By some unspoken accord, she and Fíli find each other the night before he is to leave. There is not much to say that has not been said before. She knows how much the quest, the Mountain, means to him, though she cannot fully understand it, herself.
"I wish you didn't have to go," she admits to them both at last, pulling him close and burying her face in the fur of his coat.
"Hush; it will be okay," Fíli whispers, not really knowing how to assure her that there is no reason to fear. He smooths her hair, and she sighs a little, though in sadness or relief, he is not sure.
She pushes back from his embrace for a moment, just long enough to reach for something she wears at her belt.
"Take this," she says, and Fíli sees it is a knife, one of the beautiful ones her father makes. She slips her hand inside his coat and tucks the blade into the hidden pocket meant just for such a purpose. "Promise me you'll be careful."
"Of course I'll be safe if I carry that," Fíli tells her, and she wishes she could believe him.
She kisses him, longer and harder than she ever has before, winding her fingers in his hair as if she could keep him with her. He is touched by her desperation, yet wishes he could make her understand: he will be back. Of course he will be back.
She lays her head against his chest, over his heart, though she cannot feel its rhythm now, only the hard weight of her parting gift.
Kíli is doing a last check of the gear he has packed when he looks up to see her watching him from the doorway. He recognizes the expression on her face: she is troubled.
"While we're gone, Mum, just imagine us winning back a home for you," he says, his tone optimistic, even cheerful. He wants her to share the hope he feels.
"Yes," she says, almost, but not quite, smiling. "Make sure you listen to your uncle and Mister Dwalin," she tells him. It is what she says every time he leaves home with them, but Kíli can tell that she means something new by it. She is truly afraid of losing him this time.
"I'll come back; I promise," Kíli tells her, and he means it.
She enters the room and gathers him into her arms. "Oh, love," is all she says. She wants to tell him he goes into more dangers than he knows, but she is not sure he would really understand. Even so, she is reluctant to quell his enthusiasm—perhaps it is better he is fearless, undaunted. He will need all his courage, before the end.
Instead, once he has taken her face in his hands and kissed her, she catches his wrist and presses something to his palm. "Carry this and remember your promise," she says gently.
Kíli looks down at the stone in his hand; it bears a simple inscription that is both talisman and prayer: return to me.
"I will."
He tucks the stone in his pocket so that he cannot lose it. He will return it to her when he sees her again.
Author's note:
This fic was inspired by a Tumblr post by filisleftmustachebraid about her head cannon that the last knife confiscated from Fili in Mirkwood was a parting gift from the girl back home. As soon as I imagined that, I knew I had to write this. Also, filisleftmustachebraid posts fic on AO3 as NowThatsDedication, and I highly recommend Never Fade. It's a beautiful, heartbreaking, and yet ultimately hopeful post-BotFA fic about learning to remember the ones lost.