Title: The Face Inside
Summary: A short songfic, from Anakin's POV, showing his increasing feelings of jealousy and paranoia towards those he loves, and thus his continuing descent into darkness.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Not a lot really, some dark themes.
Content: Angst, set relatively soon after Episode II
Disclaimer: Same as always - I own nothing, Lucas owns everything Star Wars, Linkin Park owns the lyrics.
Well, this is a songfic to the lyrics of Linkin Park's 'Papercut', so, yeah, enjoy ^_^.
*~* The Face Inside *~*
~Why does it feel like night today?~
Anakin looked out at the breathtaking landscape of Naboo, the home planet of his wife Padmé Amidala. He had always loved Naboo - it couldn't be more different to the dry, bare expanse of the planet he had grown up on, Tatooine.
~Something in here's not right today~
Unlike Tatooine, Naboo was rich with life and colour, full of luscious vegetation, unblemished green fields and sparkling crystal water. Just being here brought to him a calm and peace of mind that no amount of meditation ever could, much like being around Padmé herself.
~Why am I so uptight today?~
Or at least that had been the case up until very recently. Somehow, over the past couple of days, and today especially, the beauty of Naboo had ceased to soothe him. It wasn't so much that it had escaped his notice - that was nearly impossible, but more the fact that he simply didn't feel calmed and at peace the way he usually did.
~Paranoia's all I got left~
The same, he realised, had begun to apply to Padmé. Since he had married the Senator, nearly a month ago, the spark between them had seemed to be slowly going out. He had expected that the marriage would only serve to strengthen their relationship, but not so. Increasingly he found that they ran out of things to talk about, disagreeing more and more on the subjects they did discuss.
~I don't know what stressed me first~
He couldn't understand what had gone wrong. Until now, until they had been married, he had found Padmé so easy to talk to - they had enjoyed themselves so much, barely every disagreeing over anything. But now, suddenly it seemed that nothing worked, that every discussion they had ended in some kind of argument. He was becoming increasingly aggravated with Padmé, and, as a result, increasingly irritable and short with her.
~Or how the pressure was fed~
On top of this, Anakin was having problems with his Jedi training, becoming more and more frustrated with his master, Obi-Wan Kenobi, every day. Anakin was convinced, and had been convinced for some time, that he was ready to take his trials, but his master continued to tell him that he was too headstrong, too confident in himself and his abilities.
~But I know just what it feels like to have a voice in the back of my head~
As if this wasn't enough, he knew that Padmé agreed with Obi-Wan - when he had complained to her about it last week, she had told him, none too sympathetically, that he shouldn't be so sure of himself, and that arrogance was not the way of a Jedi - exactly what Obi-Wan had told him for so long.
~It's like a face that I hold inside~
All these sources of frustration had begun to take their toll, and Anakin was starting to feel incredibly angry and mistrustful. Padmé and Obi-Wan had, he noticed, been spending much less time in his company, and far more time in each other's lately, and he didn't like it one bit.
~A face that awakes when I close my eyes~
He felt his anger mounting as he remembered what had happened yesterday afternoon. He had been taking a walk in the gardens, trying to soothe the uncontrollable surge of emotion that had begun to fill his heart and mind, when he had caught sight of Obi-Wan and Padmé.
~A face watches every time I lie~
They were underneath a tree, sitting far too close together for Anakin's comfort. Padmé was in fits of laughter as Obi-Wan told her some tale, holding onto him for support as she tried to control her mirth. They both looked so…happy, so carefree, and Anakin felt a surge of jealousy and anger.
~A face that laughs every time I fall~
Why didn't he and his master ever talk like that anymore? Nowadays there seemed to be more tension than affection between himself and Obi-Wan - they never relaxed together or talked as they used to. And why couldn't he be the one making Padmé laugh like that? Though they had had many good times before they were married, Anakin could not remember ever seeing Padmé enjoying herself that much, or laughing that hard with him.
~And watches everything, so I know that when it's time to sink or swim~
Now, as he stood looking out at the beauty of Naboo, he couldn't seem to get past the feelings of paranoia and jealousy that had blockaded his mind, tainting his thoughts like the bitterest of poisons. Gone were the feelings of love and trust and affection for the two people he cared about most, replaced by resentment, mistrust and anger.
~The face inside is hearing me, right underneath my skin~
Try as he might, he couldn't think of anything but the suspicions that he now held concerning the true nature of the relationship between Obi-Wan and Padmé. What he had seen yesterday had opened up whole new worlds of possibilities in his mind, possibilities he would much rather not consider.
~It's like I'm paranoid looking over my back~
A new surge of rage assailed him - why should they be together in that way? What gave them the right to be so close, so intimate, in the way he had been with Padmé so recently? Padmé was his wife, why shouldn't he be a part of her laughter, her happiness? Why should Obi-Wan be able to entertain her, to be so close to her, to bring her pleasure, when Anakin could not?
~It's like a whirlwind inside of my head~
And Obi-Wan was his master - why did he seek out Padme's company over his? Why had the two of them been enjoying themselves so much without him? What gave them the right?
~It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within~
Anakin drove his fist into a nearby concrete pillar, feeling the unchecked fury raging through him, obscuring every emotion but one. One emotion was still very much strong within him. Hatred.
~It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin~
At that moment, he felt nothing but pure, blinding hatred, and within that hatred resided everything that had led to it - anger, jealousy, resentment, paranoia, fear. Suddenly, something Yoda had said years ago came back, came back to haunt him, just as it would every day from now on.
~The sun goes down~
'Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.'
At the time, he had taken little notice, too young and eager to be concerned with such things. But now the words came back to him with an unpleasant jolt.
~I feel the light betray me~
Fear had come upon him bringing paranoia with it. The fear had led to anger and jealousy. The anger had led to resentment, and then, in its turn, the resentment had turned to hatred.
There was no doubt in his mind that suffering was soon to come.
Ehhh, well that came out a shade darker than I intended ^^;. Anyway, please please please review, give me feedback!
Summary: A short songfic, from Anakin's POV, showing his increasing feelings of jealousy and paranoia towards those he loves, and thus his continuing descent into darkness.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Not a lot really, some dark themes.
Content: Angst, set relatively soon after Episode II
Disclaimer: Same as always - I own nothing, Lucas owns everything Star Wars, Linkin Park owns the lyrics.
Well, this is a songfic to the lyrics of Linkin Park's 'Papercut', so, yeah, enjoy ^_^.
*~* The Face Inside *~*
~Why does it feel like night today?~
Anakin looked out at the breathtaking landscape of Naboo, the home planet of his wife Padmé Amidala. He had always loved Naboo - it couldn't be more different to the dry, bare expanse of the planet he had grown up on, Tatooine.
~Something in here's not right today~
Unlike Tatooine, Naboo was rich with life and colour, full of luscious vegetation, unblemished green fields and sparkling crystal water. Just being here brought to him a calm and peace of mind that no amount of meditation ever could, much like being around Padmé herself.
~Why am I so uptight today?~
Or at least that had been the case up until very recently. Somehow, over the past couple of days, and today especially, the beauty of Naboo had ceased to soothe him. It wasn't so much that it had escaped his notice - that was nearly impossible, but more the fact that he simply didn't feel calmed and at peace the way he usually did.
~Paranoia's all I got left~
The same, he realised, had begun to apply to Padmé. Since he had married the Senator, nearly a month ago, the spark between them had seemed to be slowly going out. He had expected that the marriage would only serve to strengthen their relationship, but not so. Increasingly he found that they ran out of things to talk about, disagreeing more and more on the subjects they did discuss.
~I don't know what stressed me first~
He couldn't understand what had gone wrong. Until now, until they had been married, he had found Padmé so easy to talk to - they had enjoyed themselves so much, barely every disagreeing over anything. But now, suddenly it seemed that nothing worked, that every discussion they had ended in some kind of argument. He was becoming increasingly aggravated with Padmé, and, as a result, increasingly irritable and short with her.
~Or how the pressure was fed~
On top of this, Anakin was having problems with his Jedi training, becoming more and more frustrated with his master, Obi-Wan Kenobi, every day. Anakin was convinced, and had been convinced for some time, that he was ready to take his trials, but his master continued to tell him that he was too headstrong, too confident in himself and his abilities.
~But I know just what it feels like to have a voice in the back of my head~
As if this wasn't enough, he knew that Padmé agreed with Obi-Wan - when he had complained to her about it last week, she had told him, none too sympathetically, that he shouldn't be so sure of himself, and that arrogance was not the way of a Jedi - exactly what Obi-Wan had told him for so long.
~It's like a face that I hold inside~
All these sources of frustration had begun to take their toll, and Anakin was starting to feel incredibly angry and mistrustful. Padmé and Obi-Wan had, he noticed, been spending much less time in his company, and far more time in each other's lately, and he didn't like it one bit.
~A face that awakes when I close my eyes~
He felt his anger mounting as he remembered what had happened yesterday afternoon. He had been taking a walk in the gardens, trying to soothe the uncontrollable surge of emotion that had begun to fill his heart and mind, when he had caught sight of Obi-Wan and Padmé.
~A face watches every time I lie~
They were underneath a tree, sitting far too close together for Anakin's comfort. Padmé was in fits of laughter as Obi-Wan told her some tale, holding onto him for support as she tried to control her mirth. They both looked so…happy, so carefree, and Anakin felt a surge of jealousy and anger.
~A face that laughs every time I fall~
Why didn't he and his master ever talk like that anymore? Nowadays there seemed to be more tension than affection between himself and Obi-Wan - they never relaxed together or talked as they used to. And why couldn't he be the one making Padmé laugh like that? Though they had had many good times before they were married, Anakin could not remember ever seeing Padmé enjoying herself that much, or laughing that hard with him.
~And watches everything, so I know that when it's time to sink or swim~
Now, as he stood looking out at the beauty of Naboo, he couldn't seem to get past the feelings of paranoia and jealousy that had blockaded his mind, tainting his thoughts like the bitterest of poisons. Gone were the feelings of love and trust and affection for the two people he cared about most, replaced by resentment, mistrust and anger.
~The face inside is hearing me, right underneath my skin~
Try as he might, he couldn't think of anything but the suspicions that he now held concerning the true nature of the relationship between Obi-Wan and Padmé. What he had seen yesterday had opened up whole new worlds of possibilities in his mind, possibilities he would much rather not consider.
~It's like I'm paranoid looking over my back~
A new surge of rage assailed him - why should they be together in that way? What gave them the right to be so close, so intimate, in the way he had been with Padmé so recently? Padmé was his wife, why shouldn't he be a part of her laughter, her happiness? Why should Obi-Wan be able to entertain her, to be so close to her, to bring her pleasure, when Anakin could not?
~It's like a whirlwind inside of my head~
And Obi-Wan was his master - why did he seek out Padme's company over his? Why had the two of them been enjoying themselves so much without him? What gave them the right?
~It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within~
Anakin drove his fist into a nearby concrete pillar, feeling the unchecked fury raging through him, obscuring every emotion but one. One emotion was still very much strong within him. Hatred.
~It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin~
At that moment, he felt nothing but pure, blinding hatred, and within that hatred resided everything that had led to it - anger, jealousy, resentment, paranoia, fear. Suddenly, something Yoda had said years ago came back, came back to haunt him, just as it would every day from now on.
~The sun goes down~
'Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.'
At the time, he had taken little notice, too young and eager to be concerned with such things. But now the words came back to him with an unpleasant jolt.
~I feel the light betray me~
Fear had come upon him bringing paranoia with it. The fear had led to anger and jealousy. The anger had led to resentment, and then, in its turn, the resentment had turned to hatred.
There was no doubt in his mind that suffering was soon to come.
Ehhh, well that came out a shade darker than I intended ^^;. Anyway, please please please review, give me feedback!