger cousins face.
And that was why she was here, to see with her own eyes what was going on with Spinelli and to add help to him in any way she could. As Robin rounded the corner towards the baker she saw garbage littered all over the floor and heard sounds of digging coming from the dumpster. Confused she walked closer and was almost hit by a stale doughnut.
"Spinelli!" she cried and was rewarded with him popping up out of the trash.
"Hey there, sweetheart," he said in a flirtatious manner. "What can I do you for?" Robin looked at him with a cocked head. He was talking in an old accent, like he was from an old black and white movie.
"What are you doing in the trash?"
"I'm looking for the powder. You see, Morgan put me on this case and I'm so close to cracking it, Sugar."
Robin smiled at him. "Yeah, don't call me that, as a matter of fact I don't want you to call me anything other than my name or something like 'magnificent doctor'." She teased.
"Oh, I can think of a few things that I would like to call you." he eyed her up and down with appreciating eyes.
"I'm sure." Robin muttered under breath so he couldn't hear her. "Can you come out of there for a minute? I need to talk to you for a moment." She took a step back to give him room to jump out of the dumpster.
"Actually, I've been distracted enough today; I need to find my evidence so I can pop these guys." Spinelli turned and began digging thru the trash again.
"If you don't come out, then I'm just gonna have to come in." Robin called to him. She thought she heard a muffled 'yeah right'. Placing her purse up against the wall and rolling up her sleeves she placed her hands on the edge of the dumpster and lifted herself up and over into the dumpster.
"What are you doing in here, Doll? This is no place for a lady." Spinelli said as she lowered herself down next to him. Robin chose to ignore the gender jab.
"I told you I would join you if you didn't come out and talk to me." Robin sat down on and old crate and looked around. Most of the trash was littered all over the alleyway and not inside the dumpster she was sitting in. "So here I am."
"Don't you have a poor defenseless sap to save so you and your quick-handed-husband cut into him?" Spinelli asked making it clear that he wasn't happy that she was there.
"I need to talk to you about something."
"And what is that Doll Face?" Spinelli said in a voice that made it clear that he was trying to push her buttons. That he was trying to piss her off in hopes of her leaving and giving up on him. He was about to be very disappointed. He could annoy her all he wanted, but she was on a mission.
Robin gave him an annoyed look, "I don't even like pet names from my husband so either call me Robin or nothing at all. I am NOT you're honey, baby, or sweetheart, got it?"
The Jackal looked at her for a moment with a raised eyebrow. "If you don't like what I call you then I suggest you leave, baby, 'cause these pet name are only gonna come more often."
"Will you cut the crap?" Robin snapped at him. He was too shocked to say anything back to her. "For a month, I've heard stories about how you've been mean and inconsiderate to Maxie and I don't like that. You probably don't care about your life, but I do and so does Maxie and you treating her like she is nothing, is not gonna fly with me."
"Look who has some sass." Spinelli shot back. In his voice Robin could hear a little shock from her outburst.
"You know, I used to respect you." Robin said in a soft voice. Spinelli looked at her with shocked eyes for a moment, not saying anything. Robin smiled at him, "You were never afraid to be who you are. Every time saw you, you would have the laptop in front of you or you would always be in a hurry, talking so fast that it would take everyone a minute to catch up to what you were saying."
"You talk about me like I'm not here." Spinelli said with a small smirk.
"Because you're not," Robin said simply. "You're not the guy who likes computer games and you're not the guy who jumped in front of a bullet for Maxie and the person who lives with Jason, who is Jason's best friend." His smile fell.
"Morgan's grown soft on me. He's getting married and in this business you never get tied down to a Dame." Jackal said pointing at her.
"Then whose non-wedding did I attend?" Robin asked. "Who was it that didn't marry Maxie knowing that it was too soon and too much for her?" Robin shook her head and looked away. "Who was it that listened to me talk about my concerns for Emma and her having HIV while I was pregnant? Who was the guy that found out I had HIV and didn't even bat an eye or treat me weird?"
Spinelli looked at her for a second with soft eyes, "I'm still here, just in better shape. I'm not some geek who sits in front of a little screen every day, typing away on this new typewriter gadget. I'm not the loser who has to have others come to protect him from everything anymore." His tone had a hard edge to it, like he was getting mad.
"You were never that guy Spinelli." Robin looked at him, "You were the smartest person I had ever met and you were the most generous guy, always willing to do something for someone else. You were always there to lend out a helping hand and do anything you could to help in any situation. But of course you were Jason's first call in any situation." Robin laughed softly as she picked thru some of the garbage, "Everyone calls you. Maxie calls you when she needs help on the computers from Crimson, Carly calls you when she is about to ruin someone's life. Sonny calls for his money that he entrusts in you. I always look forward to talking to you. So does Lulu and Elizabeth."
"But it wasn't enough. I was either too late or I didn't have the guts to save anyone." Spinelli said running a frustrated hand threw his hair. "I can't fight, and I never seem to make it in time to save the damsel. It's always someone like Morgan or Zacarra."
"That's not true. You saved Maxie. You changed her whole life by letting her know that you believe in her and that her dreams were attainable. Not to mention what you do," she stopped, "What you did for Jason," she corrected herself, "saved his life and so many others over the years."
Spinelli scoffed, "By sitting in front of a computer thing?"
"By tracing phone numbers to find where the bad guys are. By looking up people and finding things from their past that not even the police could find, or by over-ridding security systems from miles away so Jason can get in or out of any place at any time. You mean so much to a lot of people and Jason and Maxie would be devastated if you never come back to normal, or as normal as you once were. They would be devastated if you continued on like you are right now. But it's not just them Spinelli, I will miss you too. Not for your computer skills, but because of the person you are."
Spinelli clenched his hands together, like he was fighting against something, Robin was sure that he was fighting against himself. "You can't get too attached." He said, his voice covered in sadness and it was clipped, "You lose people, you can't get them back. You miss people and their gone." He looked at her and she could see the pain in his eyes. "I can't let that happen again. I can't lose anyone else." Tears came to his eyes and he tried to blink them away.
"Who are you going to lose, Spinelli?" Robin asked softly.
"Everyone." Spinelli choked out.
"Well, you're not going to lose me. Or Jason and Maxie will still be in your life, but not in the way you want. Spinelli, you're not going to lose anyone you care about."
Spinelli didn't say anything for a moment, "If I changed back what would I have, who would I have? What is in it for me?"
"Nothing is in it for you," Robin stood up. "But you would get all your memories, and your friends and family back. Your love for computers; maybe you won't get Maxie back, but that's not the end of the world. It's just the beginning of a new chapter where you will find someone who can love you the way you need to be loved, who will marry you without fear or doubt. You need someone who understands you better than anybody."
"That could take years." Spinelli said as he stood too.
"I will stand beside you; I will be there for you whenever you need me. But I can't help you. No I won't help you unless you're Spinelli."
He looked at her for a moment as tears came to his eyes. "I've had no one for so long."
Robin reached out and grabbed his hand, "Well you'll have me, Spinelli." It took her a moment to realize that he was speaking normal and not I his old black and white accent. "I'll help you in any way I can."
Spinelli looked down for a second then nodded his head, "Okay."
Robin smiled then she looked around, "Now that everything is back to normal, can we PLEASE get out of the garbage?"
Spinelli laughed slightly, "I think that would be best, this foul smell is starting to remind me of the Demented Dante."
Robin laughed at his joke and climbed out of the dumpster with Spinelli following behind her looking like a doe-eyed Bambi.
Robin looked at him as he climbed out behind her. She reached out and plucked some of the cupcake off his jacket. "Let's go get you some cloths."
Spinelli nodded and looked down at his feet.
"You were acting the whole time weren't you? You were trying to be someone different. Someone you're not."
"I thought that if I were tough, that people would want me around, would need me to help them." Spinelli whispered while he looked away.
"But when you're playing The Jackal PI, you're not you; the person we love is no longer with us." Robin touched his arm. "We need you. No stand ins."
"Being someone I'm not gives me a feeling of being free for the first time in a long time." He countered.
"Well, were just going to have to figure out another way to make you feel free while still being you." Robin said as if it were that simple.
"Okay, my Fair Doctor, we'll do it your way."
Robin smirked, "Spinelli, when are you going to figure it out, I'm always right. My way is the only one that will work in this situation." Spinelli smiled at her. "Now, were going to go get a change of clothes, you're going to grab your laptop and then we are going to visit a friend. Who do you want to see first: Jason or Maxie?"
"Stone cold is lying in a hospital bed in need of some cheering up. Why post pone our blessed reunion?"
Robin smiled at him, "You know, Spinelli, I think that Jason would like to have some good news for a change. He's not doing so well and maybe you being you will make him feel better. I know it will make Sam feel better."
"I hope so."
Robin smirked, "I know so."
The End
Who saw the scene where Spinelli and Maxie are at Georgie's grave and Spinelli is talking about how he can't lose anyone else? Yeah, I cried. Also I stole what he said and repeated it in here. Hope you don't mind, because I think that it fits.