Chapter One
Olivia Margaret Benson's point of view
It's been almost 3 years now since Elliot Stabler, my partner of almost 13 years abruptly left SVU and completely disappeared without telling me or our 11 year old daughter, Susan, goodbye. I was devastated when my captain here at the 1-6, Donald Cragen, broke the news to me that Elliot had turned in his retirement papers and left. Susan was also devastated when I told her that her dad had left. She had only been 8 at the time and couldn't understand why her daddy would leave us without saying goodbye to me and her. I can still remember my sweet little girl crying herself to sleep in my bed that night. I had cried myself to sleep that same night as well. I've been struggling for the past 2 ½ years to try to understand how Elliot could have just turned his back on both me and Susan the way he did. I ended up being the one to clear out Elliot's desk a month after his departure. Fin and Munch didn't want to be the ones to do it. Amanda Rollins and Nick Amaro, the 2 new detectives that were brought in to replace Elliot, became Aunt Amanda and Uncle Nick to my daughter about 6 months after they started working here at SVU. They are both very fond of Susan and she has become very fond of them as well.
At the moment, I'm working on some paperwork while I exchange short cute texts every few minutes with my current boyfriend, Brian Cassidy. Brian was working here at SVU when I first started but left after about 6 months after I arrived because he just couldn't handle seeing the things we see every single day. He stayed in contact with me after he left for Narcotics and had been so excited and happy for me when he had first learned that I am a mother. The day Susan was born was the best day of my life and the almost 19 hours I was in labor with her were totally worth it because once it was all over, I was able to hold my beautiful baby girl that I had created with the man that I still love with every fiber of my being in my arms.
Just then, Amanda walks into the squad room, Susan by her side.
"Hi, Mama."
I smile as Susan walks over to my desk and hugs me. I return her hug.
"Hi, baby. How was school today?"
"It was good. I got an A on my social studies test that Aunt Amanda helped me study for. I also got an A on my art project that you and I worked on together last week."
I give my daughter a high-five before giving her another hug and telling her that I am so proud of her for getting an A on her test especially since social studies isn't one of her favorite subjects in school. Like myself at her age, Susan's favorite subjects are math and English. She has always had a love for reading and even scored on a 10th grade reading level last year when she took her school's annual standardized test. I have to buy her 4 or 5 new books every month because of how quickly she reads through them once I give them to her. It really helps that Amanda also has a love for books because then she and Susan can talk for hours about their favorite authors and books.
"Hey, Mama?"
I'm brought back to the present and I look over at my daughter.
"What is it, baby?"
Susan looks down at her feet and says that something happened while she was at school today. I immediately abandon my paperwork and pull my daughter onto my lap. Even though Susan is now 11, she still sits on my lap every so often if she's upset about something or if she just needs some special mother-daughter snuggling time with me. Susan lays her head on my shoulder, her forehead resting against the side of my neck.
"I-I saw Daddy today, Mama. He came to see me at school during lunch."
I'm completely speechless as a million thoughts race through my mind.
Elliot was at Susan's school today? But why exactly? Why didn't he come to see me too?
"Mama, Daddy asked me to tell you that he's really sorry for leaving without saying goodbye and that he wants to see you but that he's scared that you won't want to see him."
I smile and brush a kiss against my daughter's forehead before tucking a couple strands of her brown hair that has fallen across her beautiful cerulean-blue eyes which are the exact same shade of blue as Elliot's own eyes behind her left ear.
"Baby, why don't you go into the break room in the back and get started on your homework?"
Susan hands me a folded-up piece of paper before climbing off of my lap and picks her backpack up off the floor next to my desk and heads to the back of the squad room towards the break room. I unfold the piece of paper and stare in shock at the very familiar handwriting.
Hey, Liv.
I know that I left you and Susan almost 3 years ago and I can only imagine how hurt both you and Susan must have been when you found out that I had left. I'm so sorry for leaving and I know that you may never forgive me for it. I miss you and Susan so much and I hope that you are both doing ok. If you want to, call me at the number below. I promise that I will pick up the phone this time. Again, I miss you and Susan both so much and I love you both with all my heart. I hope to hear from you soon but I'll completely understand if you decide not to call me.
Love always and forever,
Elliot Jordan Stabler
I can feel tears forming as I finish reading Elliot's note. I blink the tears away as fast as possible so that no one in the squad room will think I'm upset. I stand up from my desk chair which catches the attention of Fin.
"You alright over there, baby girl?"
I smile at Fin's concern towards me. He's not big on letting his emotions show very often but he has a bit of a soft spot for both me and Susan which makes me glad that he's concerned about whether I'm ok right now or now.
"Yeah, Fin. I'm fine. I just need to make a quick phone call. I'll be in the interview room if you need to find me for anything."
Fin nods his head and focuses his attention on his paperwork again. After grabbing my cell phone, I head to the interview room and after closing the door behind me, use my cell to call the number Elliot put in the note he gave Susan to give to me. After precisely 2 rings on the other end, someone picks up.
"Liv?"
Tears flood my eyes as I hear the voice of the man that I have never stopped being in love with despite the fact that I have not seen or spoken to him in almost 3 years. I may be dating Brian right now but I think he can tell that my heart isn't 100% into our relationship because my heart belongs to Elliot and it has belonged to him for a very long time.
"Liv? Are you there?"
I snap out of my thoughts by the concern I can hear in Elliot's voice. I decide to speak.
"Hi, El. It's been a while, huh?"