Author's notes: Another crack fic about Kid and his crew. They are so awesome and I love them. They are OOC because this is just a parody and I like to play with their personalities. Have fun reading

Eustass Captain Kidd walked proudly through the small port town. The people moved out of his way and avoided to look him in the eyes. He enjoyed every second of it. Those mongrels should know their place.

They docked few hours ago because they were running low on foot and other utensils. It didn't take much time to the crew to spread through the town. The island was known for its sunny and warm weather. So most of the pirates looked for a place under the shade to sit and drink.

Kidd would soon join them but first he had to do something. His hair shone brightly in the sun and made a contrast to his pale skin tone. The big fur wasn't needed so he left him on the ship. He stopped in front of a building and entered it.

"Welcome to the cosmetic market number one in whole Pesia." – The shop girl greeted him. Her eyes grew wide as she realised who he was.

"Show me where you hold your make up."

His stern tone scared her but she obliged. Customer always comes first. – "Follow me, sir."

The big man carefully examined the shades of wanted lipstick. He made a mistake once ordering from catalogues and he won't do it again.

"Do you have a darker shade of this one?"

"Yes. We have Pirate / blue red and Passion / blue intense red."

Kidd eyed her as she handed him the lipsticks. - "The first one is popular among the girls these days. I am sure your girlfriend would love it."

"I don't have a girlfriend. This is for me."

"Oh." – If she could only disappear. That was the most embarrassing moment of her young life which would probably end now because she angered him.

The young captain sighed. – "I'll take this one." – He would have killed everyone in this shop but it was too hot outside and this place had air-conditioning. He'll let it go this time and the poor girl was shaking with fear since he came in.

"Ok." – She stammered.

As he made his way to the cash desk, an advertisement caught his eyes: Get shiny, healthy looking hair with our new conditioner. Special prize for a certain time. Under it were bottles in different colours. He moved his hand through his hair. He definitely needed one. The sun and sea were destroying it. Soon it would look like Killer's; damaged and dry.

The red haired male took few bottles, paid and went back to the ship. Those lazy bastards didn't do anything obviously. And he told them nicely that they will sail the same day. In the same moment when he was about to shout, Killer appeared.

"Captain, the ship is repaired and the food is on the ship. We only need to wait for the log pose to set a new direction." – The longhaired first mate explained while holding a book and a pen. – "And some of the men didn't come back. They probably fell asleep on this sun. The fucking weather is killing me."

"Killer?"

"Hm?" – He looked quizzically at his captain.

"What are you scribbling every few seconds?"

"A list of people who will pay for docking on this island. I told them I don't like hot weather." – His tone was dark and full of vengeance. – "I will enjoy every second of it."

Kidd stared at the masked solider. – "Okay. I'll be on the ship if you need me."

Little did he know that he also was on the list. In fact the whole crew was. And Killer knew the perfect way to make them pay. A sinister smile graced his lips but thanks to his mask nobody had seen it. Wire could have sworn that he saw a dark aura encircling Killer yet said nothing. God help them all.

In the mean time, Kidd was pacing around chamber. He carefully placed the lipstick in a box and went out to find Heat. He wanted to know had they repaired the heater in the bathroom. The young captain wanted to try the new products he bought.

What he saw surprised him. The door to the bathroom wasn't there and the walls were all covered in oil and water. Somewhere deep inside Heat was cursing his luck.

"Hey, Heat, how is it going? Where is the door?"

"It is on the deck. We repaired the heater and now one of the pipes broke. This place is a mess; there is oil and water everywhere. If we are lucky, we'll manage to repair it in few hours."

Today wasn't Kidd's day. He'll kill some hours with a nap on the deck. Suddenly a voice woke him up. "It's ready, young master."

Kidd collected his things and went for a bath. The conditioner had a fruity smell and felt great on his hair. His hair never felt so good. It looked strong yet was soft to the touch. Maybe the day wasn't that bad. Now how will he get Killer to use the conditioner?

He was in deep thoughts when Wire met him in the small corridor. The tall man was too shocked to speak. – "Young master, what have you done with your hair?"

"Oh, you have noticed? It's the new conditioner." – So they have noticed how his hair shines more beautifully.

Everyone who passed him had his mouth wide opened. Kidd was proud.

"Hey, captain, we got... Woah! What happened?" – Killer was also shocked.

The young captain smirked at his first mate. – "This new conditioner is really good."

"Uhm, Kidd? How should I say this?" – The masked man was shifting nervously. – "You don't have hair." – And with that he escaped somewhere far away.

Kidd was stunned for a moment. His brain needed to process the information a little bit longer than usual. He slowly raised his arm to where his hair should be only to find nothing.

Desperately he looked for a mirror and when he finally found it, what he saw wasn't a pretty sight.

His once red hair wasn't there. The bald scalp shone under the artificial light. Now he had no eyebrows and no hair. What will he do now? How will he survive? That hair made him stand out of a crowd but now his head looked like an egg.

He could imagine other pirates making fun of him. Law's face popped in his mind. Oh, no, he won't let that bastard to enjoy in his pain.

The once red haired captain could already hear the voices calling his name. He crawled to a corner and hugged himself tightly. – "Leave me alone."

"Kidd, Kidd. Kidd! Wake up!" – Only when Killer hit the chair under him, did he wake up.

"What's going on?" – Still asleep Kidd was totally confused.

"You fell asleep. Heat called you, he repaired the pipes. You can go now."

Kidd's hand unconsciously moved through his hair. Then it hit him. – "I still have my hair!"

It was now Killer's turn to be confused. – "Yes, you do?"

"It was all a dream, just a dream." – Kidd chanted as he got up. He hugged Killer and went to his bedroom. He must get rid of those bottles.

Killer stood awkwardly on the deck looking after his captain. - "Let's hope that that was because of a sun-stroke."

That night the whole crew witnessed a big fire on the beach which was caused by their captain. Kidd was throwing every conditioner bottle he could find and was laughing like a mad man. They tried to talk him back but he had that manic look so they let him do whatever he wanted.

Killer forgot about his vengeance, that sight was more disturbing than everything he had planned, especially when Kid started dancing around the fire as it was some kind of a ritual.