Skillet-Writer: Hello! S.W here. Today me and my friend DukeyDukeyDoo are bringing you a story that, while it seems innocent, will slowly turn quite mature. Just a warning! When Dukey first approached me with this story, it seemed too typical. Lincoln's sisters make him miserable, so the boy seeks revenge. However, when I learned that the story would have a plot twist, it piqued my interest.
DukeyDukeyDoo (Ian): Hi, ev'rybuddy! DukeyDukeyDoo here. But ya'll can call me Ian (that's my real name). Yes, I'm the one who suggested this story. But there's more to it than meets Skillet's eye. You see, not only does Lincoln get revenge on his sisters, but when his sisters find out about what he does, not only will he get punished for it, but he'll run away from home until a certain someone comes along and takes him in. But he'll soon learn that he should have taken someone's advice when he learns what this person's true intentions for Lincoln really are. Ain't that right, Bella? :)
DukeyDukeyDoo (Ian): Pardon me, Skilly... but might I have a few more words with our readers? I'd like to give them a few more words of advice.
Skillet-Writer: Of course, Ian. Go right ahead. Tell them what they need to know.
DukeyDukeyDoo (Ian): Thank you, Bella. On that note... (clears throat, claps his hands in the air twice as everything goes pitch black.)
(From the darkness, Ian approaches wearing a tuxedo, but he is now black and white, with only his bow-tie having the color red. He also takes out a small digital player with a small speaker attachment hooked up to it. He selects the sound track: "Sam & Max: The Devil's Playhouse OST - The Narrator" and presses play, starting the music.)
DukeyDukeyDoo (Ian): (speaks with a superego-like British Accent) Good evening, my friends. Have you been well? Very good.
I feel a word of caution is in order for any of you readers who are about to read this story.
The story you are about to read may contain things that will frighten you, humor you, baffle you, shock you, horrify you, disgust you and even scar you for some time.
It's a familiar tale... a young boy being pitted against the antics of his 11 sisters.
But, my friends... This story is different.
In this story, Lincoln will be faced with something far, far worse than that of his sister's antics... and only his sisters can save him from whatever horrific fate should await for him. Only they can save him from whoever has him as his... or should I say, her clutches?
My friends, you are about to participate in a troubling story that will involve drama, tragedy and something so Mature and Adult-oriented that even I can't describe what will transpire in the story to come. But I will say this: it may involve r***, abusive sex and shota, and even some BiD Bondage. (Boy in Distress, as it were).
But... you must not turn this story away, my friends. You must pay close attention to the entire story that you see and read. Because when the story comes its mature and adult-themed chapters, only the Loud Sisters can have what it takes to save their young brother from whomever wishes to use him for whatever evil purpose.
Are you ready?
Then let us begin our story of one boy and ten girls who wouldn't... or in this case... would rather trade it for the world.
Miss Skillet, if you would be so kind...
(Ian disappears into the darkness)
Skillet-Writer: I'm sure the readers just want us to get on with it, so we can talk more later, Dukey. So, without further ado, dear people, we bring to you "O Brother, Where Art Loud?" We hope you enjoy it, and don't forget to let us know what we can do to improve. Thanks, and see you soon!
Our story begins in Lincoln Loud's bedroom in the Loud House, where we find Lincoln Loud pacing back and forth in a rather upset and grumpy way.
"You may be asking yourselves: 'Lincoln, why are you acting so tense today?' Well, let me tell you something: You'd think that with all those siblings, I'd never be lonely. Sounds awesome, right? Well, I don't wanna sound ungrateful, but having ten sisters is hell on earth. I'm always getting pushed around, stepped on, and bullied. Don't believe me? You can see for yourselves."
The white-haired child exited his cramped bedroom and stepped out into the hallway. What lay before his eyes was utter madness, but a typical day for him. An athletic girl was bouncing a basketball off the bedroom door of her goth sister's. A tiny scientist was running around frantically with a bubbling chemical in her hands. Two polar opposite twins were fighting over a teddy bear while an innocent baby reached her hand out to take the plushie for herself. A bossy teenager was lecturing her ditzy blond sister about personal space. A rockstar teen dressed in purple was strumming her guitar. And to top it all off, a young comedian was making puns for every child's actions.
"This is the Loud House. My house, and my family. And although I do love them, it seems as if they hate me. I'm never given the respect I deserve. They use me. All the time. Don't worry, you'll see. I don't expect you to take pity on me, but you need to experience the abuse I go through."
Just then Lincoln felt a hand grab his shoulder. "Look at me, Lincoln!" It was the voice of his bossy sister Lori. "I specifically told you to charge my phone last night! You promised me that you would! You know I said my charger's broken. Can't you give up your phone battery for one day and charge my phone? Huh, Lincoln?"
The boy clenched his fists angrily. "Lori, I forgot! It was practically midnight when you asked me to charge it. I was exhausted from all the chores you guys made me do for you." He threw his hands up into the air, only to receive a slap from his oldest sister.
"This isn't over, Lincoln! Bobby is my life! If I can't text him, it puts me in a bad mood. To make matters worse, I'm on my monthly. And assuming you know what that is, I suggest you stay away from me. Next time you disappoint me, you're dead meat." And with that, Lori turned on her heel and left to her room, slamming the door behind her.
"See? And that's not the worst of it. Lori's just the beginning. Sure, I understand that she's a teenager, and that's a lot of stress on her shoulders, but she has no right to take her anger out on me. I'm not the source of her misery! I'm not her classmates! I'm not her boyfriend! I'm her brother. Nothing more and nothing less. What did I ever do to her?"
Lincoln walked downstairs to prepare breakfast. He heard the pitter-patter of slippers against the floor but thought nothing of it. Weird noises were heard throughout the Loud House all the time. They were neither startling nor irritating anymore. You either got used to it or you weren't a true Loud.
Just then, a creamy pie hit Lincoln square in the face. Dropping his bowl of cereal, he stumbled backward and fell onto the table, where he was pelted with another dessert. "Aw, Luan!" he mumbled fiercely, clearing his vision with his hands and tongue. "That hurt. You can't even let me have a peaceful morning, can you?"
The clownish brunette showed her braces with a big smile. "Nope! And you had it coming, Linc. Lori told me all about how you failed to follow her demands. If she can't text Bobby, she gets angry. She takes that anger out on all of us. Lori said that if I pranked you well, she'd be less harsh to me today. So it's my gain, and your pain!" She left the kitchen proudly, eager to tell her oldest sister what prank she just pulled off.
As Lincoln slid down from the table, he heard Leni come into the kitchen for breakfast. "Hey, Lincy. Like, why are you covered in dessert?" She crouched down in front of him and began to wipe his face. "Here, lemme help you clean up." She grabbed a paper towel and began to gently rub his rosy cheeks. Tears appeared to mix with the cream on his face. "What's wrong?" Leni's sparkling blue eyes looked into Lincoln's.
"I never get the respect I deserve," Lincoln sighed. "I swear, I'm not trying to be a selfish brat. It just seems like none of you guys love me, y'know?" He got up and sat in a chair at the table. Leni did the same. "Maybe you love me, Leni. But I just can't handle all the stress of being pushed around like some sort of servant. Why should I have to charge Lori's phone? There are twelve other people in this house! And we have spare chargers, at that."
Leni brushed back her blonde hair and gently propped her head up with her hands. "Lincoln, I guess I'm not the smartest, but I do know that what our sisters and I do to you is not always nice. If you don't wish to be my fashion model anymore, I respect that. Like, even the nicest people have their limits. And you're, like, one of the nicest people I know." She smiled warmly, and reached out to take her brother's hand in hers.
Small tears formed in the boy's eyes. "Leni, even Mom and Dad could care less about me. What do I do when I'm being pushed around?"
The blonde thought for a moment, before replying with an unintelligent answer. "You stay out of large crowds. Also stay away from bullies. They push me all the time and make me drop my books."
Lincoln frowned. "Leni, that's not what I meant. When I said I'm being pushed around, I meant that our sisters keep making me do stuff that I don't want to do. And if I refuse, they 'punish' me. Do you know a way I could stop them?"
"Lincy, there's not much you can do. If you don't want to do the stuff, think of it like homework. You have to do it regardless, and you'll get in trouble if you don't complete that task." She got up from the table and grabbed a box of cereal from the pantry.
"So you're saying that if I comply with my sister's demands, I'll get off easier?" The white-haired boy wrinkled his brow in confusion. He watched as Leni poured herself and him a bowl.
"Hm, yeah. That's, like, totes what I meant. Just do what they want." She placed a bowl of milk and cereal in front of her brother. "Eat up, Lincy. Milk is, like, good for your lungs."
After a hardy breakfast, Lincoln had the urge to relieve himself. He raced upstairs, doubting he'd be first in line. And he was right. He was third in line. Lori and Luna were in front of him. He turned around. "Ah, Lucy!" he screamed, her sudden appearance startling him. "Sorry you're fourth in line. I really have to pee, so I hope you can hold it and wait til' after I go."
Lucy grimaced. "Oh, I don't know about that, Lincoln. Allow me to express my feelings through poetry." She cleared her throat, arms raised into the air as if to reach out to some invisible force.
"Oh, brother, you have zero clue
You must be aware that I have to go, too
And what makes you so special, when you have to pee?
One in line, two, and then you make three!
I was on my way out
But you, without doubt
Made the line grow more
And now I'm number four
I wanted to go first
But that's just tough luck
I had a third chance
But you didn't give a...-"
Lincoln cut her off. "L-Lucy, I don't think you should continue that poem. It's nice and all, but I think you made your point. Just take my spot! You can be third." He sighed, remembering Leni's words. 'If you don't want to do the stuff, think of it like homework. You have to do it regardless, and you'll get in trouble if you don't complete that task.' It made him angry, but it was the best thing to do, lest he be cursed both verbally and magically by his goth sister.
Waiting in line was pure agony, and he sighed deeply once he finally got his turn in the bathroom. Once business was done, he stepped out of the bathroom feeling refreshed. The anger had drained from him. "Perhaps it was my bladder that had me on edge. Let's hope I don't have to deal with any more madness today."
As Lincoln prepared to walk downstairs, he was pulled to a halt by his twin sisters, Lana and Lola. They were dressed in a uniform that displayed authority. "Go back up the stairs, up the stairs," they hissed. "You know the rules, Stinkin'. You're on sacred ground!"
The white-haired boy pulled his hair over his eyes in frustration. "When do you guys get here? And since when were the steps this valuable?!" He slowly walked back into the upstairs hallway.
"Since Lisa told us a royal family most likely set foot on the ground of Royal Woods, Michigan. That's when!" Lola shouted, venom in her voice. "Now step aside. You may pass. But next time we catch you on sacred ground without permission, we'll turn you into what Lori calls a 'human pretzel'!"
Lincoln hastily ran downstairs, mockingly bowing at the foot of the stairs. "Well, I didn't avoid the nonsense this time. And that didn't make any sense. If a royal family actually walked on the grounds of Royal Woods, then why are the steps the only sacred thing in our house? And what's gives the twins permission to walk on it!" He began to rant on and on as his readers listened. "Now I get that the name is a reason to believe that kings and queens stepped on our grounds. 'Royal' Woods? I get that. But what I don't get is where Lisa gets all her facts. I mean, who the..." He rambled on.
He stopped in his tracks, remembering something. Gazing back up at the twins, he asked, "Guys, can you toss me walkie?" He looked up hopefully. What he received was a dirty look from Lana.
"Yeah, whatever. Permission to enter your room?" Lincoln nodded, and she proceeded to retrieve his walkie talkie. She came rushing out of her brother's bedroom with the device in hand. Sarcastically, she literally "tossed" the walkie down the stairs. It landed at Lincoln's feet with a thud.
"Oh, well thank you," Lincoln muttered sarcastically, stretching the "thank". He picked up the busted walkie and strutted out into the living room. Plopping down on the couch, he tried contacting Clyde. "Clyde, Buddy? You there? I need you." The silence was irritating. Then a crackle was heard.
"Hey, Lincoln! Guess what? My dad's actually let me stay home alone. Cool, right?" the voice of his friend came through.
"I'm glad you're enjoying your day," Lincoln grumbled. "My sisters have been treating me like dirt for a few months now. I was gonna ask if we could hang out."
"No can do, Linc. I'm hiding in a closet. My dad's say I have to be safe at all times and stay out of sight. Oh! And I have to be quiet. I'm not allowed to leave the house, and I'm not allowed to answer the door."
A loud bang could be heard on Lincoln's end. He had hit his hand on the couch in anger. "Sorry, Clyde. That noise was me. I'm a little upset right now. I can't even go back upstairs without having a run in with the twins. Is ARGGH! on?"
"Oh, yeah! I almost forgot! A new episode of ARGGH! should be coming on right about now. Don't miss it. I'll have to, so make sure you tell me about it when you're done watching it."
"Sure thing, Buddy. Lincoln, out." He sighed, setting down the walkie and picking up the remote. Surprisingly, no one was in the living room with him. Everyone was doing their own thing somewhere else around the house. As he prepared to click the channel, Luna came downstairs jamming harshly on her purple guitar.
Rocking screams came out of her mouth, and she strummed her guitar with ease. When she noticed Lincoln on the couch, she quickly ran over to him. "Yo, Linc. Listen to these rockin' new jams I came up with! I'm trying my best to imitate Mick Swagger!" She sang loudly, making her brother throw the remote at her guitar in anger. It left a dent.
"Luna! Get the heck out of here! I don't care about your music. I just wanna relax and watch a new episode of ARGGH! in peace!" His face burned red, fists clenched, as he huffed and puffed like the Big Bad Wolf.
Luna screeched. "My guitar! Bruh, what was that for?! You busted my axe!" Her face also turned red with anger, and a certain "D-word" slipped from her mouth, which was inaudible due to her still strumming her guitar. "You better be glad it still works, Linc. I ain't gonna forget this any time soon." She headed upstairs, where Lana and Lola scolded her for being too loud on sacred ground.
A small tear trickled down Lincoln's left eye. He wiped it, still steaming with fury. He got up and picked up the now busted remote. It looked in pretty bad shape. "Let's just hope it works. As you can see, some of my sisters have no respect, yet they think they deserve some." He tried pressing the channel in which ARGGH! came on. Yet the paranormal show would not come on. "Crud! I broke it! Maybe Lisa can fix it for me."
A depressed looking Lincoln started up the stairs, and was not given any trouble from the twins. It looked as if they were showing sympathy. "You may pass. We're letting you off with a warning, Lincoln. Don't forget to ask for permission to set foot on this ground," Lana said warmly, as she hugged her downcast brother. "Cheer up, Linc. You should be proud that this ground is sacred."
The white-haired boy knocked on the door of his genius sister. A pair of bespectacled eyes peered out from behind it. "Yesh, Lincoln?" She opened her door wider, arms crossed in irritation. "Thish better be good."
Lincoln sighed. "Can I come in? Or is your room sacred, too?" He stifled his snickering. "I'd like you to fix the remote for me." He leaned up against the wall, eyes red.
Lisa grumbled. "I have no time for your foolishness. I have more important matters to attend to. Have you ever heard of Earth? Hm, elder brother? Because I'll have you know, I've been attempting to-" She was cut off with a slap in the face from Lincoln, which to she emitted a yelp. "Why you-" Again, she was cut off, this time by being scooped up under her arms.
"I'm tired of your sarcasm, little dork! I asked a simple favor, and you treat me like an idiot. Are your science experiments more important than your family?" He gripped her tightly as she squirmed in his grasp.
"Why would you say that?!" Lisa hissed. "Is it because you know you are of little worth to me? I never stated that."
"And I never said you thought of me as 'of little worth'. I asked, 'Are your science experiments more important than your family?' It was a simple question. But now I think I know the truth." He set Lisa down, but still kept a good grip on her.
She smirked. "My studies are not more important than my sisters, no. Nor my parents. But you, Lincoln. I'm not quite shure." That earned her another slap, this time on the buttocks.
"You girls are awful. Maybe not Leni or Lily, but the rest of you are. I can't catch a break! I thought maybe I could come to you, Lisa. But no, I guess not. Leni told me to just go along with what everyone wants. And sure, Leni doesn't give the best advice, but it's the only advice I could find. Everyone else, including you, hates me." He paused. "Like, why did you even set up Lana and Lola with this 'sacred ground' sh**?"
Lisa gasped at his use of profanity, but quickly collected her thoughts. "To get them out of my hair. Why else? Now… leave me be! I need to get back to my experiments. You are wasting of my time, and you can't guilt trip me. And now I'm even considering paying Lola and Lori to lie about you. Hope you like being grounded!"
Lincoln kicked Lisa's door open and shoved her inside. "You know, if I didn't have respect, I'd probably trash your stupid lab like there's no tomorrow!" And with that he walked away, leaving Lisa to ponder the conversation that had just taken place.
It was just then that Lincoln was confronted by his athletic sister: Lynn Jr. "Hey, Linc. Wanna play a game outside? It's called 'Punching Bag'. So here's how you play…" The white-haired boy clenched his fist. He thought back to Leni's discouraging words. "Hey, Lynn. Y'know what? I'd love to play!" he faked enthusiasm.
"Good, good," Lynn continued. "Follow me." She explained the game as she and her brother walked downstairs with permission from the twins and headed outside. "Punching Bag can be played many different ways. Normal Punching Bag, Advanced Punching Bag, and then there's Human Punching Bag. That's where you come in. We beat each other up, and whoever sheds blood or tears first loses. Up for the challenge, Linc?" She flexed her muscles.
Lincoln sat down in the backyard, quivering as he did so. He didn't want to do this. He hated the thought of being pummeled by his own sister, but he also hated the thought of his sister being beaten by him! But there was no choice. He just couldn't get Leni's words out of his head. "Sure, I'll play. Who makes first move?"
"Me!" Lynn shouted. Quick as a wink, she charged full on at her brother, knocking him off his butt and to the soft grass below. Lynn knew that Lincoln couldn't handle too much pain, so she went easier on him, but she didn't refrain from throwing punches. "C'mon Lincy. Fight me!"
"Lynn, I can't. I don't wanna fight. Why can't you wrestle Lana?" Lincoln pouted. He didn't want to be forced into a fight against his will.
"Because Lana's too small! I'd knock her out in less than a minute. And you're a good match, Linc. You're so puny, and so vulnerable, but you can take a few punches without much damage done." She smiled viciously. Taking hold of her brother's arms, she forced them behind his head. "I won't go too hard, but I'm still not stopping after you shed a few tears. I wanna see you bawl."
At that, the white-haired boy shuttered. Did Lynn even care about his wellbeing? Or did she just want to wrestle live prey? That didn't matter right now. He was being beaten. He had to fight back. "As you can see, I'm being forced into this, so I might as well put up a fight."
A kick to Lynn's stomach caused her to stumble backwards. Lincoln took this as an opportunity to hop on top of her. In doing that, he put himself in an awkward position. Lincoln blushed as he yanked Lynn's ponytail in anger.
Lynn winced and kicked her brother in his crotch. It's was pretty good kick, too. She had the right shoes on to do some damage. The white-haired boy fell off of Lynn and landed in the grass. He cursed, clutching his jewels. "Gosh, this hurts like heck! Why did I ever agree to this stupid game?!" A patch of blood formed at the crotch of his pants. Right then, he began to cry. First small trickles, then hot drops. He groaned in pain.
Lynn Jr. laughed without a care. "Aw, Lincy. Did I hurt Little Linc?" she snickered, watching her brother wail profusely. "Lynner, Lynner, chicken dinner! I won, you lost! You're so puny. It's pretty sad to call you my brother. I mean, Lana is stronger than you. And she can take a beating. But I'm too rough for her. Face it Lincoln, you'll never be as strong as me. Get used to it!" And with that, she went inside, leaving her brother to accept his defeat on agony.
Lincoln sat up painfully, and leaned against a tree. "You know, Lynn would never be this strong if Mom and Dad didn't buy her all this sports equipment..." He paused for a second, hand still comforting "Little Linc". "I could always get rid of her trashy balls and dumbbells." An evil smile crept across Lincoln's lips. "In fact, why don't I destroy whatever things make my sisters cruel to me? Lori's phone, Luan's pranks, Lisa's lab... Oh, this is gonna be so good!"
After about half an hour of sitting in pain, Lincoln slowly got up, hobbling around the house to the front door. He opened it quietly. It was supposed a normal Saturday. Well, for the girls at least. But not for long. Lynn Sr. was whipping up something for lunch, and Lincoln's mouth watered, but he resisted. Shutting the door behind him, he made a break for the stairs. Luckily, Lana and Lola were fighting in their room, and didn't notice him on the sacred ground.
The white-haired boy peeked around the hallway. Lana and Lola were obviously still quarreling. Lisa was still in her room, as agitated as ever, and Lily was in her crib asleep. Luna was desperately trying to cover the dent in her guitar, muffled curses coming from her room. Lori was texting Bobby in her room. The rest of the girls were downstairs. The only completely vacant room was Lucy and Lynn's, if you didn't count Lincoln's room. "So, what do you guys think I should do? Man, the choices are endless. Shred Lucy's poetry? Chuck Lynn's lucky jersey? I better do this quickly."
Lincoln decided to start off slowly. Trash a few of his sister's things, and after a while they'd finally get the hint that someone was angry at them. That person being none other than their brother. Then he'd full on beat their belongings into a pile of rubble. He rushed into the bedroom, one side gloomy, and the other side reeking of B.O. And there it was. Lynn's lucky jersey. It couldn't smell more rotten. He tucked it in his own shirt. Under Lucy's bed he discovered a book of gothic poetry labeled "My Best Works". "Yep, this shit's definitely gonna hit the trash heap," Lincoln mumbled. He grabbed the hardback and stuffed it in his pants, giving his lower half a rather interesting lump.
He raced down the stairs, the jersey and book making it quite uncomfortable. Just as he was about to go back outside, Lynn Jr. approached him. "I see you're feeling better," she teased. "And how about.. Little.. B-b-big... Linc..." she trailed off when she saw something awkward bulging in Lincoln's bloodstained jeans. Her face turned bright red. Little did she know, there was only a book behind those layers of fabrics. The male sibling began blushing. "Lynn, it's not what it looks like! Leave me the hel...heck alone!" He ran outside quickly. The jock sniffed the air. "Weird. He smelled familiar. Too familiar. He stank almost like me."
Outside, Lincoln approached the garage, clunking along with the belongings under his clothing. He opened it with ease. Inside lie spare car parts and Lana's toolbox, along with various boxes and bins that were tucked into dusty corners. "Where can I find a bat? Hm..." he mumbled viciously. His eyes darted from left to right, scanning the crowded room. He gasped when he spotted a large, black mallet. The white-haired boy ran over to it and caressed it between his hands. "Sweet, sweet little Mal," he said, his voice cracking. "You will serve me well." He cackled in a crazed sort of way. "You see this mallet? I can use this to completely destroy my sisters' things! Hey, what can you say?" Lincoln shrugged with a smile. "It ain't all sugar and spice."
The tortured boy got up, mallet in hand, and walked out towards the metal trash can in front of his home. He opened it, and carefully removed Lucy's poetry and Lynn's jersey from under his clothes, stuffing them inside the rotten can. He smirked. A half empty bottle lay abandoned by his feet. With a smug look, Lincoln picked it up, opened it, and dumped its contents onto the pages of his sister's well written poetry until the words became a blurry, soggy mess. He thought Lynn would search through the laundry rather than the trash can to find her jersey, so he just allowed it to set deep within the innards of the can. With that, he tucked the mallet into his pants and headed for the front door.
His siblings were seated at the dining room table with Rita and Lynn Sr., munching away at their lunch. It was shameful that they seemed not to notice that their only son was missing from the table. And if they did notice, they certainly didn't give a damn. The disgusted boy quickly made his way up the steps, not caring if they were sacred or not. "So, Luan's dummy, Mr. Coconuts has annoyed the hell out of me for as long as I can remember. Even when I was a kid, those comedy routines failed to make me laugh. Without her dummy, Luan can't create many two-person acts. Eliminating Coconuts eliminates most of the problem."
Lincoln swung open the bedroom door that his comedic sister and musician sister shared, and his eyes fell upon Mr. Coconuts, who was gently tucked under the bottom bunk of the sisters' bunk bed. With a swift swipe of the hand, Lincoln grabbed the dummy by its coat. With little regret, he pulled the mallet from his pants and swung with all his might at the dummy's head. It splintered terribly, the warm, rosy cheeks and wooden, orange hair no more. The white-haired boy clutched his chest. The longer he stared at the mess he had made, the worse he felt. Quickly, he shoved the lifeless dummy back under Luan's bed. He then looked up. Luna's guitar lay in the top bunk, the dent still in it from earlier that morning.
Lincoln smiled evilly. He climbed the latter, reaching for the purple instrument. Hauling it down, he nearly lost his balance. Once back on solid ground, the platinum blonde eyed the guitar with malicious intent. He held the mallet over the previous dent, and as quietly as he could, smashed it in further. He kept busting the cords and damaging the exterior. Once finished, Lincoln put the trashed guitar back in Luna's bed. The deed was done. Two more sisters, check!
Next, the freckled boy headed for the twins' room. Lola was a selfish brat, and Lana was a disgusting tomboy. Yes, while the twins were still young children, they were mature enough to know when they had hit Lincoln's breaking point. Lincoln creaked open the door. He was immediately hit with two different smells. The smell of feces, urine, and body odor, and the scent of perfume, cupcakes, and candles. He despised both. Lana's pet Izzy was crawling about, oblivious to the boy's evil intentions. He opened the tank's lid, grabbed the lizard, and carefully tossed it out the window. While he had something against Lana, her pets had done nothing wrong to Lincoln, so he took care in throwing them out the window gently.
Lola's prized tiaras, gowns, and awards were on full display on her side of the room. Lincoln removed the mallet from his pocket. The little princess had many traps in her room. He swung at her tiara, only to be tripped by a wire. He fell face first into one of her drawers. His forehead hurt like heck! He mumbled a certain F-word before getting up and brushing himself off. Lincoln stomped on Lola's tiaras and spat on her gowns, medals, trophies and pictures. For good measure, he also swung hard at the drawer that had caused the small gash on his face. With Lola and Lana's stuff ruined, there was but one younger sibling (minus Lily) left to go.
'Lisa's experiments,' Lincoln thought to himself as he exited the bedroom. 'They're what give her this superior attitude! She thinks she's so perfect just because she's gifted. Sometimes I think she forgets she's disabled, as well. I mean, Lisa's practically blind, she's got tinnitus, and I can't forget that stupid lisp!' Lincoln mocked Lisa as he headed for her room. "Theshe exshperimentsh are highly volatile, Lincoln. I shuggesht you shtay away." The boy chuckled to himself. 'I wouldn't be surprised if she was adopted, though I know that isn't possible.'
He opened Lisa's door quietly, catching wind of the chemical stench. He grabbed one of her fecal samples and through them at a fan in the corner. "Dang, looks like shit really hit the fan!" He scanned her chemicals, his eye catching the words "Hydrofluoric Acid". In one of Lisa's boring lectures, she had explained to him that this chemical could burn through skin and numerous other materials. Perhaps one of those materials consisted of Lori's phone. Eh, it was a possibility. Lincoln grabbed the acid, and tucked the container in his pocket beside the mallet. He left the room, but not before replacing solutions on Lisa's chalkboard with incorrect answers and tearing a few pages from Lisa's journals.
Lincoln sneaked downstairs. Lori's phone was with her at all times. How he would snatch it from her without her noticing was a head-scratcher. Perhaps he could cause a diversion? It was worth a try. Lincoln snuck behind an empty table in the kitchen. "Now… how am I going to do this?" Lincoln thought aloud. An abandoned pot lay atop the table he was under. He gripped it carefully in his hands, and aimed for the kitchen window. With all his might, he threw the heavy pot directly at the glass. It shattered.
"What the bloody hell was that?!" Luna exclaimed in a British-like accent, disregarding the Louds' "No-Cuss" rule. The Louds quickly got up from their seats. Lori pushed the twins out of her way. "Did I literally hear glass shatter?" Lisa nodded in confirmation, scrambling to get up from the table. "I believe you did, eldest sister. You see, humans' ears are capable of picking up a certain level of frequencies-" Lynn Jr. shoved Lisa to the floor. "Move it, Smarty! There could be a burglar!" Lynn Sr. stood in front of Lynn Jr. as she attempted to enter the kitchen. "No, Junior, It's too dangerous. Let me go see what happened."
The diversion was a success. As everyone began to enter the kitchen, Lincoln had already crawled around them and into the dining room. And there it was. Lori's phone, on full display. As quick as a wink, Lincoln snatched the device off of the table and, out of nervousness, hurled it behind the living room sofa. Before the rest of his family could sit back down for lunch, he ran behind the couch as fast as he could. Lori's phone lit up with sappy texts from Bobby. Lincoln felt his pocket for the substance. "Hydrofluoric acid," he purred. The lid was on tight. He gripped it furiously and pulled it off. He took a whiff of the chemical and instantly began sputtering. "So it's essentially poison," he groaned hoarsely. He prepared to dump the acid onto Lori's phone when his eyes began to burn terribly. "Shit! Shit! Shit!"
"What was that?" Rita cried. The Louds rushed into the living room. There lay Lincoln who was clutching his neck, Lori's phone in one hand, hydrofluoric acid in the other. "Is that my phone?!" Lori hollered. "And a bottle containing one of my chemicals?!" Lisa shouted. The white-haired boy was turning red. "P-please, h-help!" he cried. "Acid! I s-s-smelled the acid." Lisa threw her arms up into the air. "Mother of Edison, we need Calcium gluconate! I'll retrieve the treatment from my room." She rushed upstairs.
The room was agonizingly quiet except for a few groans from Lincoln. That was until a startling scream was heard. "My laboratory!" Lisa cried from her room. "Who the nonexistent-hell ravaged my room in such a manner?! Gosh damn, there is no time for this!" Lincoln silently wept. He knew he may possibly die because of his desire to wreck Lisa's room. Less than a minute later, however, Lisa rushed downstairs with the medicine and treated Lincoln thoroughly. A few moments later, the boy sat up, wiping tears from his eyes. But as he did, all eyes were on Lincoln with questionable looks.
"Lincoln… what happened?" Lynn Sr. asked in a serious tone.
One thing was for certain now: Lincoln Loud had some 'splainin' to do.
Skillet-Writer: Alright, so this took about 2-3 months to write, given the fact that I took quite a few breaks. *Sheepish grin*. However, chapter one is done, and we won't continue if the plot isn't very good. For now, we just want to see people's reviews. Thanks! Oh, and just a heads up, we won't be updating for a while.