Writing books now, and this is practice mostly. I want as much constructive critism as possible, okay? And yes, this will be weird. I plan to also make a book of my Return of the Darkness plotline, under the same title. Signing with my real name now.
Note: If someone's thinking, it doesn't mean anyone's hearing it. It'll be worth your time to read this through.
Everything © their respective owners
Bleach Remix
By Juliana L. Keaton
Chapter 1
More then usual
"Ugh..." Kurosaki Ichigo sighed, sitting and looking out the window.
"Having problems with art?" a young woman asked him, an upper-classmen by one year. She had long red hair to her waist and a pair of deep bronze eyes. She had a perfect figure, and was very athletic, and from the rival dojo to Ichigo's. In her hair were no ornaments as they always fell out, but she was definitly one transfer from america he could do without in his own eyes.
"Nothing, just that every day since you've shown up I've felt sick."
"Really? Anything I can do to help, Kurosaki-kun?"
"..."
"Oh! Sorry. My name is Kiseki Urameshi."
"...Nice to meet you."
"Same."
"...Kiseki, right?"
"Hai."
"...I think I need to know what you just said in something other than english."
"Ore wa Urameshi Kiseki des'."
"...Ore? That's a man's word."
"I've always been one of the guys and I don't think 'boku' fit."
"...You're always one of the guys?"
"My only female friend is Cheyenne."
"...How do you pronounce that?"
"...Nevermind." she paused for a moment with her ivory, american skin, "Uh...you look surprised. Didn't you know that we don't use honorifics in America? I'm still ajusting."
"Ah...You have a Japanese name..."
"...I was adopted, and my family found me...but...they died about ten years ago. I went with my foster parents after that...it was weird...they died, too."
"I'm sorry."
"It was in a car accident. My parents...including my uncle...have been...helpful..." she sweatdropped, rubbing that back of her head. "They call me a miracle for a reason other then my name." Like the fact I'm a half-demon on my father's side of the family...
"So...Urameshi, huh? I've heard that name somewhere before."
"...Ah."
"...I can't remember where?"
"When he was in high-school, his turf was near here."
"Ah."
"You seem to say that a lot."
"It's a sound of confirmation...and you sure are a lot different from what I expected...are you biological parents any different from ones I know?"
"...You don't want to know...I'm not sure who they are, since I keep circulating through my family members. It's really weird. You look cold."
"I am."
"Ah...Sorry." she sweatdropped, "I've always...had that effect." Like the fact I can wear a bikini in sub-zero tempurators...
"So....you look paler. That's one strong accent you have there."
"Ah! That's right...You're--"
"You also write in kanji."
"I said, I'm always one of the guys. You didn't let me finish my sentence."
"...What is it?"
"Uh...this is my first day here...and I was wondering if you would be willing to show me around town."
"I'm gonna be busy."
"I see."
"I'll do it!" a red-hair female piped up, "My name is Chizure! It's nice to meet you! I heard all about the gay rights movement in America--" and she was suddenly being dragged off.
"Ignore her." Tatsuki pointed out.
"...Uh...she's really not that bad."
"You used to that?" she questioned.
"Yeah...besides, I know a lot of people out of the closet."
"Ah." Tatsuki nodded, "My name is Tatsuki. This is Chizure. We'll be glad to show you around town."
"Thank-you." Kiseki bowed politely.
"...You really are one of the guys."
"Yeah!" she smiled, saluting perfectly. "...Uh...whoops."
"Don't worry." Tatsuki grinned, "It's about time you hung out with some girls, anyway! By the way, have a man ask you out!"
"...I wasn't really trying for that, but okay!"
"Cerfew?"
"Don't have one."
"Good. Let's go!"
"Orihime! Rukia!" Chizure called out, "We'll be having some girl time around town! Leeeet's go!!"
Ichigo looked like he choked, looking at the female like he saw a ghost.
"Is something wrong?" she asked him, holding out her hand with the kana for 'tell anyone and die'.
I decided not to ask on that one as we all took our homework assignments and I went out with the rest of the girls.
The first stop was a shopping district. "I left my purse at home!" I wailed.
"What's that? Oh, you poor dear!" Chizure pleaded, "We need to buy something for you! What's your fasion sense!?"
"Eh!?"
After two hours of trying on clothes, I finally managed to get out of there by deciding on a simple outfit—a pair of jeans, a black, sleeveless belly-shirt, a golden chain belt and a pair of matching large-loop earings that Chizure insisted of piercing herself. The jewelry lady wasn't so happy with that, and saved me after I mentioned my ears were alergic to anything other than titanium and gave me a gift sample of some kind of nailpolish to paint on the earings to solve that problem.
Shoe shopping came next...they realized just how hard it was to get me shoes with my narrow heels. We eventually managed to get some motercycling boots, which Tatsuki was also glad to get out of there.
Every store involved some form of shopping, dragging Chizure away from flirting with every large-chested woman in sight, and somehow I was the only one getting anything. "...Is it rude to window-shop?" I asked when I looked at a sword store. "I have the tendency to collect swords. I just wanna look around a bit."
"Okay." Tatsuki sighed, having been stuck paying for it all.
I looked around to find litterally every kind of sword possible...especially an odd one glowing with energy. "...Excuse me, miss." I asked the store clerk. "Is this custom? I haven't seen any kind like it before."
"Ah, yes. It's custom-made. Very beautiful, actually. Go ahead, give it a swing."
Her voice-type sounded familiar, but I unsheathed it and gawked for a second. It was a beautiful, transluscent, dark-teal blade with several gemstones at the hilt, mostly sapphires adorning the diamond cross-gaurd with shimmering, beautiful lights. The sheath was an amazing, shining black while the handle had the inscriptions of an crusafix in the same matirial as the blade. I did give it a swing, and would have done some serious damage if it'd had hit something...
Then it clicked with me, "What's your number?"
"35...I take it you've heard of us."
"Yeah...first one I've seen without guns, though."
"Ha ha! I sell a variaty of weapons and daggers, you know. Not just guns. I take it you've encountered a Drebin before?"
"Yeah...831, I think..."
"Really...? He's an interesting black man...good contact, too."
"Ah."
"So, that specific weapon is 100,000,000,000."
"Huh."
"I can't afford that!!" Tatsuki screamed.
"She's not talking the type of currency you're thinking." I then looked at the woman, "So...you don't mind if I sell you a few things, do you?"
"What kind...?"
After about two hours, the dealings were done and I bought the weapon at a reduced price with more then a few points to spare.
"What was that...?" Chizure asked me once we had very much cleared the store.
"A Drebin shop."
"And what would that be?" Tatsuki seemed nervous.
"...A branch of the black market."
"EH!?" the girls turned to me.
"That store didn't look black!" Orihime ditzed.
"Just...don't bring it up, okay? Drebin dealers help out soilders in war a lot. They don't take sides, and are green collars. The only thing they trust is money. They deal in their own currency, so don't worry about it, okay? I've had nermurous encounters with them through certain training exercises, and a few actual missions. Their invaluable to all military forces, which is why they get a blind eye."
"Ah." Tatsuki nodded, "...But how did you get all those guns."
"They were some serious ones I had on me...You'd be surprised what you can hide in your shirt."
"...I was." Tatsuki nodded, "So...first...wow. That's the first time I've been in one of those."
"Not as scary as you thought, huh?"
"No, it wasn't." Chizure commented, "But they're all strictly buisness, right?"
"Yeah...just be careful which shop you go into."
They nodded quickly, "I won't tell anyone about this!" Tatsuki blurted out.
"Why not? It was such a good shop~!" Orihime cut in.
"...Because we could get arrested." I intervened.
"...Oh." Orihime blinked. "Then this never happened!"
We all nodded and took our things home...before Tatsuki headed back, I got something for her. It wasn't what she expected, either.
"It's a Zipango comb, handpainted by the hill people far off. I figured I should pay you all back." I wound up giving Tatsuki a beautiful kimono, Chizure Axe body spray—which she wanted—and Orihime got the comb, also a pretty necklace that drew quick attention ti her chest.
"Where did you get all of this?" Tatsuki was quick to ask.
"I save up for things, then buy them. Not all of it's from the market. The Zipangu comb was a gift from Cheyenne, but it kept sliding out. She asked me to sell it, but I decided to give it to someone special. Thanks, I could have never got all of these wonderful things without you. I'm also a buisness woman...oh, and if you're worried, I got that stuff from E-bay."
Tatsuki sighed in releif, Orihime didn't get it, Chizure was to busy staring at Orihime's chest...
We got all kinds of homework done. "Okay, 'what do we see ourselfs as in the future'...?" I sighed, and started drawing.
Chizure drew herself, in a palace, with a lot of money, a beautiful dress, and Orihime beside her, both with marriage rings.
Orihime drew herself as a mass destructive robot, with her own personal boob-missle, getting stares.
"Uh...what did you draw, Tatsuki?"
"Hmm?" she looked at them, "I drew myself as the world martial arts champion."
"Huh...I drew myself as a...well, don't laugh."
"What?" Chizure questioned.
"...I can't draw, but I gave it a shop."
"Owning a jewelry store with other buisness!" Chizure looked happy, "And what a fine suit!"
"You even got the label!" Orihime chirped, "Hmmm...I suppose, in my opinion, I should draw something in the near future! I got it!" and she started drawing herself.
We looked over her shoulder, but then decided to work on math and get ahead while we could, and then history. "Huh...Normady. I'm guessing the Japanese have a different perspective then america."
"What was your perspective?" Tatsuki questioned out of curiousity.
"Heroism of having braved a hailstorm of lead with God-knows-how-many-casualties, and a difficult and slow climb up, but making it there with little soilders and supplies to spare."
"Ours says it in a simaler fasion, except with us being more on the ass-kicking part. You know, maybe you should write your paper on your perspective?"
"...I believe I'll do it in a comparison."
"Good idea." Tatsuki grinned, "We're also supposed to write a summery for our pictures. I'm doing mine now. Orihime finished her work, so what's your summery."
"I become a buisness woman and start out small with my own jewelry store or something, and then expand it into a massive buisness with a world-wide grip in the buisness world with some of the best products ever produced!"
"Great job!" Tatsuki nodded, "I wrote that I would become the champion, very famous, and start my own dojo!"
"I wrote about how I would become a fasion designer, make the top of the fasion world, and marry Orihime and support gay rights!" Chizure drueled.
"I'll tell you all mine tommarrow!" Orihime chirped. "Wow! Look at the time!"
"Midnight..." I looked at the moon outside, and the clock matched. "You girls should call your parents. I have some good guest rooms to avoid dangerous travel at night."
"I live alone, so I'll be fineA!" Orihime chirped up.
"I'll be getting the rooms ready."
"Thanks." Tatsuki murmered, calling her parents on her phone with Chizure.
I got to work cleaning up. The entranceway to my apartment was a simple one, with just a square to set down your shoes. Next to it was a large master bedroom with a walk-in closet and a bathroom attatched, leading out to the kitchen, which was visable the moment you walked in.
It had just the nessesities. A closet for foods, cubbords for dishes and such, a duel fridge/freezer, a sink, a dishwasher, and a gas stove with heated oven, along with plenty of counter space. It's what a relative would call a 'half-ass fit kitchen'.
God, I hope he didn't drop in tonight. The living room was nice with a flat-screen plasma and several game-consoles on either side with stacked-up book-shelfs next to them, filled with games and books such as Harry Potter, Eragon, Eldest, Bringser, The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, Sherlock Holmes, Charlette's Web, The Old Man and the Sea, along other classics and current favorites.
In the shelf next to it I had CDs by Cruxshadows, Within Temptation, Nightwish, Master Plan, Reliant K, 38th Parallel, and the April Sixth CD. It was a pretty huge collection of Christian, Goth Metal and a single boy-band CD to drive anyone who pissed me off up the wall. No one could handle more then 30 seconds of N*Synch and remain sane.
30 seconds as actually the record. Everyone else jumped out the window...my uncle was the result of the giant stabb wound in the Stereo, along with the reason I had to replace the TV earlier.
The giant display was opposited by a massive leather couch, with two chairs also facing it from a diagnol angle. Off to the side of that room was the desk and such where we did our homework, and a closet with a duel washer-dryer and my swords and other weapons next to it.
Maybe I should have hid the RPG better, but at least none of them were armed in the slightest.
Finally, in a doorway between the kitchen and the living room was a small hallway to two seperate rooms with very comfortable, three-story bunkbeds. Two on each side of each room, and chest of draws stacked between them and trunks lining the opposite walls for guest storage, with blue carpet and white walls. The other room was the same, except in a deep blue.
Ajoining the rooms was another bathroom, which was just fine.
Apparently, after everyone got permission to stay, I let them borrow some night-gowns and we settled in.
...That didn't last long as screaming suddenly erupted from the black room on the left.
I got up, grabbed my sword, walked over and screamed, "UNCLE!! IT'S 2 AM!!"
"...I didn't know you were having compony." the demon gave me a blank-stare. Hiei, of course. Who else would be able to get in undetected.
"Could you at least be a little more like Kurama and use the door."
"..." he disapeared, and the doorbell rang.
"Sorry about that. Uncle's--"
it rang again.
"Excuse me."
Opening the door, he was standing there. "You have some very serious expla—Homeowrk?"
:"Yeah. We hadn't realize how late it became."
"...Honestly...you're worse then your parents."
"That's Chizure's."
"Oh...WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?" he looked at my picture.
"Well—EH!?" I looked at Orihime's. He followed my gaze and looked more disguisted then he had before.
"...At least her grades are good..." he sighed, "That one?"
"Orihime's. The orange-haired one."
"Then the last one would be the woman who actually landed a hit on my Jigon eye."
"Ouch."
"...It complained, but obviously she wasn't worth it's time...do you need to sleep?"
"What do you think."
"...I'll use the door from now on."
"Thanks."
"...These are completely unorganized...you still have that slasher movie?"
"Can we join!?" Orihime popped up.
"Absolutely not!" Hiei snapped.
"It's rated R." I covered.
"Oh, come on! What's a little cheating!?" Chizure questioned.
"...I'll enjoy your screams." Hiei gave a highly sadistic, blood-thirsty grin.
The rest of the night was full of screaming at everything from Friday the 13th to AVP.
We decided to skip breakfast and couldn't organize our homework. Hiei beat us to it.
"...I organized it by handwriting." he handed the four stacks of paper to use. "Orihime...you've got...nevermind." and he disapeared as usual.
"You have one amazing uncle!" Chizure grinned, "I've never seen anyone so willing to let us watch such an amazing horror-movie collection! Who would've thought pulling out someone's..." as Chizure made Orihime and Tatsuki retreat to through up, I decided to avoid telling her the Dark Tournament actually happened. I can't believe my uncle had a recording of it.
We both got our respective books together and changed into our uniforms, grabbed our satchels, and headed out after Orihime and Tatsuki did the same.
Upon arriving at school, everyone was staring. My clothes were on right, along with everyone elses.
"You're two hours late!!" the teacher screamed.
This caused the other three jump and give a startled scream themselves.
"Sorry. My uncle came over unexpectedly and we wound up watching every horror movie he could think of."
"Oh..." the teacher stared, "Really?"
"But, on the bright side, we managed to get our homework triple-checked for errors and such."
"And loose our lunch!" Orihime's pale face worked wonders on the teacher. With even Tatsuki far white then humanly possible, the teacher simplyu said, "Take your seats..."
"Thank-you." we chirped, squeaked, and choked out.
"By the way, do humans really bleed that much?" Orihime questioned, seemingly unphased by the horror movie.
Everyone seemed to escape as the teacher reviewed our homework. "...Is this colorized?" she asked me.
"...I hope he didn't color it." I sighed, "But I did have to use a colored pencil because my lead one ran out."
"Well, it sure is...impressive...here you go." she handed it to me, and I noticed that I had unintentionally drawn elves instead of humans, but the teacher seemed amused. I only got minus five points for that, but a 96% is very, very good.
Chizure got passing scores with Tatsuki and the rest of us. We fionally went to see the pictures and the summeries posted on the wall.
"Wow..." I smiled, trying to ignore Orihime's. Ichigo's was basically not something I expected. Music wasn't what I expected of him. Chad wanted to be a police officer, Ishida was interested in becoming an archery teacher....I think. Rukia had drawn some kind of samurai picture, and had a white jacket over hers while commanding other people to attack monsters.
Everyone was impressed, especially by Orihime's.
"Uh..." Ishida started, "Orihime, what is that!?"
"OH!" Orihime smiled warmly, "When I grow up, I want to marry happily and have lots, and lots and lots of kids!"
"Orihime...that picture is you, pregnant, way bigger than I thought humanly possible, with like...forty kids all over the room playing with dolls, tearing at each-other's hair and eating ice-cream. I can't really see any background over all of them." Ishida pointed out.
"Yeah! Isn't a big family wonderful!"
"I want a big family, too! Orihime, maybe this will look like us when we get finacially stable!" and she dragged Orihime to her picture, passing Keigo's harem and Mizuiro's strip bar.
"Well..." Ishida looked at mine. "...You drew elfs..."
"By accident. I should have paid more attention to the ears."
"Yeah." Ishida seemed a bit amused. "Lord of the Rings, right?"
"Busted."
"By the way, what's your uncle like?" Mizuiro asked me, "He seems like the real ladies man."
"He got bored while everyone was hiding behind the couch."
"Oh." he sighed.
"I know he just does that to scare the living daylights out of everyone he meets. Don't worry."
"Okay."
"He was also an actor in the movie when the guy got his head impaled with a sword straight down!"
"That was a home video."
"Uhhh..." everyone stared at me.
"Family made it, not me."
"Really, he acted it out himself!? All of you." Orihime guessed, everyone looking at me for confirmation.
"Calm down, you guys. What kind of human in their right mind would actually send a sword into a skull of a giant bigger then Sado-kun."
"She's right." Rukia smiled, an eye twitch having formed.
"Maybe...I should speak with this uncle of yours." a man walked in.
"Arisawa-san!" Orihime greated Tatsuki's father.
"I didn't expect him to drop buy. He's not as bad as he sounds. He even helped us correct mistakes in our homework."
"Really?" the man instantly calmed down.
"Yeah. He has the tendency to--"
"Pop out of nowhere." Hiei was already behind me. "I can't believe none of you could tell I was in this room since class was out. Kurama would have come, but...he's having cat problems."
"...he grew a bunch of cat-nip, didn't he?"
"Yeah. Now he's having to shove them out of the house. Not an easy task, even for him."
"Gardener?" Arisawa-san questioned.
"He has his own green house, makes his own plants and what not. Before you ask, I don't have a surename. However, you may call me Hiei." he actually offered a hand-shake, which was excepted with some bone-crunching noises. "Pleasure to meet you."
"He doesn't seem happy." Mizuiro whispered to Keigo.
"More like Sadistic." Keigo whispered back.
"What's with all the whispers?" Hiei shot them a look.
"Calm down, three-eyes." an amused voice perked up.
"What do you want, Uremeshi...?"
"The same as always. You owe me a rematch."
"You're worse then Kuwabara-teme."
"Try not to insult your in-laws."
"...I'm not tempted to stop."
"Could you two just take it outside?" I questioned.
"Yes." they grinned, and were already outside. The explosions of the shotgun were already heard and some nasty slicing noises that could have only come from a sword.
"...I suggest we try to the back way out..." I cut in. "They'll be at it until far after midnight..." and I walked forward, letting the mind drift to my own mental world, gathering my things and getting out ASAP, blushing in embarrassment.
--3rd person POV--
"Ow! Rukia, what is your problem!?" Ichigo snapped.
"The demon that was in the school earlier."
"Demon?"
"That Hiei fellow. He's more then a little famous."
"For what?"
"Other demons fear him because he's so ruthless. A convict that's served his time, but has also slaughtered countless victems."
"Convict!?"
"Yes, so stear clear of that niece of his, alright!?"
"It's him I'm worried about. And besides, what's wrong? Those three got out just fine!"
"...You're impossible!"
"Well, I'm going to the graveyard today!" and he ran off, as fast as he could, from Rukia.
"Idiot..."
--First Peron--
First, Hiei suddenly comes in the windoer, uninvited, to new friends and scares them off—purposely, I might add—and also gets disgusted at Orihime's picture for good reason. I mean, in the picture she was visably crowning three kids at once while completely nude and screaming for dear life while the kids were dancing ring-around-the-rosy in a pool of birthfluid.
Who wouldn't puke?
The second thing was that Hiei and Yusuke decided that blowing up the front half of the school was a good idea, and also crushing that person's hand. I had never been so nervous, so embarrassed, or so weirded out in my life. Well, at least I had three friends now.
I hadn't realized how far I'd walked or how bad I was feeling until I realized it was in a snow-covered graveyard.
"Whoops..."
I was hoping the school wouldn't be mopping up. I also had no idea what Hiei's peppy mood was for. Was he high or something?
I looked at a small girl by the frozen water, odd as it was. "Huh? Excuse me?" I walked over to her. "Are you...alright?"
I didn't get a reply, which concerned me.
"GET AWAY FROM THERE!"
I suddenly moved aside as Ichigo came through with this massive broadsword and sliced at the girl.
"What are you doing!?"
"That's no little girl!"
"Huh!?" I whipped around to see some monster in my face. The result was obvious, "SHOTGUN!!"
It jumped back a good bit, shaking its head from the pain.
I admit it, it was nothing like Yusuke's, but it did pack a punch.
"Nice shot." Rukia joined us.
"It's my fight!" Ichigo snapped.
"Does it have anything to do with your father going crazy by a gravestone!?"
"YES!!" Ichigo snapped as he lashed out again. "You should run!"
"You don't want me to!" I evaded a downward assault.
"Why!?"
"Because it's just gonna chase me, anyway!" I evaded a little bit more, launching a basic spirit gun that time. The eyeball was a good landing point, as it screamed badly and gave Ichigo one hell of an opening he took advantage of.
"THIS THING KILLED MY MOTHER!!" Ichigo snapped as he kept up his assault, avoiding everything.
I backed off at that, "I'll just be defending your family!" I took off.
"THANKS!" Ichigo snapped as he went in another direction.
I ignored the stuffed animal I stepped on as I continued.
"GYAH!!" Karin screamed.
"SPIRIT GUN!!" I snapped, shooting the creature's arm off as Ichigo landed a seriously good head-shot.
"Thanks!" Karin ran behind me, as her brother was going...well, nuts. "What is it!?" Yuzu choked.
"LET'S JUST GET OUT OF HERE!!"
"YEAH! WHAT SHE SAID!!" Isshin screamed as we all went running as Ichigo kept beating the snot out of his enemy, which eventually landed in him falling into the shrine in front of us.
"...It get away?" I asked.
"...Yes."
Rukia face-palmed as she dragged Ichigo back into his body after kicking Kon out and putting him into the stuffed animal earlier.
"That was...interesting." I sweatdropped.
"Interesting!?" Ichigo snapped at me, but grabbed his injured shoulder. He really did look like hell.
"My Uncle's put me through worse, actually. You okay?"
"Do I lo--"
"Sit down! Family meeting!" Isshin roared, "You two ladies stay!" he pointed at us. And we sat down.
"Okay...I'll start." Ichigo sighed. "Our house didn't really get hit by a car...it was attacked by an evil spirit known as a Hollow, which I was just fighting, and it badly hurt Rukia here. She had to transfer her powers to me to stop the thing...but she unintentionally transferred all of it."
"I'm a Shinigami." Rukia pointed out, "Blame the appearance on your son."
"Wow!" Yuzu chirped, "You're so pretty!"
"Uh...thanks. Anyway, I was tracking those evil spirits and helping others move on. Until my powers return, that will be Ichigo's job."
"And...whjat about you?" Isshin turned to me.
"...I'm...a military experiment."
"..."
"...Seriously...I'm a weapon...Sucks, I know."
"Really?" Ichigo blinked.
"Really...so that thing was a...Hollow?"
"Yeah." Ichigo nodded, "You run off of spirit energy or something?"
"I'm organic and a lot of time, money and DNA went into me, so...yeah, I guess. I live longer then humans should, though...I'm kind of a prototype."
"So, does the army know you're here?" Isshin asked me.
"I didn't want to be a weapon, so...I went AWOL."
"...Wow." Ichigo blinked.
"You absorbed the powers of a Shinigami, are kicking supernatural ass, and are saying 'wow' at me?"
"I think you've got him topped." Karin instructed.
"Thanks."
"...Your welcome?" Yuzu asked.
"Uh...I'm using a completely fake name, so...don't tell anybody."
"Sure." Ichigo nodded, "I supposet his conversation never happened.
"Nope, didn't." Kiseki answered.
"So...shall we go somewhere now? I don't think this place is safe." Rukia commented.
"...Um...I'm gonna go home."
"...I'm going to do the same." Ichigo sighed. "And Rukia...don't pop out opf my closet again."
"I was wondering what happened to my pajamas..." Yuzu questioned, piping up.
"I hereby declare this family meeting OOOOOOOVEEE--" Isshin was suddenly cut off by Yuzu and her frying pan.
"...She's taking after her sister now." Ichigo sighed.
"More like you..." Isshin murmered from his face in the dirt.
The next day was a lot more...normal. Orihime was thinking of applying to be a surrogate with everyone trying to stop her, Tatsuki was giving me a few martial arts lessons, the Kurosaki Clinic got practice because Hiei insisted on teaching me how to use that sword, and I actually managed to hit him that time.
He healed faster, though.
And we then found out that a TV star will be in town.
"Today!?" I yelped.
"Tonight." Ichigo sighed. "It looks like I'm the only one not going."
"I'm not interested in TV appearences, anyway." I commented, "You should know why."
"Yeah."
"I'm going!" Orihime piped up. "Maybe I could apply to be a surrogate there!"
"Orihime-chan!" Chizure pleaded, "You don't need to! It'll destroy your perfect figure!"
"I don't care! It'll puff my boobs out!"
Silence...
"So, you may be stuck with your family..." I commented.
"Meaning they'll drag you along..."
"...Maybe I should go..."
"You'll get caught on TV..."
"Yeah...but I should at least make sure Orihime doesn't...you-know...she needs to put more thought into this."
"Yeah."
"You're staring at her."
"Just trying to imagine what she'd look like knocked-up."
"...You have that picture on the class board, you know."
"...No thanks."
"Ah. It any better?"
"No."
"...I wonder why."
"Kiseki, help us out here!" Tatsuki was trying to hold Orihime back.
The said female was instantly there, as I started pulling her back a lot easier. "Orihime, think this through more! It's a huge responability and isn't a decision made overnight!"
"But I've been thinking about it since I was twelve!"
"Orihime..." Ichigo came up, "...You really should think this over a bit more...you're horrorfying the class, and don't forget the school honor code. We're not allowed after-school jobs."
"But it's not after-school...it's during school!"
"You're missing the point."
"Let her go." a huge guy said from above us.
"Eh!?" we all jumped.
"Oh, Chad..." Ichigo calmed down, "Why are you siding with her now?"
"Because...she's helping my aunt."
"...Oh..." I muttered and let go.
"She's not my biological aunt...more like...someone who's like an aunt."
"Ah." I blinked.
"Her name is Kaeko...her husband was that Yusuke person from before."
"Yeah, I know them..."
"So...she's helping."
"Ah."
Orihime was already gone.
"I suppose that may make us cousins...seeing as Yusuke's kind of an uncle to me."
"I heard...you've got...unique origins. That lady in the sword shop was nicer then I thought. Even gave me some kind of green card."
Now even Tatsuki let go, Chizure did the same.
"She suggested anyone should have a job if they're eliligable...she's a good buisness woman."
"So...what did you wind up buying?"
"AQ CCG card. It's called...Uh...it's in english."
"hey! That's the Silent Magician Card I've been looking for!"
"It was a gift....do you want it."
"Sure! Here, take this as a trade."
"Hmmm...Red Eyes Black Dragon...good card."
"Um...as much as everyone here loves collecter card games," Ishida stared at us, "...Orihime got away. I suppose she'll have an excuse to ditch PE now."
"Her poor figure!" Keigo whined with tears poored down his face in sheer white.
It reminded me of when Kazuma's sister hit him upside the head.
"Puu!" someone flew over, it was an odd spirit beast known as Puu. Everyone was giving it an odd look.
"Hello, Puu." I greeted, "Looking for Yusuke?"
"Puu..." it replied, upset.
"Did Yusuke get a hard case?"
"Puu!" it confirmed.
"Ah...You had to stay."
"Puuu..." it whined.
"Why not be with somebody for a while."
"Puu..." it whimpered.
"Okay, you can stay with me until Yusuke gets back."
"Puu! Puu!"
"Sure, I'll make you the enchalada slices again."
"Puuuu~!"
"Are they hot?"
"No...cheese and chicken, actually...I've still been trying to get the crust right. Cakes and cookies are my speciality, not encheladas."
"I can help. I lived in Mexico for a long time."
"Thanks."
"Puu!"
"It'll still tatse good...I'm just going to help her make it better."
"Puu..." he gave Chad a suspicious look.
"What is that thing?" Ishida questioned.
"His name is Puu. They call him 'Yusuke's inner-self'."
Chad looked amused, somehow. "...Hello, Puu. I'm Sado."
"Puu!"
"These are Ichigo, Tatsuki, Chizure, Keigo, Mizuiro, Ishida and of course you already know Kiseki-chan. Orihime-chan left out the door a moment ago."
"What is that?" the teacher came back in.
"Puu." everyone replied simontaniously.
"He flew in from the window. He's lonely because Yusuke-san went out on another case and had to leave him behind. Yusuke-san is a detective."
"Ah." she nodded, "Lonely fellow, aren't you? I'm this classes sensei."
"Puu." it pepped.
It then flew out with it's large ears and onto Yusuke's head, of which his voice could be heard from below about looking all over for the guy.
"Huh..." Ichigo looked over the edge. "Interesting creature."
"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!?" Yusuke yelled up as Ichigo pulled away, but not before Puu got to wave good-bye with a claw. "...You made friends...lovely."
The second half of the class went on, as usual, until the teacher asked where Orihime is. Chad, apparently, was greatful to answer that she was helping her aunt by being a surrogate for her.
The teacher had a very weird look on her face, like she had just been strangled.
Chad sat down and the teacher called the class out of session for the day and gave us the homework, allowing us to leave.
"Women are usually only a surrogate once." I pointed out.
"Ah." Chad nodded, confirming it.
"Is anyone other than me BOTHERED, of what Orihime is doing!?" Keigo whined while everyone else sighed. It's like the entire class had become one and the same over the few times we've been studying together.
Everyone knew each-other, they knew my secret, Ichigo got found out—though it hadn't even reached the teacher—Ishida seemed to have something major against Ichigo, and Rukia was wondering how many years she was going to get for all of this since her memory-erasing thingy was busted.
It probably had to do with the mutual disgust of Orihime's picture, and Tatsuki's decription of the other one.
Everyone preffered the boob-missle robot.
"I hear the exchange students are coming in a bit." Tatsuki pointed out, "With the exception of us, the others all left."
"I wonder who could be coming."
"Let;s just enjoy the show, shall we?" Tatsuki smiled, "And hope that Chizure catches Orihime before she does what she plans to—no offense, Chazz, but I'm not sure Orihime is a good idea."
"Sado."
"Right...Sado."
As usual, all of the above started walking home together—except this time Orihime and Chizure weren't present. "I wonder if we can get some more Drebin?" Keigo asked, "She buys weapons, right?"
"Yeah, but they have to be yours...she'll launder them for a price, too." I replied.
"Uhhh..."
"Oh, and she's the only one who doesn't check your ID for a playboy magazine."
"REALLY!" Keigo's eyes widen. "How much are they!?"
"Depends on the War Economy."
"Huh?"
"The more bloody, the more expensive. The quieter, the cheaper."
"Ah." I counted his card, "I've only got ten."
"What would you expect from only one bullet pack?"
"Yeah...my dad's angry he can't find it, but gave up."
"Ah." I nodded.
"She's...honest..." Chad commented.
"Yeah--"
"No...I mean...I don't know...How about we all meet up here for the show."
"Sure."
"Okay."
"Meet us in..." I checked my watch, "...Thirty minutes?"
"Nah..." but we synched our watches, went home, did our homework, got ready and left for the show.
"I know it's not that powerful, but..." Ichigo started, "...My chest feels like it's st5arting to sweel with something."
"Huh?" I asked him.
"I'm serious...it's bad, but I can't put it down."
"Excited?"
"Yeah...I think so." he was panting for breath, not understanding his problem. What...is this!?
Heh heh...
"Huh!?"
"It's Don Kanonji!" everyone screamed and laughed in synchronization, but our group stopped after he opened the hole.
"Incomming Hollow..." Rukia commented.
"GYAH!!" everyone jumped, and suddenly tried to stop it simontanously.
Almost getting grabbed by security if they had stayed consious long enough—curtosy of Tatsuki—and we ran into the building.
Slamming into Kuwabara. "Watch it! Oh, it;s you two. Kiseki, Chad, what's goin' on?"
"You're here on a case?" I asked.
"Well, duh...It's not just that one guy?"
"Huh?" we all stared, Ichigo still not feeling very well.
"You okay, man?" Kuwabara asked him, "You're spiritually aware, and there's a lot of negative energy in this place...you should leave and get some rest."
"I-I..." Ichigo started.
"HOLY SHIT!!" Kuwabara suddenly made contact with something...It was Don Konoji's staff.
"Well, I see some adventurers are here to join the show!" he danced, as usual.
"Please, we're here on buisness." Hiei interceded.
"Yes, true." Kurama jumped down, "I only see one of the two girls you sensed earlier, Hiei."
"My Jigon eye doesn't lie at all. They are somewhere in this building."
"Let's hurry up and save them." Yusuke cut in, "I'm not liking this place at all!"
"We'll split up and search for the two wandering women, trapped inside this haunted hospital! Will we find them in time!?" Don Kononji started, "Will they even survive--"
"BUDY, THESE ARE OUR FRIENDS IN HERE!!" Tatsuki punched him in the balls.
"...That's a human I have no complaints about." Hiei commented, "Now let's get searching..."
"Be careful. There's a bunch of high-level goons in here...They're really just B-class, but be careful anyway."
"Sure." We agreed, walking around the place. Ichigo was in his Shinigami form with Keigo. Mizuiro was with Tatsuki, I was with Rukia, while Yusuke, Hiei and Kurama went off seperately, leaving Kuwabara to babysit Don Kononji.
"This is insane." I sighed.
"I know..." Rukia admitted. "I'll tell you right now I have a limited power supply. Just Kido, actually."
"Let's hope your powers come back soon."
"Yes." Rukia nodded, "I've been in this world far to long for that."
We heard some form of growling noise, turning around slowly. I drew my blue sword.
"That's...a zanpakuto!"
"A wh—Oh, those swords you guys use. I found this one on the Black Market."
"Can you swing it at all?"
"Yeah. She's pretty light...I sometimes hear a female-like hum coming from here."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Well, at least one of us has one of them. If we run into a Hollow, cut its head off. If we run into a whole, use the stamp to send it to the other side."
"Sure...but if we run into a demon, I'm killing it."
"Understandable."
"...Speak of the devil!!" and we both jumped aside, avoiding giant, crocadile like maws snapping us in two. "Geeze! Rukia, can you use this sword!"
"No! It's impossible!"
"Crap!" I sheathed it. "SHOTGUN!!" and did my own damage.
"BLUE FIREBALL!!" Rukia launched her Kido, the double attack doing serious damage, the demon retreating beneath us.
The hallway was pretty narrow, and suddenly it started coming out of the walls at random. My sword was the first thing going through it as Rukia continued attacking it by slamming ith with whatever the nearest object was—the place was far to narrow for another Kido.
We continued slashing and hacking away until we saw it face-to-face. It was an ugly creature, one-horned, one-eyed...
"For Christs's sake...Let's just call it Murosaki Jr.."
"Sure."
And we charged in, my blade slicing through it as Rukia fired another Kido when there was a clean shot. That time, a doub;e-fireball and it got up again.
"HOLY SHIT!!" we chorused.
"Here's an idea....run until we have it in a more open space...it looks stupid enough to fall for it."
"Yes!" and we took off in another direction, not knowing the trouble the other's were facing.
With Mizuiro and Tatsuki, things seemed just plain weird. "You see anything?" she asked him.
"N-No..." he squealed. "Wait...wasn't chad right behind us!?"
"!! Now where did he go!?" Tatsuki gulped, "Come on, let's search for him in synch with the others."
"Sure." he nodded, the two continuing down the passageway. It was dark, silent, and worst of all...covered in blood. It hyad several corpses everywhere, but Tatsuki wasn't exactly going to point that out to her friend. She also wasn't going to mention the ropes he was hanging onto were rotting intensines that were slung above the ceiling...
"What is that smell?"
"You—HUH!?" she barely avoided something that cou;ld have killed them both.
It was, once again, Murosaki Jr...."WHAT THE HELL!" Tatsuki punched it, emitting a slight glow from her hand for a breif second. Illuminating the room.
"GOD, IT'S BEEN EATING EVERYONE!!" Mizuire screamed as the electricity started flickeriong like crazy as he watched Tatsuki and Bob battle while the lighting made things appear like a silver-screen strobe light, with bits and flashes of blood flying everywhere. Tatsuki was doing some considerable damage, but it suddenly bit into her arm with enormous, long fangs, wearing a scream.
"TATSUKI!!" Mizuiro came out with a stretcher, attacking the creature between the legs, causing it to roar in pain as it's bloody maw opened wide enough for Tatsuki to get her arm out, the limp appendage not responding, and swelling with an odd, purple slime coming out of it with green blobs now emminating from her skin and boiling with cracks and bursts of crushed blood and puss.
"Uh...help...?" Mizuiro gulped as the creature turned the drueling maws towards the boy.
Sweeping the monsters feet out from under it and grabbing the poor boy, Tatsuki grabbed his arm with her good hand and took off, wincing in the agonizing pain of her arm as its infection slowly spread through her body.
Ichigo and Keigo were walking through a simaler inviroment, with blood, organs, and everything decorating the walls, floor and ceiling. A disturbing crunching sound was mad every time they sloshed through the knee-deep blood floor beneath them.
"I-chi-goooo..." Keigo gulped, shaking.
"We'll find them and get out of here."
"That's the third time you've said that."
"And the third time you've wet yourself."
"I can only hear you..."
"I know..."
"But...are you even armed?"
"I've got a broadsword bigger then Chad's dick, now shut up."
"Well...we all know Sado has a huge dick...so we'll be fine."
"Mm."
"...But...isn't that to big for you?"
"...Is it to big for you?"
"Are we talking about the sword or the dick?"
"...Just shut up..." Keigo suddenly screamed like a little girl as some form of monstrous energy started crawling through the ventalaztion shaft at a massive pace, breaking and crunching through it as flesh and blood fell through the cracks, and a heart got slowly ripped from it's place as it got stuck amd splattered everywhere and it's beating stopped then. Before they knew it, the wall behind them collasped and the ventalation shaft that was above them started breaking with blood soaking them at every moment. The beating would stop until...
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
The elongated scream echoed through the hallways and even outside, and although Keigo passed out, Ichigo managed to get away with just throwing up all over the fresh corpse that had been devoured to the bone, hanging from the ceiling with it's bowels as support as whatever had been up there moved along.
It would be a while before they would move again...
"It didn't chase us." Rukia pointed out.
"There went that plan of yours. You're on the roof, but now it's no here anymore." Hiei pointed out.
"Guess it doesn't like the spotlight." Kuawabara pointed out.
"Hey, where's Kononji?"
"He decided to stay and battle nobly for the sake of his fans. Chad is down there as well."
"Any luck?" Yusuke questioned, noticing we were stopped by Hiei before entering back in.
He got bowled over by the door when Chad and Kononji got through, leaving me able to slash the Hollow's head off.
"Perfect." Rukia clapped.
"AHHH!!" Chizure and Orihime ran out, Orihime in a hospital gown, Kaeko came out in matching attire.
"...HERE!?" Yusuke gawked.
"KEEP RUNNING!!" Tatsuki came out with her arm having swollen to the size of a Gorrilla's, getting worse and it had already reached her shoulder and was going up half her face.
"AHHH!!" Kononji screamed when Chad just calmly walked out the door behind him.
"Don't worry. It's just a form of poison. I'll whip up a small cure later." Kurama waved it off. "It shouldn't take much, but we'd best hurry."
"It's right behind us!" Kaeko shouted.
"What is!?" Ichigo ran past with an unconsious Keigo on his back, "EVERYBODY, OUT OF THE WAY!!"
Nobody hesitated as the creature made it's appearance.
It was a massive cyclops creature with demonic bat-wings and gorrilla-like fur covering it's entire body. Poisonus purple anjd green venom poored from it's fangs like slime. It was completely slumped over with half a corpse in it's mouth, knawing on it like it was a dog eating a massive marrow-bone biogger then it was. Its hands and toes had six-inch long claws and it stood bipedal.
"...We decided to call it Murosaki Jr..." I pointed out.
"Actually," it through the body into the streets, "My name is Bob."
"YOU'RE A FUCKING ONE-EYED-ONE-HORNED-FLYING-PURPLE-PEOPLE-EATER!!" Yusuke screamed.
"So? Hey, you look edible."
"...SPIRIT GUN!!" Yusuke fired it at the massive creature, the wave of energy massive enough to be seen from the moon and leave a sizable dent in Mt. Fuji, obliterating the creature in a single blow.
Everyoen just stared.
"...Holy..." Keigo had been awakened by the shouts of the fighters earlier.
"...That's...one...yowza." I gawked.
"...I am never pissing him off." Ichigo made his own comment.
Don Kononji started making all this super-star talk, "EVIL HAS BEEN VANQUISHED YET AGAIN TODAY! The Spirit that was corrupted has beem put at peace, the demon has been destroyed, the dazzling beauties rescued, and the team effort of slaying the beast has become the number 1 exorcism this series has to date! Thanks to a bunch of friends and myself...WE HAVE DEFEATED THE EVIL! Tune in next weeks, ladies and gents!"
"CUT THE DAMN CAMERAS!!" Yusuke used small blasts to shoot them out one-by-one.
A/N: Sorry, I couldn't help it. I decided it was getting boring, and then the song stuck in my head and Jason X was it's sidekick, so I decided 'why the hell not'? R/R. Any an all reviews welcome. Flames will be ignored and used to roast Marshmellows to keep the Omochao quiet.