AuthorsNote: This takes place in the forest after Edward tells Bella he doesn't love her. She's desperate for more time with him. We all know Edward was lying, so he doesn't talk much in this because anything he says might ruin the lie. I have written my own stories before, and I'm not really a fanfic kinda person. I had no choice, I had an idea and I doubt i could tell anyone to write for me so I just did it myself. It was fun. I hope no one was OOC. Oh yeah, this book is Stephenie Meyers'.
"One hour." My voice wavered into an almost whisper.
"Excuse me?" Edwards tone was distant, but his golden eyes did not leave mine. I could see my own pain reflecting back at me in his blank stare.
"Just one hour. Please?" Tears began welling up, but I quickly blinked them away so I could keep looking at his beautiful face without my vision getting blurred. He was leaving me. He was never going to bother me again and there was nothing I could do about it. He didn't want me. I knew it was selfish, but I would do all I could to spend as much time with him as possible. 'It cant be over...not yet!' was I all could think to myself.
I barely managed to push back thoughts of life without him as a dry sob escaped from my throat. I hugged my chest tightly so he wouldn't hear the sound of my heart lurching as I spoke.
"I know I can give no reasons for you to want to stay, there is nothing I can do to force you to be with me..." It was true. What did I have to offer a god like him. He was beautiful and rich. He had so much talent, he did everything right and better than anyone else. He could have any girl he wanted. And I...I was just Bella. I began to realize how one-sided our relationship really was.
"Just give me one more hour with you before you go."
"Bella, I don't think that―" I interrupted him before he could protest.
"Please. Just please!" I was begging now. "I promise I won't make this any harder than it has to be. I just want to be ha- I want to be whole another hour." I was visibly shaking. He seemed to notice it briefly, but quickly overlooked it.
"Okay, Bella. If you can keep your word that you won't try to complicate this situation." His voice betrayed no emotion, his face was as stoic as I had ever seen it. "I can take you to the house. Alice left already to begin setting up at our new home, but you can say goodbye to the others."
Alice wasn't there. She was the only one who would fight for me. I didn't see any reason in hurting myself more by seeing the rest of the Cullens who were leaving me as well. I didn't have much time, but I would use what little of it I had left to be alone with Edward. "Take me to the meadow."
Edward's face softened for a brief instant and I caught a flicker of emotion in his eyes, but he said nothing. We began walking back to my truck in silence. His walk was graceful and his pacing kept him a safe distance in front of me.
The car ride was even more awkward. My truck was groaning as Edward tried to push the limits of its capabilities. I stared at my hands on my lap the whole ride while he kept a constant gaze on the road ahead of him. Something I knew he didn't have to do.
We arrived at the trail while it was still twilight. My door opened immediately after we stopped and Edward was standing close by, waiting for me to step out.
"Are you ready?," he smiled at me with sealed lips and apparent effort.
I nodded and then saw his hands hesitate as he first tried to reach out to me. Suddenly I was cradled against his chest with his arms wrapped around my neck and beneath my knees. His touch felt oddly icy. I was used to his cold embrace, I even welcomed it, but now it felt as if I were being held by a stranger.
Like the car ride, he kept his attentions on the path ahead while he ran through the trail. I didn't close my eyes, knowing it would very well be the last time I would be in his arms. I stared into his topaz eyes. They were usually so deep, but now they were almost transparent. I wanted to lose myself in them, to forget everything that had happened in the forest, but he wouldn't let me. Then I smelled his scent. His wonderful scent. I knew it would only hurt me in the end, but it was not a conscious thought. I tightened my arms around his neck desperately and buried my face in his chest inhaling deeply. I felt his body tense and his reluctance sent sharp daggers through my already deflated heart. I never loosened my grip on him though. If anything, I held on tighter as if trying to get comfort from the very person who wouldn't give it.
We reached the meadow and he gently put me down on the grass. He sat next to me with his legs stretched out in front of him and his palms on the ground behind him holding him up. He was staring at the stars that were emerging in the sky as the night fell. I was sitting cross legged and slowly, I leaned my head back into his chest. He didn't flinch this time. My soul was soothed. This was our place. It seemed like the only place right now that I would feel safe and content to just be with him I smiled happily against his body and closed my eyes in peace. Bad idea. A rush of emotions I had been keeping at bay all pushed their way to the surface. Tears began streaming down my cheek and I felt him watching me as I fell to pieces.
"Edward." I barely managed to whisper his name. "How am I going to live without you?" I was hoping he would have an answer for me. I wanted to scream at him. I tried to show him through my eyes as I turned to meet his. I wanted to show him how angry I was at him. I wanted to show him how much he was hurting me. I wanted to show him that I needed him. My silent anguish must have gotten to him because he turned his head away refusing to look at me.
"Bella, you promised." He finally began showing emotion as his eyebrows contorted his expression in sorrow. "This is hard enough as it is. Maybe this was a bad idea-" His emotionless resolve was weakening at this point. I saw him about to get up to leave.
"No! I'm sorry. Don't go. Please!" He listened to me and settled back into his place, but I don't think that he took what I said the same way that I really meant it.
I fought back the tears once again and hugged my legs with my chin on my knees. I didn't want to try to get to close to him until my hurt started to numb again. I didn't have a choice in the the matter. Before I knew it, Edward was on his knees behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and it felt genuine. The stranger who carried was no longer there.
"Bella, I'm so sorry." He was breathing in the hair on top of my head. I clutched my hands firmly on top of his knowing I could never hold him there if he wanted to pull away.
I knew he meant it. I just wasn't sure what I could do at the moment. If I started asking the questions that were clawing at my gut, he would leave. There was nothing I could at this point. Finally, I let the tears take me full force. I would rather get it all out here because I didn't want to have to face this sadness alone. I could feel my self shatter into pieces. Only Edward was still holding me together. He didn't let go as my grief lashed out unrelentingly. How was I going to keep myself from falling apart once he let go? My entire body shook as the sobs forced themselves out of me.
"Oh Bella..." I turned and saw pain reflecting off his eyes again, except this time it wasn't just my own. "I only want you to be happy. I need you to let me go."
"You may not love me anymore Edward, but I'll always be in love with you." I brought my face up to his and rested my hand on his cheek. I had been dwelling on those words he spoke to me in the forest. My entire being was resting its hopes on his response.
"It's not safe, me staying with you." I winced at his reply, which did not deny that he didn't love me. "It's better this way Bella. It's over." He put his hands on my shoulders and placed a soft kiss on my forehead.
I wanted to argue but I had nothing to offer him. He wanted to keep me safe. I was more trouble than I was worth. All Edward did was save me. I didn't want to be a burden. Especially not to him. I just wrapped my arms around his torso fearing what would happen once he was no longer around to hold me together. Time froze as I lay in his arms.
"This hour went by fast," Edward said softly looking down at me.
It felt like a hole was being burrowed in my stomach. I didn't want him to leave. Not yet. I didn't want to cry in front of him anymore either. I couldn't bear it if Edward also started to pity me. I stifled the emotion and it came out as a weak whimper.
"I could stay for a little while longer," offered Edward as he hugged me closer to him.
I was no longer hysterical, but the tears never ceased pouring from my eyes. I wasn't sure how long I cried into him. His shirt was drenched by now, but I didn't have the strength to move away. It must have been more than a couple of hours because dawn began to break. Edward was still holding me and all the crying had left my eyes sore. It had taken a lot out of me and sleep was beckoning. Edward was aware of my fatigue as always.
"Sleep Bella," he whispered softly in my ear and I felt my heart flutter as his cool breath brushed against my skin. Each quick beat was like a wrecking ball smashing into my chest.
"No, I'm not tired," I lied. No matter what, I would not fall asleep. This was all the time I had with him. I knew if I fell asleep I would wake up with him gone...forever.
Edward began humming my lullaby softly in my ear. He was trying to push me into sleep. I tried futilely with all my will power to keep conscious. How I wish there was a coke nearby.
The sound of the song he made just for me added more to the hurt. I cried more and more in his arms. It did nothing to help keep my eyes open. I felt myself plunging into sleep's cold embrace. It wasn't the same.
Before I was fully overtaken, I managed to mouth out the words I needed to say as the realization came to me. "I know now. Why you're really leaving me." I couldn't even hear myself, but I knew he heard me clearly.
"Why is that Bella?" Edward was brushing strands of hair off of my face and I yawned.
I hesitated. "I never deserved to have someone like you."
I was already halfway sleeping when I think I heard him say something that sounded like "No my Bella. My sweet, sweet Bella. You really don't."
I didn't really have the nightmares I expected that night. All I remember was that I was crying. I felt myself crying and feeling pain of the worst kind. I woke up in my bed. My eyes were puffy and I realized that I must have been crying all night because I still felt beads of water falling down from my eyes and onto my soaked pillow. Edward was gone. I was alone in my room and I knew last night was the last time I would ever be whole again. I knew what happened wasn't just a dream because my heart didn't feel shattered, and my soul didn't feel tortured. I had willingly given them both to Edward a long time ago. When he left, he took them with him. Now all that was left behind was an empty shell.
That was it, I'm not sure if I want to continue this, because like I said, I'm not really a fanfic writer. I have the second part up already though,and depending how this one goes, I'll upload it. Hopefully, my stories will get better and better in the future as I get more experience writing these...