Craig was used to drinking. He spent a portion of his YouTube years recording himself playing video games WHILE drunk. He knew every in and out of bar manners, pub politeness, and club socials; it was a natural reflex now, a six step process with guaranteed success.
Step 1: get your drink.
Craig sat down with a thud on the cracked leather barstool bolted to a dirtied, wooden floor at a chipped and scribbled upon wooden bar inside a dark, grimy little cub in Belfast. He asked the bar tender distractedly to pour him a pint of whatever was going before pulling out his phone.
No new calls. No new texts. No nothing. Just his usual Android background of bright geometric shapes reading the time: 11:42 PM. She lived in Los Angeles; she didn't have an excuse to not call him back after the seventeen calls, it was three in the afternoon after all.
The bartender, a sturdily built man wearing a short sleeved black button down with dark brown hair careful swept to one side, placed the pint of dark-colored beer in front of him. Craig smiled at him, nodding a thanks before tipping the glass back in a long, satisfying drink. Why was he always getting into bad relationships with women who always did the same shit?
He set the glass back on the white napkin with a gasp before pulling out his phone again. Force of habit he couldn't break at this point. Craig sighed, shoving his phone despicably back into his hoodie pocket. She could go fuck herself, along with the guy she cheated on him with.
Step 2: pick a target and share a drink.
"By the looks of it," a male voice started. "It was a bad break up."
Craig looked up, making eye contact with the bartender who was leaning with his elbows on the bar, one eyebrow raised as his startling pale eyes searched Craig's for an answer. Craig wasn't sure if he wanted to give him one, but the mysterious man's sympathetic smile and kind eyes drew him in and sat him down. He genuinely wanted to know, so Craig sighed, looking down into the frothy mixture before answering.
"She cheated," Craig mumbled sullenly into his beer.
The bartender cringed with sympathy, biting his lower lip as he wriggled. The man leaned under the bar, removing two glass tumblers and filling them with whiskey. He passed one to Craig, who took it gratefully.
"Lemme guess. You and her were dating for a while, she wasn't your first and she wasn't yours, but you thought she would be the last. You thought everything was cool, then she found a guy at…" the bartender paused, waiting for Mini to fill in the blank.
"College. UCLA," Craig made eye contact with the bartender as Craig laughed a breathy laugh, rolling his eyes and smirking as the bartender cringed again. He was liking this guy.
"Not only long distance, but long distance with a college chick?" The bartender starred at Craig with a stupefied smile plastered on his face. He shook his head, clinking his glass before both knocked it glass back.
"I know, doomed right?" Craig laughed bitterly. Cringing at the bit of whiskey that trickled down his throat. It was a burn that healed his aching heart, and the bartender's grimace made him laugh. Maybe hitting up a bar wasn't so bad after all.
Step 3: hook them in with a casual, fun, conversation.
"Who broke up with who?" the man asked, pouring another shot of whiskey each.
"I broke up with her."
"And you're checking your phone?" the bartender asked.
Yeah it was stupid, Craig knew it. And no cliche excuse of "I thought she was the one" was not going to work with this guy. He knew those tricks too, Craig could see it in the bartender's stare. They were both used to the game.
"Old habits die hard," Craig finally answered with a smirk, his eyes never leaving the bartender's. The other man smirked as well, shaking his head as he leaned off the bar. He stuck his hand out for Craig to shake.
"Name's Brian."
"Craig" Craig shook the hand. He noticed Brian's hand lingering a second longer than usual before retracting and downing his second glass of whiskey. It clicked for Craig then, but he didn't want to leave or for this attention to stop.
Brian turned around, reaching for several bottles lining the back shelf of the bar. Craig's eyes traveled the man's back: he was well built, definitely worked out, and had a great ass. His eyes shot back up as Brian turned around and placed the three glass bottles on the counter top with a smirk. Craig felt himself shiver under the stare uncontrollably; those pale eyes
"I'll tell you what, Craig. You're a cute guy; I like you. So here is my proposition to you: I know how to make a drink that will make you forget all about your Sophia, Isabella, whatever your LA girl's name is. Sound good?" Brian was leaning on his hands, daring Craig to agree to his little challenge. Craig starred right back up at him, and smiled. Brian smiled back and began to mix the drink.
"What's the catch?" Craig leaned forward on his elbows, daring Brian with a smirk.
All Brian did was smiled, sweetly sinister as he unscrewed the cap of one bottle and began pouring. Did Brian really need to answer? Craig already knew, so he leaned back on his bar stool and watched as the bartender's nimble fingers mixed up an orange, sparkling drink.
Step 4: nothing beats obvious flirting.
Craig finished his pint with a finally swallow and set it aside to wait for this new drink. Brian was pouring nearly half the bars' alcohol into this glass, and Craig was starting to wonder if even his high alcohol tolerance could handles this. He was already on step four out of seven, and it had literally only been ten minutes since he sat down at the bar. Whoever this Brian guy was, he wasn't messing around taking his time, Craig was his target before he walked through the pub doors.
Craig was broken from his train of thought by the satisfied clink of glass as Brian set the cocktail glass glistening with an orange liquid inside proudly in front of Craig. The latter raised an eyebrow before reaching for the glass with a smirk.
"You said I was a cute guy, huh?" Craig winked, taking a cautious sip. Whatever Brian had made, it was a spectacular taste.
Brian laughed, rolling his head as he cracked his neck gently. He poured himself another shot of whiskey and downed it. He was nervous then.
"I don't usually pick up boys when I'm working," Brian confessed, pulling a face at the strong alcohol that made Craig laugh. Brian's eyes trailed over Craig, making the latter flush a redder color than he already was. He hadn't planned on meeting someone tonight, but it looked like he didn't have much of a choice in the matter anymore.
"So am I an exception?" Craig snickered, sipping again.
"I'm a sucker for sob stories," Brian retorted teasingly. "And you, my friend, are one big, cliched, sob story," Brian winked. Craig blushed again, hiding the red glow in his cocktail.
Step 5: move locations to a more private location
Brian was watching Craig with a smile Craig had used far too often. It was the smile a guy used when he was already thinking about what he would do to their partner later that night. It's a that smile that promises a night of no sleep.
Craig took another drink from his glass, steeling himself for the question. An alcoholic warmth was spreading over him, and Craig looked woozily up at the bartender before mirroring his smile. "You gonna keep starring or are you gonna take me home?"
Brian's breathy laugh sent a shiver up Craig's spine. The bartender leaned a little closer to Craig so his warmth breath tickled the small hairs on the latter's neck as he breathed words into his ear.
"Is that you saying yes?"
"Come on, Brian," Craig chuckled, breathing in the Old Spice cologne and dove shampoo scent of the bartender. "Here I was thinking you actually knew how to pick up guys."
With that, Brian stepped back, squinting at Craig, a smile playing at the corner of his lips as he thought.
"You think I don't know how to pick up guys?"
"You can't ," Craig challenged, folding his arms over his chest and leaning on the wooden bar.
Brian surveyed him slowly, and Craig felt his heart skip a beat. Okay, yeah, he was flirting with a dude, but Craig was loving the way Brian looked at him, the way Brian spoke to him; the whole experience was exhilarating to him.
"You wanna get out of here?" Brian asked finally, the sinisterly cheeky smile playing on the corner of his lips again.
Craig grinned, leaning forward woozily. "Thought you'd never ask."
Craig moved to grab the cocktail and drink the rest of it, but Brian was faster, swooping the drink up in his own hands with a teasing smile and wink. He downed the drink, placing the empty glass on the counter top behind him.
Brian moved from behind the bar, grabbing a matching black fleece jacket and beanie, before helping Craig stumble to his feet, tucking his arm around Craig's waist and wrapping Craig's arm around his shoulder. Outside the bar, the cold air of the Belfast night hit both of them like a slap to the face, but neither were concerned, too busy giggling and stealing glances at the other.
Craig's feet stumbled up the sidewalk, guided by the strong arm of the bartender next to him. The man was surprisingly warm, even in his short sleeved black button down. Craig marveled how well he fit against Brian and how well Brian fit against him; he could tell Brian was just as surprised, the way he tightened his grip around Craig's waist.
The walk was short, and before long Brian was fumbling with his keys to the front door of a small two story house squeezed between other similar two story houses. Craig shook his head gently, collecting his thoughts and taking in the narrow street with squished houses and tiny front lawns. Then a hand on the small of his back pushed him inside.
Step 6: just do it.
Brian closed the door using Craig's body, pushing Craig with two hands on his shoulder against the door as it slammed shut, only pausing a second to smirk at his surprised look before pressing a kiss to his lips. Craig shuddered again, feeling the bartender's tongue slip between his lips and brush tenderly over his own. Craig's own hands moved almost on their own, one nesting on the back of Brian's neck while the other ran down his back, caressing.
He almost didn't notice to faint buzz in his pocket until Brian's body pressed his vibrating phone tighter against Craig's own. Craig pulled away as soon as he felt it, whipping the phone out and looking at the screen. It was her.
"Hey, Danielle?" Craig answered, relief washing over him. He nearly forgot about Brian until the man coughed slightly, raising an eyebrow slightly annoyed.
"Hi baby," her voice was sugary. Craig's uncontrollable smile hit his face. Brian rolled his eyes when he saw it.
"Why didn't you call earlier?" Craig asked, frowning.
"I'm sorry baby, I just got all those calls…" sugary. So sugary Craig could feel a toothache pinching in his cheek.
"I've had classes all day and—"
"It's Saturday, Danny" Craig interrupted. Ouch; there's the pinch of pain again.
Step 6.2: cancel sex to deal with cheating girlfriend.
"I've just been extremely busy today and I haven't had much time to talk," her impatient response pinched him again. Craig looked up at Brian, still standing tall over him, eyes narrowed as he tried to piece together the half of the conversation he was hearing. Craig rolled his eyes, jerking his head towards the phone at his ear. Brian smirked, understanding.
"Busy doing what?" Craig probed. "Well I guess, more correctly, who?"
"Are you drunk?"
"Are you cheating on me?"
Danny was silent. Brian held back a laugh, giving Craig the thumbs up. Craig felt the rush of adrenaline hitting him
"I'm not going to deal with you if you are drunk," she changed the topic, dismissive, her overly sugary voice loosing it's sweetness. "You're supposed to be a fucking adult."
"So are you, yet here I am, playing needy boyfriend for an ungrateful bitch of a girlfriend," Craig yelled. Brian was nearly bent double laughing. Craig watched him, grinning and flushed from the rush of the fight and performance. Brian saw him watching him and straightened, pressing himself close against Craig and leaning into his not-occupied ear and whispering "you're really fucking sexy when you're feisty," and nipped his ear.
Craig's small whimper didn't go unnoticed. "Oh what? Are you going to cry now? I should be the one crying! You're the one accusing me of cheating!"
"Drunk snapchats and your roommate telling me about everything not enough?" Craig managed to get out. Brian was merciless with his teeth and tongue, exploring every inch of unprotected neck and ear. He wasn't gonna make this an easy conversation.
"Okay! So once, but is that a problem? You can forgive me for once! Don't be such a fucking child!" Danny yelled down the phone.
"Oh I can," Craig's voice low, vibrating in his throat and against Brian's tongue as it traveled around his neck. Brian pulled back, starring at him confused, but Craig simply winked, not breaking eye contact as he spoke again.
"I can forgive you, because I'm breaking up with you."
Brian nodded approvingly, jutting his lower lip out and nodding before diving back into Craig's neck, this time not holding back. Craig moaned this time, and Danny heard it.
"You are not breaking up with me— What the fuck is going on?"
Brian pulled away now, rolling his eyes and mumbling "fuck this. I'm too horny for you to play House right now," before taking the phone out of Craig's hand and holding it to his own ear.
"Hi Danny, this is Brian here. Yeah, very kindly fuck off, okay? Craig broke up with you, and I'm done waiting for him to get off the phone with your cheating, slack arse and fuck me, got it? So goodbye, nice job at fucking a probably fine relationship with a very fine young man. He's mine now," and Brian hung up the phone, slipping it back into Craig's jacket pocket before picking Craig up with his hands hooked under his legs and pressing him against the back wall.
"You are so fucking hot when you're feisty," Brian marveled.
Craig giggled, smirking as he leaned close and grazed his teeth against the underside of Brian's neck. "You're just fucking hot."
Step 6: NOW just do it.