Secrets

By Lucretia Nightshade

"I have some secrets of my own

I wonder if you do

don't keep them all to yourself

your secrets trouble you..."

"Secrets" Strawberry Switchblade

Many a night Lucretia would lay awake in the girls' Ravenclaw dormitory, countless thoughts racing 'round her head.

What will happen tomorrow? Why are the history books so biased? Does Harry wear boxers or briefs? What is non-dairy creamer made of, if it's not dairy? Will Professor Snape ever find out...?

A knot tightened in her stomach whenever he came to her mind. The first time she saw him, she was quite intimidated, along with most of the other students. Rightly so, as he enjoyed taking points from other houses at any and every occasion. He also enjoyed making you look like a fool. And screaming in your face. And giving detentions...

Detentions? What were those like? She had never received a detention before, as she was somewhat of a goody-two-shoes. More like "goody-one-shoe" she would say, because she was usually reasonable and polite, but could be wicked and vicious if she wanted to.

There were also things she couldn't do; like keeping secrets. Their wretched fingers pulled at her heart, raised a tempest in her mind, and poisoned every fabric of her being until she eventually burst. She felt like a Pandora's Box of sorts. Some secrets, when let out, can cause much trouble for those involved. Especially this one.

She had fallen for him. Hard. She didn't fully understand it, but she knew the feeling pulsed through her blood each day. If she ever told her friends, they would never let her live it down. She knew she could trust them with most things, but this was far too much; too intense and personal. But every day she saw him. She saw him in class, passed him in the halls, and sometimes even searched for him, hoping to catch a glimpse of the object of her affections. Infatuations. Desires. Obsessions. Every day there was a chance: a chance to see him, a chance to tell him... She wouldn't dare. She couldn't even bring herself to imagine the punishments that would await her if she let the secret slip out. But it had to come out, and soon.

An unusual feeling took her over this morning as she dressed. Will it be today? The black unmentionables, the uniform, the shoes, the jewelry, and makeup all followed suit, same as the days before. Maybe? Maybe not...She threw her leather book bag over her shoulder and walked out to the great hall for breakfast. I guess I'll find out soon enough...

"Lucretia Hiiiii!" she heard the familiar squealing from the Gryffindor table as her long-time friend Sicilia Fawn skipped up to her. Suddenly captured in an embrace, she began to snap out of her usual morning grogginess. "Hello Sicilia," she replied sleepily.

"Just saying good morning to you, I gotta go finish some stupid homework I didn't do... see you later!" Sicilia said, bouncing off with her friends. Lucretia sat down carefully at the Ravenclaw table as usual, starting on some toast.

She glanced around, and eventually her eyes fell upon none other than Professor Snape. She thought he looked quite enticing today, moping and grumbling over the Daily Prophet, trying to avoid conversation with everyone else. She recalled the time last year when she had sent him an anonymous love letter on Valentine's Day. He seemed a little bit surprised when he opened the hot pink, perfumed envelope, filled with prose of her passions for him. His frown turned to a look of disgust, then he rolled his eyes, and cast the letter into the fire, obviously dismissing it as some sarcastic joke. Her heart sunk as she watched his reaction, but it was what she should have expected from the impenetrable Potions Master.

That was the only thing you could count on from him: grumpiness. Aside from his cruel demeanor, the suspense he left most people in was frightening enough on its own. Especially to her. She had been worrying a lot after overhearing something about Snape being a spy for Dumbledore to keep an eye on Voldemort. Everyone knew how powerful and merciless the dark lord was, and if he ever found out Snape's secret... the fate that would befall him was sure to be terrible. She might never see him again. One day, he could be gone forever, and she'd never have a chance to tell him. If she missed the opportunity to touch him, to be close to him... she would never forgive herself.

Severus glanced at the clock on the wall of the dank and drafty dungeon. Yet another potions class would be starting soon. Those bratty children never ceased to annoy him, with their lack of respect and discipline. There were a few who stood out among the others, Potter he especially loathed. Granger was quite the insufferable know-it-all, as he had once called her. Longbottom was utterly pathetic and hopeless. Morrigan stood out too, sort of like a sore thumb. She was as odd as Lovegood, if not more so. She was not very popular, as he had heard from other students, and seemed to know more about potion ingredients and dark arts than anyone else in her class. Quite impressive for a 6th year, he thought.

She reminded him a little of himself when he was a teenager, which made him feel somewhat sympathetic to her. He also thought she was quite a beautiful young lady, with long raven hair, large eyes, and such pale skin... "How would it feel to touch such soft, delicious flesh?" Blood began rushing down between his legs, causing a familiar swelling...---wait... this was a student he was thinking of! "Don't be so stupid, she is only a young girl!" he thought to himself. "But she looks like a young woman, and she is so mature for her age..." His thoughts argued amongst each other, but soon he came to his senses, as the students would be pouring into the classroom at any moment. He sat down at his desk, covering his obvious bulge with his robes. Hastily trying to will his arousal away, he pretended to grade papers.