When asked about his rumored relationship with Alfred F. Jones, British nation Arthur Kirkland had this to say:
"Oh. No. God no. I have no 'relationship' with that moron. Nothing. Nothing romantic at all. People may say, "Oh, but I saw you at his house last night, hon hon hon". You all are simply too immature to realize that…. what… we have is completely and purely… uh… physical? Hmmm, yes. I mean… er… Well. Though it may be hard for you to believe, even those who are as gentlemanly as I… get… erm… urges. It is only… natural to seek satisfaction, though I of course have absolutely no problem finding female satisfaction at all. No problem, I mean look at me. I am a polite intellectual, not bad looking if I do say so myself; my eyebrows are adorable, I've heard. No, not from Alfred. I said not from him. I only go to him because sometimes you just need to 'let loose', as it were. I mean, Alfred… mmmm…. He's a tiger, that one. Rrrrrr. Wait, no, don't record that! That is an inaccurate… those were private, how dare you twist them to your own dirty perceptions! I do not in any way find him attractive or charming. His jokes most certainly do not make me laugh! I do not like it when… when he makes me blush, and I don't even feel butterflies in my stomach even a little bit when I see him or when he smiles… or laughs. I don't think that… his eyes sparkle. ….. Gah! Disgusting. The thought makes me physically ill. No. Alfred just helps me, and I lube him up when he gets stuck. Ah, no! No, no no. Stupid me, ah! I simply mean that I help him through when he has trouble, I make things easier for him, not that I oil up his…. Uh… Bloody hell. I just mean to say that… metaphorically speaking, that when he's going through a rough patch, when he just can't find that place where he wants to be, he just needs a little motivation… a little stimulation… to push through it. … Oh Lord… Bloody hell, no, no, no, no. Disregard this interview please. I'm… I'm not feeling well. I'm tired, and a little sore, you see… NO! For Christ's sake turn that bloody thing off! Alfred and I-"
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