The Once Was Little Natsume

Disclaimer: I will never own Gakuen Alice, unless I were to wake up tomorrow as Tachibana Higuchi and think, 'Wow, what a strange dream, I was making one shots for my own manga!' This is of course impossible.

I sometimes wondered what happened to that little Natsume, that used to play with Aoi in the backyard when he got home from pre-school, and then run into the house for dad's famous double chocolate chip cookies.

The little Natsume that used blow bubbles in the evening with dad and Aoi, and watch in fascination as they popped and Aoi would squeal and yell for more bubbles.

The little Natsume that used to be tucked into bed at night by dad, and ask for his favourite bed time story, and then asked, "Just one more story, please dad? Pretty please, with sugar on top?"

The little Natsume that watched in wonder when he saw that he and Aoi could make fire, and shout in delight when it danced in their palms, and their dad watch half proud, half frightened at the prospect of his little children going to Gakuen Alice.

Then watch the little Natsume of his mind, running away from Gakuen Alice, moving from town to town, asking dad frequently, "Dad, why are we leaving? I have a test tomorrow on spelling, and I finally made a friend. Dad?"

Then that little Natsume listen in horror as his dad described what they did to people, making people go on dangerous missions, and swearing that he would never go there.

Then watch that same little Natsume, watch petrified, rooted to the spot, as he watched the town in a sea of flames, ebony smoke rising to the sky, clouding it in darkness, that beloved town, with all of his townsfolk running away, screaming in terror.

And that same Natsume saying that he'll take responsibility for the fire, and that he'll go to protect Aoi from going to that accursed academy, that started it all, by placing that small stone in the small palm of his beloved sister.

And watch that small Natsume disappear from sight, never to appear to the surface again. Dead to the world, replaced with the Natsume of today, cold to the world, and indifferent to everything that went on, to protect that small person from his past that he couldn't protect before, his little sister.

I wonder how that all happened, and made it seem like yesterday, but seemed so far away. How much he has changed from that naïve little boy that loved playing with racing cars and laughing with his sister and dad, to the cold-blooded person, that ran red with fire.

How does it seem like I've lived for eternity, and yet to have only lived for 11 years? I feel so old inside, but people call me just a child, child arsonist that could take everything away from people with the flick of a finger, and that hated crimson flame will appear.

And I could do was wonder, would I be able to recognize myself in another 5 years? Back then, I would never, in a thousand years, think that I would become like this unfeeling sack of skin. I wonder, if in 5 years, would I think back to today and think that this was so long ago? That if I knew I would turn out like that, if I even knew I would be like that. I wonder what the Natsume in the future would say.

I can't see myself, because every time I go on a mission, that Natsume could disappear, would be erased from the face of the planet, dead put simply. And I would wonder, is this how I wanted life to be? Painful, struggling to live through yet another day full of remorse and guilt.

I wonder if anyone would miss me, mourn for me, and even remember me. Would the world know, Natsume Hyuuga no longer existed, would anyone care? Even if I can't be happy, I want other people to be happy.

I just wanted my loved ones safe. Is that too much to ask?

I read kind of a sad one shot, of Sasuke missing his past, and it inspired me to make this. It was by Cyberwolf, called Heart's Desire. Without it, this would not have existed. Also, that this past is fake, and the only part that was true, was the part when he took responsibility for the fire that Aoi made, from the Alice stone from Persona. Thank you for reading, and please review.