Disclaimer: I own George… oh wait, no I don't.

I can't believe I did that to him. And to George of all people. George doesn't deserve the pain I put him through. He doesn't deserve any of it. And he was right too. Karma, it's a bitch. Only, why not I, the dirty ex-mistress, why am I not the one who was hurt? I mean yeah, sure, I'm completely heartbroken with McDreamy. And yes, every time I see him I have a complete aching, longing feeling running through my body. But still, it was George, George who has never done anything but simply been there for me, had to be hurt like that. I'm a jerk. I really did do a terrible, terrible thing.

But as I am walking with McDreamy on this warm, sunny Seattle morning, I really can not think about that. For when I'm with him, all else floats away, and I'm in McDreamy land. It's just me, Doc, and Derek. It is the way I had always wanted it to be, the way I had always imagined it to be. Maybe there was a little bassinet somewhere. And maybe Derek was holding our three year old son on his shoulders. Alright, maybe I actually imagined a future with him.

And maybe I'm a fool for it.

He wants to be friends. Friends! I can't just be friends with Derek. But, if that is all I can be, then I guess I'll take it. For being friends with Derek is certainly better than being nothing at all.

And even if that bitch Addison, who, for some reason, I simply can not hate, still has my McDreamy, he will always be mine in my heart.

Okay great, now I sound like Izzie, "a piece of my heart belongs to him". Yeah, I know, I'm a cheese ball and I'm turning into Izzie Stevens. Whatever.

I watch Derek through the ball to Doc, the puppy who I gave him, the dog who I bought to replace the man I loved, I simply can not let go. I can't stop loving McDreamy.

Maybe it's a sickness. Maybe I just need a cure. And obviously George was not it, because I hurt George. I hurt George just like McDreamy hurt me.

And then it hits me. Maybe this is what it was like for him. Maybe this was how it felt for McDreamy to choose Addison while he knew he would cause me pain.

But then again, maybe not. Or, at least I hope not.

I didn't choose George because I never loved him.

But I hope with all my heart that Derek loved me.

And as I look at him rubbing Doc behind the ears, a smile evident on his face to show that he is having the time of my life, I realize something.

Maybe George never stopped loving me, because he never wanted to stop.

And maybe I keep loving McDreamy for the same reason.

This episode was so sad; it made me want to cry. I wrote this in like 5 minutes, no joke. But I was so upset by the episode, so I wrote. I hope you liked it, cuz I have no idea if it even made any sense at all while I wrote.