I was walking outside of my house, locking the door. At least my dad wouldn't be mad I didn't lock the door. I went down to my favorite place, besides Beck's trailer. I wasn't welcome there anymore.
It was the place by the river, that fast moving river. It was so clear and blue here, but once you went down further it was black and mucky, not someplace you would like to go. That's why Beck discovered this place, and we went here all the time.
At least we used to.
I sat down on a giant rock. I was wearing my black denim short shorts, and a red rank top. I left my shoes at home, wanting to feel the warm LA sidewalk, the cool grass on my feet.
I breathed in deeply, relishing the feeling of the cool air in my lungs as it went in and out. It was so fresh here, it was perfect.
So much left unsaid, so much I hadn't told anyone. They would know soon. My phone rang, and I looked at the caller. Cat.
I answered. "Hey Cat." My phone was strong, steady, and cheery.
"Hiii Jadey!" Cat chirped to me, I could practically see her smile.
"What's up?" I asked her, watching a hummingbird soar around the flowers.
"I was wondering if you wanted to go to Karaokie Dookie later with me?" she asked, sounding a bit timid.
I exhaled loudly. "No, Cat. I won't be able to. Sorry."
"Why not?!" Cat exclaimed, sounding upset.
"Because, I won't be able to. I really wont. Sorry Cat." I felt bad.
"Oh, well, phooey. Ok, I guess I will just go ask Robbie." Cat sounded really sad.
"Ok. Goodbye Cat. Hey, you know you mean a lot to me, right? Your like my sister." I told her, screwing my eyes shut.
"I know Jadey! Just like you're my sister!" Cat sounded happy.
I smiled. "Good. Remember that, kay?" I asked seriously.
"I will! Bye Jadey, see you tomorrow at school!" She chirped once more, and hung up.
I released a shaky breath, and set down my phone. I got up from the rock, and picked up some of the sand that was here, at the wide stream. I let it fall through my fingers, and picked up a flower. It was a rose, there were tons of roses her. There were red ones, yellow ones, white ones, they were beautiful.
I picked a bouquet and tied them with string. There were tons of them, probably over thirty. On a piece of paper I wrote, For Cat, my best friend. I love you.
I set it down next to my phone, and walked over to the water. It was rushing by very fast, and looked dangerous.
It was such beautiful clear water. Such a beautiful day. I heard the hummingbird chirp.
And I jumped in.
I thrashed for a while, then I slipped under. I saw dots dance in front of my eyes, and I couldn't breath. The water was closing in on me.
I realized something at that moment. I didn't want to die. I was Jade West, for crying out loud! The strongest person at HA. I didn't need to die, nor did I want to.
I started clawing my way above the water, but it wasn't working. It started to get murkier, and I realized I was heading into the dark part. I started panicking terribly, and I felt my fingertips grace the top of the water. I tried to find anything to grab onto, but it was no use.
I kicked off the bottom of the water, and got my entire forearm out of the water. I was getting dizzy and knew it wouldn't be long until I died. I was desperate. Just when I had lost all hope, I felt someone grab my arm.
I was saved! I was dragged out of the water, and I gasped for air.
"Jade?!" I heard someone's confused voice shout. I threw up water, and gasped for air some more.
"Oh my god Jade what happened?" I knew that voice. Beck.
I opened my eyes, and wiped the muck out of them. I saw Beck and Andre standing there.
"I fell in." my scratchy voice said. Lie.
"My god, are you okay?" Andre asked, helping me up.
"Aside from almost dying, yeah. I'm perfectly fine." I said, coughing.
"Oh shit Jade, your foot!" Beck exclaimed, bending down to look at it. I looked down.
There was a huge gash on it, and it was gushing out blood. Oh yay. Fucking awesome. I had some scrapes and bruises all over my body, but none that bad.
"Whatever, I'm fine. I can deal with it." I glared at him, and he averted his eyes.
"I gotta go. Bye Andre." And he left.
Andre looked down at me. "I know you didn't slip in there Jade. You aint stupid enough to let that happen. Tell me what really went on."
My anger boiled over, but instead of shouting like I had planned on, I cried. "Andre, I tried to kill myself okay? I was done, I was really gonna do it! Fuck, I just cant deal with it anymore!" and I cried.
Andre held me, and finally he cleared his throat. "Jade, never do this again. This isn't the answer. Suicide never is. Do you know how many people would miss you? Do you know what you would do to Cat? To Beck, me, Robbbie, even Tori? Jade we could never lose you. Please, don't ever do this again. I swear, if you ever feel like doing this, just talk to me. Talk to Cat. Talk to anyone you trust, because I can't lose you Jade."
I realized exactly what he meant. I would have hurt so many people, and I could get past this. Andre was right.
"Thanks Andre" I sniffed, and he helped me up, and walked me to my place. He fixed my foot, and I showered and changed into different clothes. He even went back and grabbed my phone.
"Let's go to Karaokie Dookie, I bet Cat would like to see you." Andre took my arm, and we walked to Karaookie Dookie.
I knew I would owe Andre for the rest of my long life. He gave me something I had thought I lost long ago.
Hope.
And a reason to live.
Hi… I wrote this to let people know that there isn't just one option. You don't have to just assume this is the way to go. Please, if you ever feel like doing this, talk to someone. You can even PM me, I will always listen. Talk to someone you trust.
Suicide isn't the answer. It may seem like it, but just think of what it will do to the people you care about.
I'm always here, and I know you probably have at least one person you could talk to. If not, you can message me.
Bye guys.
-Maya
I don't own Victorious.