Kikyo sat on a fallen tree, her soul collectors swarming around her as if they could shield her from the world outside them. She sat deep in thought. Naraku was dead. She should be ecstatic; this was what she had wanted, right? It meant that she could take Inuyasha, just as she planed.
"So then why do I hesitate?" she asked herself, but received the reply she'd expected, nothing. She watched her soul collectors as they twisted majestically threw and around each other. They had been her only real companions on her long journeys. She recalled the day she woke up on that river bank unable to move and one of them came to her, almost on instinct, and dropped the unused life force of a young maiden upon her. Since then they followed her with no concern for their own lives, heeding her every commands. She wondered for a moment why these "soul collectors", as her loves companions called them, followed her so devoutly. An answer didn't come to her quickly, so she disregarded her curiosity as an unneeded distraction.
Without warning her servants parted, revealing a human looking woman with long ebony hair and neutral features. She wore a long pure white kimono and smiled a very unhappy smile.
"Impossible!" Kikyo thought angrily, her face depicting her rage. "No one can pass my barrier without my knowledge!"
"What business do you have here?" she demanded, trying and failing to detect any presence even now. She stood holding her bow, prepared to fight the unknown. Even if she looked human, it was obvious that she was not.
"My child," she whispered, as if she where in pain, "please put down your bow, I would never hurt you."
Her words calmed Kikyo right down to her enraged soul and her grip on her bow loosened enough for it to fall to her feet. She stared at the intruder for a moment before her knees buckled and she fell back onto the tree. Kikyo watched the intruder approach at a steady pace with a confused mix of calm, fear, and anger. As she walked, it was like the grass moved before her bare feet hit the ground and the winds didn't dare ruffle her hair, even when the tree braches creaked with its fury. Her smile faded when she knelt in front of her, her face was drawn in a look of despair.
"You, child, have suffered" She stated as fact, guilt weighing down her words. Staring into the woman's eyes Kikyo felt things she had spent much of her life, and afterlife, repressing. Misery, Anger, betrayal, longing, loneliness, they broke threw her mask and played clearly on her face.
"The power I gave you is the cause," the woman stated again. Kiyo redirected her eyes and gained enough clarity to respond.
"My power is my own." She snapped with forced intensity. The woman's sad smile returned.
"Who could pass my barrier so freely? She emits no aura and her presence is so calming…" Kikyo thought through the haze growing in her head.
"Who are you?" She insisted
"You already know who I am," the woman replied with more authority then before. Kikyo nodded getting her conformation.
"You are Kami, I didn't expect a woman." She admitted. Kami laughed humorlessly.
"I appear in the form you find the most comfortable, it seems the less threatening the better with you." Kikyo smiled sourly,
"You've come to take what's left of my soul then, to give it to that girl Kagome." She tried to keep her voice placid, but it broke, revealing emotions she'd rather deny.
"Humans lie to each other and themselves, but they cannot lie to me. Not on any level." She insisted. She continued after letting it sink in, "Kikyo it is true that I've come for your soul, but I know the questions you have must be answered before any peace can come to you." She reached out and caressed her cheek softly.
"I gave you so much power, more then any human should have had in hindsight, but you used it well and protected the jewel as fate predicted." Kikyo nodded, so fate dictated it that far. Somehow she'd known that, no matter how much she'd wished it wasn't true.
"What I didn't predict was your hatred of it, your want for a normal life…" she looked deeply into Kikyo's eyes and she couldn't help but feel it all over again, the unending want of a life she could never have.
"But I have no control over a fate that's already created, destinies are so intertwined that changing one could cause catastrophic consequences, and so I just kept close watch. Then he came. Your Inuyasha." Kikyo's breath caught in her throat, usually thoughts of Inuyasha only brought feelings of anger and betrayal, but now her heart ached with the pain she hadn't ever wanted to feel.
"You and he where two lost souls that found your place with each other, fate dictated you be together. Onigumo's transformation displaced the course of fate for many, including you. I did what I thought was right, I reincarnated you in the body of a girl who would meet Inuyasha again." Kikyo looked away, up at the moon and the stars.
"I hate that girl," She seethed "His attention is drawn to her." Kami nodded knowingly.
"She is you in a way, how could he resist? But you are not alive, and she is." Her last words stung like she'd been whipped, but it was true. Kikyo met her eyes again.
"Was," she paused as her voice broke, "Was the jewel my only purpose?" Kami squeezed Kikyo's knee gently.
"Your purpose was as a protector, a healer, and a leader, As well as a lover and a mother. You were meant as a gift to humanity, but even I cannot predict fate. I know all your feelings and your regrets and I know your deepest pains." Her hands gently drifted across her stomach.
"You planed to tell him that day in the field."
The moments past and Kami stood,
"It's time to go." She whispered. Kikyo looked up, a tear rolling down each cheek, wearing Kami's sad smile that had always been hers.
"I can't leave without him"
"Don't worry" Kami laughed "I will not let you be without him again."
Kikyo stood slowly and put a shaky hand in hers.