Chapter 1 "Goodbye sunshine"

Brian POV

Justins image began to disappear behind the sweaty bodies at babylon. The lights glared and became to thick for my vision to find him. I turned my head and fought with myself....Then turned back towards where he had vanished. I couldn't feel sad, I couldn't want to cry. I did not care for this boy...he was an mistake. "I was not attached!" I yelled in my head. The music seemed to get louder as I finally let go of the gaze from where Justin and Ethan had left. I was left broken, confused, used, tired and afraid. I didn't know why I was afraid...unlike my other emotions I couldn't gather much thought upon being afraid. Was I really scared of losing him, someone who I had denied my feelings for. After all I did for him how could he leave me here... A feeling of reality swept over me as if nothing which had happen before really took place. I closed my eyes tight, afraid to open them for I may let out tears when opened. I swayed back in forth not seeing my surroundings, just dancing to the amusing upbeat music blasting from all sides of the rather humid club. A familiar voice called out to me, it got closer with every second. It was Michael, I could see him looking at me although I would not look at him... my eyes was still shut tight...I could feel him rubbing my shoulders up and down for comfort.... I'm Brian Kinney I don't need your support I wanted to shout out...I had to much pride to let him make me feel this way, no one would see my pain, would know my very thoughts and my insecurities. I had to let go... I had to be a man. I had to be Brian. I opened my eyes and the environment seemed 10 times brighter then it's original setting.

"What do you want Mikey?" I said in what I thought was a much convincing nonchalant tone. He stared at me, I knew he knew me. I knew he knew my pain...that my very existence was tormenting me. That I wanted nothing more then to cry in his arms and turn into a puddle of nothing. He knew me well enough to know I would never actually do that though. He put on an act...An act I very much needed right now. He would treat me as I needed to be treated. He wouldn't push for answers...I would give it to him and my own way. Our communication was my favorite thing between us...I've wondered if he thought the same thing.

"You want to go home Brian?" He asked speaking loud against the music. he didn't even ask what was wrong or if I was okay. He knew Id give him an smart ass answer lashing out at him.. He avoided this. He was much better at it now. I gave him a nod and he drove home with me. We drove home in silence though, the only sound came from through the cracks in the car window. He dropped me off at the door and gave me my space...reluctantly of course. When I went into my what seemed emptier than usual loft everything seem to remind me of Justin. I wondered what he was doing, I wondered if he was happy... I wondered if he was on his way here... if he had re-thought his decision. I planned out in my head how much I'll show him I didn't care about his return or that he left in the first place. Reality hit me the second time that night, even more bitter then than the first time. He never came home...It was one of my loneliness nights ever, no one would ever understand this not even myself.

A/N- Next chapter may be from someone else point of view. Maybe Justin's. this is definitely a b/j fic with a strong b/m friendship...just so no one is confused. I'm sorry this is so short, just starting it off like this.