This seemed like a better idea from inside the clubroom.
"You know," Atsushi says without looking away from the slope of the roof stretching out in front of him. "I think maybe I'm fine just hearing you tell me about this later, En-chan."
"What are you talking about?" Atsushi doesn't look over to the stretch of roof beside him; he's sure En is still on his feet, balanced against the slope that is looking steeper and steeper by the minute. Atsushi's close enough to full-blown panic all on his own, at the moment; he doesn't need terror on En's behalf to push him over into hysteria. "It's fine, come on."
"No," Atsushi declares, tightening his hold on the edges of the window as En's hand comes into his periphery to urge him out. "No, I'm going to go back inside."
"Atsushi," En whines, and that's not fair, that's a low blow, he knows Atsushi can't resist that tone. "Come on, it's only bad before you take the first step."
"I don't see how it can get better," Atsushi protests, but it's weak, going shakier with crumbling resistance as En sits down alongside the window and reaches out for Atsushi's wrists.
"Come out," he pleads, and it's the tone more than the gentle tugging at his arms that pulls Atsushi forward another step, loosens his death grip on the edge of the windowsill. "I won't let you fall. Trust me."
And in the end, of course, Atsushi does. His stomach is swooping with adrenaline, panic knotting tight in his body as he moves, but he takes a step, and another, and then he's out the window, across the sill and balanced against that slope. It still looks steep, still looks like the world is sheering away below him, but En's hold is steady and unmoving, and when Atsushi drops to sit heavily back against the rooftop En is there to ease his movement into grace instead of a fall.
"This is a lot higher than it looks from inside," Atsushi says, his voice cracking awkward on the words. He can't get himself to let go of En's arm, is tightening his desperate hold at the other's shoulder like it's the only thing keeping him where he is. "I don't know how you can stand this."
En is laughing, turned in towards Atsushi so the other could kiss him, if he could stand to look away from the threat of the drop off the edge of the roof. "Calm down," he says. He lets go of Atsushi's wrist, gaining himself a panicked grab at his jacket for it, and then his hand is coming over Atsushi's eyes to block out the view. "Stop looking at the edge."
Atsushi whimpers faintly, the world spinning dizzily without his vision to steady his awareness, but En is still stable and unmoving under the grip of his hands, and the fingers pressing against his face are warm and comforting. "Lean back," En's voice says from the darkness, and there's a gentle push, an arm against Atsushi's shoulders to lower him down and back until there's the support of the roof against his back. That does help, far more than the lack of vision, helps enough that Atsushi can take a proper breath and let it out again as the crippling tension of panic fades from his chest.
"Now look," and En is drawing his hand away, letting Atsushi's vision come back. For a moment all Atsushi can see is the sunlight, bright and stunning to his darkened vision; then he blinks, and the sky comes into focus, trailing wisps of clouds across an endless expanse of blue.
"Oh." Atsushi feels like he's been hit, like the air he has only just regained is spinning out away from him again. His vertigo is back, but without any of the panic of before; now he just feels weightless, untethered, like his connections to the world are slipping free and leaving him to float up towards the perfect blue of the sky. "It's beautiful."
"I told you you'd like it," En says. When Atsushi looks over at him he's turned onto his side so he can watch the other boy, his smile soft and unconscious at his lips. His eyes are the same blue as the sky, tiny flecks of infinity focused on Atsushi's face. "Aren't you glad you came out here?"
"I don't know how I'm going to get back inside," Atsushi admits, but he's smiling too, the expression coming easily in spite of the promise of future panic when he eventually gets back up.
"Don't worry about it," En grins. "I can always carry you."
There's more than one thing wrong with that solution, Atsushi knows. But it makes him laugh, as it was intended to, and En is reaching out to pull him in closer by his hip and ducking in for a sun-warmed kiss, and Atsushi closes his eyes to the blue overhead, and loops his arm around En's shoulders, and lets the gentle pressure of En's mouth spill relaxation into his limbs.
He wouldn't mind staying here forever, if he has En with him.