A/N I've really struggled to get into writing stories, so I decided to try a 'short' one-shot. I made three attempts at starting this story, but wrote this final version in one afternoon! It didn't turn out quite as short as I had planned. I hope you like it!
Too Much
As they flew back to Quantico after a week-long case in Boston, JJ sat alone at the back of the plane, trying desperately hard to keep her emotions in check. The rest of the team had kept well away from her after she had snapped rudely at Emily and Derek. She recognised that she had massively overreacted to them showing understandable concern, given that she had nearly broken down during the closing press conference, but she had just needed to be given a moment alone; something which they, as the country's best profilers, should have known.
It had been one of the toughest cases she had been involved in, with a few exceptions, and she had barely made it through the press conference and the post-case bureaucracy without collapsing in tears. Her voice had faltered and she had shed a few tears during the press conference, something which had never happened before. Now she just wanted to get home in time to put her son to bed and spend some quality time with Will.
The case had been tough from the word go. Boston PD had called them in after four young girls had gone missing. The first two, aged 8 and 10, had been taken 10 days prior to the call and their bodies had been dropped in a public park three days later, showing signs of sexual assault. Three days later two more girls, aged 7 and 10, had gone missing. The local agents had been sure that the two events had been unconnected ... until another three days later when their bodies had been dumped mere metres away from the first crime scene. At this point Boston had finally called the BAU who had flown out immediately.
Despite the public body dumps the unsub had left very little evidence, meaning it had taken the disappearance of two more girls, two days after the BAU's arrival, for them to even begin to narrow down the profile. It had taken a further three days to narrow the profile down to one man. Those three days had been extremely difficult for JJ, as she spent the entire time with two sets of hysterical parents who, thanks to the press, knew exactly what was happening to their daughters as they waited helplessly at home.
Once they had narrowed the profile down Hotch had led JJ, Emily and Derek to their suspect's home, where they hoped to find the girls alive. They had arrived in time to stop 53 year old Shane Leary from killing 10 year old Kerrie Laurent, but had been too late for 9 year old Taylor Steadman, who had died in JJ's arms before the paramedics could get to the scene.
As she sat in the plane now she could still feel the young girl's blood coating a skin, despite the fact that she had obviously showered and changed before the press conference. Cases with children were always more traumatic, especially now she had Henry, but this case had been particularly hard. She had spent so much time with Taylor's parents that she felt like she had actually known the girl who had eventually taken her last breaths wrapped in her embrace. It was this mix of emotions that had led to JJ's emotional outburst during the press conference, when a pushy reporter had suggested that they hadn't done enough to save the two girls, and specifically Taylor.
JJ had been so lost in her thoughts that she barely noticed as the plane descended and finally landed. It took Emily gently pulling her out of her seat to bring her back to reality and get her moving. She stayed silent and isolated as they made the short journey back to the BAU offices, thinking ahead to her plans for the evening.
"Anybody up for a drink?" she heard Emily ask as they exited the elevator.
"Definitely" Derek responded. "I'll go and collect Garcia from her lair and meet you all there."
"Sounds good" Emily said. "Hotch? Rossi? Reid?"
Getting positive answers from the three men, Emily turned hopefully towards JJ.
"JJ?" she asked, the concern still clear in her eyes.
"I'm going to grab some files and go home" JJ answered, checking her watch as she answered. "It's 7 o'clock. If I rush I should get home in time to put Henry to bed."
They thankfully all accepted her decision without argument and moved back towards the elevators, leaving JJ to make her way to her office. She quickly grabbed a few files that she needed to review before the next morning and was about the leave the room when her phone rang. Sighing, she turned to answer the call.
"Agent Jareau" she answered.
It was one of the receptionists, who was calling to tell her that she had a visitor waiting for her in the foyer.
"I'm not expecting anyone" JJ replied, feeling confused. "I'm just about to go home. Who is it? Did they say what they wanted?"
"It's a Mr Porter" the receptionist replied. "He just said he wanted to speak to you. He's been waiting all day. I told him that you were all out on a case, but he insisted on waiting."
Sighing resignedly, JJ told the receptionist that she was on her way down. Finishing the call, she walked briskly to the elevator which she took down to the foyer. When she arrived at the desk the receptionist pointed her in the direction of a man who looked just as broken as she felt. He appeared to be in his late 50s, although he looked fit and toned for his age.
"Mr Porter?" JJ said quietly, extending her arm as she approached the man, who was currently sat in one of the chairs set in front of the reception desk. "I'm Agent Jareau. You wanted to see me?"
She was shocked when the man stood suddenly and angrily grabbed her arm tightly.
"My daughter is dead because of you" the man shouted. "You should have chosen our case ... She would still be alive if you had taken our case."
"I'm sorry Mr Porter" JJ said calmly, silently indicating to the security guards that she could cope with this. "I don't know what case you're talking about."
"The Baltimore case" Mr Porter said angrily, still holding on to JJ's arm. "Detective Westone told me that he asked you for help and you took the team somewhere else. My daughter was taken the next day. She is dead because of you."
JJ inwardly cursed the stupidity of the detective who had shared that information with a grieving parent, but then immediately put on her press face and attempted to calm the angry man.
"Mr Porter" she said gently, trying to pull her arm away. "I'm really sorry if ..."
Her explanation was cut short as he used his grip on her arm to pull her closer before punching her hard in the face.
"Don't you dare try to apologise" he screamed, even as he was pulled away from her by the security guards. "You have no idea what you have done!"
As the man was dragged away, probably to an interview room somewhere in the building, JJ worked hard to appear in control as the receptionist rushed towards her and tried to guide her into the seat which had previously been occupied by her attacker.
"Sit down Agent Jareau" the receptionist was saying gently. "Someone has gone to get you some ice and your section chief and unit chief have both been informed of the situation."
"That's not necessary" JJ replied, her voice shaking slightly. "I'm fine. I just want to go home."
"It's procedure ma'am" the young girl said apologetically. "You'll need to wait here until one of your superiors arrives."
Rolling her eyes and sighing deeply, JJ flopped ungraciously into the chair without speaking. A minute or so later someone passed her an ice pack which she placed gingerly over her left eye, hissing slightly at the jolt of pain this caused. Hearing the familiar clicking of heels coming towards her, she sat up straight and prepared herself for Section Chief Strauss' arrival.
"Agent Jareau" the woman said without emotion as she pulled another chair over towards JJ and sat down. "Do you need to see a doctor?"
"I'm fine" JJ replied, looking her superior in the eye whilst temporarily removing the ice pack. "It's just a bruise."
"You're sure?" Chief Strauss asked, continuing once JJ had nodded in response. "In that case, we need to get started on taking your statement."
"Is that necessary?" JJ asked. "It was just a punch. I don't want to press charges."
"That isn't your decision to make, I'm afraid" Strauss said firmly. "We can't have members of the public believing that they can assault a federal agent and get away with it."
"He was angry and upset" JJ argued. "His daughter has just died."
"Be that as it may," Strauss returned in a voice which allowed not discussion, "he had no right to come in here and assault you. We will be pressing charges. It will be up to the DA whether to take it further or not."
JJ resignedly nodded her head as Strauss stood up. She then silently followed her boss back into the elevator and, eventually, into her office.
Two hours later, having been questioned until she felt like she had done something wrong and having had both her eye and her arm photographed, she finally left Strauss' office, desperate to get home. Her heart dropped when she saw that Hotch and the rest of the team were waiting outside, clearly looking for answers.
"OK?" Hotch asked, looking her over before resting his gaze on her face.
"Fine" she said quietly, studiously avoiding his eyes.
He patted her awkwardly on the shoulder before slipping into Strauss' office for the required debrief. JJ allowed herself to be led back to the BAU offices and into the conference room where her teammates immediately demanded an explanation.
"Can't we do this tomorrow?" she said desperately, quickly reaching the end of her patience. "I really just want to go home."
"You're going to have to wait here for Hotch anyway" Derek reasoned. "You might as well spend the time telling us what happened."
"Fine" JJ huffed. "Before we got called in on the Boston case I had a couple of cases on hold. One was a possible serial in Baltimore – two young women, both brunettes aged between 18 and 21 who had been murdered. I had been about to brief Hotch on it when we got the call from Boston. I chose the Boston case over the Baltimore case and, because of that, Mr Porter's daughter died."
"She died because some sick bastard killed her Jayje" Garcia said, reaching out and taking JJ's hands in her own, "not because you made the decision that another case, one with 4 dead kids, was more urgent."
"But she might still be alive if I had made a different decision" JJ countered, pulling her hands away from her friend.
"And Kerrie Laurent and numerous other little girls might be dead" Emily argued passionately. "You made the right decision Jayje. It's tragic that Mr Porter's daughter died, but that doesn't change the fact that your decision saved lives."
Unable to accept Emily's wisdom in her current state of mind, JJ merely shrugged and looked away, waiting desperately for Hotch to return.
"You've told us the background JJ" Rossi said gently, "but what actually happened downstairs?"
Sighing deeply, JJ quickly explained what had happened in the foyer. By the time she had finished her head was aching badly and she had used all of her reserves of energy and patience.
"How is your eye?" Reid asked in concern as she finished. "It looks painful. Are you OK?"
"God!" JJ exclaimed, finally having had enough. "I wish people would stop asking me that. No! I'm not OK. I'm tired, upset and I'm pissed. I want to go home ... Hell, I wanted to go home two hours ago. I just wish people would stop asking me stupid questions and let me get the hell out of this place."
"JJ ..." Garcia said, moving towards her.
"No Garcia" JJ interrupted her. "It's nearly 10 o'clock now and it takes me at least half an hour to get home. I just wanted to get home early and spend some time with my family. Is that too much to ask?"
"No it's not" Hotch said as he slipped into the room. "I think it's about time to get you home. I'll drive."
"I can drive myself Hotch" JJ said.
"I know you can JJ" Hotch said soothingly, "but I'll be happier if you let me take you home."
Too tired and emotionally spent to argue, JJ finally agreed and followed Hotch to his car. The journey home took place in complete silence, with Hotch thankfully giving her the time and space she needed to calm herself down.
"Thanks Hotch" she said genuinely as they pulled up outside her house.
"No problem" he answered as she opened the door. "And JJ ... I don't want to see you in the office tomorrow morning. You can come in for the afternoon IF you want to, but you are not to come in before lunch."
Nodding her agreement tiredly, she thanked him again before getting out of the car and walking to her front door. As she unlocked the door and walked inside she noted that it was completely dark and silent, meaning that Will was already in bed. Without turning on any lights she quickly made her way directly to Henry's room. She stood for a moment; just staring at her son's sleeping form. He had shrugged off his blanket and was spread-eagled across the cot. Eventually unable to just look, she bent down and gently lifted her son into her arms before settling herself in the rocking chair in the corner of the room.
Will always said that he could judge what a case had been like by her actions when she returned home. If there had been a positive outcome she would come back on a high, waking him to talk as she was too wired to sleep. If it had been an 'average' case – whatever that meant – she would always check in on Henry for a few minutes before going straight to bed to fall asleep almost immediately in Will's arms. He said he always knew a case had been bad, however, when he woke to find her sat in that chair with Henry cuddled against her. She was rarely sat there for more than thirty minutes before Henry's warmth and innate comfort had calmed her enough to get some sleep. He had learned after Foyet had killed Hailey that, if she had been sat there for any longer than an hour, even Henry's presence would not be enough to calm her and that, in those situations, he needed to take some action.
Forty-five minutes after she had arrived home she heard movement behind her and felt Will softly kiss the top of her head before moving in front of her, silently taking Henry out of her arms and putting him back into his cot. Still without saying a word, he gently took her hand and led her into their bedroom, sitting her on her side of the bed. Kneeling in front of her he slowly but firmly began to undo the buttons of her shirt before pulling it off completely. He then went on to remove her bra before replacing it with one of the vests that she normally wore to bed. He bent further down to remove her boots and socks before coaxing her to stand so that he could help her remove her pants. Given the connotations that would normally accompany these actions, there was amazingly nothing sexual about what he was doing; it was all about showering her with love and comfort and, as he finished by pulling on her sleep shorts, she could feel herself beginning to break down under his ministrations. As the first tears fell he immediately pulled her onto the bed and into a tight embrace. He sat back against the pillows and pulled her to sit between his legs with her head leaning on his chest. As she sobbed, he wrapped his arms around her, gently stroking her back whilst whispering calming phrases.
"It's OK darling" he said softly. "It's OK to cry. Let it all out. I'm here for you."
After ten minutes of this attention she could finally feel herself slowly calming down. Her sobs faded to become occasional sniffles.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked gently, not once loosening his grip on her.
She shook her head against his chest.
"Not now" she said hoarsely. "Tomorrow. I just want to lie here with you for now."
"Of course sweetheart" he said, shuffling them both down the bed until he was led down with her cuddled into his side. He kissed her softly on the head again.
"Get some sleep honey" he said lovingly before reaching to turn out the light.
She snuggled closer to him, wanting as much contact as she could get. As they lay there he continued to gently stroke her back until she could feel herself beginning to drop off to sleep, feeling loved and protected.