He can't tell anyone. Jaune reminded himself as they set up camp under an outcropping of rock. Not about that. He probably shouldn't sleep much, in case he talks in his sleep like Nora does. He's certain that they don't know, that they don't notice.
"Alright." Ruby addressed the group. "Let's get a fire going. We'll camp here for the night."
Nora cheerfully set out building a fire. "We'll be warm soon, won't we Ren?" Though their losses have had an affect on her, she had still tried to be as much her old self as she could be. He could only assume that it was for them, to keep them moving forward.
"Okay. Team R-" Ruby caught herself quickly, "Team JNPR, Who is going to take first watch?" There had been Grimm today, not huge in size or numbers, but enough to have an air of fatigue surrounding them all.
"I'll take first watch." He regarded his teammates, and Ruby. They were still JNPR. Always JNPR, they'd decided, Ren, Nora and himself. Around the same time they'd agreed that they'd accompany Ruby when the snow started to thaw. Only Nora's chatter filled the silence that hung over the four of them.
It's not easy exactly, but they are all carrying on, as huntsmen and huntresses. They need to go to Haven. They need to follow this lead through to this conclusion. Everything in him is telling him so. Even his...dreams. He feels like he's aged years in months, since Pyrrha died. Even worse, he had to hide and accept that he was probably going mad with grief.
"Is something wrong Jaune?" Ruby asked, no doubt noticing the forlorn expression he wore most of the time now.
Nora instantly reacted, "Come on Ruby," she began to drag her off slightly. "We need to get more wood, we have to keep the fire going all night long so we don't freeze to death. Or worse."
"But…" Ruby's protests were slowly drowned out.
Blissfully, Nora didn't elaborate on his distress. They didn't know. No one knew that Pyrrha had kissed him before throwing her life away going after Cinder. And he hadn't felt the need to share that. Not when they were all grieving. Nora might suspect, but despite her proclivities she hasn't addressed the subject much.
He stood watch, pleased that is is quiet, but when Ren woke, and signalled to take his place with a hand on his shoulder, he shuddered.
"Get some sleep." Ren told him simply. Always few words, but he took Ren's spot near the fire. Both Nora and Ruby were fast asleep, at least if Ren heard him crying or talking in his sleep, he could expect him to say nothing of it.
Sleep claimed him more quickly than expected, the flickering of the fire, and the slow breathing of his teammates lulling him.
Of course he dreamed of her again.
"I'm proud of you, Jaune." Pyrrha told him, a sad smile on her face. "Going to Haven with Ruby is the right thing to do."
She sat next to him on the sleeping bag by the fire, everything else the same as in his waking life, her fingers running slowly through his hair.
"That's what you've been telling me for months." He mumbled back, now used to these ethereal encounters. Since Pyrrha had died, he had dreamed of her every night. And it was always the same, she told him things. Told him that Ruby would need his help, told him that he would have to go with her. That team JNPR was needed, that they still had a purpose.
"And I'm still proud of you."
Jaune sighed, rolling to look up at Pyrrha, and the clear night sky behind her. "I wish you hadn't run off. There was no reason for you to die. None at all.. We could have ran."
"I couldn't have. It was my fatal flaw, I have to protect everyone. Especially the people I love."
"We've had this conversation before." He told himself again and again that this was just and dream, and yet Pyrrha still seemed to know things, often before they happened. And a huge part of him dreaded these dreams ever ending, if this was insanity, he'd cling to it gladly to hang onto this piece of her.
"Rest now. You'll need your strength in the morning. You have to keep moving forward."
He was awoken in the morning by a smiling Ruby shaking him by the shoulder. "Wake up Jaune. Ren's got breakfast going."
If he had been talking in his sleep, to Pyrrha, or about Pyrrha, either they hadn't noticed, or had decided to ignore it.
"It's not pancakes." Nora spoke them dramatically, one arm to her forehead. "Ren's made us porridge." He was fairly convinced Nora has tried to stay the same, to comfort the rest of them. Even when she was still reeling from it all months later.
"Nora…" Ren warned, quickly ladling her what looked to be her second bowl.
"I know… I know…." Nora acknowledged, "you brought oatmeal because it's easy to carry, easy to make."
"Why did you let me sleep so long?" Jaune wondered aloud, watching Ruby stretch before quickly packing up their supplies. Ren handed him a full bowl and a spoon.
"Cause…" Ruby tried to gloss over the unpleasant part, "Well, Ren told me that you haven't really been sleeping much since…"
"Since Pyrrha died." Ren finished the sentence quickly.
"Oh I sleep." And it was true. But not the whole truth.
Days passed in much the same way, after about a week they stopped in a village, refilling their supplies as much as they were able to. With the CCTS down, there were no communications and they were asked for news, any kind of news. They said very little, simply that there had been a Grimm attack. They rested for several days, enjoying hot meals and warm beds. Ren even rose to the occasion with pancakes for a happy, but almost solemn, Nora.
"You cannot stay here." Pyrrha's voice reached him again. Jaune was outside for space from his team. Something he had been doing a lot of. He had left Ruby and Nora sparring, he had already been singed from a first round sparr with Nora. He'd managed to escape, with the excuse of purchasing a new map, or getting some space. Surprisingly, they'd let him go.
"Pyrrha? I'm… But I'm not asleep!" He exclaimed aloud, glancing around see if he could spy her now. Always appearing in her armour. But Pyrrha's body, or ghost, was nowhere to be seen. "Now I'm really losing it.".
"I'm here, with you." Her voice was affectionate, in an attempt to soothe him. "I'm sorry. You're not going crazy. And I am not completely… dead."
"This is impossible!" He turned around rapidly, as if he could get a glimpse of her like this.
"No… remember when I unlocked your aura?"
"Yes. I haven't been able to forget a thing about you." Jaune answered in a low voice. Not how much she'd taught him, or how much he'd grown to love her without truly realizing it until it was nearly too late.
"Don't you remember what I said?"
"Umm something about passing immortality, paragon of virtue and glory.. Umm infinite and unbound by death and that you would protect me?" Jaune tried to remember Pyrrha's exact wording. Did it even matter now? "And that I had a lot of aura."
"You do." She told him kindly, "We're connected. Our auras. Permanently. Yours will draw you towards mine, until you find… well, what's left of it."
"This isn't real," Jaune hissed under his breath, terrified that the rest of the team would overhear him and start to think that losing Pyrrha had gone to his head.
"Well… It's real enough." Pyrrha hesitated, her intonation identical to when she was alive, and with him. "Do you trust me?"
The intelligent thing to do, Jaune thought to himself, would have been to have considered this. To indulge the possibility that he'd become insane, that this Pyrrha was a facet of his own personality, his own grief or his own mind trying to comfort him. Or worse, some cruel trick.
Instead, Jaune felt. He believed her, he believed in Pyrrha and he was starting to believe in himself.
"Always." He answered instead. He didn't need to ask how long she'd be with him, he could sense that wherever this journey took them, Pyrrha would be with him until the end.
When he reached their rented room, he found Ren, wrapped in a towel from what looks like a long, hot bath.
"Wait. Don't start cooking. Get your clothes back on. We need to leave today."
"Uh why?" Ren asked.
"Trust me. I got a tip from a very reliable source."
Nora and Ruby reacted in much the same way, curious about where this is coming from, but ultimately they packed their bags and followed. Onward to Haven. That was their mission after all, and they didn't have time to get comfortable.
Walking down the path, he could still hear her voice, feel her presence. He hung back from the group slightly, letting the antics of Nora and Ruby distract Ren.
"What if… what if I don't know why I'm doing this?" He mumbled quietly.
"It'll be alright." Pyrrha's voice called to him again, reassuring him. "This way, lead them there."
"Okay… so we're going to go this way." Jaune announced firmly, to nods from his friends. They trusted him, they would follow him. Even if this killed them all too, a possibility that they have all silently acknowledged.
"Okay." Ruby nodded brightly, "Let's go."
"We're with you." Nora agreed, moving forward, "even if you won't tell us your source. Or why you're mumbling all the time or-"
"We're with you." Ren repeated, cutting Nora off.
"Let's go." Jaune reaffirmed, swearing for a moment that he'd seen a familiar flash of red and gold.