Well, um… what can I say besides this is chapter two? Oh yeah! I have nothing against bill gates, although he's really screwed right now and his X-Box sux.
In some alley behind the casino
Snake: I could really use a smoke…He light the cig, unfortunately the smoke is SO big, it made the other gamblers faint, some die
Snake: (codec beeps) Huh?
(answers it)
??: Snake, it's been a long time!
Snake: BIG BOSS!
??: No, it's not "BIG" boss
Snake: um… bigGERboss?
Me: Yes, it's me. Liquid's gone out of control snake! I revived him from the dead!
Snake: You WHAT!?
Me: um……… nothing.
I turn off the codec, the codec rings again for me
Me: what the hell? BILL GATES!
Bill: (speaks zombish) you killed Microsoft. YOU KILLED MICROSOFT!
Me: No, I didn't shut down Microsoft, I just put a very deadly bug in it!
Bill: (returns normal) oh, ok. (sings "I love you")
Me: Knock it off, bill!
Bill: No!
Me: …do you know who I am?
Bill: yes, you're- (yelps) sorry sir!
In snakes mansion
Liquid (dressed as a postal employee): I have a delivery for- WHAT THE HELL?!!!!
Otacon is STILL stabbing Raiden
Liquid: um… do you know where Snake is?
Otacon: HE'S DEAD THANKS TO THIS BITCH!
Liquid: he is? (DAMN! I spent 300 billion dollars for nothing??!!) oh… that's…unfortunate.
Otacon: hold on, I got a call.
Raiden tries to escape
Otacon: (sticks USP) Where the hell do ya think you're going, ass wiping bitch!?
Turns on the codec and liquid turns on some codec-hearing machine
Snake: Otacon, it's me!
Otacon: SNAKE! Where the hell have you been?
Snake: Airfare problems.
Otacon: Why do you need to fly there, the porno shop is only like ten blocks away from here, and you can see it from your bedroom for cryin' out loud!
Snake: um…… my long-lost car was there
Otacon: why didn't you contact me?
Snake: look, if I have airfare problems, I have airfare problems, so back off! Anyway, "he" just called me, he said that liquid is alive; he could be at my house right now!
Liquid: (huge sweatdrop)
Otacon: Really? Wow, I'll be on the lookout. Thanks.
Turns off codec
Otacon: You can go know, Raiden.
Raiden: (struggling to breathe) th…a…n (he faints)
Otacon: uh-oh (drags Raiden into Snakes "XXX Private room while whistling guiltily)
Liquid: I'll be leaving now. Save this for snake when he gets back here.
Otacon: how'd you know????
Liquid: (runs away)
Magnum: we heard. We gotta get outta here
Bullet: Don't leave yet! I've been meaning to do this all my life!
Bullet does the classic "flaming bag 'o shit" trick
Ocelot: DUMBASS! (Punches bullet)
Bullet: MOMMY! (Cries, and like a BABY)
Liquid: according to pinpoints, snake is headed here. YOU!
Porno girl: me?
Liquid: yeah, you! I want you to make a codec call to snake
Porno girl: what should I say?
Liquid: say this (blah blah blah blah blah blah)
Otacon: AHHHHHHH! FIRE! (He panics and steps on it) (Sniffs) what smells like a good, hot grill? My foot!
She calls snake
Porno girl: Snake, you've just won the 300,000 sluts with sex contest!
Snake: HOLY SHIT! (I don't remember signing up at a contest, but the sex sounds good)
Porno girl: I'll be waiting at your house, snake.
Snake: Great! I'll be right there!
Turns off codec, the plane passes snakes house and sees Liquid's gang
Snake: What the hell!?!? Ah, I'm just seeing things…
In snakes private room
Raiden: where am I?
Raiden sees the porno stuff he has, everything from thongs to a virtual sex machine
Raiden: ooooooh, pretty women!
Sees "dorm girls" and watches it
When the porno girls are in
Otacon: Really? Um, he likes surprises with (think of a beer that sucks!) Amstel light, yeah! (hehehe)
When Snake gets home
Snake: what a long week! Man I haven't seen a naked woman in a week!
Snake goes in his private room. He sees Raiden kissing on the T.V.
Raiden: oooo, Oooh, oooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh!
Snake points a USP
Snake: If you wanna live, leave now!
Raiden: (girlish scream)
Runs away
At snakes bedroom
Porno Girls: Hey, snake! (licks their lips)
Snake: It's true! Hey! What's with all the Amstel!?!?!?!
Bullet: (I'll drink it!)
(Well, the plan kinda backfired 'cause Ocelot was too interested in Snake having sex, Bullet was drinking a helluva lot of Amstel light, Magnum was shoving Ocelot so he could see, and Liquid went back to his hotel room)
Liquids hotel room
Liquid: Damn! Our plans failed, and because of YOU, Magnum!
Bullet (drunk from all that Amstel): hu? Itsh nots miuy fuijhkut, yusht bythh! (Huh? It's not my fault, you bitch!)
Liquid: Bullet, Ocelot! You were supposed to be-
Ocelot: Hang on, let me see this! (Ocelot is watching the recorded video of Snake having sex with other women. Magnum is trying to get a peek)
Ocelot: (sticks Tryst-91023AFSK {Magnum weapon}) you'll get your turn in a hundred years! Be patient!
Liquid: IDIOTS! I want you to (blah blah blah blah blah!)
At Snakes yard
Magnum (dressed as a stupid fairy): Come to this room at this time with no handguns! Sign this!
The contract says- anything I say you will obey once you sign this! (A/N: I just can't bore you with a long contract) Snake signs it
Magnum: Good! (walks away)
Snake: (I won't bring any… HANDGUNS!)
Back at the hotel
Liquid: any difficulties?
Magnum: Nope, I told him to come here and not to bring any handguns. And-
Liquid: You said don't bring any "handguns"?
Magnum: Yes
Liquid: YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now what are we gonna do!?!?!
2 hours later At my base
codec beeps
Me: who the hell?
Ass-ho: Going somewhere?
Me: um… domino's pizza?
Ass-ho: ………………………………………………… (fakes death)
Me: Yo! Wake up! …whatever
1 hour later
Snake: here goes nothing…. (opens the door)
BANG! to be continued………..
Now, I know some of you thing I'm too "simplistic" but I really couldn't think of anything for this chapter. But I have an excellent story for chapter 3, until next time…
bigGERboss