A/N: So. Here is my story, I hope you like it. I'm not exactly sure on the end, but it's the best I could do. The song is Why, by Rascal Flatts. Please review with what you think. Enjoy.
She stood there, barely hearing the service around her. She looked around, noticing not many people were there, and that made her heart hurt. She wished she had known what he was thinking, why he would do this. She knew things weren't going well for him, since after the war ended, he had been getting so much hate mail. But she hadn't figured that out until after everything was over, for if she had known, she would have done something.
Tears were falling down her face, as she thought of the man who had just ended his life. She wouldn't call them friends, more like acquaintances, but that's what hurt most. She knew he didn't have many friends, looking around this little graveyard was proof of that. She wished she had gotten to know him better, she wished she could have helped him. If she could go in the past, and change what had happened, she would, but she knew she couldn't.
She had always thought of him as arrogant, bigheaded, bigoted, but never once did she think he was broken. Whenever she saw him, he still had that superior smirk on, but as she looked back, she realized something was different, yet she couldn't see what. After a few moments of thought, she realized it was his eyes. They weren't as arrogant as usual, or cold. If she had looked closer, or if she had even cared, she would have noticed the depression in them. That realization cut her like a knife. If she had just cared enough, she could have helped him, saved him, but she hadn't cared.
~~It must've been in a place so dark you couldn't feel the light
Reachin' for you through that stormy cloud
Now here we are gathered in our little hometown
This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd~~
She looked at his grave, as they lowered his body into the ground. A sob escaped her, as she thought more about the signs she was to careless to notice.
She knew he had changed, he didn't send a single insult her way in all the time they worked together on school work. But her hatred for him as a child made her still think of him as the bigoted idiot he had been. The only reason she had even worked with him is because the professor had asked her to help him in a few of his studies, since he had been falling behind recently. That should have been her first clue, since he had always been just behind her in grades. But she was so blinded by her outrage, and hate she didn't bother thinking about that.
"Alright Malfoy, I'm only doing this because Professor McGonagall asked me to, this does not mean I care at all about you, or your grades."
She winced at that thought, as more tears fell down her face. If she had known what was going on with him, she never would have said that. She hadn't thought he'd cared, and his response made her think he hadn't as well.
He sneered. "I don't need your help Granger, I'm perfectly able to keep my grades up."
"Then why haven't you? Merlin knows if you had, I wouldn't be here in your miserable company."
A flash of hurt passed through his eyes, but it was gone so quick she thought she had imagined it. "Like I wish to be in you company either Granger, I'd rather be anywhere but here." He hissed with venom.
"Likewise Malfoy. Now, let's get this over with, I have a date tonight with Ron that I need to get ready for."
He sneered again. "So you are with Weasley. Makes sense since he's the only man who would ever willingly touch you."
Filled with anger, she took out her wand, and pointed it at him. "I swear Malfoy, if you make one more rude comment, I'll hex you." She said menacingly.
Scowling, he just sat down at the table in her head common room, and opened his book.
She was pulled from her memory as the first shovel of dirt hit the coffin. Apparently it was his wish for things to be done the muggle way, according to his suicide note. She watched as more and more dirt filled the hole in the ground, as her shattered heart ache, wishing once more she had known what had been going on inside of the blonde's mind. Her mind returned to her memories with the man, wanting to know just how many signs she had missed because of her stupidity.
~~Oh, why? That's what I keep askin'
Was there anything I could have said or done?
Oh, I had no clue you were masking
A troubled soul, God only knows what went wrong
And why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song~~
"Despite all of my tutoring, you're still failing almost all of your classes." She greeted him angrily. It had been a month since she started tutoring him, and despite teaching him all she could, his grades still weren't getting better. She didn't understand. She knew he wasn't an idiot, so why wasn't he doing better in school?
He raised an eyebrow at her. "So?" He asked in a laid back manner, like he didn't care he was failing, which infuriated her.
"Are you even trying? Why am I even bothering to help you if you don't care?"
He shrugged. "It's not like my grades really matter."
Hermione's eyes almost bulged out of her head. "Doesn't matter? How do you expect to get a job if you don't get good grades?"
He shrugged again. "It's not like I need to work, I have enough money to last me three lifetimes. Besides, who would ever want to hire me?"
Seething, Hermione barely waits a beat before responding. "Right, who would ever want to hire a Death Eater?" She sneers, "You're scum Malfoy, and I wish I didn't have to tutor you anymore, but I promised McGonagall I would, so count yourself lucky I'm even here." She said, before stomping off, forgetting she was supposed to be tutoring Malfoy right then. If she had stayed, she would have seen the look of great pain, regret, and a bit of longing on his face.
Hermione tuned back into the present as the last shovel of dirt was placed in the hole, and he was now buried in the ground. A fresh wave of tears overcame her, and she didn't even bother to wipe them away. Trying to distract her from her intense guilt and pain, she looked around at all of the other guests. There were a few former Slytherins, like Pansy, and Blaise who showed up to pay their respects to their former house mate. Also there was his mother Narcissa, who was sobbing into the shoulder of her husband, who had a look of sadness on his gaunt face. Hermione was a bit surprised to see him, since she had thought he'd been sentenced to Azkaban for life. They probably let him out for the funeral of his son. Looking past them, she saw some other faces she didn't recognize, but that was it. No press was allowed in out of respect to Draco. Hermione was glad they weren't here.
Her gaze returned back to the grave stone, as she thought of the time she had spent with Draco.
~~Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a seventeen year old
Roundin' third to score the winning run
You always played with passion no matter what the game
When you took the stage, you shined just like the sun~~
A week later, Hermione let Malfoy into her common room so they could continue on with their tutoring. Things were going reasonably well when the door to the common room opened, showing her boyfriend Ron, and her best friend, Harry. When he saw her, Ron grinned, but when he saw who she was with, that grin quickly turned into a scowl.
"What is he doing here?" He growled.
"I'm tutoring him; remember I told you how Mcgonagall asked me to?" She said slightly exasperated, annoyed at having been interrupted.
"Yeah, but I thought you meant like, in the library or something, not alone with him in your room! What if he hexed you?"
"Contrary to popular belief Weasley, I don't just randomly hex people… anymore. I have changed" Malfoy piped in in a bored drawl.
Ron turned to face him, his face almost the color of his hair. "You, change? Right, and I'm a Death Eater. No, wait, that's you isn't it?" He growled.
"No, I am not a Death Eater, anymore. I have changed Weasley, whether you want to believe me or-"
Before he could finish, Ron cut him off. "You will never change Malfoy, you will always be the bigoted little child, who believes everyone who isn't a pure blood is beneath you, and Hermione will always be just a Mudblood to you, because you will never change."
Finally getting angry, he stood up, his face ablaze with anger. "Do not use that word Weasley. Now, if you don't think I can, and have changed, that's good for you, because I honestly don't care what you think." Gathering up his stuff, he quickly left the common room. Hermione was still in shock, as she went over everything he had said. She was starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, he had changed.
The service was over. Everyone was starting to leave, except her, and Draco's parents. All of them just stood there, staring the grave that held Draco Malfoy's corpse. Minutes passed before the Malfoy's left, leaving Hermione alone with Draco. She fell to her knees by his grave, to emotionally-drained to stand anymore. Her sobs overcame her, as she laid her head down on the newly laid dirt. Somehow she knew this was all her fault, because if she had just seen the signs this wouldn't have happened. But she hadn't bothered to see, and now he was dead, and it was all her fault. She thought about the next time she had seen him after the first time she thought maybe he wasn't so bad.
~~Oh, why? That's what I keep askin'
And was there anything I could have said or done?
Oh, I had no clue you were masking
A troubled soul, oh, God only knows what went wrong
And why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song~~
She was fuming as she opened the door. Ron and she had just gotten into a huge fight over his decision to leave school to join the Auror training program with Harry. He had told her that it was his only chance to be an Auror, but Hermione said that they would barely see each other with him in training, and her in school. The whole thing escalated into a giant fight, which ended with Ron saying that they might as well not be together if she didn't want him to achieve his dream job, before storming out. Beyond furious, all Hermione wanted to do was brood by herself, but instead she had to tutor Malfoy, who was twenty minutes late.
"You're late" She growled as he entered the room. He raised an eyebrow at her.
"Well, you're in a bad mood today." He observed, setting his bag down at the table they worked at.
She glared at him, before opening her book, and angrily started telling how to do his work, getting mad at him every time he didn't get it right away. This wasn't like her at all, and Malfoy could tell. In the past month, they had become sort of friends, talking about anything they wanted, but staying away from personal things, because neither really trusted the other yet. After twenty minutes of putting up with her bad mood, Malfoy had had enough.
"Alright, Granger, you are being a b*tch and I'm sick of it. What the hell is the matter?"
"That is none of your business Malfoy." She said, with less bite as she realized she was unfairly taking her anger out on him. She sighed, and sat back in her chair.
Malfoy pulled out a hip flask, and conjured a glass, pouring some liquid into the glass, before handing It to Hermione. "Here, it looks like you could use a drink."
Hermione raised her eyebrows at him. "You carry a flask of liquor around with you?" She asked, as she hesitantly took the glass.
He scoffs. "You think I would be able to get through a day here without being half drunk?" She just shakes her head, and she takes a sip of the auburn liquid. Her face scrunches up in mild dislike at the flavor, but takes another sip. Malfoy chuckles as he takes a swig from his flask.
A few minutes pass as they drink their alcohol, before Malfoy talks. "You know, if you do want to talk about what's bothering you, I don't mind."
She contemplates this for a few seconds before telling him about her fight with Ron. If he laughed, or told anyone, she could tell McGonagall that she could not work with Malfoy anymore, and wouldn't have to tutor him. But to her surprise, he listened intently during her entire speech, and when she was finished, he sat in silence for a few seconds, before offering her advice.
"Granger, obviously Weasley is an idiot." He started, as he refilled her glass. She vaguely wondered how he still had anything left in that flask, since they had drank quite a bit, but didn't pay it much mind as she listened to what Malfoy was saying. "He probably realizes that if he doesn't take this offer, he'll never get into the training with his horrible grades. But he's also an idiot for passing up someone as wonderful as you, for a job."
It took Hermione a few seconds to realize he had given her a compliment, but when it finally processed, she just sat there, open mouthed at him. He chuckled. "Close your mouth Granger, you'll let the flies in."
She closed her mouth, staring at him. "S-sorry, but did you just sort of give me a compliment?"
"For someone who's supposedly the brightest witch of our age, you sure can be slow sometimes. Yes, I complimented you. You are a wonderful person Granger, annoying as all hell, but wonderful." He smirked lightly, before taking another swig of his flask, before looking at the clock on her wall. "Well just look at the time. It seems our time is up Granger, and I must be going… Just saying, you could do much better then Weasley, Granger." And with that, he picked up his bag, but before leaving the room, he hesitated slightly, before turning back, leaning down, and kissing Hermione lightly on the lips, obviously because he was drunk. What surprised Hermione was that she enjoyed the kiss.
"Thanks Granger, for tutoring me." He whispered, before leaving the room, leaving Hermione confused, slightly drunk, and slightly flattered.
Hermione ended her thoughts when she felt someone tap her on the shoulder. Looking up, she saw a small, slightly distressed looking house elf standing there with a letter in their hand.
"Excuse me, are yous Ms. Granger?" The little elf asked nervously in a squeaky voice.
Wiping her tears, she nodded slightly. The house elf smiled a little, before handing her the letter. "Master Draco asked mes to give yous this letter, he said it was important!" The house elf smiled one more time, before disapparating. Sniffling a little, she remembered the last time she saw Draco before his death, and more tears fell down her face as she remembered.
~~Now the oak trees are swaying' in the early autumn breeze
the golden sun is shining on my face
the tangled thoughts I hear a mockingbird sing
this old world really ain't that bad a place~~
She was furious. Someone had told the school about their kiss, and now she was getting bombarded with dirty looks, and Ginny wouldn't look at her, let alone talk to her. Since the only other person in the room besides her was him, he had to have told. And now, Malfoy had the audacity to show up for their tutoring, acting like nothing had happened. Well, she would have none of it.
"How dare you? I tell you something personal, then you kiss me for Merlin knows reason, and then you tell the whole school! And now you're here, acting like nothing happened!"
Malfoy's face scrunched up in confusion. "What are you talking about Granger, I didn't tell anyone-"
Before he had a chance to finish, Hermione cut him off. "Oh! Right, and the whole school just happened to find out? I had actually thought you had changed Malfoy, but it seems I was wrong. You are still a rotten Death Eater, and you should be in Azkaban right now with your worthless father, or better yet, you should have been killed in the war so I wouldn't have to deal with you!" She spat. She didn't mean what she had said, but it had just come out in her anger. She watched as Malfoy's face morphed into one of great pain, and hurt. She had never seen such a look of pain on his face, and instantly wished she could take back what she had said.
"Malfoy, wait, I didn't-"
"No, you're right." He whispered in a broken hollow voice, cutting her off. "I should be dead. Thank you for your honestly." As he said that, he turned, and walked off. She was contemplating going after him, but didn't want to cause a scene, so she decided she would just tell him how sorry she was the next time she saw him. If only she knew she would never see him again. Alive, that is.
As this last memory ended, she let out a sob, and opened the letter.
Dear Granger,
If you are reading this, then I am dead… A bit of a clichéd way to start this, don't you think? Oh well, I'm dead, so it doesn't matter much anymore. Anyway, you might be wondering why I decided to end my life. Well, it's not very hard to figure out, I'm pretty sure your big brain probably figured it out. I absolutely can't stand who I am anymore. Every day I have to live with my mistakes, and hear everyone tell me how evil I am, and how I deserve to be in Azkaban for what I have done, or how if I ever hurt or bullied anyone again, they would personally make sure I wouldn't live to see another day. I usually just ignored them, because who cared what they thought? But it always reminded me of who I was, and how I'm evil, and why I don't deserve this second chance the ministry gave me. But I thought that if I could maybe, just maybe, change your mind on who I was, and made you see I wanted to change, maybe I was worth this second chance. Because Granger, I'm in love with you(A/N: This was crossed out) I like you. And I was never good with apologies, as my father always told me, 'Malfoy's do not apologize!' That sank into my brain, and I suppose that is why I never told you how sorry I was for bullying you in our school years. I think why I did it was because you were always better than me, and I didn't understand how a muggle-born could be better than me, a pure-blood. I know now those beliefs I had, how purebloods were better than muggle-borns is absolute rubbish. If I could only have figured this out sooner, things may have ended differently… And in case you were wondering why I did so horribly in class despite the fact I used to be second in class only to you, it was because it was the only way I could see you. I knew you'd never give me the time of the day otherwise, so I just didn't bother to pick my grades up, because the time I spent with you were the best parts of my week. But back to why I killed myself… I would be lying if I said that it wasn't because of what you said. Because I realized how I couldn't get you to forgive me, and if you thought I deserved to be dead, then maybe I should be. I hope you don't feel guilty, because you really shouldn't. This was inevitable Granger; I couldn't escape this self-hatred much longer through drinking. After everything, this would have happened, maybe not by my own hand, but it would have happened, so don't feel bad. Who knows, maybe I'll find some peace in death. I doubt it, but it's better than living with this pain. Again, I am so sorry for all I did to you. You didn't deserve my hatred.
Forever yours,
Draco Malfoy.
Draco Malfoy.As Hermione finished reading the letter, it felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest it hurt so much. It WAS because of her he had killed himself. And if the crossed out words were true, he had loved her. No matter what he said, she deserved the guilt she felt. If she had only gone after him… Hell, if she had only bothered to read the signs, they wouldn't be where they were today. And who knows, maybe they could have gotten together if he had ever told her how he felt. But now that would never happen, because of her.
She sat there, at his grave for the next hour, crying, and rereading the letter. After the hour, she slowly got up, and wiped her eyes. She conjured a bouquet of black roses, and placed them on his grave.
~~Oh, why? There's no comprehending
And who am I to try to judge or explain?
Oh, but I do have one burning question
who told your life wasn't worth the fight?
They were wrong, they lied, and now you're gone, and we cried~~
"I'm sorry too Draco. For not giving you a chance to change. That will always be one of my worst regrets, and mistakes. I should have seen the signs, and helped you, but I didn't, and now you are gone. I wish you hadn't killed yourself Draco, and even after reading your note, I still don't understand why. I mean, I get it, but I don't understand how you could do something so drastic. I never thought you would ever do that, and if I had… I'm just so sorry Draco, that you thought you weren't worth your second chance. Because you were." Her voice cracked many times as she said that to his gravestone, but she meant every word. She slowly made her way out of the graveyard, her heart heavy with grief, and guilt.
~~'Cause it's not like you to walk away in the middle of a song
your beautiful song, your absolutely beautiful song~~