This Thing of Ours
By Nickovetch
Summary: Sometimes one must make hard choices in our lives and for Steve McGarrett this may be one of the hardest choices he will ever have to make.
The passenger terminal was nearly deserted by now, as most people had boarded the plane already. She was really cutting it close but Nicole knew that no matter what, no matter how, the one she was waiting for would turn up. Despite all the years that had passed and the different ways their lives had gone, there was one thing that she was sure of, and that was that he was going to be here; together they were going to walk onto that plane and go off into the horizon. It didn't matter where they went, everything would be alright because they had each other, and that was all they ever needed. To get away from all of the bad memories and hurt and pain left behind in Hawaii, the supposed tropical paradise, and begin their lives in a new and different place. Mr and Mrs Henry Collins had been a sham all those years ago, and now that there was an opportunity to make it real, Nicole Wylie was going to grab that chance with everything that she had.
She tapped a leather-cased foot on the ground as she glanced at the clock. Noting that the plane was supposed to have left ten minutes ago, she turned her gaze to the open doorway, where Steve was going to emerge through just in the nick of time. The man had an uncanny ability to see things or hear things just before it was too late. Nicole closed her eyes and exhaled a soft breath as gentle memories nudged at the edges of her perception, sweet as the finest of sugar. She pushed down on the rising concern that he was not going to come; she had given him a choice and from what she had seen he was definitely interested. From the way they had carried on and expressed their deep love for each other under the burning stars in the midnight sky and how he had claimed her as his own then and there while whispering sweet nothings in her ear, there was no other possibility.
Nicole fidgeted with her scarf, drawing it tighter over her neck as she approached the large glass window before gently resting her forehead on it. Savoring the warmth of the sun on her skin, she closed her eyes and let the gentle tiding of memories sweep her away as her rapid heartbeat calmed down and a sense of relaxation washed over her.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
"Don't you remember how Ravasco had that hood following me? I'd never been more scared in my life." Nicole admitted as her hands sought out Steve's, before she twined their fingers together. She rubbed her thumb against his warm skin, enjoying the strength she found there, "I was so certain that we'd never make it out of Singapore alive."
He grinned and set the glass of water he had been drinking from down on the table before gently laying his hand on top of hers. Waiting for her to look up from the sight of their interlaced fingers, he saw the hope and some other unidentifiable feeling burn strongly in those earnest eyes. Steve's breath caught in his throat as a feeling of contentment washed over him. "I was there with you, how could I possibly forget?" He challenged softly as he leaned a bit closer towards her. "Needless to say, I was very surprised when you turned up at the offices that afternoon."
"I was surprised your door was still open for me," she admitted softly, as a note of fear threaded through her voice. She took a deep breath, letting the unique scent of Steve's cologne and the spice that was unique to him comfort her, "I thought-"
"Always, love." He whispered reassuringly, cutting across her worries and fears, "Remember that." Closing the distance between them, he captured her lips in a soft kiss that spoke volumes of things he could never possibly admit out loud, let alone to himself. Expression had never been his strong suit; despite his authoritative command of language as the Head of Five-O, anything involving consideration of those long buried things known as feelings caused him to get tongue-tied, to go silent.
He closed his eyes and concentrated on the softness of her full lips. With a little hitch of breath, she opened her mouth and he kissed her passionately, as a maelstrom of emotions broke past his tightly reigned control and flooded into his subconscious. A deep-seated hunger was awakened and he felt himself yearning for more, for something meaningful that his soul had craved, yet he had so far denied. It longed to reach out and touch someone and now as she kissed him fiercely back. However, before he lost total control he pulled back, and was surprised to find that he was not the only one left wanting more. Nicole was flustered; her cheeks stained a heated crimson and she was quickly trying to regain her breath and some semblance of composure.
Dinner passed by in a blur, the attention obviously not on the food. For all Steve knew he could have been eating cardboard and not have noticed. His attention was directed at the captivating woman sitting across from him, and sadness burgeoned suddenly in his heart at the realization that this was going to be the last night they had together.
"You know, it gets kind of tiring for a girl to have to fly back and forth to see the man she loves." She said in what was meant to be an offhanded way, but the trembling of her hand as she seized the glass of wine in her hands suggested otherwise, "And we're both old enough to know that these long distance relationship things never last."
The sadness melded to become an agonizing ache that made breathing suddenly very difficult. He felt his chest constrict with emotions that he could never express verbally, nor could he even face to admit to himself, despite being simultaneously attacked by the desire to scream them out at the top of his lungs for everyone to hear. It was horrible and he found himself torn. He couldn't deny what she was saying because he slowly found himself nodding in agreement. "Yeah, they never do." Unable to meet her eyes, he kept them carefully trained on his hands as he grappled with her latest words.
There was no doubt that Nicole was serious. The rational part of his mind had been screaming at him to let things go back to the status quo between them, to let the dust settle and move on, but his heart, the foolish thing that is was, had simply refused. He found himself drawn deeper and deeper into this thing of theirs with each of Nicole's visits to Hawaii, which had been steadily getting more and more frequent. He managed to convince himself that is was for strictly business reasons, but truly she was here to see him. Why else would another person willingly fly across the vast oceans to visit a detective of all people? They had no further ties to each other. Steve frowned as he stared at his hands, until a soft voice forced him to snap his head up, and he found himself looking at Nicole's face, and the vulnerability there simply haunted him as she watched him closely, looking for any reaction. Her lips moved and he caught the tail end of a question but he couldn't hear it past the fog of white noise in his head, nor the sound of blood rushing past his ears.
"This thing of ours," she stated simply, echoing his thoughts so well that he barely managed to restrain himself from flinching at the accuracy. She paused for a few moments as she considered what to say next before running a hand through her thick dark brown hair and sighing. "I'm so tired, Steve."
A waiter came by with the cheque and placed it on the table between them, thanking them for their patronage as he passed by. Steve wordlessly took out his wallet and threw a few bills into the table before he looked up at Nicole again, trying to find a way to say all the things that he wanted to, but couldn't.
Instead, he settled for, "Come on, love. Let's go home."
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Steve took his sweet time marking her, claiming her as his when they gave into the overwhelming desire to satisfy the flesh as their hearts fused under one common rhythm. His hands roamed across her body as he sought to commit everything to memory. Now, as they laid together entwined in the blanket, he gave the matter serious thought as he pulled her closer into his arms and breathed in deeply, letting his eyes drift closed. His fingers rubbed idly at the mark of passion he left there earlier and he could feel Nicole shudder at his touch.
"Hey McGarrett, you never did answer my question." She said in what she hoped was a light conversational tone as she moved to look him in the eye. "My plane leaves tomorrow and I need to know."
Blinking slowly, he forced himself to meet her eyes. She was right and he didn't know how to give her what she wanted. It meant leaving everything that had defined him for the past decade or so and leaving behind the ohana he had found in his team. They were closer than family, closer than brothers in a bond that was thicker than blood. To be with her he had to let all that go and there was a small part of him that wanted to. He had lived a lonely existence up until the point she had marched into his life and taken it by storm, now that he had known what it felt like to be loved and cherished he didn't want to let the feeling go, but then again he didn't want to let everything else go. Steve owed a duty to himself and the people he helped to protect, leaving like this would have been completely selfish and inexcusable.
But yet, like any other man, didn't he get a chance at happiness too?
Forcing himself to come to a decision, he gently laid a hand on her warm shoulder before leaning in and pressing his lips against hers in a relatively chaste kiss. "I'll meet you at the airport tomorrow. I will be there."
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
"This is the final boarding call for Miss Nicole Wylie…"
The message broadcasted slammed into her like a wave of cold water, leaving her gasping for air as she struggled to come to terms with what had not happened. It was a full twenty minutes after when the plane was supposed to have departed, when Steve was meant to walk across the departure lounge and meet her here and she was shaking from the implications of this utmost betrayal. Steve had promised her, he had given her his word.
"Excuse me," a gruff male voice interrupted her, and she turned away from the window to see a security guard looking straight at her. "Are you Miss Nicole Wylie?"
"I am." Nicole replied with a sense of insouciance she didn't feel. At the moment she was trying to block out the rushing sound in her ears as her hopes and dreams collapsed in front of her, and there was no way to salvage any of it. The future was very bleak right now. Shaking her head in an attempt to clear the fuzziness, she blinked before asking, "What?"
"You have to get on that plane ma'am. It can't leave while you are still out here." The man's indifference really got under her skin; here she was on the verge of an emotional breakdown and he was too busy to notice as he moved to pick up her carry-on bag. "Now if you would please kindly come with me-"
"I'm waiting for someone." Nicole replied hastily as she moved to grab her bag from his hand, "He's just running a little late but he will be here, he has to be here. Just another five minutes."
"I'm sorry, ma'am. You have to get on that plane." Taking her arm in his, the guard proceeded to walk her across the departure lounge, out towards the gate. Nicole kept glancing back over her shoulder towards the entrance where Steve was bound to come running in, apologizing profusely for his lateness. Yes, it was a case that had kept him back, that was it!
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
He sat in his office trying to maintain his focus on the files in front of him but concentration evaded the head of Five-O. Stretching his long lean frame, he got out of the chair and walked out into the lanai. It was a bright and sunny day out, and he closed his eyes as he breathed the fresh air in deeply in an attempt to calm his nerves. The lead detective felt anxious, as thoughts of Nicole crept forward in his mind. Steve was restless and he began to pace the short length of the lanai. Guilt grabbed at him for the terrible way he had acted towards Nicole, for the horrible way he had jacked her expectations up so high. She had opened up to him and he wasn't able to reciprocate; in some ways, it made him an emotional coward but feelings had never been his strong suit. The disaster that was Cathy Wallace had shown him that, and now when the second chance had rolled around, the fear of rejection was too great to take a chance on, and he chose the safety and familiarity of the Islands and his team over the new, mysterious and unknown that Nicole offered him.
The sounds of an airplane roaring past caused the dark haired man to look up to see it climb higher and higher into the sky. He couldn't help but wonder whether Nicole was on that plane, and whether she would be able to forgive him for this. He was too much of an emotional coward to have ever admitted his feelings towards her, which were complex and ran deeper than the darkest valleys at the bottom of the ocean; it was unfathomable. Now that she was gone and unlikely to return, he found himself able to admit these things with ease, and he further hated himself for it. He regretted the way he had squandered their time together away, when they could have had so much more.
"Steve." The soft voice broke him out of this maudlin train of thought and he turned around to peer into Danny's expectant face. Dan had come to the edge of the doorway and he was looking at him with something approaching concern. Steve looked past the young man back into the anteroom to see the rest of the team assembled for the latest briefing.
"I'll be there in a few minutes," McGarrett replied. He watched as Danny wisely nodded, although the Second-In-Command looked like he had wanted to ask a question. He had clearly realized now was not the time, and held his tongue in check.
Grateful for the time alone, the lead detective looked back up to the sky, where the plane was now barely visible on the horizon. The sense of regret grew stronger the further apart they became, and he couldn't keep it out of his voice with his final words to Nicole, before he stepped back inside the office.
"I'm sorry, Nicole. Aloha, pretty girl."
PAU