Into the Eclipse Chapter 1: Riding the Waves of Grief, a twilight fanfic

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I could hear the soft humming of a generic requiem as I stood outside the door. My face grew pale as I prepared myself to open it. This was going to be the second hardest thing I will ever do during my existence. The first had probably been the cause of this entire situation. Cold air burned my lungs as I took a deep breath and a hard swallow. Fighting back the tears that had been allowed freedom earlier, I reached for the handle. Another deep breath.

"Come on Edward, you can do this. You have to do this," there was nothing left outside, and it was time for me to face what lie ahead.

"Edward?" A small voice was behind me. I knew immediately it had to be Alice. "Is that really you, or has grief left me delusional," she gave me a sad, wry smile when I turned to meet her.

"It's really me. You are not deluded yet," I offered a polite smile. "I would say it's nice to see you, but I would have preferred better circumstances. My own funeral, even," I could feel my face growing pale and the tears start to burn the back of my eyes.

"Oh Edward," she grabbed my hand, and we walked through the door together.

My chest tightened as I looked around room. People I had abandoned. Some that had abandoned me. Had this been any other occasion, I would have been in danger of losing my own life. As Alice and I ventured further into the sea of mourners, hand in hand, I could feel their eyes on me. Not all the eyes. Just a few pairs, specifically. As if I wasn't in enough pain already, I knew my homecoming was only going to get worse.

"Everything is going to fall apart after today," Alice leaned in and whispered.

I already knew. Bella told me everything only a few days ago. My arms held her only a few days ago. It was all going to be okay, I promised her that. Maybe it was foolish of us to believe that the fairy tale ending was still possible. Nausea washed over me, a result of anxiety and intense guilt. I looked at Alice, and wondered how much she really knew. She squeezed my hand, and I had to believe that she was the one person Bella would have trusted. It had to be the reason why Alice was standing next to me and the others were thinking about lynching me after the dust had settled.

"I'm sorry that our reconciliation is coming too late," I whispered back to Alice, as we finally made our way to Charlie and Renee.

"Never too late, Edward," Alice smiled.

At the sound of my name, Charlie looked up. I was relieved when the only expression that crossed his face was surprise. He hugged the person in front of him, and began coming towards me. I felt my chest tighten again, and I took several deep breaths as I watched him.

"It's so good to see you," he had tears in his voice and he wrapped his arms around me in the saddest hug I had ever experienced.

"Charlie, I am so sorry," I began sobbing into his shoulder. At this point, I was sorry for too many things. I hope he understood that. "I came as soon as I heard. I only hope I am not causing any extra grief by being here."

"We need you here. We've needed here for some time now, Edward," his voice was low now, almost a whisper.

I looked for Alice, and she was hugging Renee. Their sobs were painful ones. I was about to make my way over to them, when I saw him. Jacob was standing behind Renee, receiving condolences as well. I felt Charlie's grip on my shoulder as I stopped immediately. My body shook with anger and the tears dried up. There would be no peace for Bella today. Not even on the one day we are supposed to be guaranteed it. Before I was able to turn my back to Jacob, he spotted me.

"Cullen! It means a lot to us that you're here today," he slapped my back and pulled me into a hug.

"I only wish it were under better circumstances," I muttered into his chest.

"You know what they say, we come together in times of great tragedy," his façade of solemnity was not fooling me. By the vice grip on my shoulder, it wasn't fooling Charlie either.

Before I could clear the anger from my throat, Alice returned to my side opposite Charlie. Jacob's eyes darted to her and looked her over.

"Blue? Bold choice for such an occasion, don't you think?" Jacob sneered.

"It was her favorite color, Jacob. She hated black," Alice's face narrowed as she turned to Charlie, "I'm so sorry Charlie."

"She always looked stunning in blue," Charlie smiled, "thank you Alice."

Jacob gave Alice and me a once over and decided that he had more important things to concern himself with. Perhaps the rest of the grief stricken Forks population. Before I was able to notice that she had moved from her post, Renee threw her arms around me. At first, I was too stunned to return the embrace. The way I was being received in the Swan home was an unexpected surprise. An ease to a great deal of anxiety building inside of me.

Surrounded by the three people that loved Bella as much as I did, I let my mind wander. What had really happened here during my absence? I began wondering if Jasper and Emmett were going to approach me while I was in Charlie's company; I was assuming they would wait until after most of the mourners left. Deep in thought, I began scanning the living room. I wondered if Rosalie was going to have the gall to appear today. Part of me hoped so; that was the angry, vengeful part. The part of me that was consumed by grief and loss hoped Rosalie had skipped town all together.

"I hope we can talk later, after the service," Charlie shot me a knowing look as he returned to his post next to Renee and Jacob.

"Shall we?" I turned to Alice, and took her hand.

"She would have really hated this, you know. She hated parties," Alice sighed under breath.

We made our way through old schoolmates and locals, many of which I hadn't seen since before I'd left. Alice's blue dress was drawing more attention than I would have liked, and I could hear the wave of gossip beginning. I was still searching the crowd for Rosalie when I heard a particularly annoying voice somewhere to the left me.

"He just left her, and like, they were supposed to go to Paris or something. To elope, or whatever," it was Jessica, but I didn't recognize the person she was talking to. I broke from Alice's hold, and made my way to Jessica's party.

"Actually, Jessica, we were planning to spend the rest of our lives in Italy," I interrupted smugly; Bella would have wanted me to put Jessica in her place. Besides, if they were going to run the rumor mill, I'd rather they do it properly. The shade of red that overtook Jessica's face indicated that she wouldn't be milling around my business for the rest of the afternoon. For this, I was grateful.

Alice meandered about the Swan living room while I spoke to Jessica, so I began to search for her in addition to Rosalie. Unfortunately, I found Jasper and Emmett instead. Although it would have been nice if the day's events would allow for some time before I was accosted, but the manner in which they were approaching me made it evident that I wouldn't be so lucky. There was no way to avoid the conversation that was to come, but I wasn't exactly ready to hand out my list of excuses for my poor behavior in the past. I let out a large sigh, and decided that it was better to just get it over with. As I reached this decision, Jasper and Emmett reached me.

"Gentlemen," I nodded.

"No need to be polite," Emmett replied.

"Emmett, for the sake of the other guests, please don't make a scene," Jasper was trying to maintain some peace that had clearly been unbalanced by my presence.

"I know I did some really shitty things, and I am prepared to own up to them. Later, I will take the ass kicking I've deserved for six years. Right now, I'd like to be left to mourn her loss. I loved her too, you know."

"Funny fucking way of showing it," Emmett sighed under his breath.

"Are you planning to stay in Forks for awhile?" Jasper asked.

"A week or so, I have some business to attend to, fences to mend. A couple of bridges to finish burning," I shrugged. "If you'll have me, I'd appreciate some time together. To catch up, or so that I may accept my beating."

"We'll be in touch, Edward," the menacing look Emmett shot me as they walked way was not reassuring.

I spotted Alice in front a beautiful picture of Bella, and moved through the crowd to join her. In the photograph, Bella's headed was tilted back into a laugh. Her brown eyes were shining and her hair was absolutely gorgeous. She was always absolutely gorgeous. After a few moments of taking in the picture, I realized I had taken it on one of my last nights in Forks. It was the happiest time I had ever known, or will ever know. My knees buckled under my own grief, and before I had a chance to compose myself I dropped down and began sobbing. It was not supposed to end this way. Not for Bella. Never for Bella.

Author's Note: This is probably how it will go down, I will post a chapter and wait for some reviews, then before I go onto writing (or posting, depending on how ambitious and multi-taskable I am) I will post a revised version. Ergo, I really do appreciated positive and constructive criticism…but constructive criticism is only helpful if it is constructive.

Suggested playlist for 'Riding the Waves of Grief':

Edward's homecoming: "Disarm" - Smashing Pumpkins
Funeral turmoil: "Untitled" - Silverchair