Author's Note: I conceived, wrote, and published this in like, five minutes. Honest. It's an incredibly half-baked attempt at humor, so color me surprised if I get any hits or reviews.
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There is an alchemist who lives in an extremely unknown town somewhere in western Central. He has lost something very dear to him, so one day he decides to do the unadvisable, the forbidden, the great big fat no-no: human transmutation.
He concentrates on the formula for the human body and sure enough, the reaction starts and light crackles around him. But something unexpected happens; the energy turns dark and ominous and the glass beakers crack. Then a giant eye opens in the middle of the circle.
"Holy shit!" the alchemist yells. Before he can run, black arms unwind from around the eye and latch onto his body, breaking it into a million transmutable pieces. He has time for maybe half of another swear word before the eye absorbs him.
Everything stops. Everything turns white. He blinks and sees a giant set of Doors behind him. In front of him is a transparent, featureless figure that is shaped very much like him.
The Truth grins.
"Ready to go through your acid trip?"
"What the hell do you--?"
"Have fuuuun!"
The black arms wrap themselves around the alchemist again, dragging him into the depths of darkness. He has time for maybe half of another swear word before the Doors slam shut around him.
Too much information crams itself into his head, forcing his brain full of images and memories and knowledge and all sorts of things that he can't possibly know all at once or comprehend instantly and he can't and he's about to throw up and he reaches out his hand for the only visible light and he's about to throw up but he has to reach that light and--
The flow of knowledge abruptly snaps. He's left pale and sweaty with an outstretched hand, back in front of the Doors. And facing the Truth.
"Had fun?"
"I'm not sure," the alchemist mumbles. He's still recovering.
"Ready to go back to reality?"
"Wait a minute!" the alchemist remembers what he has come for. "Did it work?"
The Truth pauses and frowns. "What?"
"The transmutation," says the alchemist impatiently. "Has it been restored? My face?"
"Your…face?"
"Yes! My face!" the alchemist gestures at his face, to which acne was winning a heavy battle with.
There is an awkward silence.
"So let me get this straight," says the Truth. "You performed human transmutation--on yourself--to fix your bad pimples and restore your lost clear skin?"
"Yes!"
"And you actually expected it to work even after your trip in the Doors?"
"Um, yes?"
"Okay, dude." The Truth shakes his head in pity. "Just for that, I'm going to double your toll. Since you wanted a clear face, I'm going to dock you both of your eyebrows. That way there will always be something wrong with your face. The Truth is cruel and all-knowing!" The Truth laughs evilly.
The alchemist has time for maybe half of another swear word before his eyebrows disintegrate and he is sent back to his office where he has to deal with mutated monster pimples.
Moral: Never try a strictly forbidden science to fix your pimples no matter how bad they are. Use Proactiv.