[A/N: Inspired by the song: Like Real People Do by Hozier. I'm not sure if I'm continuing this but I hope you enjoy it. All mistakes are mine.]
She stared blankly out the window as she watched the trees pass by. Her eyes felt heavy from an extremely extensive lack of sleep. She was so nervous. She could feel her mother's worried glances but she continued to ignore them.
She was about to be a college freshman. It was terrifying.
Not to mention somewhat disappointing. She imagined getting dropped off with both of her parents; crying together, laughing together, loving together. Just being together in general. However, the nasty divorce between Abigail and Jake Griffin made it so the two couldn't even stand being in a room together for more than five minutes. Her graduation was a main indicator of this fact.
She clutched the small book between her hands as her mother hummed (off-key) to the current song on the radio.
Wasn't this supposed to be the best day of her life? She wasn't quite sure. All she knew was that almost everything she owned was packed to the brim behind her.
She rested her head against the window and sighed as she watched the sign for Ark University fly by. She could do this.
She looked down and clutched the book in her lap. Her hands were shaking.
Maybe she couldn't.
…
Standing between the walls of the decent sized room caused a fire to spark within her. She set her book-bag onto the desk as she watched her mother place a few things onto her bed. Well, she guessed it was her bed since the other remained empty.
"It's bigger than in the pictures."
She nodded toward her mother as she ran a finger against the white wood of the desk. The room was bright and all she wanted was to be alone. To cover the window and draw all the thoughts in her head onto paper.
There was silence before her mother sighed. "You could at least pretend to be excited. This is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life."
Ah, so it was supposed to be one of the best days of her life.
She nodded her head and forced a smile. Maybe if her mother wasn't so into appearances, she would notice. "Let's get the rest of my bags."
Her mother's smile lit up the entire room.
…
She was halfway into Jane Eyre when the door opened. Her mother had been gone for four hours already. She thought about the leftover pizza in her small fridge from their weak attempt of small talk before she left.
A girl was speaking quickly in Spanish as she waved around with her hands. She laughed into the iPhone pressed against her ear as she dropped three bags onto her bed.
It wasn't until she sneezed did the girl finally look in her direction. She ended the phone call without much of a goodbye before tossing the phone onto her empty bed.
"Raven Reyes."
She sat up and tucked the book under her thigh. "Clarke Griffin."
The brunette nodded at her. "Guess we're roommates."
She found herself nodding back slowly. "Guess so."
…
She never shared a room with someone before. After helping Raven move the rest of her things in, she mostly listened as the eccentric girl talked wildly. Raven was from the city, about two hours away, and couldn't be more excited to get out of it. Her parents owned a Mexican restaurant and were on the Food Network once. She insisted that their chalupa's were one of a kind.
She learned that her roommate was majoring in mechanical engineering with a minor in women's studies.
She had given Raven the same bewildered look she gave everyone when she was asked what she was majoring in. Truth is, she didn't know. Her mother told everyone pre-med and even though she enjoyed helping people, it just didn't fit. It didn't fit right with her. She wished she could voice this to her mother.
So, she was undecided. Taking a bunch of required classes like Calculus, Writing and English Literature and two classes of her own choosing. Figure Drawing and Art History.
She flopped onto her back and stared at the ceiling.
Raven snored.
…
She woke up alone but she noticed a post-it stuck lazily to the top of her desk.
Good luck today and whatever. –R
She smiled at the bright yellow piece of paper before she got ready.
…
In her Calculus class she met a boy named Jasper Jordan. His only request was that she never call him JJ. "My dad was JJ. I never want to be like him."
She also learned that he lived in dorm next to hers.
Jasper was loud but not the kind of loud that annoyed her. He spoke with his hands a lot, like Raven, and smiled so genuinely that it made her own smile come naturally.
Jasper was rooming with his childhood best friend, Monty Green. They had already gotten in trouble with the RA.
"You hungry?" Jasper asked with a wild expression. She wasn't even sure if he could hear her responses over the headphones wrapped around his neck, a light but noticeable beat escaping them.
She thought about the granola bar she had hours ago. She felt herself nod. "I could eat."
He smiled widely at her as he pulled out his phone. "Monty and O will be joining us, if that's cool."
She didn't say anything as she followed him to the student-dining center. She hadn't stepped foot in it yet.
There were so many people, all over the somewhat large space. Chatting to another or on the phone. Everyone was dressed so nicely. She glanced down at her jean shorts and blue tank top.
She followed Jasper around lazily as they weaved in and out of people getting to the food stands. Jasper filled his plate with two pieces of pizza, a side of spaghetti, chicken tenders and French fries.
She had a weak attempt of a chicken wrap and an apple.
She continued to listen to his rambles as they walked toward a circular table that was somewhat empty with the exception of a boy and a girl with beautiful long hair. She sighed as she stood among them.
"Guys, this is Clarke. Not the explorer kind." Jasper turned toward her. "Clarke this is Monty and the girl I've recently fallen for, Octavia."
Jasper quickly sat himself down and she slowly mimicked his motions. Octavia smiled at her and Monty tried to but seemed too consumed with the food laid out before him. His plate was similar to Jasper's.
Octavia scooted her chair over and smiled. "Is your hair naturally that blonde?"
And that's how she became friends with Octavia Blake.
…
On Tuesday and Thursday nights, she has figure drawing from six to nine. She yawned softly into her palm as she opened her iPhone to the group message she was now in with Octavia, Jasper and Monty. Most of it was complete rubbish, like gif's or random thoughts but she smiled nonetheless as she sent a gif of Stanley from The Office.
A dark skinned hippie-looking woman walked into the room. Everyone sat up at their easels as they pulled out their drawing utensils.
She yawned again before she pulled out her own wooden box filled with charcoal and pencils.
Her teacher's name was Indra. Her arms were covered in intricate tattoos and she found herself following the vines of flowers woven around her arms.
She sat tall on her stool as her teacher stood on the platform before her.
"Welcome to Figure Drawing 101." Indra smiled and looked around the room. "Let's get to it, shall we?" Indra hopped off the platform and went to the side of the room to dim the lights.
She glanced at the white empty space of her sketchbook as she watched a male come into the room. This couldn't be that bad.
She glanced at him and studied the side profile of his face. His face was full of edges and as an artist, she found herself swoon at the contour of his cheeks. The dimple in his chin. The structure of his jaw. The crazy bed-head he wore.
She glanced at her sketchbook and smiled to herself. This wasn't going to be bad at all.
She drew his face slightly from memory but when she glanced up again, his gray zip-up jacket was abandoned. Along with the bottom half of his clothing.
Her cheeks flushed.
This was going to be awful.
…
She let out a breath of fresh air as she walked toward her dorm. She was half-tempted to text in all caps in her group message about what she had drawn for the past three hours but she felt immature even thinking it.
She's seen a naked man before. (Well, in textbooks but that was beside the point.) She just hasn't seen a naked man like that before.
She didn't draw anything after the small v of his hips. It caused her cheeks to redden and her pulse to quicken.
He had caught her eye a few times and smirked to himself. She rolled her eyes in annoyance.
"Hey!"
She looked up from her phone. She glanced quickly behind her and saw the man she had spent the past three hours staring at, jogging behind her.
Her eyes grew wide as she clutched the phone in her hand. He couldn't be talking to her, right? She continued to walk forward (this time a bit faster).
"Hey! Wait a second!"
His voice was a lot deeper than she imagined. He sounded like he was grunting as he talked.
She slowly paused and turned around. He had stopped jogging toward her. A piece of white paper clutched in his hands. "You left this."
Ah. She knew it was true because she didn't remember putting the torn out sketch back into her book-bag. She didn't what him to know that, though. "How do you know that's mine?"
His eyes grew wide with amusement. He opened the white piece of paper in his hands and glanced at it with a smirk before looking back at her. She didn't realize how many freckles he had. "Well the PG drawing kind of gave you away, princess."
Her cheeks grew warm as she snatched the drawing out of his hands. "I could have other drawings."
"Sure." His tone wasn't as light and he shoved his hands into the pockets of the zip-jacket he was wearing. Her cheeks warmed when she realized he had nothing on underneath it. "Well, see you around."
They stood staring at one another before he turned around and jogged back in whatever direction he came from.
She hoped she would never see him again.
…
Her wishes weren't answered.
She found herself staring at the back of his stupid curly head in the tightly packed living room. To make matters worse, he had to be Octavia's brother.
Bellamy friggin' Blake.
Octavia had laughed for a whole thirty-minutes at the news. She did not.
She watched him easily flow throughout the room. She had learned that he was a grad student getting his Master's in European History. All she could think about was the fact that she saw him naked less than a week ago. (For the purpose of art, of course.)
She rolled her eyes when he smirked at her. Obviously reading on her face what she was thinking about.
She clutched the red-cup in her hand and twirled the golden liquid around. She could hear Raven yelling at Jasper about some feminist topic. It was kind of great how her group of friends were coming together. Well, for the most part.
She glanced back toward the wall where Bellamy stood but this time, he wasn't alone. His hands were gripping a slender girls hip and his mouth was attached to her ear, another smirk making its way toward his face as the girl ran her hand up and down his chest.
"He's such an idiot."
She glanced to her left and saw Octavia glaring at the pair she was staring at moments before. "What?"
Octavia gestured toward her brother with her cup. "Roma, his off-again-on-again. If you catch my drift."
She stared back to see Bellamy's lips attached to the girl Octavia was currently glaring at.
Her gaze was broken when she heard Raven pour her drink onto Jasper's head. Claiming he was the leader of the patriarchy.
…
She was in the middle of reading about the baroque period when she spotted him from the corner of her eye.
He was standing in an aisle with is own head focused into a book. She squinted her eyes and focused on the title: Augustan Rome.
She tried to drop her gaze back toward the book spread out before her but she could no longer sit still.
She tapped her legs against the carpeted floor of the library and debated her choices. She could read and pretend she didn't see him. Or she could leave and pretend she didn't see him.
She glanced at him once more and saw how completed entranced he seemed. His finger was running up and down the page quickly and he didn't even seem to blink.
She studied him. His curls were a bit more tamed, maybe from a haircut or even a good brush. He was wearing a gray cardigan and a pair of navy dress pants.
She sighed and glanced down at dress she was wearing. It was old and it didn't hug any of her curves. It kind of made her look like a box with how it hung off her but she loved it. The dark green was one of her favorite colors.
She tapped her hands against the desk as she tried to focus on her book once again. She just needed to study a bit more for her Art History class. And she needed to stop focusing on Bellamy Blake.
That dream was short lived.
"Hey, princess."
Her eyes grew wide as she slowly lifted her head. There he was. Standing before her vacant and somewhat pathetic table with a grin on his face.
He didn't hesitate before he sat across from her. Planting his book onto the table. She glanced at the bookmark poking out in the middle. He lifted hers up. "Baroque?"
She nodded lamely before she doggy-eared her own page and closed her book. "Art History."
He nodded and offered a look of approval. She didn't know why she cared if he approved. She didn't even know him.
"Ah, so you read about and draw naked men." Her face flamed up. He smirked. "How is that class going by the way?"
She was grateful that she didn't have to draw Bellamy Blake's body any longer. She might have asked Octavia and Octavia might have answered that Bellamy was filling in for his friend, Murphy.
Strangely enough, she didn't have a problem sketching out Murphy. She still turned bright red as she drew him out but she could at least focus on the art part of it.
She realized she hadn't answered his question. His eyes were scrunched up like Octavia's did when Jasper said something that annoyed her. "It's alright. Pretty boring."
He laughed at her wide smile.
She found herself enjoying the sound.
…
New friend request: Bellamy Blake.
Accepted.
…
It was two in the morning and she was creeping on his Facebook. He added her first so she didn't feel that creepy about it.
At two in the morning she realized that Bellamy Blake had over a thousand friends. His profile picture was of him napping next to a dog. And that he rarely ever used Facebook.
He was tagged in posts (mostly Octavia) and he shared the occasional history blog post. Nerd-alert.
She almost jumped when her messenger pinged in her direction. She glanced behind her at a snoring Raven before she leaned in close to her computer.
Bellamy Blake: Why are you awake at 2 in the morning?
Seen at 2:04 AM.
Clarke Griffin: Why are YOU awake at 2 in the morning?
Seen at 2:04 AM.
Bellamy Blake: Cute.
Bellamy Blake: Want to get waffles?
Seen at 2:06 AM.
…
They were at Waffle House.
She had a cup of coffee before her and he had orange juice and hot chocolate before him. She wasn't sure what exactly she was doing. Well, she knew what she was doing but she didn't know what she was doing with Bellamy Blake.
She was also pretty sure he was a little bit drunk.
"I love waffles."
She narrowed her eyes at him as she stirred two packets of sugar into her coffee. He was all smiley. It annoyed her a lot. And it made her smile a lot.
She watched as he smiled down at the cup of orange juice like it was the best damn thing in the entire world.
She stared at his freckled face. It was kind of alarming how many freckles were scattered across his face. His tan skin glowed and his brown eyes caused a handful of girls to stop and stare at him for a long amount of time. Especially their current waitress.
She got a blueberry waffle.
Bellamy got a chocolate chip and peanut butter waffle.
Bellamy ate all of his and half of hers (without asking, mind you).
…
Raven started dating Finn Collins on a Tuesday in September.
She didn't really mind him but she could go without his hair.
…
She was at the library again. She read the same page five times before she glanced at her iPhone.
Bellamy Blake [Sent Sept 21, 12:42am]: Saw this and thought of you.
She clicked on the picture of Leonardo DiCaprio drawing a very naked Kate Winslet from the famous scene in Titanic. Her face flushed as she glanced around the empty room.
Clarke Griffin [Sent Sept 21, 1:04am]: Cute.
Bellamy Blake [Sent Sept 21, 1:07am]: I am. Why are you awake?
She rolled her eyes. This past week Bellamy and Octavia (which was kind of like a double threat to be honest) were on her about her sleep schedule; mostly the lack of it.
They also lectured her on the fact that she barely ate last week. In her defense, her classes were becoming a bit overwhelming and Raven and her new boyfriend were putting a major struggle in her normal everyday routine.
Like now for example.
Clarke Griffin [Sent Sept 21, 1:07am]: Room is taken. Yellow scrunchie.
Bellamy Blake [Sent Sept 21, 1:09am]: I don't know what that means.
She sighed. She could picture his face perfectly. His narrowed eyes. His tousled bed-head hair.
Bellamy Blake was slowly making her lose her mind. She wouldn't say they were close but he certainly cared enough for her. Enough to drive her slightly insane.
She wasn't used to someone caring about what she ate or if she slept or generally about her at all. She did the caring. She did the overseeing.
Clarke Griffin [Sent Sept 21, 1:13am]: Raven and bf have the room tonight.
She made her screen black as she tried to read her book once more. She couldn't focus. Her eyes were heavy and the lack of sleep was finally starting to catch up to her.
She yawned into her hand and lifted up her iPhone once again.
Bellamy Blake [Sent Sept 21, 1:14am]: I'm on my way. Library?
She rolled her eyes but smiled at the same time as she replied.
…
His apartment was a whole lot bigger than her dorm room. Not by much though.
It was a studio loft but she found herself in love with it. An entire wall was made up of bricks. The wall behind his bed was in that chalkboard paint style. It was covered in quotes that she was certain were historic.
She felt warm. She felt tired.
He gestured toward his bed with a yawn before he plopped himself down onto the makeshift futon pushed against the windows.
She was too tired to argue.
…
When she woke up, she was alone. She stretched and looked above her head. Squinting when some text caught her eye. She sat up and glanced at the newly written chalk sentence above her head.
Couldn't wake up the princess. See you later.
She grinned at the makeshift, and totally crooked crown that was under his words.
She fell back into the bed with a smile.
…
She brought her lip between her teeth as she glanced around the room. She sucked at buying birthday presents. Well, she sucked at buying birthday presents for Bellamy Blake.
She glanced around and saw Octavia grin at whatever book she had pulled off the shelf. She narrowed her eyes. Octavia had the unfair advantage. Well it wasn't unfair but it made her sigh repeatedly at everything she thought would be a perfect gift for Bellamy.
Bellamy Blake had easily become one of the most important people in her life. Even though he pissed her off on the daily. (She was certain it was kind of mutual.)
She crossed her arms as she glanced up and a retro version of the Smithsonian museum hanging on the wall. Light-bulbs flashed before her eyes.
…
He was already slightly drunk by the time she made it to his apartment. For such a small space, it held a lot of people.
"Clarke!"
His eyes were as wide as saucers as he held his arm out to her. She rolled her eyes but fell into him. It was his birthday after all.
He hugged her tightly and pulled away only slightly to smile down at her. "You're here!"
She couldn't help but smile. "I am here." She narrowed her eyes. He narrowed his as well. "How drunk are you?"
He shrugged.
She pulled away and reached for his arm. She quickly pulled him into the hallway (it sadly took longer than necessary).
She reached into her bag and pulled out a white envelope that she had drawn over. His name was constructed of old school calligraphy. He smiled at her and ran his fingers over it for a long amount of time before opening it.
She bit her lip as he pulled two tickets out for the history museum.
There was silence. And she watched his eyes loose their glossed over look.
Now, she was nervous. She gave an awkward cough and crossed her arms. "We – we don't have to go."
"No. I want too." He said quickly as he turned the tickets over in his hands. "Thank you, Clarke."
She smiled at his freckled covered face as he continued to look at the tickets in his hands.
…
If there was anything she learned in life, it was to never, ever, ever go to a museum with Bellamy Blake.
He read every, single, fact there was to have about anything and everything in the museum. He dragged her here, he dragged her there.
Her feet ached when the got back into his car. But his smile was worth it.
…
Bellamy Blake [Sent Oct 5th, 9:32pm]: Pizza?
Clarke Griffin [Sent Oct 5th, 9:33pm]: Pizza.
…
She let out a yawn as she opened her dorm room. Raven offered her a weak smile as she sat at her desk with her computer wide open.
She yawned once more as she dumped her bag onto her own desk before throwing herself into her bed. Her bones were aching and she was pretty sure was ready for her Calculus exam by the mere fact that formulas kept floating around in her brain long after she closed her eyes.
She groaned and turned onto her back. Raven was looking at her. "What?"
Raven shrugged as she turned to face her better in her chair. "How's Bellamy?"
She sat up on her elbows and looked at Raven. "Why did you say it like that?"
Raven shrugged again as she turned back toward her computer. "You guys are always together."
That part was kind of true. When she wasn't in class or giving lectures to Jasper and Monty about chemical safety, she was with Bellamy. Mostly because Finn was over two out of seven days and week. And mostly because his apartment was closer to the library (well, kind of).
Still, the statement irritated her. "We're just friends."
Raven scrolled though her Facebook feed. "If you say so."
…
Octavia and Bellamy were fighting.
She was panting as she continued to run next to Octavia as they weaved around campus. She was not a runner at all. She was sweating to death and Octavia still managed to look like model.
"I just don't get it. He doesn't even know Lincoln." Octavia still managed to roll her eyes, have a tone and run at the same time.
She was also referring to her new boyfriend. Of course, Bellamy did not approve. She got an ear-full of it last night when he was supposed to be helping her study for Art History.
Octavia halted. Clarke thanked whoever was above for the break.
"You should talk to him."
Her eyes grew wide as she stared at the brunette. "What? I won't-."
"He listens to you." Octavia interrupted. "You're like the closest person to him."
She opened her mouth but closed it again. Bellamy had some friends. Mostly women (she didn't think about that).
But she guessed, if she had to guess, that she was kind of the closest thing to Bellamy Blake besides his sister.
"I'll talk to him." Octavia smiled that Blake smile that made her do almost anything. "But no more running."
…
They were currently lying in his bed with his Mac book sitting between them. Casablanca was playing and even though Bellamy rolled his eyes at every unrealistic subject in the film, she saw him smile a few times.
She rolled onto her side. He was still watching the movie but turned when she huffed.
"What?" She huffed again and he rolled his eyes but paused the movie anyway. "Yes, Clarke?"
She paused before she glanced at him. "So I was talking to Octavia."
He didn't move. "Of course you were."
She sat up quickly and sat indian-style next to him. She glanced at his chalkboard wall and saw all of her drawings still in tact. She had spent a ridiculous amount of time (procrastinating really) on a sketch of David by Michelangelo. Bellamy loved it.
She nudged him. "Come on. Cut her some slack."
He looked at her with an annoyed expression. "Lincoln is bad news, Clarke."
She shrugged. "So what if he is? Let her figure it out for herself." He went to say something else but she cut him off. "Bellamy."
He sighed.
She saw him texting Octavia as Humphrey Bogart mumbled his famous line. She smiled to herself.
…
She found herself waving to Octavia and Lincoln as she walked in the opposite direction with Bellamy.
She smiled and jabbed him in the side. "So?"
He rolled his eyes but threw an arm around her shoulders. "He's alright."
She leaned into him as she smiled.
…
She laughed as Jasper and Monty continued to annoy Raven as they both packed for Christmas break. She folded all of her clothes into her suitcase. She knew if she were to turn around she would see her roommate shoving random items into bags.
The thought caused her to flinch.
She was spending Christmas break with her father in California. It surely was going to be different than Virginia.
She checked the time on her phone. Bellamy was going to be taking her to the airport in a few minutes. She closed her suitcase and let out a breath. Her finals were done. She passed a semester of college. She had great friends. She had a best friend.
She had a life she never knew she would have.
"You're getting that mopey look again." Raven said with a roll of her eyes, even though Clarke knew she was being sincere.
She turned to see the drawing she made Raven hanging above her bed. It was an oil painting of a raven with the words from Blackbird by The Beatles throughout it. Raven loved it and even got a bit teary (even though she wasn't supposed to tell anyone).
"Sorry." She said as she leaned against her bed. "I'm just going to miss you guys."
Jasper smiled at her largely. Sporting the new headphones she had got him. "Like you'll have time to miss us Griffin."
Monty nodded quickly. "We'll still talk everyday."
Raven groaned. "Keep me out of your lame group messages." They wouldn't.
…
The snow was lovely and Bellamy hated every second of it.
His car was warm and he was playing the CD she made him last week. The watch she had gotten him for Christmas also adorned his wrist. She smiled at the sight of it.
They didn't talk much on the way to the airport. She wasn't sure why but she didn't mind it.
They pulled up the drop-off of the airport. Bellamy peered out toward the large snow covered building and sighed. She turned toward him and watched as he reached into his jacket pocket. Her eyes narrowed as she watched him fiddle around with a small box.
"I uh- I got you this." He handed it over to her.
She hadn't really expected anything else from him. He had given her a sketchbook and some colored pencils when she had given him his gifts.
She turned the small box over in her hands before she peeled off the lid. Inside was a necklace that held her constellation. She had mentioned to him weeks ago that she was slightly obsessed with stars and horoscopes. She didn't think he would remember.
She ran her finger over it and turned toward him. He was staring down at his lap.
"Bellamy." She looked down at it again. "Thank you."
She looked at him.
He looked at her.
He turned his gaze and coughed as he gestured to his trunk. "I'll get your bags."
She watched him get out of the car as she clutched stars in her hands.
…
Bellamy Blake [Sent Dec 20, 3:20pm]: Lincoln just beat me at trivia crack.
Clarke Griffin [Sent Dec 20, 4:01pm]: WHAT? He needs to teach me his ways.
Bellamy Blake [Sent Dec 20, 4:29pm]: Sorry, I can't hear you over my WIN.
…
Clarke Griffin [Sent Dec 21, 10:01am]: There are girls here drinking our Starbucks drink with shorts and boots on.
Bellamy Blake [Sent Dec 21, 12:39pm]: Take a picture.
Clarke Griffin [Sent Dec 21, 1:17pm]: IMG_10391 Enjoy my crazy sunburnt face instead.
Bellamy Blake [Sent Dec 21, 1:20pm]: Always : )
…
Clarke Griffin [Sent Dec 23, 11:50pm]: Time zones suck.
Clarke Griffin [Sent Dec 23, 11:53pm]: Also, it's pizza Thursday and I'm not eating pizza : (
…
Bellamy Blake [Sent Dec 25, 9:00pm]: Merry "almost" Christmas. Get your ass home. I can't stand these people much longer.
Clarke Griffin [Sent Dec 25, 9:00pm]: Merry Christmas, Bellamy. I miss you too.
…
Her first night back revolved around sitting in a room with all over her friends at Bellamy's apartment. Her skin was burnt but her smile was wide. She played with the necklace around her neck as watched Jasper eat his sixth piece of pizza.
She shook her head but felt nothing but love.
She glanced at Bellamy and felt the feeling grow from his small, lopsided smile.
…
By the end of January she had decided to major in art education. Her mother didn't approve but she realized that it wasn't her mother's choice. (Of course her father approved because it pissed her mom off more than anything else).
She had dropped all of her science class and was enrolled fully in art classes. It was stressful but it sure was a lot better than Organic Chemistry.
She was currently holding a paintbrush between her teeth as she glanced at the painting before her. It was a painting of Octavia sitting by a windowsill. It was pretty rough at the moment but it was slowly coming together. She could make out Octavia's green eyes as they took in the light from the window.
She smiled at it as she brought her paintbrush back toward her pallet and slowly pushed around the colors together. She glanced up and watched Bellamy walk hesitantly into the small space.
She glanced to her left and saw her classmate, Maya Thompson whose eyes grew wide and cheeks reddened as Bellamy walked toward her.
She was getting used to his affect on women. It still made her stomach do a strange thing (that she was continuing to ignore).
"You realize it's almost eleven, right?"
His voice was deep and rough. She hummed in response as she continued to bring the paintbrush to her canvas. She felt Bellamy behind her, staring at her painting of his sister.
It was strange to think that months ago she was drawing him (something she still gets red about and continually teased for), afraid to show him anything and now she loved showing and sharing everything with him.
She continued to paint in the colors of Octavia's hair as she felt Bellamy huff and pull up a stool next to her.
The left around two in the morning.
…
"Are you dating Bellamy Blake?"
She wasn't used to people using his full name. She turned her head and saw Maya staring at her own easel.
She repeated a phrase she used quite often. Especially to her parents. "We're just friends."
"Huh." Maya's eyes narrowed in confusion as she continued to paint.
"Why?"
Maya finally dropped her paintbrush and stared at her. "No friend of mine looks at me like that."
…
She started noticing small things. Like how Bellamy would always make her text him when she got back to her dorm from his apartment. Or how if there wasn't a seat, he would pull her into his lap. Or how he spent almost every free time he had, with her.
It started to drive her slightly insane.
She couldn't talk to Raven because Raven would roll her eyes and say something along the lines of, 'I told you so'.
She couldn't talk to Monty or Jasper because they didn't really care about that kind of stuff.
And she couldn't talk to Octavia because obviously.
She kept most of it to herself because she was just reading into it. Right?
…
It was her birthday. She was nineteen and she was drunk.
And not like tipsy, slightly disoriented. She was completely drunk. Okay, not completely drunk but she definitely wasn't ready to walk in a straight line.
Monty kept feeding her shots of his moonshine. She wasn't sure where it continued to come from but after awhile, the burn kind of went away and she found herself dancing between Raven and Octavia.
Everything was great. The music was great. The drinks were great. Her life was great.
"Who knew Griffin had it in her." Raven.
"Clarke, try this!" Monty.
"Who the fuck let her drink this much?" Ah. Bellamy.
Wait. Bellamy.
She froze and turned sheepishly to face a red faced Bellamy Blake. He was late to her birthday bash. She wasn't actually sure why anymore.
She jumped away from Octavia and Raven and toward Bellamy. She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled into his neck before she pulled away. Her arms remained locked around him, "You made it!"
He glanced at her and then toward someone behind her. "Again, who the fuck let her drink this much?"
He was gripping her tightly. She pulled away but due to his grip, remained close to his side. Her vision was going in and out.
"Chill out, Bellamy. It's her birthday." Octavia. Or was that Raven? She squinted but it didn't help.
There was a bit of a blur and before she knew it, she was in the hallway with a glass of water pressed against her lips. She quickly drank the glass and leaned her head against the wall.
Her vision was still a bit hazy but she could make out Bellamy as he leaned against the wall across from her. She handed him the empty glass and watched as he let out a sigh before stepping in front of her. He wiped a drip of water from her cheek before he mumbled something she didn't quite hear.
She could feel her heartbeat. She could feel her pulse rushing. Or was that his?
She leaned into him. He let out a breath.
The door opened.
They moved apart quickly and she threw up on his shoes.
…
She woke up with a headache in the burrows of Bellamy's bed. The curtains were closing the windows somewhat but the light still hit her eyes.
She groaned and looked up. Bellamy's familiar chicken-scratch handwriting shining down on her.
Happy post-birthday, you party animal.
She smiled and shook her head at the image of almost kissing her best friend.
…
Bellamy Blake [Sent Feb 9, 11:51pm]: Are you awake?
Clarke Griffin [Sent Feb 9, 11:56pm]: Is there a right answer to this question
Bellamy Blake [Sent Feb 9, 11:59pm]: You have a big day tomorrow.
Clarke Griffin [Sent Feb 9, 11:59pm]: Don't remind me.
Bellamy Blake [Sent Feb 9, 12:16am]: Come let me in.
…
She woke up to Raven hitting her foot on her bed.
Her eyes were fuzzy as she watched her roommate clutch her foot. It was enough to make her forget that Bellamy Blake was sprawled out across her. His leg tangled with hers. His hand in her hair, the other across her hip.
Raven smirked as she hopped on one foot.
She didn't feel embarrassed like she thought she would. She turned into Bellamy and fell back asleep.
…
She was applying for art scholarships and it stressed her out. She had to show her work to random people and talk about why she did this and why she did that.
It was a stressful day but when she was in the bathroom, she glanced at the necklace around her neck and felt more courage than she had before.
…
It was eating at her. The image of kissing Bellamy. The way they were wrapped around one another. She didn't know what to do and she was loosing her mind.
She finally caved on a Wednesday and started talking to Raven.
Raven had sat still and listened to every weird ramble that came out of her mouth. She nodded her head at things she already knew and she smiled at things she hadn't.
"What are you afraid of?" Raven asked as she picked at her toenail. "It's obvious how he feels about you."
It was? She leaned against the wall behind her bed and shrugged. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to think. "I don't know."
Raven let out a breath. "Well, how do you feel about him?"
Bellamy? She loved him.
Wait what.
She sat up as the thought flooded her mind. She thought about Bellamy. She thought about his laugh. She thought about his smile. She thought about how he listened to anything she said, even the silly stupid stuff. She thought about how he would come and sit with her when she had an art project and would be up at the art building after midnight.
She thought about how she slept over his apartment at least three times a week now.
She loved him.
All of him.
She suddenly wasn't afraid. She was wired.
She jumped up and grabbed her coat. Before she was out the door she heard Raven mutter, "That's what I thought."
…
She ran up his apartment steps with a grin. She loved him.
She loved his stupid rants about inaccuracy about history films. She loved how he would tell her random facts. She loved how much he loved his sister. She loved him.
She knocked three times on his door and took a step back. No answer. She knocked again and jumped a bit as she did it.
There was silence and then there was some movement. She glanced at the watch around her wrist. It wasn't even after eight.
He pulled open the door and looked surprised to see her there. "Clarke?"
She just needed to say it. This was her best friend. She trusted him with her life. She trusted him with everything she had. "I know this is going to sound crazy." Her voice was shaking. She could do this. She had to do this. She wanted to do this. "But Bellamy, I-."
"Bellamy? Who is it?"
Her eyes grew wide and the feminine voice. It was then that she took in his appearance. His red cheeks. His hair. His hastily thrown on clothes.
She felt sick. What was she even doing?
He had closed the door and stepped out into the hall. He had a strange look on his face. Did it match the look on her face? She closed her eyes.
"Clarke?"
She opened her eyes and shook her head quickly. The hallway felt smaller. The room was getting warmer. She couldn't breathe. She needed to get out. She needed to get out now.
She stood up straight. "Sorry, I- I didn't realize you were-." She felt like she was going to throw up. "Busy."
He looked at the ground but shook his head. "You come first to me, Clarke." He paused and looked up at her. "Is something wrong?"
It hurt. It stung.
She needed to leave.
"No." She muttered. "Nothing is wrong."
There was some silence. He was staring at her but she couldn't look him directly in the eye. He would know something was wrong. He always knew.
"Clarke, what's wrong?"
She mustered up a smile. "I'm fine." He stared at her. The weird look still on his face. "I should go."
"Okay." He rubbed at his face. "Will you let me know when you get back?"
"Yes." No.
She nodded a few times before she muttered a goodbye.
…
Bellamy Blake [Sent Mar 1, 1:03am]: Are you home?
Bellamy Blake [Sent Mar 1, 1:13am]: Clarke?
Clarke Griffin [Sent Mar 1, 1:23am]: Yes.
Bellamy Blake [Sent Mar 1, 1:23am]: Are you okay?
…
She made up excuses not hangout. She had projects to do. She had papers to write.
She hung-out with Raven, Jasper and Monty when she actually did have the free time.
Raven knew. She was a mess when she got back to their room and she was certain that was the moment she realized how much she needed Raven Reyes in her life.
They made it hurt less.
But it still hurt.
…
She was at the library. She was in the middle of reading about impressionists when the chair before her was pulled back. Her eyes grew wide as she watched Bellamy throw his stuff before her. Her pulse raced. Her hands shook slightly.
"What are you doing here?"
He gave her a look. "You're avoiding me. Why?"
She tapped her hands against the desk. "I've been busy."
"Bullshit." His voice was loud in the quiet space. She sat up in her seat. She finally had a chance to look at him. His dark eyes were red. His hair was all over the place. He looked out of place. Or out of his sort, at least. "What's going on?"
She thought about standing in that hallway. She thought about that woman's voice. Her throat closed up. "Nothing."
"Clarke." His voice was pained. "Did I do something? I just – I'm going a bit crazy here."
She thought about books. She thought about that moment when the two main protagonists come together as one. She pictured this happening entirely different but she said it all the same.
She cleared her throat and looked at him. He seemed to relax a bit at that. She didn't.
"I have feelings for you." His eyes grew wide. Her hands were shaking. "I came over to tell you but you were – you were busy. So I left."
There was silence. She heard books being stacked. She heard pages being flipped.
His mouth was slightly open. His eyes were wide like he hadn't just heard what she had said but she knew he did. "Clarke.."
She shook her head. She stood up and started to close her eyes.
He stood up as well. "Clarke, I didn't know."
She shrugged like it was nothing. "Doesn't matter." She wasn't sure how she was standing. "It's not like you feel the same way, do you?"
He was silent. That hurt worse.
"Right." She shook her head. "I have to go." She took once last glance at him. She took in his defeated expression. She wondered how long that look would stay with her.
She looked at him once more before she gathered her things and left.
He didn't follow her.
…
She threw herself into school.
She won three scholarships.
…
"Want to come out with Finn and I?"
She looked up from her bed and saw Raven jumping into a pair of jeans. Raven was being extra protective of her lately. It was endearing and annoying.
She hadn't really left her door for much except class and eating. She didn't feel up to hanging out with her normal group. She didn't feel like drawing for fun. She didn't feel like doing much of anything.
"I'll be alright."
Raven turned toward her. A sad smile on her face. "I'll text you."
"Okay, mom."
She laughed a bit at the face Raven threw her.
…
Octavia treated her the same and if she knew anything, she didn't let it show. She still continued to make her run (much to her displeasure).
They didn't talk about Bellamy.
…
She felt the sun on her face again. It made her draw for an entire day.
…
She was in the middle of a dance party with Octavia, Raven and Jasper when her email pinged. She halted mid jump as she quickly opened up her email on her phone. She scanned the quick text.
Ms. Griffin,
We are proud to inform you that your pieces "Afterlight" "My Sun" and "Untitled" are being shown in our Spring Art Show. Your presence would be greatly welcomed on this occasion as well. Congrats and good-job on your hard work.
Best,
T. Jaha
She jumped up and screamed the email out to the people in her room.
They jumped and tackled her onto her bed.
…
It was a Saturday. She stood awkwardly before her work as people twenty-five years and older walked by.
Her mother had sent her a text, congratulating her. Her father had sent her a cactus.
She felt awkward and out of place. Mostly because she was in some spiffy black dress of Raven's and her hair was currently curled all around her. She started biting at her nails as she glanced at her own work.
The one that stood out to her the most was the one of Bellamy. It was his side profile and he was looking up at something with his eyes closed.
She still had the picture on her phone for reference. She couldn't bring herself to delete him like that.
She sighed and checked her watch. It was a little after eight. She had told everyone to be here by now.
She crossed and uncrossed her arms when she heard someone clear their throat. She turned and there he was.
He was wearing a black suit with a white dress shirt underneath. It was so simple. It was so him.
"What are you doing here?" The words came out of her mouth before her brain could process them.
"I couldn't miss this." He gestured toward her and the paintings behind her. He looked at the one of himself before he looked back at her. "I was afraid."
She tilted her head.
"I was afraid of everything you said because what I feel for you fucking terrifies me." He shook his head and glanced down at his feet. "I didn't think you'd ever feel the same way."
She thought about his apartment. Bellamy? Who is it?
"I handled it wrong." He kicked at the wood floor. "I handle everything kind of wrong but I'm here and I miss you. And I love you." He let out a breath. "I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out."
She stood still for a moment. She thought about his faults. She thought about how imperfect he was. How flawed he was.
She thought about how he would rub her back when she painted for long hours. She thought about how he would hug Octavia twice before either of them left the other.
She thought about how they were so far from where they were but it didn't matter because he was here and she was here.
And that was enough.