A/N: Happy Thanksgiving all my American readers! Ive been writing this since the last episode and its a lot longer than I anticipated but its full of good emotional stuff! So enjoy!
It was eerily silent among the small group - there was no panic, just an uncomfortable and awkward silence.
Regina had the still body of Henry in her arms, cradled tight against her chest, her hand resting over his chest where his heart used to be as if covering the hole might somehow preserve him. She was the first one to gather him into her arms and refused to let him go and neither Emma or Neal had the heart to fight her on it.
Pan escaped with a roar of smug laughter before any of them could even try to stop him and they were left with a heartless, dying son and they realized soon after, a missing Rumplestiltskin.
Regina carried him all the way back to where Hook and Tink were still camped out at Pan's camp. The lost boys were still unconscious around them and Snow and Charming were still on their journey to find the water.
Emma sat next to Regina, her face set in a deep, concentrated frown as she rested her hand on Henry's knee, caressing it with her thumb.
Neal sat on the opposite side, his heart aching as he watched the two with Henry.
After another minute of unbearable silence, a flash of anger and fierce determination passed over Neal's features and he tossed the rock he had been mindlessly fingering to the ground as he rose to his feet.
The quick movement caught everyone's attention and all eyes were on him as he marched over to grab his cutlass.
"What are you doing?" Emma asked, her eyes widening.
"I'm going to find Pan." He answered simply as he strung the sword over his shoulder and Emma's brow rose in alarm and she was on her feet in seconds.
"Neal-" She walked toward him in protest and he turned to face her, pointing forcefully at Henry.
"Look what he did to our son, Emma! He probably has my father too and I am not just going to sit here and let him get away with it!"
She reached out to him calmly and behind the sadness in her eyes there was also a quiet determination. "Neither are any of us but we can't just march in there..." She frowned heavily and spoke softly, her voice aching with the pain they were all feeling. "He has Henry's heart now and he's more powerful than ever. Neal...going in there without a plan...we can't do that."
He slowly shook his head, frowning heavily as he kept his eyes on Henry. "I have to do something." He whispered fiercely.
"Marching in there with no plan is not something, its suicide. Neal-" She reached out and lightly grabbed a hold of his wrist and her gentle touch softened his gaze and brought his attention back to her. She was gazing up at him intently, her eyes softly pleading with him. "You'll be no good to anyone dead...least of all Henry."
They continued to hold each other's gaze for a long moment until Neal dropped his head and took a step back, pulling out of her hold. "I have to...I have to at least talk to him."
"Talk to him?" Emma sighed in frustration. "Neal, he's insane! You can't reason with him!"
"I'm going to try." He took a few more steps back and turned around about to head into the woods.
Emma's face eyes flickered in momentary panic as she watched him turn and then her face set in stony determination. "Then I'm coming with you."
He paused and then looked over his shoulder. "Emma..."
She frowned as she marched toward him. "Like you said, he's our son and we can't just sit here. Regina and everyone else here can watch him incase anything happens."
Neal opened his mouth to protest but he recognized the look in Emma's eyes and knew she would not be backing down. She was stubborn and that was one of the things he loved about her.
Her eyes locked onto his and behind her defenses he could see the obvious concern and fear in her eyes. "I am not letting you go in there alone."
Those were the words that got him and his face softened and he nodded. "Alright."
Relief briefly flickered through her eyes and she let out a quiet sigh before nodding.
She caught Hook's gaze from where he stood a few feet away and his face was set in a frown and he looked like he wanted to say something but was holding his tongue. Her eyes flickered away from him just as fast and she walked back over to Henry, kneeling beside him and running her fingers through his hair. "We're going to save you, kid."
She glanced up from him to find Regina's cold stare on her. "You think you're going to get anywhere by talking to him?"
Emma clenched her jaw and let out a sigh. "I don't know but Neal's right, we have to try something."
Regina scoffed. "Talking to him is not a plan...it'd be much more useful to actually come up with a plan."
"Yeah and so far we've all just been sitting here not coming up with a plan." Emma snapped back. "So until we do - Neal and I will talk to him."
Regina rolled her eyes and shook her head as Emma walked back over to Neal. "Ready?"
Neal gave a curt nod. "Yeah, let's go." He gave Henry one last lingering look and then turned to walk towards the woods when a soft voice called out to him.
"Bae, don't go."
Neal paused, his face softening as he turned to look over at Wendy who had been sitting quietly near a tree since they returned. Her lips were turned down in a deep frown and her eyes pleaded with him sadly.
He walked slowly over to her and kneeled before her. "I have to." He whispered.
She shook her head slowly. "He will kill you, Bae." Her voice quivered and tears glistened in her eyes. "I've seen what he can do. He already has John and Michael...I don't want to lose you too. Not again...please, Bae..."
Neal brought his hand to her cheek, tenderly wiping away a single tear that had fallen and she leaned into his warm, gentle touch, her smaller hand slipping around his wrist.
"You're not going to lose me, I'll be okay. I have to do this, Wendy. I have to save my son and once I do I promise I will do anything to save John and Michael too."
Her bottom lip trembled for a moment before she pushed herself forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. His arms immediately surrounded her and held her close and she buried her face against his shoulder.
They stayed in that embrace for a few more long seconds before Neal slowly pulled away, dropping a tender kiss to her forehead as he did.
Then she looked up and met his sincere gaze. "I will be back." He gently caressed his thumb against her cheek once more and she smiled sadly, giving a soft nod.
He lingered for a moment longer and then retreated back to Emma who was watching the two with a soft expression. They shared a quick stare and then he silently continued into the woods. Emma glanced over at Wendy who curled her knees up to her chest and stared after Neal's retreating back and she pressed her lips together before following after him.
Neal cut through brush after brush, his pace quickening with each passing step, his determination to save his son only growing.
"Neal!" Emma called after him dodging stray branches that swung at her after Neal's passing. "Hey! Slow down!"
When he didn't, Emma quickened her pace and caught up to him grabbing his arm and pausing him. "Hey!"
He let out a sigh and turned to her, his fear and worry over his son most evident in his eyes.
"Look we don't even know where Pan is." She told him calmly.
"I do." He responded with a nod. "Or I have a pretty good idea, anyway."
Her eyes narrowed skeptically and she shook her head. "How? We just left his camp and I gather Neverland isn't the smallest island."
"That's not his camp." Neal countered and Emma furrowed her brow.
"What do you mean its not his camp? All the lost boys were there."
"Alright, yeah, but it was only one of his camps...he has several scattered all over Neverland." Neal explained.
"And you know which one he's at?" She asked.
Neal nodded. "Like I said, I have a pretty good idea. There is one that he keeps hidden under magic - it can only be seen by those considered Lost Boys."
"So...how do you know where it is?"
Neal pressed his lips together and shrugged half-heartedly. "I...was a lost boy."
Her brow rose. "You were a Lost Boy? I mean...I know you were here but we found your cave...I thought..."
He let out a soft sigh. "Yeah, well, when I was first taken here Pan took me in, made me one of the Lost Boys but when he saw that I wasn't becoming part of the group he let me go on my own and thats when I found the cave."
Emma's eyes widened as she stared at him - the longer they stayed here the more she was discovering about Neal's past and there was so much she didn't know or even realize.
Quickly getting over the momentary surprise, she blinked and asked, "Why would he let you go?"
Neal sighed again and ran his fingers through his hair, looking back towards the trail ahead. "I don't know, Emma, does it matter?"
"Hey, look at me." She urged gently and he turned back to look at her and she took a step closer to him. He swallowed thickly at the sudden closeness between them and she looked meaningfully into his eyes.
"We are going to save Henry - we will get our son back but..." Without taking her eyes off his she reached out and grabbed his hands and gave them a tight squeeze. "You have to calm down. We are not going to get anywhere with him if we don't have level heads. I know how scared you are and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified but he's the one in charge here and he clearly likes to play on our emotions and we can't let him do that...not now."
Neal stared back at her in silence and then let out a quiet breath, his eyes fluttering closed as he leaned his head forward, bringing their foreheads together in a gentle touch.
Emma swallowed but made no move to stop him and found her eyes fluttering closed against the intimate touch.
"I don't want to let him down." He whispered, his voice breaking. "I can't let him down, Emma."
"You're not going to let him down." She assured him in gentle confidence and with a bit of a shaky hand, slid her hand onto his chest feeling his heart beating wildly beneath her palm. "I know he believes in you." She bit down on her lip softly and lifted her head causing him to lift his and their eyes met and a small but sincere smile crossed her lips. "And so do I."
Slowly, his features relaxed and a hint of a smile tugged at his lips and their foreheads came together for a few seconds more before he finally pulled away, letting out a quiet breath.
Emma tried to ignore the heat that flooded through her once they separated but she had not been that close to him in eleven years and she had forgotten how wonderful it made her feel.
He took another few moments to compose himself and when he turned back to face her his expression was still determined but calm. "Let's get our son's heart back."
She nodded and motioned forward. "Lead the way, Cassidy."
His eyes twinkled in momentary delight and they shared a small, knowing smile before they were moving forward again.
Neal led them quickly but stealthily through the forests of Neverland, only pausing occasionally to analyze their surroundings.
"You know your way around here pretty well, don't you?" Emma asked, trying not to sound impressed though she sort of was.
His lips twitched in a slight, bitter smile. "When you live here for a few centuries you do tend to get around."
Emma knew this information before but it was never not strange to hear that the man she thought was only a few years older than her was actually several hundred. Though those kinds of surprises were getting less and less shocking over time.
"Still...you seem to not be even thinking about it."
"I'm good with directions." He replied swiftly with a smile and she let a smile of her own cross her lips. That was one detail she actually did know about him. She had been in Portland for a few weeks before they met and she was amazed to find that he knew the city better than she did while he had only just gotten there a week before. Even though they bickered over whose car the bug actually was Neal was the one usually driving because he knew his way around better and could take her to secret places that she never would have found.
It was almost unreal for her to be with him again and though the details of the situation were a hell of a lot different, it was like they were their old team again, adventuring together.
She could almost imagine that Neverland was gone, that they weren't cutting through thick brush in the forest but weaving through city streets on the run from the last store they hit and there wasn't eleven years of hurt between them, it was the two of them, in love and against the world.
It was a reality that was no more and as much as she wanted it to be, she knew it could never be that way again.
Pushing the memories of the past away and burying the heaviness it put on her heart she asked, "How much longer until-"
She came to a sudden stop as he did, holding out his arm in front of her, his face scrunching in concentration as he looked around.
She raised her brow curiously and looked around their surroundings trying to see what he saw.
His outstretched fist turned into a point as he looked to his left and pointed at two large trees covered in vines. "There."
She followed his line of sight and saw nothing out of the ordinary. "You sure?"
"Positive." He nodded and he took a few wary steps toward it and then there was a rustle from the bushes. He froze and reached for his cutlass, stepping in front of Emma.
Felix stepped out from the brush with a smug smirk. "Well, well, well...look who made it home."
Neal glared darkly at the Lost Boy. "I'm here to see Pan."
Felix nodded. "And he has been expecting you." His smirk morphing into a grin, he stepped aside and opened the pathway motioning him forward.
Neal narrowed his eyes, his hand still gripping onto the sword and stole a quick glance over his shoulder to Emma. Her face was now hardened and they shared a look before she nodded forward.
They walked forward keeping their eyes on Felix who, once they were close enough, shot his hand out in front of Emma. "Not you...he only wishes to speak to Baelfire."
Emma narrowed her eyes. "He is not going in there without me."
Neal glared at Felix for a moment before turning to Emma. "It's alright, Emma, I'll be fine."
She turned an exasperated look to him. "Neal - we came here to do this together."
"I know." He said softly and walked up to her. "But look, you said yourself we need to be at our best when we're with him."
She swallowed softly, raising her brow pointedly. "I always thought we made a pretty damn good team."
His face softened at her words. "We do and we are but...he's the one with our son's heart...we can't mess around here. If he wants to talk to me and me alone...we have to let him."
Emma sighed heavily, knowing he was right. "Fine."
He gave her a small, reassuring smile and a nod and then shot another dirty look at Felix as he turned back toward the entrance.
He grabbed a tight hold on his cutlass and let out a breath as he took a few steps forward.
Emma wasn't sure what possessed her but her hand shot out and grabbed hold of his arm to stop him. He looked back over at her curiously and she gave him a weak smile.
"Be careful...okay?"
He smiled back and nodded. "I will."
She nodded in return and let her hand fall back to her side with a sigh, frowning as she watched him disappear into the trees. She turned her gaze toward Felix and she wanted nothing more than to smack that smug smirk right off his lips. Instead she just glared at him and moved away from him with a huff, leaning against a nearby tree to wait for Neal to return.
Neal squinted through the darkness, his guard up and hand on his sword as he walked slowly keeping an eye out for Pan.
There was a change in the air around him as he stepped through the magic border protecting the entrance and he suddenly found himself in Pan's camp.
The vast area usually crowded with playing, laughing, dancing Lost Boys was now empty save for the one figure standing on his little makeshift throne.
Neal narrowed his eyes at the smug teenager and his hand twitched against the cutlass.
Peter's smirk only widened. "I think you and I both know that will be useless here, Baelfire."
Neal made no move except to harden his glare. "I think you and I need to have a little chat."
"I agree." Peter said with a nod and took a few slow steps forward. "I knew you would find me here but I have to say I'm rather impressed at how little time it took you. Then again, you were always clever. It runs in the family."
Neal slowly side stepped away from him, keeping his eyes focused on his every move.
"Where's my father?"
Peter almost looked surprised at the question and laughed. "You mean you didn't come here to demand your son's heart back?"
Neal clenched his jaw tightly and held back a growl. "I'll be getting to that."
Peter grinned at him slowly and took a few more steps, now following Neal in his little circle.
"So...you would like to know what I have done with your father. Well, Baelfire, I have to admit I'm a little shocked you'd care so much about the man who abandoned you and who was out to kill your son."
Neal glowered darkly and swallowed past the sudden thickness in his throat. "From where I'm standing he's not the one who killed him."
Peter grinned back at him with a malicious innocence. "Well no one killed him, laddie. You were there - you watched as your son sacrificed himself-"
A snarl broke past Neal's lips as he finally unsheathed the sword and rushed at Peter. "Don't you dare even try to pull that crap on me."
Peter didn't flinch, his stare never wavering, as the sword rested at his neck. He simply raised his hand and slowly pushed the sword away from him and then stepped away, holding out his arms almost inviting Neal forward again.
Neal glared at him, his sword still out stretched but making no further move.
Peter huffed in smug laughter. "Even if that sword could hurt me you wouldn't dare use it and you and I both know why." His hand came to rest over his chest over his heart. "You kill me...well, Henry's heart wouldn't be much use dead would it?"
Neal's lip twitched angrily. "Where is he?" He demanded slowly.
"Ah, right, your father." Peter let out a quick sigh and started to move again. "Are you really sure you want him back, Bae? Isn't your life so much easier without the threat of your father around? He is the one you've been running from your entire life. I've just made it easier for you - no more running, no more having to look upon the face of the man that abandoned you and for what - magic? You were not good enough for him Bae-"
"Enough." Neal cut him off harshly but the slight quiver in his voice gave way to his true feelings. "Yeah - we have our issues but we're family. He's still my father."
"He is just going to let you down again and again. He's not going to change - thats just the type of man he is."
"Maybe." Answered Neal tensely. "But that doesn't mean he deserves to die."
"Oh he's not dead, Baelfire." Peter responded. "Death is far too kind a fate."
"Then where the hell is he?"
Peter paused and grinned at him, reaching both hands slowly behind his back and then pulling out a very familiar box.
"Pandora's box?"
"Yes..." Peter examined it with an intrigued smirk. "Fitting prison for such a dark soul as Rumplestiltskin, don't you agree?"
Neal's eyes widened slightly. "He's inside?"
"Safe and sound." Peter weighed the box in his hand for a moment and then shrugged. "You are quite welcome to it but you should know its impossible to open." He tossed the box through the air towards Neal and Neal reacted quickly, reaching out with his free hand to grab it before shooting another glare at Peter.
"Why would you do this? What the hell happened between you and him?"
A look of realization and then utter delight flitted through his eyes. "You mean he never told you?"
Neal narrowed his eyes slightly. "No all he ever said was you destroyed his father."
A slow grin pulled across Peter's lips. "Yes...I guess he would see it that way."
"What did you do?" Neal shook his head slowly. "Kill him?"
Peter nodded slowly and started to circle again. "His father had to die so that I may live."
Neal sighed heavily and shot him an exasperated glare. "Stop with the riddles!"
A low, deep, dark chuckle left Peter's lips that chilled Neal to his core and he suddenly feared what would come out of his mouth.
"I didn't do anything to his father." Peter replied and then stopped, turning to face Neal with a dark smirk as he raised one perfect brow. "Because you see...I am his father."
Neal froze in shock, his eyes widening in horror and he took a few stumbling steps backward. "What?" He finally managed to bite out.
Peter's smirk grew into a grin. "Didn't see that one coming did you, Bae? After all how could a kid be someone's father? But that's the whole point, you see, he can't."
Neal gaped at him in shock before a look of utter disgust and horror took over his features. "You crazy son of a bitch...you'd do that to your own son?"
Peter raised his brow in amusement. "Now, now, Bae is that any way to talk to your grandfather?"
Neal narrowed his eyes, swallowing thickly. "It is if he's a psychopath trapped in a teenager's body."
Peter laughed with a shake of his head. "I'm not trapped Bae...I'm free. You lived here - you know what its like. We are not bound by the responsibilities of being an adult and now I am free to live this way forever and its all thanks to your son."
Neal's breath hitched as another sickening realization washed over him. "Henry's your...God, he's your family! And you took his heart?"
"I didn't take anything, Baelfire." Peter responded vehemently. "It doesn't work like that - magic, sacrifice...Henry had to want to it and in the end...he did."
"No." Neal growled angrily. "You lied to him - he never would have agreed if he knew what you were really doing and you know it!"
Peter didn't have to say anything, the smug, menacing smirk on his face said all the words for him.
"We do what we need to to survive."
"This isn't survival." Neal shot back. "This is self preservation."
"Living immortal, Bae! Isn't that what we all want? To live forever?"
"No." Neal shook his head slowly. "People are not meant to live forever."
"You should know what it feels like...you had a glimpse of it. How long were you here, Bae? A hundred years? Two?"
"Far too long." Neal answered distantly. "Living in fear of you - of what you and your Lost Boys would do."
"You could have stayed with us!" Peter shot back, his smirk finally falling into a more sinister frown, anger flashing in his eyes. "I offered you everything and you denied me!"
"It was no way of living." Neal replied calmly
Peter turned his head, narrowing his eyes curiously as he eyed Neal. "You are so different - after all you've been through, after all life has dealt you - and you don't believe that youth and innocence-"
"Innocence?" Neal cut him off with a loud scoff. "There is not an innocent bone in your body - you've corrupted all these boys."
"I made their lives worth something again! They weren't happy in their old lives - just like you. You heard the music of the lost and unloved, you came and you played and you danced with us until dear old dad came and took you home."
Neal's memory of his old life was hazy at best most of the time but that particular memory now flashed through his head, clear as day and his breath hitched as all the emotions of that night suddenly swelled inside of him. "Stop it." He demanded through clenched teeth.
"You know I'm right."
Neal shook his head quickly trying to push away the vivid and painful memory. "I'm not that little boy anymore. I am not Baelfire anymore. I've grown up."
"And yet you still feel alone...don't you, Neal?"
Neal clenched his jaw tightly and glared at him in silence.
Peter smirked knowingly and continued, "Alone and worthless? That's the story of your life, isn't it? Your mother...your father...and those who haven't left you, you left them. How noble and brave it was that you came here to protect dear Wendy, John and Michael...too bad it was all for nothing, eh? Wendy has been such good company and John and Michael, well they've been very loyal boys although...can't really say they are boys anymore." His eyes flickered to the box now gripped tight in Neal's vice grip and he let out a little laugh. "You can thank them for your father's prison - it never would have gotten here if not for them."
"You blackmailed them." Neal bit out his voice raspier than normal. "Wendy too."
"It was so easy - they'll do anything to protect one another even if it means hurting themselves."
"That's what family is." Neal snapped. "Something you clearly know nothing about."
Peter's smirk was gone in a flash and darkness clouded his features. "And what do you know of it? You don't have any family, not really. Your mother's dead, your father would sooner drop you through a portal than give up his magic, the woman you were going to marry stabbed you in the back, the mother of your son wishes you to be dead and your son...you never really got the chance to know him because you left and now he's dead."
Neal tried to ignore the words of the clearly deranged teenager but every reminder of his painful past was like another searing hot dagger to his heart and tears burned angrily at the back of his eyes which he tried desperately to force back.
He took a deep, shuddering breath and slowly raised his hand to point forcefully at Pan. "You're wrong." He whispered steadily. "I will stop you and save my son."
A daring, humorless smirk crossed Peter's lips as he slowly approached Neal, stopping just inches from his face and looking right into his misty eyes. "I would love to see you try."
Neal's lip quivered angrily and kept their intense glare locked. "I'm going to do more than try."
Peter turned his head slowly in a mocking and almost condescending movement. "I admire your determination but not even you can accomplish the impossible. Henry's heart is mine." They remained in silence for a few long seconds, both their bodies tensed and ready if the other were to strike but neither did. Eventually Peter took a few steps back and opened his arms, raising his shoulders in a shrug. "As I said - the only way to stop me is to kill me and if you kill me, you kill Henry's heart. It's over, Baelfire."
He smiled to himself and climbed back onto the rock formation he claimed as his throne, staring down at the man glaring fiercely back up at him. "You've failed."
Then he was gone in a flash with no trace of him except his echoing laughter. Neal gripped his sword and spun around, eyes wide, searching every inch of the now darkened forests and as the laughter faded, he dropped his hand, realizing he was now alone.
A chill whipped through the air and wrapped around him and his body quivered as he closed his eyes tightly. A lone tear rolled down his cheek as his eyes fluttered back open and a rage slowly built inside of him.
He shoved the sword back into its sheath and gripped tightly onto Pandora's box as he stormed out of the hideout.
Emma was waiting eagerly for him, Felix having disappeared just a minute before. She let out a little sigh of relief when she saw his form emerging from the darkness but it was replaced with concern at the expression on his face, the tension rolling off his body and the quickness of his pace.
"Neal?" She questioned as he raced past her without a second glance and walked a few more paces until he reached a large rock. She followed him, her brow furrowing.
He flipped the box over and over again in his palms looking for any sign, any clue on how to open it and at finding nothing, let out a growl and placed it down on the rock.
He took a deep breath and wrapped both his hands around it and leaned in towards it, his eyes closing. "Come on, Papa." His voice shook and he squeezed the box tighter as if just willing the box to open. "Come on, please."
His face scrunched up in determination and his whole body shook. "I need you...come on. Open."
Emma watched in silent concern and confusion over his actions with the box and went to take a step toward him when he suddenly cried out and tossed the box across the rock. Her eyes widened in alarm as he then grabbed his sword and started to slash at it, over and over again, occasionally missing and hitting the rock below with loud scrapes.
She gaped at him in shock for a moment before leaping forward. "Neal, woah, hey!" She avoided his swinging arm and grabbed onto his shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze and her touch instantly stilled him.
He was breathing heavily and glaring at the still, locked box.
"What the hell happened in there?" She asked frantically, eyeing him in concern.
His nose scrunched up in disgust and rage. "He's in there." He said lowly, staring intently at the box.
"Pan?"
The name made his lip twitch. "No, my father. Pan put him in there."
Emma turned her head to look at the box and her eyes widened slightly. "Why?"
Neal shook his head slowly. "He's a sick, twisted son of a bitch!" He swallowed thickly and then pulled out of Emma's grasp, taking a few steps away from her and running his hands through his hair.
Emma watched him cautiously and waited a few moments before asking, "What did he say?"
Neal sighed heavily. "He said it was hopeless...impossible...he killed our son so he could live forever." He shook his head again and then let out a few peels of bitter and humorless laughter. "And if things couldn't get possibly any worse about this whole damned situation...it turns out he's my God damn grandfather!"
Emma's eyes widened and her lips parted in shock and she shook her head in disbelief. "P-Pan? He's your...grandfather?"
Neal scoffed bitterly. "Small world isn't it?" He pressed his lips together and shook his head as he looked back at the box. "He locked his own son in that damn thing and is now flying around this god forsaken island with his great grandson's heart in his chest and he doesn't even care."
He ran back over to the rock and snatched the box back into his hands. "I have to get him out - I have to." He dug his nails into the box, gripped it so tight his knuckles turned white, groaning in frustration as the box continued to be remained closed.
"Neal..." Emma called out to him, her voice soft and full of concern and her tone froze him.
His body tensed and she took a few more steps toward him slowly. She watched him intently and her eyes widened as she noticed his knees begin to shake and then she was rushing toward him, her arms winding around his middle before his knees gave away and he slammed to the ground.
She carefully led him to the ground, her arms still secure around him and he doubled forward, hunching over until his head touched the ground.
Keeping one arm beneath him, her other hand slid to his back where she could feel him quivering. She frowned as only after a few seconds more and his shoulders started to heave as quiet sobs left his lips.
Emma felt at a loss for what to do - she had never seen him like this before. He was always cool, calm and collected. There were times where he'd wake up from a nightmare and he'd be quiet and distant for a few hours afterward but he'd soon snap out of it and act like nothing had happened. There were times, especially recently when he came back into her life, where he'd flash her sad puppy dog eyes and it almost looked like he could cry but never did.
She wondered what could have made him react like this...what Pan could have told him to make him react like this. She knew it had to be more than just locking his father in Pandora's box.
Without even thinking about it, she pulled his body close to hers and slid her hand up his back and curled her fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck, her fingernails lightly scratching his scalp as she knew he loved.
He resisted for a moment but then gave in, leaning all of his upper body weight against her, his face curling into her lap as the flood gates opened and he let go of every pent up emotion he built up over the last several hundred years.
Her heart broke and she felt her own throat tightening at how utterly distraught he sounded. As angry as she was with him at times she would never want to see him in this much pain and it hurt to know he was.
She couldn't speak...she didn't know what to say that would make him feel better or if anything could. Instead she just continued to hold him, running her fingers in comforting gestures across his back and head.
His fingers gripped tight fistfuls of her sweater as he finally began to mutter quietly, his voice thick and quivering, "I'm sorry, Emma. I'm so sorry...I failed...I failed."
Emma frowned heavily. "Failed at what, Neal?" She asked softly.
He let out a few more little sobs. "Henry...I've failed him..."
Emma swallowed thickly. "You haven't failed him...Neal...its not over, okay? I don't care what Pan said we will get our son back."
He remained quiet except for the occasional soft sob and after another minute or two his shoulders ceased shaking and his grip around her sweater loosened. He took a few deep breaths and slowly lifted his upper body up. She kept her hand on his back, it sliding down to his lower back as she sat up and she watched him with a concerned frown, keeping her eyes on him.
Slowly, his eyes flickered up to hers and her heart sunk at the pain shining in the tears in his eyes. Her lips parted as if she were going to speak but an odd look crossed his lips and he suddenly jumped away from her as if burned and he scrambled to his feet and walked quickly a few feet away, his back now facing her again.
Her shoulders deflated as she watched him quietly and she slowly rose to her feet and hesitated a moment before taking a few slow steps toward him. "...Neal?"
His shoulders visibly tensed and he dropped his head to his chest and she stopped, part of her wanting to reach out to him but not knowing if he wanted her to.
He let out a deep, sad sigh and then lifted his head slowly, looking off into the distance. "I wasn't good enough for my mother." He said quietly and she felt a twinge of pain at his words. She already knew this, one of the first things they bonded over was their parents abandoning them and she always considered herself a little bit more lucky that at least she didn't remember her parents abandoning her. However, knowing who he really was now, as more of his true past came to light...it seemed to hurt that much more to hear. "She'd rather go off and have adventures with pirates than stay with me."
The word pirate jumped out at her and her brow furrowed slightly and then her eyes widened silently as a thought struck her. There was a rivalry between Neal and Hook before their mutual affection for her started, Neal said they had a past together in Neverland and had no trouble locking the pirate up in a storage closet, and then there was the rivalry between Rumplestiltskin and Hook and she couldn't believe she hadn't put it together before. "Milah...she's your mother."
He said nothing to confirm or deny the statement but the way his shoulders tensed further was answer enough. Her stomach twisted a little uncomfortable at the newest revelation, if only for the pain Neal must be in at having Hook so close...not to mention how close he was to her.
"Neal..." She whispered in sympathy and he continued before she could say anything.
"I failed to save my father. I failed to turn him away from magic...I failed to keep him with me."
Emma took a few more steps toward him, her voice now more stern but still gentle. "You cannot blame yourself for that. It was his choice."
Neal shook his head slowly. "He let me go because I wasn't enough."
Emma tried to find the words to say to refute that statement but there was nothing she could say.
"I finally find a family that wants me...that loves me and everything I've done to protect them, to keep them safe...it was all for nothing." His face scrunched up as tears once again sprung to his eyes. "I failed to protect them...they ended up on this hell hole, separated from each other, locked up, blackmailed..." He took a shuddering breath and dropped his head. "Being here for so long...it does things to you...they'll never be the same when they could have been happy and together. Pan never would have touched them if not for me. Every time I try to do something right it just ends up making things worse."
Emma glanced down quietly, thinking about Wendy and how tired, lost and desperate she looked. There was no telling how long Pan kept her in that cage and no telling what he had her brothers doing. She really didn't know much about their history together but Neal and Wendy seemed genuinely happy to see one another and Wendy's reluctance to let Neal go pulled at her heartstrings.
She looked up when she felt his eyes on her and her breath caught in her chest at the look in his eyes.
"And you..." He whispered brokenly and she snapped her jaw closed to keep it from quivering. He swallowed thickly and took a deep, shuddering breath. "I know I've said it before but I'll say it again and I'll say it forever if I have to...I'm sorry. It wasn't...it wasn't supposed to happen like it did. I didn't know you were pregnant...god, if I had I never would have left. You weren't supposed to go to jail, I never wanted that...you were supposed to get that twenty grand and live your life, happy and normal, without me but not in jail and not with..." His voice broke and he glanced down with a small, broken sob. "All I wanted to do was get you where you belong and I ended up ruining your life." He let out a slight bitter scoff, turning away from her again. "It's no wonder you wanted me dead."
Emma's heart dropped into her stomach at his words and her lips parted as she stared at him in agape and then she quickly closed the distance between them, now standing in front of him, looking at him meaningfully. "Neal...that's not...I didn't mean-"
He smiled sadly and glanced over at her. "It wouldn't have worked if you didn't mean it."
She pressed her lips together and furrowed her brow as she reached out to touch his forearm gently. She gathered her courage and spoke slowly, "After I got out of jail I went to Tallahassee." She felt him tense under her touch and didn't dare look him in the eye yet. "And I stayed there for two years hoping you would be there. When you never showed I...built up this wall to keep all the pain out and just shoved your memory out of my head because it was easier just to forget than to deal with it. I didn't think about you again until Henry showed up at my door and the first thing I saw in him was you. His eyes, his smile, his attitude...they were all you...and so he poked a hole in that wall and then in Manhattan when I saw you again...that wall cracked. I tried desperately to keep it up especially because you were..." She paused, deciding not to bring up Tamara especially when he was so vulnerable. She took a deep breath before continuing, "I didn't want to deal with any of the feelings that having you here again brought to me." She swallowed thickly and then braved a look up at him. "But when you were hanging over that portal and I could just feel you slipping away..." She gently grabbed both of his hands in hers and turned him to face her. "Losing you once hurt and I held that pain in for eleven years but losing you twice...Neal, I couldn't..." She closed her eyes and looked down. "If...if you were dead then I could just push all my pain behind that wall again and that's easy for me to do, it's all I've ever done but knowing I had to face you again, to face what I said over that portal...it terrifies me because I don't know how to deal with it.." She looked back up at him and hated herself for the tears that burned at her own eyes at the sight of his glossy eyes. She shook her head slowly, "But...it doesn't mean that I want you dead. I...I meant what I said over that portal and watching you slip away...knowing you wouldn't survive...knowing I lost you again...I...I was devastated."
"Emma..." He whispered.
"Let me finish..." She cut him off gently and his lips pressed together slightly.
"What I said in the echo caves...its so much easier for me to lock all my feelings for you up if you're dead, to not deal with them, to avoid moments like these." She laughed humorlessly and then let out a sigh. "It's hard for me to explain how I feel and how scared I was when I saw you alive because it only reminded me how much I really do need you in my life. I don't want to need you but I do."
Shakily she brought her hand up to rest against his cheek and his eyes fluttered for a moment at her warm and gentle touch, his whole being aching for her. "So, yes...I said I wanted you to be dead but...its only because I needed you to be alive."
Her breath caught in her chest as he suddenly leaned in toward her, their foreheads pressing together intimately. She waited, anticipating a kiss but it never came. His lips were parted slightly and they were so close she could feel every shaky exhale against her own. It was inviting and oh so tempting to kiss him, to feel his lips against hers for the first time in eleven years but she could not bring herself to do it...not yet. She was too vulnerable and kissing him would put them in a place she did not want to be yet...not when they had their son to save.
Instead, she slowly slid her hands into his hair and intwined her fingers in the soft threads pulling them just a fraction closer, letting him know that even though she wasn't ready to face all of their issues, she still wanted him there.
"I don't think I could handle losing you again." She whispered hesitantly and he inhaled sharply and within a second his arms surrounded her, enveloping her in a tight, warm embrace.
Her first instinct was to resist but after a few seconds she melted against him and, even if it was just for this brief moment, let herself enjoy being in his arms again.
His head rested in the crook of her neck and she could feel wetness against her skin - she wasn't sure if it was new tears or the ones that were previously there but she held him tighter regardless.
His breathing was calmer now but she could still feel his chest rising and falling quicker than normal against hers and there was still tension in his shoulders and back and she held him until he slowly began to relax.
Then she began to speak quietly, her voice soft and reassuring against his ear, "I'm sorry for all you've been through...I had no idea...the guilt and pain you must feel..."
His body tensed again underneath her and she started to trail her fingers up and down his back comfortingly.
"I can't speak for anyone but myself but I don't think Wendy blames you for what happened to her and her brothers. She seems to adore you, to still consider you her family after all thats happened. And...its not your fault...you didn't fail them. You did your best to try and protect them and Pan is the one who hurt them. Yeah maybe he wouldn't have touched them if they weren't important to you but you can't blame yourself for his psycho way of thinking. You didn't know they were here and if you had I know you would have done anything to try and save them...because that's who you are. I...I wanted to think the worst of you for so long but the truth is...you're a really good guy with a really big heart. You barely even knew Henry and you were ready to die for 's not failing him and I don't care what Pan told you in there...you haven't failed him now. We're not going to give up. We are going to stop Pan and we are going to bring our son back."
With every word she spoke his body relaxed more and more and his hold tightened around her.
They remained that way for another few minutes just silently wrapped in the others arms until Neal finally began to release his hold on her.
He gave her one last gentle squeeze before he parted from her. She watched him carefully as he turned away from her a moment, wiping all the tears from his cheeks.
He let out a breath and then slowly looked back over to her and let out a small, sheepish smile but there was still a deep sadness in his eyes.
"Sorry about that."
Her lips twitched upward in a small, understanding smile. "It's alright - you obviously needed it."
He nodded quietly. "Thank you." He whispered and she took a step toward him, her hand resting on his upper arm as she pressed a soft kiss to the side of his cheek.
When she pulled away a second later and smiled at him there was an instant light in his eyes that she hadn't seen in a while.
Then his eyes drifted off to the side and back to the rock where Pandora's box still sat silent and locked and frowned. He let out a quiet sigh and moved past her and toward it, once again picking it up.
He leaned up against the rock and turned it over in his hands as Emma walked over to join him, an equal frown on her lips. "So Gold's really in there, huh?"
Neal pressed his lips together and nodded quietly.
"Did Pan give a reason?"
Neal scoffed quietly, humorlessly. "He said it was a fitting prison for the Dark One."
Emma just raised her brow. It was something that could be argued but after risking his life for Henry's instead of seeing the prophecy through it might not have been what he deserved.
She fidgeted with her own fingers as she watched Neal fidget with the box and then asked, "What about Henry? What did he say about Henry?"
Neal's shoulders tensed and he pressed his brow together tightly as he stared intently at the box. "He said there was no way to stop him. That the only way to stop him was to kill him and killing him would kill Henry."
Emma frowned deeply and then shook her head. "He could have been lying...in fact, he probably was knowing him. He doesn't want to be stopped so of course he'd tell you he couldn't be."
Neal nodded slowly, only half hearing her words as he got lost in his own thoughts. Suddenly he straightened up and a look of realization crossed his features and he turned to Emma with a sliver of hope in his eyes.
"Pan has Henry's heart."
"Yes..."
"He has Henry's heart inside his chest." He repeated.
"Yeah..." She shook her head, her brow furrowing wondering where he was going with this and why he seemed hopeful about it.
He turned to face her more. "Well unless he's some sort of alien...it is physically impossible for him to have two hearts."
Emma's eyes soon lit up with the same sliver of hope and she leaned more to him. "Pan doesn't have his own heart."
"Right." Neal nodded and let out a small smile as she reached out to grab his hand.
"Neal, that's genius."
For a moment his lips twitched in a smile but it fell quickly as it came. "Except we don't know where it is."
"We'll find it." Emma answered without hesitation. "It has to be somewhere on this island."
"Well he's had several hundred years to find a good hiding spot." Neal countered. "And something like his heart...he's going to keep it well hidden."
Emma sighed. "Why remove his heart just to take Henry's? I am starting to get that Henry's heart is very special but someone like Pan? Why is his heart not good enough?"
Neal rolled his eyes in distaste. "Because he has the heart of an adult." He heaved a heavy sigh. "He's my father's father and must have somehow turned himself into a teenager but his heart...that can't change. He needed to get rid of it or else he'd never be able to have eternal youth but it must not have been any child's heart he needed...he needed the heart of the truest believer...one that would never, ever give up that childlike hope."
Emma frowned, shaking her head in disbelief. "Your family tree is..." She paused not even able to think of the right word and he laughed bitterly.
"Yeah, I know."
She gave his hand a gentle squeeze and they shared a look.
"Thats why I need to get this thing open." He sighed looking back down at the box. "If there's anyone who knows how he works and where his heart might be hidden it'd be my father."
"We'll find a way, Neal." She assured him. "To save your father, to save our son and to stop Pan once and for all."
He looked over at her with the hint of a smile and nodded.
"We should get back to camp...Regina might be able to help. She knows a thing or two about people's hearts." Emma said with a sigh as she stood up and Neal furrowed his brow, getting up a second after.
"Do I want to know?"
Emma pressed her lips together, scrunching her face up. "Not really."
"Right..." He muttered and shook his head quickly and then let out a sigh.
He took a step forward and then Emma turned to him, stopping him with a gentle hand and a concerned look.
"You're okay...right?"
His face softened and he smiled. "I will be."
She turned her head slightly, eyeing him. "Neal..."
His hand found its way around hers and he looked meaningfully into her eyes. "We both have a lot of issues to work out...about ourselves and with each other but that all can wait. All that matters now is Henry."
Emma paused but then nodded in agreement and they shared another small, sadder smile before they released each other's hand.
Then nodding her head toward the path that led them back to camp, a look of determination in her eyes, Emma said, "Let's go find that heart."