Levi
Day 1
Agony.
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Day 2
The pain never ceases to end. It's there, creeping in the dark, waiting for the perfect moment to swallow him up into the night, until he is rendered nothingness.
It's over.
His life.
He stands alone in the debris of shattered dreams and feels the hope slowly drain out of him.
Still breathing, but now he's just an empty shell. Tears are futile, it's not like they're going to bring anyone back; so what's the point in crying? Nothing will ever be the same again.
His world has collapsed around him, burying him deep within.
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Day 3
There are talks about a funeral. As if a funeral can make everything better. As if dressing in black will honor the dead. As if a meaningless gathering of people mourning can stop the war. The dead are gone. The boy that he cared for deeply is gone. Everyone tiptoes around him, afraid to bring up a certain name. He goes on with his so-called life, pretending he has moved on.
His face remains motionless.
His lips are pursed tightly.
His un-beating heart still somehow pumps him into life.
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Day 4
He didn't go to the funeral. He didn't want to see the limp body again. The dirt mixed with the blood, the tears on the pale boy's face, the desperate look in those emerald green eyes…. He never wanted to see that again. The boy is gone. It was time to accept that. It was time to embrace the ugliness that is the world.
Revenge is a dark road. Once you step onto it, there's no going back. He remembered saying those exact same words to prevent the boy from a life of vengeance, yet now here he is stepping into that life.
Is it redemption he is looking for?
Or is it just to prove that he is still alive?
There is nothing left of the boy for him to hold on to. Even memories are slipping through his grasp, as it is far too painful to reminiscence. He refuses to let his emotions get the best of him. He refuses to give in.
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Day 5
He goes about like he normally does. He slays the gigantic creatures with exceeding force. He doesn't stumble, he doesn't falter. He acts like nothing's the matter. Others are scared of him, and his reaction. They don't know how to approach him; they don't know what to say.
The truth is there's nothing they can say to make it better. Nothing is going to change reality.
This is war.
Emotions are useless.
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Day 6
There is a traitor within the walls. It came as a surprise to most, but not to him. He knew from the start. He knew from those pleading green eyes. Even now, he could see them in his sleep. They peer into his soul. They haunt him.
Being human themselves, there exists creatures to exterminate mankind. A betrayal of humanity by a human. What irony. The world sure is a sordid, filthy place. And the boy…. the boy ended up being collateral damage.
Hatred seeps through him. He clenches his fists until his nails dig deep into his skin. The traitor, he will find him, and he will tear him apart.
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Day 7
It was time to clean up the house. He has been putting it off for quite a while. The repudiation is still upon him. He compels himself to rid the house of the boy's presence. The clothes on the bed; the boots by the door; the extra pillow… The pots and pans don't serve a purpose anymore, since he never cooks. The whole place seems empty…hollow…
It is not a home anymore.
He lays on the glacial sheets and stares at the ceiling. He still has the habit of staying on his side of the bed. Everything is dark, and no warmth will ever reach his heart again. It is just him now.
When will the feeling of dread end?
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Day 8
The will is read.
As he suspects, the boy left all valuables to the orphans in the village. Personal belongings were given to a few close friends. For him, the boy left behind the key.
He accepts the key with trembling hands.
This is all.
The boy with hopeful eyes, a warm smile, and the purest heart is no more. This is all that's left. A key.
A key to solve the mystery of titans? A key to help humanity? He doesn't care anymore. He isn't going to turn it in as evidence.
He lifts it over his head and wears it around his neck adamantly. The icy cold metal pierces his heart. He could feel the boy's will — it's perpetual.
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Day 9
Still not used to waking up alone. Not used to the deafening silence. Not used to the ever-lasting void that is now his life.
He washes his face with icy cold water. He dresses for another mission. He mounts his horse.
The key still lies in front of his chest, reminding him of what he has to do. He watches everyone closely, contriving a plan.
The boy's death will not be in vain.
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Day 10
Many others have died by the hands of the traitor. Highly ranked soldiers and informative Wallists. He is starting to realize what the traitor is after: to protect the secrets of the titans' origin.
The traitor will come for him some day. He knows. He wears the secret around his neck instead of the boy now. If only it had been him that night as well.
He refuses to think about the boy anymore and concentrate solely on his own mission.
Revenge drives him to live, but also pushes him to die.
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Day 11
The nightmares shroud him. The boy's bloody hand grasps for something, but touches only air. He tries to reach the hand but is always too late. He watches the process of death again and again, each time more excruciating than before. Each time, he experiences it for the first time.
Waking up to find he is still on mission. Night has fallen and the others are asleep. He stands alone under the moon and stares into the darkness stretching endlessly beyond. The cold wind slices across his face, yet he feels nothing.
Nothing is ever going to be greater than the pain of losing the boy.
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Day 12
Someone finally said the name.
He could feel gazes of sympathy on his back. The mere 2 syllables take him back in time to when he was not alone. The anguish that he had buried deep down come bubbling back up, suffocating him.
He is furious.
He hated the world, and everyone in it. He hated how unfair it was. He hated the war, for taking away the boy.
Wrath flows through him. He slays with such force that the titan is completely beheaded.
He never wants to hear the name again.
Because when he does, he dies a little more inside.
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Day 13
He is angry all the time; even if he didn't want to be. Everything annoys and infuriates him.
He is on the frontline of every attack, putting his life on the line. He's not afraid of death. He's not afraid of anything. The boy had always said that he was invincible.
Well.
He wasn't.
The only thing he has ever been scared of is life without the boy. The day of that horrific death is the day that broke him. The scar it left will never heal, and he will never be whole again.
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Day 14
It has been two weeks.
He doesn't want to continue anymore. He fails to focus on the mission at hand.
The whole team was ambushed at a forest. There are more titans than they would have predicted. Screams and shrieks echo through the woods. Blood everywhere.
How filthy. He thinks to himself.
His blades cut through the flesh on the necks, sending huge splatters of blood into the air. How he hated the stinking smell of rotten flesh. Companions die before his eyes, but he cannot feel the pain of losing more people anymore.
He soars above the opening mouths of the titans, his cape unfolding behind him. A fellow solider is thrown in his direction and he tries to catch her. The strings from her 3D maneuver gear cut mercilessly into his collarbone, breaking the thread holding the golden key.
He watches in horror as the key falls through the blood stained sky.
No.
Not this time.
Nothing is going to take away the only thing he has left.
He makes directly for the ground, opening his hand to catch the key as he falls. A titan from his right swings a giant hand at him, which he barely manages to dodge.
At last, his hand closes upon the key, and he breathes a sigh of relief.
Immense pain passes through his right leg. The titan has bitten down on his ankle and was dragging him into his mouth to devour him.
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Is it over this time?
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Is this the end?
Death does not scare him. He feels at ease. Perhaps now he will see the boy again. It has been a good 34 years. He is just sorry he did not keep the promise he made. But never mind. That angelic boy would never hold a grudge.
He closes his eyes slowly.
Peacefully.
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Day 23
White walls.
The smell of chlorine.
The incessant moans of pain.
He blinks to get used to the blinding sunlight. He is not dead. He is in the hospital. For a moment, he cannot remember why. Then the harsh reality comes rushing back to him. He was on a mission, he was almost eaten, and he did not die. A part of him feels somewhat disappointed.
His hand reaches up to feel for the key. It is around his neck again.
All is well.
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Day 24
What day is it? How long does he need to be hospitalized? He is getting itchy to leave. This is the place the boy died in. The four walls seem to speak to him, whispering painful memories in his ear. He hated it here.
He still has all four limbs, for which he is grateful. The titan had chewed through the bones in his ankle. He would need a long time before he could walk again.
He stares out the window into the vast distance.
He sees conflagration. Kids running down the streets screaming. Titans grabbing at random people. Soldiers dying.
He is thankful the boy is not here to see this.
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Day 25
More wounded are sent into the hospital.
More cries.
More deaths.
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Day 26
He is given notice that his entire squad has sacrificed.
Everyone is gone except for him.
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Day 27
He has too much time on his hands to think about the things he doesn't want to think about. He is no longer angry. What replaced his rage is sorrow, which is so much stronger, and hurts ten times more.
He could feel it gnawing at his insides, crawling under his skin.
Give it time. He consoles himself. It will get better than this.
…It has to.
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Day 28
He carries the burden of grief with him on his shoulders, and it does not lessen.
Sometimes, it is so heavy that he feels like he can't breathe.
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Day 29
The memories are drowning him.
It is a lie, isn't it? "Time heals everything"? It's not true. He is in just as much pain as he was 29 days ago.
He will never be strong enough to endure it.
He will be in this pain until the end of time.
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Day 30
He can stand with the help of crutches now, but is told that he needs more bed rest. The war continues outside, but there is nothing he can do.
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Day 31
He thinks about every solider he has encountered in his life. He wonders which one of them is the traitor. He has his suspects, but he cannot be sure.
He waits patiently for the arrival of the attack, but it never comes.
He cannot die.
Not before that, anyway.
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Day 32
The empty, solitary house awaits him. He limps across the grounds as he cleans the dusty rooms. Everything the boy left behind is still in the closet. He takes them all out and puts them back in their original places. He washes the uniforms and scrubs the boots. Now it looks like the boy has never left.
He sits down at the edge of the bed. If he had known what was going to happen, he would have done everything differently.
He never would have kept everything inside.
He never would have made the boy cry.
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Day 33
It has been too long. He should have done it ages ago, but he never got to it until today.
It took him quite a while to get to the graveyard on a bad leg. He found the tattered tombstone in a corner. It was lopsided at an odd angle. The whole place reeks of desolation and depression.
He sets down the flowers he brought along. He never gave the boy flowers when he was still alive. Now, regret attempts to consume him.
He clears the grave of the weeds that has grown over the days. Then he sits down and rests his forehead on the cold tombstone.
He closes his eyes.
He misses the boy.
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Day 34
Time drags on.
New deaths. New sacrifices.
Some have already forgotten the boy's name.
Yes. The world does not stop spinning because of one death.
He understands.
At least he tries to.
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Day 35
He possesses the key. Others try to persuade him to give it up.
We can lure the traitor in alive this way, they said.
We can gather more Intel, they said.
If you go on your own, you will be in a horrible position with the authority, they said.
He remains neutral to all their proposals. He doesn't care about the valuable information the traitor might have. He doesn't care who wants custody of the traitor. He doesn't care that a capture instead of a death might benefit humanity.
He doesn't care.
He wants to kill the traitor with his own bare hands.
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Day 36
He changes the bandages on his ankle awkwardly. He never used to do this. It was always the boy who took care of all his injuries.
But that seemed like a lifetime ago. He must start getting used to life by himself. He mustn't dwell in the past.
He struggles.
He is always struggling ever since that day.
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Day 37
The trap was successful.
The traitor has finally come to him.
Ever since the day he accepted the key, he has been waiting for this moment, the moment that the traitor will try to take his life.
Subtle yet precise, the traitor tries to assassinate him in his sleep. He is prepared. It's not like he has been sleeping soundly ever since the boy died. But he is not in the best shape for combat.
As the knife grazed his cheek, he felt another plunge into his chest. Eyes widening in surprise, he realizes there is more than one traitor.
He falls onto the cold, hard floor. He feels his own blood oozing out of the wound, forming a puddle, forming a flood.
This time, it really is the end of him.
The boy's face flashes before his eyes.
No.
This can't happen. He swore to the boy that he would live. He can't break that promise again.
The traitors are searching his body for the key. He grabs the female one by her wrist and forces her to stick the knife in her partner's throat. She shrieks and tries to pull it out, but it is already too late. Her partner falls to the ground stiffly.
She advances on him, trying to slice his throat as well. His ankle slows him down considerably. He feels multiple new injuries on his already bloody body.
She laughs.
She cackles.
She admits gleefully that he puts up a better fight than the boy.
But she died in mid-laughter. He had snapped her neck in the dark with his hands. Her limp body fell at his feet, her eyes filled with surprise.
He looks at her coldly.
He has done it.
He has avenged.
…But why does he still feel empty?
Blood continue to gush out.
He falls to his knees.
Now he can die in peace.
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Day 38
It seems like he keeps escaping death.
Even if he welcomes it with open arms.
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Day 39
He walks very slowly. He has been heavily wounded. As he makes his way to the graveyard, he stops to catch his breath.
The tombstone with the boy's name carved into it still stands out to him. How long has it been since the boy's been gone? He doesn't even know anymore. All he knows is that the pain did not get better. Not even after he killed the traitor.
He just has to get used to the piercing pain. He just has to live with it forever.
He sits silently beside the tombstone. He has never been a man with many words, but the boy was always there to fill the silence. And now, the silence cuts through him.
Revenge did not grant him satisfaction. He still feels as miserable as he did before. There really is no future for him anymore.
He is walking around like the living dead.
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Day 40
He is called a hero for terminating the traitors. People look at him in awe everywhere he goes.
Yet he could not care less.
It did not change a thing.
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Day 41
He quit the Survey Corps.
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Day 42
He cleans the house for the last time. He washes everything the boy has used so they look new. He makes the bed. He scrubs off the blood left on the floor. He hangs their cloaks on the door. The wings of freedom dazzles under the blazing sunlight.
He packs his bags. But all he needed to bring was the key around his neck.
He stands at the doorway and looks at the scene in front of him one last time. Everything looks right. It looks like the boy and himself might come back home any second.
He turns away abruptly.
This is it.
He closes the door gently behind him.
This time, he's not coming back.
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Day 61
The deserts are deathly, but beautiful. The sands beneath his feet are like clouds, sinking and resurfacing with every step he takes. The weather is fickle, but he liked the unpredictable future.
He wonders when he would be able to cross the desert, as the sand seems to stretch on infinitely into the horizon.
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Day 104
The glaciers are truly a majestic view. It is pure white. Tiny specks of ice shine under the sun and reflect the color of rainbows. The sound of water tinkling down is like music for the soul.
He stands there for ages, trying to memorize the scene forever in his mind.
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Day 178
The boy would have liked the ocean the best. He thinks as he rolls up his pants and steps into the cold water. He can almost picture it: the boy running across the sand, laughing. His eyes would be the color of the sun.
It really is a spectacular sight.
Sunset approaches, clashing into the horizon of the water, making it look like as if the sea was on fire. A few seagulls flew from above, soaring through the sky. The waves picked up and splashed at his knees woefully.
Not bad.
He thinks to himself.
The golden key lies across his chest quietly, covering the scars left behind on his body, glittering under the sunset. He gazed down at it with those unflappable grey eyes.
"I have taken you across the world, Eren." He said softly, "…Now what?"
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[Corporal Levi, are you hurt? Let me take a look at that. I'm good at bandaging.]
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[I was wondering…Can I move in?]
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[Does Jean really have to be on our team? I don't like him very much.]
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[Don't worry about me; I can take care of myself in a battle.]
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[I made dinner! It's a little burnt though…]
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[That mission sounds dangerous…Can I come with you? I promise I won't be a liability!]
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[This little thing? It's fine! I can hardly feel it!]
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[It's ok if you don't want to talk. I can speak for both of us.]
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[Ugh… 5 more minutes… Then I'll get up, I swear…]
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[Is this clean enough yet? I'm so tired…]
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[Me? I want to see and understand the world outside. Have you seen it? Is it beautiful?]
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[I'm sorry…]
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[I can't walk the rest of the road with you anymore…]
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[Promise me you will keep living.]
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[No, it's fine. Really.]
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[When I'm gone? Don't give up. Live on.]
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[Live on.]
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He stares at the sky as the boy's voice echoes so close yet so far away. The memories he kept hidden are now unleashed. Like a devil, they try to take over him. The sun is setting at a rapid speed, and the wind has picked up. It will be dark soon.
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[Live on.]
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"But I've been dead since the day you've been gone."
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Sorry for the sad ending...
I was upset with it throughout the whole process of writing too...