Into the Voyd

They were right in front of her, clear as day. Alix could feel the explosions vibrate through her as the Alliance ships dropped bomb after bomb around her. But it wasn't fear that was making its way through her, it was panic. She'd been here a thousand times before, in this very scene. And she knew what was coming next. Her mother went down first, taking a shot to the gut that would lay out the best of them. She screamed, her voice lost in the chaos of war. Her limbs were heavy as she tried to close the 50 foot gap between her parents and herself. She could see her father yell, shooting blindly with rage. And just as Alix was closing in on them, she heard it, that shot that echoed through her mind. Her father's eyes fixed on hers as he fell, a bullet through his heart.

Alix awoke suddenly, her breathing heavy. She hauled herself up right and tried to calm herself, glancing at the clock next to her bunk. It glared at her in the darkness. 6:54 am. She sighed, rubbing a hand over her face. She'd been having trouble sleeping again; it was always the same dream, the same memory that kept sweet sleep at bay. The exact moment she lost the last of her family played over and over again in her head for the last 7 years.

The war had been anything but kind to Hera, hell it had been anything but kind to any place it touched and she was well aware she hadn't been the only one left without a family because of it. She did her best to shake the thoughts from her brain as she made her way to the mess hall, not even bothering to change from her pajamas. She found Mal and Wash talking over what you could call breakfast. Food had been pretty scarce the last few weeks as Mal had yet to find a good job for them. They both looked at her as she entered.

"Hǎo shén Alix, you look awful!" Their pilot said as she fumbled for coffee, taking it black, as usual.

"Thanks Wash, you always did know how to make a lady feel special." She countered, not wanting to talk about the reason for her appearance.

"You look a touch under the weather. Need me to call the doctor?" Mal said, his tone falling to one of worry. Typical Mal, always looking after his crew. She shook her head as she took a seat at the table.

"No need, Mal. Nothin' a little coffee can't fix." She said, her words tainted with exhaustion. She tried to hide her shaking hands, but she knew it was useless.

"You haven't been sleeping again, huh?" Wash said, gently and Alix was careful to avoid his gaze. Her insomnia had gotten pretty bad a few weeks back and she had been a mess of anxiety and lunacy, until the doctor had prescribed her some fancy sleeping pills. She'd stopped taking them a few days ago, deciding that she needed to deal with things by herself.

"Not so much, it seems." She said simply, wishing they would just drop it already.

"Been takin' those pills? Seemed to help." Mal asked and she shook her head once again.

"Made me all cloudy, I couldn't shoot straight." She admitted, knowing that her job depended on her ability to shoot. She was the ship's sniper after all. Wash gave her a squeeze on the shoulder as he left for the control room. She sipped her coffee, relishing the moment of silence that was rare on this ship. She could feel the captain's eyes on her.

"Mind tellin' me what's got my best sniper up all night?" He asked, his concern hidden behind his renowned sarcasm. She met his gaze, doing her best to muster up whatever courage she could.

"Just a dream, Captain. I'll be okay." She said, lying through her teeth. But she had to be right to get paid. That's just the way the verse worked. Mal gave her a small smile.

"Alright, but you feel like you're not, you let me know. If ya need to sit out the next job, I ain't opposed." He offered.

"We got a job?" Jayne said from the doorway, causing Alix to jump slightly.

"I'm hopin' so. Waitin' to hear back from Badger as we speak." Mal said confidently as Alix groaned. A job from Badger almost always meant trouble.

"Job's a job, I reckon we're not in the business of bein' picky." Mal said as Jayne's gaze fell to Alix.

"What in the gorram verse is wrong with you? I ain't catchin' no sickness!" He said. Subtle, like most words, was not in Jayne Cobb's vocabulary.

"I ain't sick. Just can't sleep again is all." She snapped, wishing she had stayed in her bunk. Jayne's eyes took a softer tone. She hated feel so exposed, so helpless. It wasn't in her nature to be coddled, never had been.

She looked out the windows, taking in the darkness of space. She wondered where her brother was in this big vast verse they lived in. It had been 12 years since he'd left and she'd hoped she'd run into him again. She thought of Abel often enough, mostly in the quiet of the night. The arguing between her parents and him had been vast and explosive and then one morning, he was gone. A year later, the war hit Hera and the rest was history. Her heart ached at the thought that he didn't even know their parents were gone, laid to rest in Serenity Valley with the other poor souls claimed by the war. Jayne placed a plate in front of her and she flashed a smile.

"Appreciate it, Jayne." She said, knowing this kindness was hard to come by with Jayne. The man had always confused her, truth be told. It was little acts like this that let her know there was a heart in that sculpted chest of his.

"No trouble. Need your strength if you're gonna cover my ass today." He said playfully and Alix gave a chuckle.