Disclaimer: I do not own Scream! Nor do I own Matthew Lillard ( Oh well
he's too old for me anyway. But if I did own him I would force him to make
me waffles... and maybe a chocolate milkshake.
A night with Stu
It was a Friday night. Loud music was coming from Stu Mocker's house. Inside Stu was dancing around the house (and at times prancing) getting everything ready for his night with Billy. He was dancing to the tunes of "The Cheeky song." Every time it would get to the part where they sang "touch my bum," he would touch his own. He was waiting for Billy for some time now. They were going to watch horror movies to get some pointers on how to kill some one... and actually get away with it. Not like some other people who don't put much thought into it. They find themselves trying to kill some one with an unloaded gun or a banana. Anyway, Stu was getting impatient when suddenly he heard the doorbell.
"You rang" the servant from the Adams Family (Lurch) appeared from out of nowhere.
Stu looked confused and for some reason turned on.
"Oh sorry wrong set" Lurch went into the living room and exited from one of the open windows.
On his way out he grabbed a picture frame of Stu's Dad and a bowl filled with candy and stuffed it into his jacket. Stu looked confused, again. He shook it off and went to get the door. He paused for a while to check himself out in a nearby mirror. He opened the door to find a teen with bad acne, and I mean bad acne. Stu's smile faded a bit.
"Um... did you order a pepperoni pizza with extra mushrooms?" the pizza guy asked.
"Yeah... that's Billy's favorite pizza" Stu took the pizza from the teen, who was giving him a weird look. "How much will that be?"
"Ah... fifteen bucks," he replied.
"Fifteen bucks, shit I can get a nickel bag for fifteen bucks!" Stu handed the teen some money. "You get fifteen and no more, now scram pizza face."
He shut the door hard. The teen stood there, looking at the money in his hand.
"Cheap ass," he whispered.
He was heading for his pizza mobile, but suddenly stopped and went back to Stu's mailbox and started to kick it. He was kicking it and kicking it and kicking it until he saw a car park into the driveway. He bolted to his pizza mobile with his arms flailing over his head all the way yelling out something about communist teletubbies. Stu was in the kitchen munching on some carrots when he heard the doorbell again.
Stu ran to the door yelling; "I'm not giving you a tip, pizza face!" he opened the door, "So you better get... oh hey Billy."
"Who you calling a pizza face" he entered the house.
"Oh no one, just some kid. So you brought the movies?" Stu asked.
"No I didn't, these tapes I'm holding in my hands are really just books disguised as tapes" he waved the tapes in front of Stu's face. "You know Stu at times you can be such an idiot."
Stu shut the door "Takes one to know one."
"Ah pizza face did a total on your mailbox" he stared at Stu "Did you not tip the guy, again?"
"Ah yeah" he looked through the window to find his mailbox bent to one side. "Who knew a nerd could do that much damage to a mailbox using his feet," he said to himself. "So how we gonna do this, we're gonna watch the movies and take notes?"
Billy laughed, "Ah you can take notes little boy, I'll just observe."
"Okay" Stu stared at Billy as he walked over to his couch and sat down. He took the tapes that Billy left at a nearby table "Halloween H20, Nightmare on Elme street, Wax Work, Scream. Dude? SCREAM? Are you kidding? That movie SUCKS! And the characters are all gay... you homo."
"Takes one to know one... and anyway it's October, there were barely any horror movies left in that video store. Do you know how many horror movie buffs I had to beat up to get these movies?" he stared at Stu, "I had to punch a girl named Maria in the face for that Scream movie." (A/N: Hey that's me, I'm Maria. I'm in my own fic, yay for me!)
Stu chuckled "And how do you know her name?"
Billy ignored what Stu said and continued; "I had to steal Halloween H20 from some kid named Steve. Whose mom later found out what I did and chased me down the street."
Stu chuckled again.
"It's not funny" Billy gave Stu a serious look, "She hit me with her purse."
Stu chuckled, "Ah, yeah it is!" Stu imitated Billy's voice; "Hi I'm Billy, I've got the most sexy bum in the whole wide world, and I have just been bitch slapped by some guy's mom and her imitation Prada bag from Walmart."
Billy was confused. Stu was confused. The servant from The Adams Family was confused. Billy and Stu looked at Lurch who was staring at them through a conveniently placed window. They both were confused, again. Lurch disappeared from the window but Billy and Stu could still hear him singing. They both shook it off.
"Um okay, I'll just get the popcorn now" Stu looked at himself in the mirror before frolicking all the way to his kitchen.
"So anyway I got into this long conversation with Randy when I arrived at the video store," Billy continued.
"Really, what about?" Stu asked from his kitchen.
"I don't know some shit on werewolves, like I care" Billy stared at a trail of candy that led to an open window. "Luckily he stopped talking to me because some werewolf fiend named Jaimy started hitting on him incessantly. (A/N: Hey that's Jaimy, my friend. She's in my fic, yay for her!) I tried to say goodbye to him but she growled at me so I threw a conveniently placed silver spoon at her, and ran away."
"Oh looks like Mr. Movie Freak's going to get some action! Well anyway if he's such a pain in the ass, why don't we kill him first?" Stu suggested.
"No, we need him alive," Billy turned the TV on. "He's a horror movie freak, do you know how bad that looks for him when there's a series of murders being committed?"
"No, no I don't. Do you want anything to drink?" Billy heard Stu call out from the kitchen.
"Sure, how bout some pop" Billy flickered through the channels and stopped at some movie network.
"Okay, do you want Pepsi or Coke?" Stu asked.
"What do you think?" Billy yelled back.
Stu looked over at Billy who was wearing a pink T-shirt that read: "Coca- Cola Rocks! If you like Pepsi, then I shall kill you by smacking you in the head with a Pepsi bottle, and pouring coke down your throat with a funnel until you die."
"Okay, Coke it is then..." Stu whispered to himself "Hey where'd his jacket go?"
"Hey Psycho's on, my favorite movie" Stu heard Billy say.
Stu frolicked back to the living room with a bowl of popcorn in one hand and two Cokes in the other. Billy jumped a little; he was surprised to see Stu frolic back into the living room. Stu placed the bowl and drinks on the table and sat beside Billy.
"Why do you even have Pepsi?" Billy grabbed a Coke from the table, opened it and chugged it down.
He spat it out quickly and stared at the pop can, "Caffeine free Coke? Are you kidding me? Shit Stu, I need something stronger than that!" Billy smacked Stu upside the head.
"Fuck you it's the only thing I got okay... ow" Stu rubbed his head. "Are you trying to kill me, save that anger for later Billy."
Billy grabbed the bowl of popcorn and placed his feet on the table.
"So were gonna watch Psycho?" Billy nodded at Stu. "Well at least it's better than Wax work... or Scream. I mean Wax work is not gonna help us kill people, now is it, and don't get me started on Scream."
"What, can't you forget about our future killing spree and just have some fun with your buddy?" Billy stuffed popcorn into his mouth.
"Shut up Billy, this is a very serious thing were doing!" Stu gave Billy a serious look. "You don't want to get caught, do you?"
Billy started choking on the popcorn.
"Dude are you choking?" Stu asked Billy.
Billy fell to the floor clutching his throat. Stu pranced all the way to Billy's side.
"Now, what did I learn in my first-aid class?" Stu thought for a very long while. "Oh I know."
Stu shimmied all the way to his kitchen. After a while he ran back with a fire extinguisher in his hand. He went over to Billy who was thrashing about on the floor and smacked Billy in the head with it. The impact of the fire extinguisher dislodged the popcorn from Billy's throat. Billy passed out. Stu was confused. Lurch was singing, again.
Stu started pacing back and forth, "Did he pass out?"
"What do you think?" Stu heard a voice call out from an open window.
"Okay so he's just sleeping" Stu stepped hard on Billy's face. "Oh no, I just stepped hard on Billy's face."
"Ow dick, you just stepped hard on Billy's face, I mean my face" Billy rubbed his face. "And you hit me in the head with that fire extinguisher," Billy pointed at the place where the fire extinguisher was last placed. "Hey where'd it go?"
"I don't know but while were on that subject, what happened to the loud music that was coming from my house?" Stu was very confused, "In nowhere does the fic say that I turned off the radio."
Stu scratched his head. There was a long pause before he scratched his head again. Suddenly, they both stared at the opened window. Singing could be heard from it again.
"Uh Billy," Stu was scared and confused.
"Yeah?" Billy was also scared.
"I'm scared," Stu munched on a candy that he found on the floor.
"So am I," Billy also munched on a candy that he found on the floor.
"Hold me," Stu said.
"Okay," Billy agreed.
They embraced, holding each other tenderly and there they stayed for about five minutes.
"Billy," Stu caressed Billy's face. "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
"What?" Billy was confused and pissed off; Stu just ruined a very good moment for them to kiss. "I don't care! Why do you ask?"
"I don't know... it's just ever since I was a young girl I could remember thinking to myself, what's a woodchuck and why do they chuck wood?"
Billy started to lean in for a kiss but was stopped by Stu.
"What's wrong with you Billy, are you feeling woozy?"
Billy was pissed, again.
Stu caught on, he thought up a way to kiss Billy; "Um... Billy, you've got some mustard on your lips. Allow me to remove it by using the saliva from my mouth."
Stu's lips lunged on Billy's mouth, kissing him tenderly. Billy kissed him back. They continued kissing each other for a very long while. Lurch was watching them through the window while eating bran muffins, but they didn't know. Oh Lurch you crazy person, you... or is he a monster? Anyway, is it just me or is Lurch starting to get more and more parts in my fic than Billy and Stu? Oh well.
"Billy," Stu said in a soft and very sexy voice.
"Yeah," Billy continued to munch on the candy that he had in his hand.
"Is it just me or is Lurch getting more and more parts in Maria's fic than we are?" Stu asked confused.
"Who cares, let's go to your room," Billy finished eating his candy.
"Okay, but you have to carry me up the stairs like we just got married," Stu looked around for his unfinished candy but couldn't find it, so he took another one that he found on the floor.
"Okay," Billy carried Stu up the stairs, all the while being serenaded by someone humming the wedding song theme from outside an open window...
A/N: Well I hope you enjoyed my fic as much as I did writing it. I would like to thank Jaimy for all her suggestions and ideas on what should happen in my fic. If you like Harry Potter fics than you should definitely not read mine and check out Jaimy's (mystic-angel5) fics. Please R&R!
A night with Stu
It was a Friday night. Loud music was coming from Stu Mocker's house. Inside Stu was dancing around the house (and at times prancing) getting everything ready for his night with Billy. He was dancing to the tunes of "The Cheeky song." Every time it would get to the part where they sang "touch my bum," he would touch his own. He was waiting for Billy for some time now. They were going to watch horror movies to get some pointers on how to kill some one... and actually get away with it. Not like some other people who don't put much thought into it. They find themselves trying to kill some one with an unloaded gun or a banana. Anyway, Stu was getting impatient when suddenly he heard the doorbell.
"You rang" the servant from the Adams Family (Lurch) appeared from out of nowhere.
Stu looked confused and for some reason turned on.
"Oh sorry wrong set" Lurch went into the living room and exited from one of the open windows.
On his way out he grabbed a picture frame of Stu's Dad and a bowl filled with candy and stuffed it into his jacket. Stu looked confused, again. He shook it off and went to get the door. He paused for a while to check himself out in a nearby mirror. He opened the door to find a teen with bad acne, and I mean bad acne. Stu's smile faded a bit.
"Um... did you order a pepperoni pizza with extra mushrooms?" the pizza guy asked.
"Yeah... that's Billy's favorite pizza" Stu took the pizza from the teen, who was giving him a weird look. "How much will that be?"
"Ah... fifteen bucks," he replied.
"Fifteen bucks, shit I can get a nickel bag for fifteen bucks!" Stu handed the teen some money. "You get fifteen and no more, now scram pizza face."
He shut the door hard. The teen stood there, looking at the money in his hand.
"Cheap ass," he whispered.
He was heading for his pizza mobile, but suddenly stopped and went back to Stu's mailbox and started to kick it. He was kicking it and kicking it and kicking it until he saw a car park into the driveway. He bolted to his pizza mobile with his arms flailing over his head all the way yelling out something about communist teletubbies. Stu was in the kitchen munching on some carrots when he heard the doorbell again.
Stu ran to the door yelling; "I'm not giving you a tip, pizza face!" he opened the door, "So you better get... oh hey Billy."
"Who you calling a pizza face" he entered the house.
"Oh no one, just some kid. So you brought the movies?" Stu asked.
"No I didn't, these tapes I'm holding in my hands are really just books disguised as tapes" he waved the tapes in front of Stu's face. "You know Stu at times you can be such an idiot."
Stu shut the door "Takes one to know one."
"Ah pizza face did a total on your mailbox" he stared at Stu "Did you not tip the guy, again?"
"Ah yeah" he looked through the window to find his mailbox bent to one side. "Who knew a nerd could do that much damage to a mailbox using his feet," he said to himself. "So how we gonna do this, we're gonna watch the movies and take notes?"
Billy laughed, "Ah you can take notes little boy, I'll just observe."
"Okay" Stu stared at Billy as he walked over to his couch and sat down. He took the tapes that Billy left at a nearby table "Halloween H20, Nightmare on Elme street, Wax Work, Scream. Dude? SCREAM? Are you kidding? That movie SUCKS! And the characters are all gay... you homo."
"Takes one to know one... and anyway it's October, there were barely any horror movies left in that video store. Do you know how many horror movie buffs I had to beat up to get these movies?" he stared at Stu, "I had to punch a girl named Maria in the face for that Scream movie." (A/N: Hey that's me, I'm Maria. I'm in my own fic, yay for me!)
Stu chuckled "And how do you know her name?"
Billy ignored what Stu said and continued; "I had to steal Halloween H20 from some kid named Steve. Whose mom later found out what I did and chased me down the street."
Stu chuckled again.
"It's not funny" Billy gave Stu a serious look, "She hit me with her purse."
Stu chuckled, "Ah, yeah it is!" Stu imitated Billy's voice; "Hi I'm Billy, I've got the most sexy bum in the whole wide world, and I have just been bitch slapped by some guy's mom and her imitation Prada bag from Walmart."
Billy was confused. Stu was confused. The servant from The Adams Family was confused. Billy and Stu looked at Lurch who was staring at them through a conveniently placed window. They both were confused, again. Lurch disappeared from the window but Billy and Stu could still hear him singing. They both shook it off.
"Um okay, I'll just get the popcorn now" Stu looked at himself in the mirror before frolicking all the way to his kitchen.
"So anyway I got into this long conversation with Randy when I arrived at the video store," Billy continued.
"Really, what about?" Stu asked from his kitchen.
"I don't know some shit on werewolves, like I care" Billy stared at a trail of candy that led to an open window. "Luckily he stopped talking to me because some werewolf fiend named Jaimy started hitting on him incessantly. (A/N: Hey that's Jaimy, my friend. She's in my fic, yay for her!) I tried to say goodbye to him but she growled at me so I threw a conveniently placed silver spoon at her, and ran away."
"Oh looks like Mr. Movie Freak's going to get some action! Well anyway if he's such a pain in the ass, why don't we kill him first?" Stu suggested.
"No, we need him alive," Billy turned the TV on. "He's a horror movie freak, do you know how bad that looks for him when there's a series of murders being committed?"
"No, no I don't. Do you want anything to drink?" Billy heard Stu call out from the kitchen.
"Sure, how bout some pop" Billy flickered through the channels and stopped at some movie network.
"Okay, do you want Pepsi or Coke?" Stu asked.
"What do you think?" Billy yelled back.
Stu looked over at Billy who was wearing a pink T-shirt that read: "Coca- Cola Rocks! If you like Pepsi, then I shall kill you by smacking you in the head with a Pepsi bottle, and pouring coke down your throat with a funnel until you die."
"Okay, Coke it is then..." Stu whispered to himself "Hey where'd his jacket go?"
"Hey Psycho's on, my favorite movie" Stu heard Billy say.
Stu frolicked back to the living room with a bowl of popcorn in one hand and two Cokes in the other. Billy jumped a little; he was surprised to see Stu frolic back into the living room. Stu placed the bowl and drinks on the table and sat beside Billy.
"Why do you even have Pepsi?" Billy grabbed a Coke from the table, opened it and chugged it down.
He spat it out quickly and stared at the pop can, "Caffeine free Coke? Are you kidding me? Shit Stu, I need something stronger than that!" Billy smacked Stu upside the head.
"Fuck you it's the only thing I got okay... ow" Stu rubbed his head. "Are you trying to kill me, save that anger for later Billy."
Billy grabbed the bowl of popcorn and placed his feet on the table.
"So were gonna watch Psycho?" Billy nodded at Stu. "Well at least it's better than Wax work... or Scream. I mean Wax work is not gonna help us kill people, now is it, and don't get me started on Scream."
"What, can't you forget about our future killing spree and just have some fun with your buddy?" Billy stuffed popcorn into his mouth.
"Shut up Billy, this is a very serious thing were doing!" Stu gave Billy a serious look. "You don't want to get caught, do you?"
Billy started choking on the popcorn.
"Dude are you choking?" Stu asked Billy.
Billy fell to the floor clutching his throat. Stu pranced all the way to Billy's side.
"Now, what did I learn in my first-aid class?" Stu thought for a very long while. "Oh I know."
Stu shimmied all the way to his kitchen. After a while he ran back with a fire extinguisher in his hand. He went over to Billy who was thrashing about on the floor and smacked Billy in the head with it. The impact of the fire extinguisher dislodged the popcorn from Billy's throat. Billy passed out. Stu was confused. Lurch was singing, again.
Stu started pacing back and forth, "Did he pass out?"
"What do you think?" Stu heard a voice call out from an open window.
"Okay so he's just sleeping" Stu stepped hard on Billy's face. "Oh no, I just stepped hard on Billy's face."
"Ow dick, you just stepped hard on Billy's face, I mean my face" Billy rubbed his face. "And you hit me in the head with that fire extinguisher," Billy pointed at the place where the fire extinguisher was last placed. "Hey where'd it go?"
"I don't know but while were on that subject, what happened to the loud music that was coming from my house?" Stu was very confused, "In nowhere does the fic say that I turned off the radio."
Stu scratched his head. There was a long pause before he scratched his head again. Suddenly, they both stared at the opened window. Singing could be heard from it again.
"Uh Billy," Stu was scared and confused.
"Yeah?" Billy was also scared.
"I'm scared," Stu munched on a candy that he found on the floor.
"So am I," Billy also munched on a candy that he found on the floor.
"Hold me," Stu said.
"Okay," Billy agreed.
They embraced, holding each other tenderly and there they stayed for about five minutes.
"Billy," Stu caressed Billy's face. "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
"What?" Billy was confused and pissed off; Stu just ruined a very good moment for them to kiss. "I don't care! Why do you ask?"
"I don't know... it's just ever since I was a young girl I could remember thinking to myself, what's a woodchuck and why do they chuck wood?"
Billy started to lean in for a kiss but was stopped by Stu.
"What's wrong with you Billy, are you feeling woozy?"
Billy was pissed, again.
Stu caught on, he thought up a way to kiss Billy; "Um... Billy, you've got some mustard on your lips. Allow me to remove it by using the saliva from my mouth."
Stu's lips lunged on Billy's mouth, kissing him tenderly. Billy kissed him back. They continued kissing each other for a very long while. Lurch was watching them through the window while eating bran muffins, but they didn't know. Oh Lurch you crazy person, you... or is he a monster? Anyway, is it just me or is Lurch starting to get more and more parts in my fic than Billy and Stu? Oh well.
"Billy," Stu said in a soft and very sexy voice.
"Yeah," Billy continued to munch on the candy that he had in his hand.
"Is it just me or is Lurch getting more and more parts in Maria's fic than we are?" Stu asked confused.
"Who cares, let's go to your room," Billy finished eating his candy.
"Okay, but you have to carry me up the stairs like we just got married," Stu looked around for his unfinished candy but couldn't find it, so he took another one that he found on the floor.
"Okay," Billy carried Stu up the stairs, all the while being serenaded by someone humming the wedding song theme from outside an open window...
A/N: Well I hope you enjoyed my fic as much as I did writing it. I would like to thank Jaimy for all her suggestions and ideas on what should happen in my fic. If you like Harry Potter fics than you should definitely not read mine and check out Jaimy's (mystic-angel5) fics. Please R&R!